I usually never know what’s going to spark a lot of conversation on my Facebook page, and the fact that my recent “birthday cupcake dilemma” quickly spawned over 2,700 comments was honestly quite a surprise! I was truly at a loss though and since I always learn so much from our readers I often turn to you guys when I need advice.
This is what my Facebook post said:
“I am in a bit of a bind (which I totally recognize is a first world problem by the way), but I would love some advice. My daughter turns 8 next week and since all the kids in her class bring cupcakes (or cookies or donuts) for the whole class on their birthday she'd like to follow suit.
Here's the problem: The school no longer allows us to bring in homemade baked goods for the class! It has to be from a commercial kitchen and because her class is nut-free it also has to be from a certified nut-free kitchen (no cross contamination). Believe me I've tried and I cannot find any wholesome bakeries around here that are also nut-free. And I refuse to overnight cupcakes from NYC for a bunch of 2nd graders...not an option! The school's ‘approved’ cupcakes from their cafeteria are highly processed and full of chemicals and artificial ingredients. It's totally against everything I believe in to support products like that.
BUT it's important to my daughter to be able to celebrate like her friends have. Does anyone have a viable solution or should I just suck it up and serve her class something highly processed and artificial? Yikes!!!”
In summary, these were my constraints:
- My daughter specifically asked if she could share cupcakes with her class…and as her mommy I do like to do what I can to make my birthday girls happy! If it were up to me I would probably do something other than food to celebrate at school, but again cupcakes are what the other kids bring so that's what my birthday girl requested as well.
- There is a (new this year) no homemade food rule at her school. Everything that’s shared with the class must come from a commercial kitchen. (You can send homemade items for your individual child only).
- My daughter happens to be in the one nut-free classroom for the 2nd grade. This means several children in her class do in fact have an allergy to peanuts and/or tree nuts therefore no food can be brought in (on any day…in her personal lunchbox or otherwise) that has been made in a facility that also processes nuts. So purchasing cupcakes that don’t contain nuts from a local bakery is not enough. I would have to find a bakery that does not make a single product (ever) that contains nuts! Not an easy feat here in Charlotte, NC.
- The school cafeteria sells highly processed birthday cupcakes that are certified nut-free, but they are also full of chemicals, preservatives, and artificial ingredients. I’ve seen the boxed mix that they use (they are most definitely not made from scratch). I let my kids participate and eat these cupcakes (or cookies or donuts or whatever the parent decides to bring in) when it’s someone else’s birthday, BUT the truth is I don’t like how someone else is giving my kids junk food every.single.time it’s one of the 20+ kids' birthdays in their class. Isn’t that what birthday parties (outside of school) are for? And here’s the kicker…since I’ve somewhat dedicated my life (through this blog) to trying to influence others to cut out processed food it’s kind of a moral dilemma for me to purchase and feed total crap to my kid and the rest of her class. I normally go out of my way to feed anyone and everyone I know the most wholesome food possible - to show how good real food can be! - so it’s only natural for me to feel highly uncomfortable about violating an important personal belief of mine.
All the Advice
So what’s one to do? Ask my Facebook crew for some advice. And man were there some heated responses that frankly were all over the board. Yes, people feel emotional about food decisions - me included. Some readers suggested good non-cupcake alternatives (like fruit kabobs, all fruit popsicles or non-food items like goodie bags, pencils, and books), some suggested alternatives that unfortunately wouldn’t truly be nut-free (Whole Foods or Earth Fare bakery, Edible Arrangements, etc.), some suggested things that just aren’t realistic (like trying to make the cupcakes myself in the certified nut-free commercial cafeteria at the school), some of course suggested that I just "suck it up" and buy the highly processed stuff (unfortunately a child’s own birthday is not the one and only day throughout the year they eat junk food…it’s never really “just one day”), and some also suggested things that are honestly a little unethical (like put my own homemade cupcakes in a grocery store cupcake box). As I mentioned above several kids in her class do in fact have a nut allergy and my house is far from being completely nut-free, so for many reasons faking out the school with my own homemade cupcakes is really not an option. And as I also already mentioned my daughter was dead-set on cupcakes so the fruit and other non-food alternatives unfortunately weren’t going to do the trick. I am normally a big fan of non-food rewards and parties at the school.
