Can we please all agree to make this post a non-judgmental space today? Just like most other parents I am simply trying to do the best I can, and just like most parents—I do not claim to have all the answers. And as a result of some recent non-judgmental and constructive feedback from blog readers, I've been doing some thinking...and my thoughts are this: I never want my daughters to have to worry about food (or anything for that matter).
People sometimes imply that allowing your children to have free rein on junk food means "letting your kid be a kid," but in reality I think they are confusing "eating junk food" with the happy-go-lucky, carefree feeling we often see in children. And in my opinion there are many ways to achieve that bliss, which I can assure you, is not only from junk food.
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But I am the first to admit it's not easy to constantly find that fine line between standing up for what you believe in (nourishing my children with the healthiest foods on the planet!) and also not being too uptight. Whether we like it or not, there is a social aspect to junk food. I tell my husband all the time "we've been there done that" ...therefore I don't care if I never again chow down on a Little Debbie Snack, a box of Nerds, or a Push Up (really, I don't). But my children have not had the same experiences as me and no matter how much they "understand" why those foods are unhealthy who can blame them for wanting to see what they are all about? They are literally surrounded by this stuff on a regular basis - just look at school lunch rooms, TV commercials, and even check-out lines at the store.
The Feedback I Couldn't Ignore
Aside from our 100-day pledge (which ended in 2010) we have never been fully restrictive on what our girls can and can't eat. We certainly eat almost all "real food" at home, but now that our pledge is over our children indulge in processed "treats" at birthday parties, school celebrations, friend's houses, etc. I certainly wish they weren't offered junk food at so many events, but this is reality and I try not to stress about it (although I have become more involved at their school in hopes of continuing to see positive changes there). We also usually offer our girls a "once a week treat," which is pretty much the only time we eat any big sweets (other than a super dark chocolate square), but more often than not they have junk food elsewhere so others were almost always beating me to the punch when it came treat time. This means our treats together as a family didn't happen very often—or if they did my daughters would have to decide to forgo a treat that was being offered to them by someone else. Watching them make these decisions is what started bothering me deep down.
Then it just so happens that last weekend we had the chance to buy our kids their weekly treat, and by request we headed out for donuts (which I shared with this picture on Facebook). It was on that post where an interesting discussion started.
Although I can't always sit down and read every single comment personally anymore—I do read a lot of them and value what our readers have to say. And I certainly did not overlook the comment from Erin that said, "Actually, excessive discussion of 'good' food and 'bad' food can play a large role on eating disorders." Nor did I overlook the New York Times article that Marie shared that is entitled, "What’s Eating Our Kids? Fears About ‘Bad’ Foods." Then (as if I didn't already have my knickers in a twist enough) a kind reader emailed me personally and said:
"When I see your daughter questioning her food, I am encouraged by her awareness, but also concerned. I did the same thing, and my mom—who was also hyper-aware of food (and for good reason!)—encouraged this in me. I eventually become afraid of the food and restricted anything that wasn't 'healthy' —until nothing was (at the same time I over-exercised, because exercise was healthy too). It all made sense—until it didn't. I just encourage you, from the bottom of my heart, to be careful and aware and honest—but also leave some space for 'food to be food'—that's become my mantra." - 100 Days of Real Food Reader
Our Outlook Going Forward
I can truthfully tell you I have never even dabbled in eating disorders, although I (unfortunately) know many friends who have. Therefore I am no stranger to the subject and it's of course not something I would ever want my daughters to struggle with. So literally right then and there I had a discussion with my husband and we agreed to make a slight change. As soon as my daughters came home from school I told my 2nd grader, "We've decided that you can eat the foods you are offered (within reason) when you are not at home, and they will not count as your 'once a week treat.' The weekly treats we will buy or make together as a family will happen no matter what. Mommy feeds you so much good, real food at home and that's where you eat most of the time. You are such a healthy girl who is an excellent eater and also gets plenty of exercise so eating junk food at school or with friends once or twice a week could never erase that. Now eating cupcakes everyday (or twice a day) would not be a good thing, but a couple times a week is nothing for anyone to worry about." And you know what, in the grand scheme of things—even though my daughters have their moments of course—they both really are super good eaters. They eat a wide variety of whole foods including lots of vegetables and are also fairly willing to try new things. So I wasn't just talking the talk with her—even with highly processed junk food often feeling like my personal nemesis, I truly believe that eating it on occasion will not erase all that goodness.