Taking a Stand
My daughter is also a child though, and it’s my responsibility to raise her and teach her what I think are important lessons along the way. Funny enough one reader (on Spoonfed's Facebook page) said she didn’t understand why people were saying for me not to inflict my own beliefs on my kids. She said “Really? Isn't that EXACTLY what we as parents are supposed to do? Especially in this case where her ‘beliefs’ are in place to make her kids healthy.” Yes, I want to be flexible and fun and make special memories for my children (which by the way DO NOT have to involve highly processed food), but I couldn’t believe how many readers went out of their way to email me and come write on my FB wall that I should not give in because it’s important to teach my children to stand up for what they believe in. Freaking amen to that. I explained to my daughter the constraints and then I truthfully asked her if she wanted to feed her friends cupcakes that contained chemicals. She of course said “no” (that’s my girl). You see, real food is no new topic around here plus - for the most part - kids want to do the right thing. And just for the record, if more wholesome, homemade cupcakes were an option we would be all over it. This dilemma is not about never having treats – I don’t think that’s any way to live. This is about not knowingly buying and serving chemically-filled, artificially made crap to our children.
So I gave my soon to be 8-year-old a long list of ideas (thanks to the reader comments) and asked her what - if any - would be an alternative to cupcakes that she would be excited about. After some deliberation she decided on ice cream…yay! I think it is MUCH easier to find somewhat wholesome store-bought ice cream that is also nut free. Plus I learned it is okay to bring in a big container to scoop out right there at the lunch table and also share some nut-free toppings to make a sort of “ice cream bar” for the kids. We eat ice cream at home occasionally and although we make it ourselves (yum) I think store bought, all-natural, organic ice cream is a totally acceptable treat to share at a time like this! She got so excited about the idea of offering an ice cream bar that she seriously didn’t say another word about the cupcakes. As I said she is a child after all, and I am honestly just relieved that we figured out a way for everyone to be happy…me included. :)
The Details
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In addition to the nut allergies my daughter's class also has three children with dairy allergies! So this is what we ended up bringing to school for her birthday celebration today:
- Nut-free organic store-brand vanilla ice cream
- Nut-free AND dairy-free organic coconut milk ice cream (for the 3 kids who can't have dairy)
- Enjoy Life chocolate chips that are both certified nut-free and dairy-free
- Organic Florida strawberries
Some schools in our district have gone "treat-free" all together when it comes to celebrating birthdays, and I am only hoping that will happen in our school at some point. Trying to accommodate everyone's needs today (including my own) was no small feat!
Sarah says
I'm new to your wonderful site, and I love it - I'm starting slowly, but have already made some major changes.
This post just makes me incredibly relieved birthday treats (or treats at all) are not the norm at my children's kindy/school - its definitely not just one day when there are 20+ kids in the class who all have birthdays!
Laura says
just curious how many containers of ice cream you brought for the 20+ kids. I'm assuming they all got 1 scoop? I always plan for too much food.
Jason Leake with 100 Days of Real Food says
They got about one scoop each (we had three people serving so kind of hard to say for sure). We went through two containers of the vanilla ice cream, although we brought three to be on the safe side. Plus one child had a scoop of the coconut ice cream.
Lisa says
We bought two containers and like you said we bought too much...we only needed about one.
Shannon says
As a mom with a son who has a multiple food allergies, I just wanted to say a huge THANK YOU! It is so nice to hear a story about a parent who is willing to make accomodations, even if they are school policy, I didn't hear you complain. My son is currently in a "nut-free/tree-nut free," preschool one-day per week. And although I do believe they try, there were several food items at their Thanksgiving pot luck (don't get me started on how I feel about that...), which does make me question just how good they really are. He packs his lunch and is only allowed a snack that I provide. But you could imagine my stress about their "snack show and tell" as well. They've even gone as far as having it on the day he isn't there, which isn't really fair either.
I love how you were so kind to the students in the class. And I'm thrilled to hear the peanut-free classroom, sounds like a school who really takes care of their students!
Eliza says
I wonder if its possible to take your own recipe to a nut-free bakery & have them make your treats?...
Assistant to 100 Days (Jill) says
Hi Eliza. I'm not aware of any that would do that. Jill
Karise says
As a teacher, I will say that:
1. I do know about unhealthy food. My own child has food allergies.
2. I cannot set or change the school birthday treat policy. ( please believe we have tried- imagine an afternoon of sugar -laden small people and the inevitable 2:00 crash. Plus the horrific colors of icing all over school uniforms. Ick.) I hate unhealthy school lunches. It makes me sad when kids are sick all afternoon after eating junk from their Free Lunch program.
3. I do suggest healthy ideas. I do request healthy treats. I do have to work around multiple allergies, religious beliefs, dietary choices, etc. I give bookmarks and a trip to my cool school supply filled Surprise Box for birthdays. I celebrate special qualities of that child: reader, friend, witty, etc. I love the book donation idea!
4. The absolute most effective voice in school is: a parent, especially a group of parents. Please don't take that as a blame- I am a parent, too! What I am saying is get some parents together, work up a plan, run it by teachers for feasibility, and PTA and principals. Fight for healthy choices for your kids. Teachers will love you! We love your kids and we want them to be healthy, too. Let's work together to get healthier food for all of our students!
Assistant to 100 Days (Jill) says
Hi Karise. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic...we appreciate it. Jill
Karise says
Another idea is ( although could be a little pricey depending on number of kids) Izze Floats. Izzes are those all natural fruit juice "sodas" ( not really a Coke) We made " dreamsicle floats" with clementine Izzes and vanilla ice cream or frozen yogurt. Yummy and fun. Love your ice cream bar. Ben and Jerry's also does little ice cream cups ( although again could get pricey) if there is a rule about individual packaging.
Justyna says
Great job, Mom! Also, thanks for the idea - my three older boys want to do cupcakes and I hate the idea. Ice cream for all!
Kim K. says
I just want to say, "Woo-hoo to you and your daughter!" I completely understand why this was such a big deal to you and many of your readers. For my son, a type 1 diabetic with sensory issues, a one day binge on artificial ingredient laced cupcakes would mean a couple days of sensory overload and tantrums for us. Real food is the norm around our home and he understands that it is not worth it to binge on foods with artificial ingredients.
It's great to run across your blog, btw. I found out about you from a mom at Rock Hill's Children's Museum about a year ago now. I was there with my littles while visiting my mother and the other mom and I started chatting about real food. She told me about your blog but I had forgotten about it. I found you through Get Real's update on Facebook. What a lovely bit of serendipity! Blessings to you as you stand firm for your children!
Hayley says
Thank you for considering the children with dairy allergies/intolerances. This really worries me when my son starts school. I will plan on packing his lunch daily, but worry when the time comes for classroom parties what I'll do, or ask him not to do... Not only yucky over processed food, but a lot of junk food contains dairy or milk product which is a BAD bad BAD reaction for my kid! :/
Anyway- thanks!
Allison Nutting says
I was just talking about birthdays with my mom, and after doing some quick mental math, I'm pretty sure I had cupcakes every other week in school. 10 months (legally 180 days) divided by 20 or 30 kids.
That's a lot of cupcakes.
Melanie says
Parents talk ad nauseum about the peer pressure surrounding drugs and alchol. Ha! What about the peer pressure our children and us, as parents, face when it comes to feeding our children unhealthy foods, whether it be a classroom birthday treat or in their lunches?! I am trying to make responsible, educated choices for my family, but the amount of backlash from other parents/children is mind boggling. Kudos to you for your choices, your attitude, your creativity and your perserverance!
Jen says
I love what you did and I love all the comments here. It is a shame that the schools don't know that food dyes, etc. affect ALL children. Studies making the link between food dyes and hyperactivity were enough to convince the European Parliament in 2008 to impose a labeling requirement indicating when foods had been colored with food dyes. As of 2010, foods in the United Kingdom containing dyes must have a warning label informing consumers the food “may have an adverse effect on activity and attention in children.â€
Teachers need to know this.
As for cupcakes, did you check Whole Foods?
Amy says
sounds like this was a solution of sorts. When I was in school, birthday kids got a mention from the teacher first thing in the morning, a quick birthday song, and a few special privileges from the teacher throughout the day. But no food treats. someone else posted here about all this birthday treats being a waste of time, and I have to agree. Schools don't just teach. They have a moral obligation to instill cultural values and when junk food is an emotional reward, we create problems that persist into adulthood. Also, I just wanted to add that as much as I love this blog about eating REAL food, ice cream is LOADED with sugar. Type 2 diabetes needs a mention here.
Lisa says
Yes, I couldn't agree more that ice cream is loaded with sugar and should very much be only a rare treat!
Andrea Andrews says
Our school is fairly new (2005) and our kids have only been going there since the 2008-2009 school year but as far as we've known, it's been a treat-free school on kids birthdays. To celebrate birthdays, the tradition at our school is to donate a book to the classroom library. Kids will always get "stuff" and treats for their birthday through other celebrations - family or with friends - but this gives them a way to share a favorite book with their classroom for peers and others to enjoy in the future. When they are younger, parents can even read their favorite book to the class. I got that joy with my kindergartner (and hopefully a few more years) but my now 4th grader is not so hip on that practice anymore. How fast they grow up...