And interestingly enough, even though my daughters have honestly never verbalized a complaint about our frequency of treats before, my 8-year-old seemed to really understand what I was telling her and even acted a little happy about this change. My kindergartner is still oblivious to quite a lot and frankly doesn't even know what day it is half the time, so I spared her this "talk" because I didn't think she'd even notice the difference at her age. But I do think what will go even further than this change is for me to (continue to) not act like the occasional junk food they eat is the end of the world (i.e. no guilt trip) while still educating them in a casual, non-threatening manner. I have also always been super careful about never criticizing my body in front of them, and I think that is another very important part of raising daughters with a healthy image as well. Now this parenting gig is something I am figuring out as I go (just like everyone else!) so we may continue to make adjustments as we move forward...but I can say that I do feel good about our renewed direction.
So today my 8-year-old came home from school and announced, "I had 3 oreos at lunch since it was a friend's birthday." Then she told me, "I read the ingredients, too." And I said with a surprise, "Oh really, what did it say?" then with a laugh she said "I don't remember." Sounds like we are on the right track with having a carefree, worry-free kid who is slightly more aware than the others. :)
Deb Shirkey says
As an adult who has fought the weight battle all my life, I was very afraid when I had children that they would also battle weight. I was not sure what to do, but I knew whatever it was our parents (My husband is also overweight) had done, had not worked. No throwing stones at them, just fact.
So, we made one "food rule" when we had kids. There were/are no food rules. We tried to offer them a variety (somewhat hampered by my husband and his love of fast food, as that is how his single mom had raised him) However, the only 'conversation' about when to stop eating was: "Is your tummy full". There were no good foods ~ No bad foods. interestingly enough, they were just as likely to choose water over pop (as time went by) and at the ages of 23 and 17 neither one of them drink pop hardly at all. That is just one example. My oldest is a marathon runner, LOVES your blog LOVES "REAL FOOD" and eats EXTREMELY healthy. She is thin. My youngest is 'average weight' for her height, not over weight, not under weight, (whatever that is:) at 17 and is a very picky eater. I celebrate celebrate that they are much Much healthier than I was a the same ages, and have a MUCH healthier attitude about food than I did.
I still struggle, but have recently lost 40 pounds, with my Doctor's Mantra: "eat less, move more." I currently work out an average of 60 minutes, 5 (sometimes 6) days a week, and I am within about 20 pounds of what I WOULD call the "ideal weight for me". However, even where I am now would be ok if that is where I stay.
ALl that to say, GOOD FOR YOU! Here's my parenting mantra (23 years after I became a parent) Parents do the best job they can with the information they have at the time. Keep going! You are doing awesome! And love the blog!
Shallon says
Deb - I want to applaud you. I love the "there are no food rules" rule. I do talk about less and more nutritionally dense foods with my preschooler (vs good/bad), but I probably need to cool it a bit on that too. Thank you for posting your story, I needed to hear that children can grow into healthy adults with a varied diet, including fast food. Thank you
Deb Shirkey says
THanks Shallon. Actually, taking it a step further...I do believe that God created our bodies to "know" what we need food wise, just as our bodies "know" what we need oxygen wise.
That may sound a little crazy, but as I watched my girls, turn increasingly to the "healthy choices" ~ even when we didn't 'insist' on that. Choosing water over pop, time after time. (at 23 and 17 year olds, neither one of them drink pop, hardly ever, and yes, My husband and I both drink Diet pop, WAY more than we should, in my opinion)
It's like the knowledge their body was born with didn't get lost because of an over focus on food.
ANd,yes, they still eat fast food, the youngest MORE then the oldest, however, cuz the oldest one doesn't like the way she feels after eating fast food. The oldest has learned that milk and beef make her feel really yucky, so she does not eat them.
I could talk about this for hours. LOL!~ I Actually have started writing a book called "Eat Less/Move MOre" based on my Doctor's mantra on weight loss. Maybe someday I will get back to it.