Keri says
Great job! My son is allergic to peanuts and I think it is awesome how much thought you put into this to give treats for ALL to enjoy. He goes to a Preschool that does allow homemade treats and his 4th birthday is next month. I'm going to ask him about some of the other ideas to bring in for his "treat". Frankly I've been making him his own cupcake every time someone else has a birthday and secretly have been waiting for the day I could share his delicious homemade versions with everyone else! I was most proud of a white /vanilla cupcake topped with blueberry buttercream icing. The icing was made with coconut oil, butter, and powdered sugar (same as I always do now) but I added crushed blueberries for flavor and color. Divine! No coloring! I admittedly sunk back into my sprinkle and food color ways, but it is empowering knowing I don't HAVE to use fake stuff to make a gorgeous yummy cupcake!!!
Divine Designer says
Great! Thanks for sharing.
Sara says
Perfect solution! I bet the kids loved it. Our school now has a no birthday treat policy which is wonderful. It was so upsetting when my son would come home with his unfinished lunch because he had a birthday donut instead.
It just makes sense with all the allergies now to eliminate this from schools. We always donate a library book and bring pencils or bookmarks for each student.
Mary says
Great! I loved that you talked to your daughter about the dilemma and let her help solve the problem. Sometimes it's easy to forget that we don't have to solve all of the problems for our kids. Bravo!
laura says
I love the creative way you solved this dilemma. I've been wanting to get away from processed foods (as much as possible) for a while now and am slowly working my way through. I was so happy to find your blog and really love the way you share. Happy birthday to your little girl!
blessings
~*~
Traci says
Oh that sounds like more fun anyway. Now I want some vanilla ice cream with strawberries. I love how you stuck to your believes and came up with a great idea. That is why I love reading your blog.
Cindy says
Perfect! My sons birthday party school celebration is next week - now I know what I'll bring in. Thank you!!
Ali O. says
Awesome solution!! Looks so much yummier than one of those neon plasticky cupcakes. Well done, mama.
I really appreciate the way you frame this important topic in non-judgmental ways. It's easy to make people feel bad or shamed when discussing healthy food, but I never get that from you. Well done.
Ashley C. says
From one mom to another congratulations and way to go!
Katie R says
What a great solution! I will have to keep this one in mind.
Jill says
You should really consider rallying the teachers to start a no birthdays at school policy. Most schools and teachers can't stand this tradition. It is a waste of class time (although it sounds like you served your treats at lunch which sounds fair), a waste of school custodian resources (can you imagine having to clean up all the artificial frosting from these parties), makes children who don't have parents that can bring stuff for their birthday feel completely left out, and is probably not a good idea anyways considering food allergies.
My mom never let me eat most processed foods and I actually never felt left out I just felt glad my mom was more educated.
MaureenK says
Bravo, Jill! We never celebrated birthdays in school when I was a kid - except for Valentine's Day (how horrific that was for the kids - ike me - who did not get cards from everyone!) and Christmas there were no real "food" celebrations. Doesn't look like we suffered in the short or long run [and we drank out of the garden hose, ran around barefoot....;-)]
Lin says
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meghan says
I don't like the idea of not celebrating any birthday's at all, when I was growing up that was the one day just for You to be celebrated. I think a no food celebration is a great idea, and maybe make it once a month for everyone in that month. Our children need to be celebrated so I don't agree at all for the no birthday parties.
I do love the way Lisa solved this by including her daughter in the discussion and allowing her to be apart of the solution..that is such a wonderful opportunity for her daughter.
Kelli Ugarte says
Good for you in finding a solution! Our society is so USED to eating crap, that if you stick to your principles and work hard to provide REAL food for your kids, you are seen as some weird granola type person. It should not be that way! So sad that it is. I applaud you, and your blog!
I was training to deliver "meals on wheels" to some in need elderly people in my area. It was a 2-3 hour car ride and I had my 3 yr old in the car. The trainer, a 60 year old male, offered her a piece of candy to help her deal with it. We took it and said "thank you". Later in the car ride, he sees her holding a huge back of almonds. He says, "She will eat that?" Me: "why, yes sir. I don't offer my kids processed food, only natural foods and they don't know any different." He was shocked, but he said, "that's the best thing you could ever do for them." Train them up in the way they should go and they will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 Amen to that!
Staci says
Good for you! You were able to stick to your beliefs and make your birthday girl happy! Honestly, the ice cream bar is way cooler than cupcakes. As a teacher, cupcakes are so overdone!
Melissa says
Well done! I love that you sat down and talked with your daughter about your dilemma and let her help you find a solution. It's hard for kids to stand out from the crowd at that age. I think that the way you handled the situation, standing by your beliefs while helping her to understand why, is so important in helping our children adopt our beliefs and convictions as her own. And what a great solution you both came to, I mean, who doesn't love ice cream?!