But, thanks for your encouragement. I believe very much that a calorie is a calorie is a calorie. Many, Many, Many do not believe me, but STRICLY talking weight loss (Not other health issues) BUT strictly weight loss, NO MATTER what you eat, if you eat fewer calories, OR burn more calories you WILL weigh less, it's simple math.
And, I believe , if we offer our children variety, do the best we can, and NOT get 'hung up' on "good food" "bad fod"~ it's amazing what choices they will make. ALSO (to me this is huge) Make food ONLY ONLY ONLY about fuel. Teach them to ONLY eat when they are hungry, that's WHAT it's for, and to stop when FULL, not when plate is clean.
Ok, off my soapbox now. :) Thanks again.
Jen says
Thank you for this article!
Your blog has been an amazing inspiration for my family and me and I really appreciate the insight you give. I also have two daughters at home and trying to raise them to be confident, healthy and happy people will always be a work in progress for us too. But we're trying and it's wonderful to have someone walking the same path as us. So thank you!
Jen
Annie says
Get article...thank you for posting something so thoughtful and balanced on such a touchy subject.
Laurie says
I appreciate this post. I struggle daily with my kids being around junk, and finally have decided that while at home we will eat real food. At birthday parties and restaurants they may choose to eat what they want. I think there is a happy medium that we must maintain so that they do feel normalcy in public situations. Having said that, I also believe that educating our children as to WHY we choose to eat the foods we do, and WHY we choose not to eat certain foods is vital. I want my children to have a firm knowledge of what is in their food, and I find that if I involve them in our food choices while shopping, that they are more willing to opt for the healthier alternatives. Plus, it is pretty great to hear them tell an adult that they don't eat a certain food because it contains artificial ingredients/additives and why. Lol.
Lhia says
Thank you for sharing this. I have a husband who has become very engaged with how foods are grown, their effects on our body, etc and chose to become a vegetarian a year ago and this past year is hedging towards a vegan lifestyle, though ice cream and chocolate are still a go with him. I have discussed with him on many occasions my concerns of becoming so vocal and sometimes overwhelming re his opinions/research, etc as we are raising 2 daughters and as a person with a psychology/social work background I didn't want them to internalize this concern so much and develop eating disorders. We constantly strive to find a balance and while at home we eat mostly plant based whole foods, there are occasions that I eat meat (I refer to it as a flexitarian life style). My oldest daughter enjoys her meat but has it a few times a month and we will occasionally even cook it for her. My youngest at 10 has decided to forgo meat at this time - it was never really her "thing" anyhow. I enjoy your posts and applaud you for not being dogmatic in your approach and being willing and able to take in other's viewpoints and courageous enough to take a step back, review and revise.
Wendy says
The good thing about putting yourself out there in a blog is that you teach people like me so much great stuff that I was so unaware of before. The bad thing is that you get a lot of negative people who say some negative stuff. I think you've done a great job of balancing healthy food with tempting treats for your children. This slight change in your allowed treats is fine, but I hope that these negative people don't weigh on you too much. (I don't understand what they are doing following your blog if they don't agree with what you are doing!) Keep up the good work and know that you are doing a great job, not only for your family, but for the rest of us out there!
Lauren says
Lisa- This is a wonderful post. I am a twenty-something woman and I have struggled with body image/slight eating disorders for most of my life. My mom, although she never meant to, placed negative ideas about food in my mind from and early age as well as criticized her own body in front of me. I love my mom and am grateful that she monitored what I ate as a child, but all of the monitoring has given me the constant feeling of negativity. Ex: If I binge on ice cream one night then I know I must work out for double the time the next day. It is an exhaustive habit of mine that has trickled down to my relationship with my boyfriend and well as friendships. I find myself cringing at the processed food my peers consume and it really makes me sad for a few different reasons. One- that people I care about are putting unnecessary chemicals in their bodies and two- that I care so much and find myself judging them.
I am glad that you are feeding your children real foods and watching what they eat because that's what mom's should do. In fact, I wish more parents fed their children reasonable portions and things that don't come in packaging. On the flip side, I am ecstatic that you are looking forward to the possible repercussions it could have on your daughters' body image later in life. Thank you for all you do! You're an inspiration :)
Joline says
Great piece. My rule is this for my children: while they are under my care, their health is my responsibility. AT home we are not completely whole food, but pretty darn close. No HFCS, dyes, and try to stick to the 5 ingredient rule. When out at activities they can choose to partake in whatever is being offered. If they have their own spending money - they can choose to purchase what they like . . . this came with a cost recently. My daughter chose a caramel frappacino and a piece of fast food pizza. Bought it herself. Was complaining of stomach pain for the rest of the night and fell asleep feeling ill.
Lesson learned.
So, at home, in my domain, I will continue to push healthy, non-scientific experiments - along with the occasional treats.
But, when they are out at school, church, other's houses - all bets are off.
This creates a balance for our family.
Y. Choate says
I do hope that you get nothing but constructive and kind comments. I chose not to take your 100 Days challenge for similar reasons that you've outlined here. My daughter is 7, and I am trying not to make her paranoid about eating. That said, beginning in January of this year, I did a complete overhaul, and we eat "real food" 90% of the time at home. I never banned junk that my girl eats outside of home at all, but a strange thing happened. She started refusing Lunchables at her cousin's house and soda at school. She started asking what was in things before she ate them. Sometimes she eats the foods anyway. Sometimes not. Regardless, she's learning to "self-police" and making mostly good choices away from home and mostly good choices at home. I feel confident that she'll be fine, and I bet your girls will be too.
Rosemary says
So hardly agree. I am consciencously trying to feed my kids and teach them about healthy eating. At the same time we eat out sometimes and i do buy occasional snacks for school lunches. Todat my 6th grader came home and said we had "natural" popcorn and i read the label and was like yeah right there is nothing healthy in there but the salt. So with moderation and education i dont push just guide them. Thank you for the personal thoughts i am really uplifted by them. Keep on the right track!
Lawra says
I think that you are an amazing mother to those two little girls. With all that you have taught them about eating to nourish their bodies they are bound to make good decisions in whatever they choose. Keep up the good work!
Kell Smurthwaite says
You're doing a great job! I'm with you on avoiding junk food wherever possible. I have a 4-y-o son (he'll be 5-y-o in September) and #2 is due in October this year. I'm proud to say my son has never eaten a MacDonalds or Burger King or a KFC, and as far as I'm concerned, the longer that remains a fact, the better. When my kids are old enough to go and spend their own money, they can go eat in those places if they want, but I hope that by then they will have learned and fully understood that the "food" sold there isn't even really food, as it's been so processed. My son is rather picky but I persist in trying to get him to try new things, even though it's something of a battle - he doesn't seem to make the connection in his head hat we NEED food to survive - he's just not particularly interested in it most of the time, even when he helps to make it. Hopefully that will change over time. In the meantime, I'll do as you do - try to do the best I can by my kids without making them feel they're singled out from their friends. Keep up the great work! :)
amy says
Great job being willing to re-evaluate and shift things a bit for the sake of your kids. I have felt the same way with foods/treats and also have tried to "mellow" out when I noticed them being somewhat neurotic about what was in everything. My kids are now 8, 9 and 11 and definitely read labels but allowing them the freedom to indulge once in a while and make those choices will help them learn to balance later in life. You are a great mom! Kudos!
Mandy says
Thank you so much for posting this. A year ago I began changing my eating habits for the better and exercising. I am a single mom to a seven year old daughter who asks a lot of questions so we have had many discussions over this past year about the importance of exercise and making healthy food choices. The perspective of your readers and your response has made me think about my approach with these discussions. While I try not to harp on it often maybe I do need to take these conversations with a little less "enthusiasm". I'm glad I'm not alone in navigating the parenting waters that surround making healthy choices in an increasingly unhealthy world. Thank you for provoking my thoughts! Keep up the good work.
Jessica says
This article almost brought tears to my eyes. I don't have an eating disorder but I easily could if I allowed myself. I eat healthy most of the time but I literally hate myself when I eat something unhealthy or more than I should. I hate the way I look and I hate that I constantly have to worry about food. I know this isn't a good way to live. I wish my mom had instilled in me the praise and confidence that you are instilling in your girls regarding food and health.