Gigi says
It is certainly your job as a parent to make good decisions for your kids, to teach them your values, and help them make their own good decisions. You did just that! However, as I was thinking about this post today, I realized you did more than just that. By standing for what you believe in you are also leading by example... showing other parents that there are other alternatives outside of the cupcake box. I hope ice cream bars become the new cupcakes for your daughter's class!
I'd also like to echo the voice of many others in saying that your blog was my first exposure to the concept of "Real Food" and my husband and I have been eating this way for over 6 months now! We love eating this way and I have found a new love for cooking and preparing meals that just wasn't there before. I appreciate all the effort and information you have put forth and am very grateful for having found your website. Thank you!
Rebecca says
Hey Lisa! Not that you need my approval, but I just wanted to say, "great job!" You have had such an amazing impact on the way I look at food, and I am so grateful for your influence. It's not often that I find someone who seems to be pursuing something for all of the "right" reasons i.e. their families health and well-being, etc. It's such an encouragement to hear about other moms standing up for what they believe is right...isn't that what being a parent is all about? We have such a small amount of time to impact our children and we have to make the best decisions we can with what information we've been granted. Any way...soap box! Sorry I got carried away! Keep it up and thanks for sharing!
Jenny says
I for one applaud you, Lisa! I totally agree that it is our duty to teach our principles to our children, especially when it is hard to do! We are currently on an allergy elimination diet and my children go to a school with, it seems, NO rules about treats except that they must be store bought. I swear they are saying no to a treat 3-4 times per day! It's ridiculous. Bravo for finding an option that YOU could get behind. Your children will be better off for having parents who don't back down when their beliefs are challenged.
Mary says
You are to be commended for staying true to your beliefs - Not only did you make a good decision, you involved your daughter, and I'm sure she learned some valuable skills from a great parent. I'm also sure you got some "coolest mom" points with the ice cream bar.
Ashley says
I think you handled this situation perfectly! Your daughter looked thrilled and I bet you the other kids (and parents) were thankful to have a little change up from cupcakes.
Val says
Great work mom! Check out this serving idea for ice cream because you may be doing this again. Why reinvent the wheel? The class will look forward to your healthy treat!
http://www.realsimple.com/holidays-entertaining/birthdays/serving-cake-ice-cream-like-pro-10000001189696/page4.html
Stephanie says
Glad you found a good enough alternative. Our school used to just not do birthday treats and call me a mean mom but I loved not having to worry about it and not having my kid come home having eaten 3 cupcakes in one day (2 birthdays plus a friend who didn't like chocolate and gave my son his).
Larisa says
Ice cream bar sounds like a fantastic solution! I admit I was wondering how your dilemma turned out.
Here's what my son's school does for birthdays--maybe you could suggest this to your school:
- No treats.
- Birthday kid makes a construction paper crown they get to wear all day.
- The class sings happy birthday.
- The parents donate a book to the school library in the kid's name, and come in to read it to the class (I'm guessing when the kids get older you might just read a chapter or something).
- The class makes a birthday book of drawings/writing to give the child at the end of the day.
Amy says
Great idea! I might use that next time. It makes me giggle because my daughter goes to a bilingual French school and came home Tuesday (in a crown) announcing that she had a slice of the Galette de Roi (big French tradition involving a type of cake) and a cupcake and a cookie, since it was also two kids' bdays. Geez! Sugar overload!!
Dawn says
What a fantastic solution! We have done ice cream bars at our home celebrations and it is always a big hit! Our school has gone food free for birthday celebrations... not even store bought. This year, our 3rd grade teacher, combined all of the kids with the same birth month into groups. In December, the kids with December birthdays were asked to collectively decide what they would like to do for their birthday celebrations. This happened to be a group of girls and their choice was to have a pajama day! This teacher also chooses a day during the month and takes each child individually for a special lunch during lunch period. They get their trays and go sit separately so they can really talk about the child and things they enjoy. My son loved it!
Rachel says
Thank you for sharing that excellent idea. I'm hoping I can have a treat free year in my 2nd grade class this year.
Joelle says
At first I was horrified that you were not going to let her take the cupcakes for her birthday. Then, when I heard your creative solution, I was disappointed with myself for not being more willing to think outside the box. Nice job!
Penny says
Thank you for sticking to your beliefs and finding a way to satisfy the requirements while teaching your daughter a wonderful lesson. Also, as a mother and grandmother to people with dairy allergies, thank you for making the effort to include the dairy-free kids as well!