Thank you.
Katy says
As parents we are constantly learning new ways to help our children become their "best self". I think you are doing an amazing job!
Shannon says
This is why I LOVE your blog. You are just a mom of young kids, trying to do the best you can. I have a 5, 4 and 1 year old, and just want them to grow up healthy. And although we have a long ways to go, we are sooooo much better off than where we were 6 months ago! You have been such an inspiration for me.
Cristi Smith says
Great article and a very important point. We are shooting for the same "slightly more aware" point of view!
Thia says
So...I'm leaving this comment with a fake name (although real email address) and not my actual name because this is not my proudest moment. As a child, my parents were very restrictive with food. VERY. I was eventually diagnosed with ED-NOS (eating disorder, not otherwise specified). I am 5'7. I've weighed over 232 pounds and less than 102. I have never, ever had a good relationship with food and I still struggle all these years later. It's getting better, but it's taken me years to overcome "bad foods" vs "good foods" and no understanding of a healthy diet and exercise. The idea that eating a specific food makes me a bad person lingered with me for a long time. Shades of that still exist. Things like that linger. They really do. I love the fact that you are really thinking about this.
L says
Hi there -
I have my own rocky history with food. My mom was not restrictive with food -- there were other reasons I can identify for my food issues.
I am mom to an almost 6 year old and I am fairly restrictive about food. She does get 4 treats of her choosing/week (down from 1/day). When I say of her choosing, that means she can choose from things at home, like dark chocolate, homemade goodies or pre-screened goodies that are often organic, but always without HFCS and artificial colours, as well as choose to have certain treats at school or birthday parties. Left to her own devices, she does not seem to know when to stop and will often eat past her full point.
I am wondering, how restrictive were your parents? What were their rules?
I worry about my daughter. She does seem to react to artificial food colouring. I think that she has never had a good sense of when to stop, even when she was exclusively breastfed. So far, she has always been a very healthy weight, but I do worry about what messages I am sending her about food and I worry about whether she will ever learn to stop before she is over-full. . .
Shallon says
Dear L,
I wonder, how you know your child does not have a sense of when to stop? My oldest nursed for 90minutes a time until he was 4 month old (8 times a day) - and never less than 30 minutes a time when I weaned him at 2ys. He also never had picky toddler years, and sometimes as a toddler he would eat more for dinner than my husband. However I never stopped him from eating as much as he felt he has needed, and he maintained the same growth curve. I worry that your restrictiveness could possibly lead to harm your child by creating food issues. Most children are able to self regulate, eating more calories at one meal and less at the next. I ask not to question your parenting, but to encourage you to seek out additional information from your child's doctor (and her know how much it concerns you), a nutritionist, or other resources (I like books by Ellyn Satter) regarding this. Restricting can lead to food issues, but if she truly does not have a full cue, that can be an issue too that needs to be treated appropriately. Please investigate further so as to help raise your child to be food secure.
Shallon says
Clarification - I wanted to clarify that let "her know how much it concerns you"; "her" being your child's doctor know how much your child's lack of fullness cues worries you so your doctor will actually do something rather than brush it off.
L says
Hi Shallon,
Thanks for your thoughts. I actually have raised this with her Dr., but perhaps I need to push it a bit more with him.
As an infant, she would breast feed until she spit up. Every time, unless I stopped after 45 minutes.
AS a toddler and even now at almost 6, she will very regularly eat until her stomach hurts and she is very uncomfortable. For example we have figured out that more than a waffle and a half will consistently result in a stomach ache. She would happily eat a full 2 waffles (homemade, whole grain, healthy) or more, and then feel miserable. We ask her to listen to her body and listen to what her stomach is telling her. Her response is often that she is hungry or starving.
She's almost 6 now and she is learning to self regulate -- we are definitely seeing improvements. We also never express any concerns about how her body might look if she eats too much, we only talk about things from a health point of view and do not label good foods vs bad foods.
Shallon says
L,
It does sound like your child truly does have a difficulty with registering the fullness cue. Maybe you should "push" your doctor to find out if there is a physiological reason (lack or excess of a hormone, etc.) I don't know, but maybe there are some medical ways to help her body regulate. Personally I feel, the more you can learn, the more you can be sure you are doing the right thing. Either way it sounds like you are doing an appropriate job with her, especially since she is starting to figure out how to regulate herself externally. Wishing you and your daughter the best on this journey you will be navigating together.
D says
Do you know any dietitians? If you can find a good one, maybe one who deals with peds specifically, they may have some good insight into this. Might just be a normal developmental thing
Kelsey says
Lisa,
I appreciate your humility and honesty in your journey being a parent of two girls. I have a 6 month old daughter, and even though she is just beginning to eat solid food, your post was helpful for me. I grew up in a very healthy home- we ate very well most of the time, but my parents could also enjoy and celebrate with treats every so often. I'd never stopped to think that my good relationship with food probably came from them. I want my girl to be thoughtful about what she puts into her body, but to also know how to let her hair down and enjoy life. Your comments reminded me that my husband and I will set the tone for that, so thank you for sharing.
Tressa Bishop says
Lisa-I'm so proud of you for listening to that kind emailer. I watched a friend of mine go through something similar to the story shared with her 12 year old son last summer. In a mere 90 days he went from fun-loving sweet pre-teen to an anorexic scared to death of most foods (at Thanksgiving he was chewing and spitting into napkins to get the flavor of food). What started out as a mom doing what she thought was the right thing by her kids - food testing for allergies & asthma and a nutritionists guidance on what they should/should not eat for their health - turned into a nightmare that has taken such a toll on her entire family. I, too, am trying to raise two kids in this crazy pre-packaged, processed food-filled world. I've tried to educate them as to why I don't eat certain things and encourage them to make healthy choices while out (they are 11 & 13 now, so not as easy to monitor). Best of luck with your motherhood journey, and Happy Mother's Day two days early!
Miranda says
Your blog is an inspiration. I wanted to share my recent experience with fruit snacks. My 3 year old loves them. We used to only get them when the kids were super sick (nothing was staying down) or on long road trips. Then, more often, but still only the organic ones. Somehow, in the last year every color and character imaginable has come home (my husband grocery shops). I made some homemade fruit leather and offered it to my son. He asked what the deal was and why mommy didn't like his fruit snacks. I (I thought) casually said that there were some chemicals in them that made them bright colors, but they weren't so good for him. They were ok once in a while, but I'd like him to substitute homemade sometimes. He FREAKED OUT hysterically sobbing that his beloved snacks were bad for his brain. He told his sister - he even (to my embarrassment) told his preschool to stop feeding him Froot Loops bc they had colors that were bad for his brain. Whoops. Mommy went too far. Am I glad that he only eats fruit leather and organic fruit snacks now when they are on sale? YES. Do I feel badly about scaring the bejeezus out of him? YES. Lesson learned mom. Hard line to walk.
Molly says
This is a really loving conscientious post. What a lovely thoughtful way to encourage good eating while avoiding body issues.
Selena says
Well said mama!
Kirsten says
Good for you! I have many health conscious friends with kids and there is a sad trend I see in the kids...sneaky eaters. We eat healthy at home but have our vices too. Its a balance but I was lucky to grow up without any bad feelings surrounding food and I want the same for my kids. My kids do a great job of self limiting because they are aware of how too many treats make their body feel (I believe that happened after a super indulgent fair day, but it stuck around). :)
Rhonda says
Sounds like a very wise and sensible approach. We are trying to make a shift in our eating toward healthier choices, not quite as far a long as you are, but we are making changes none-the-less. It is hard especially for our 13yo because she is so conditioned towards junk food. We actually adopted her, so she has only been with us for a year, so she came with a lot of previous habits too (such as dessert every night), which we don't do. So, we have multiple challenges on our journey. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Rita Desnoyers-Garcia says
Thanks for this post. I've been on the real food road for a while now and I know it can feel tricky with my kids. So much of my own "stuff" around food can be thrown onto them and it always backfires. I've come to this conclusion so far. It's not what I saw, but the energy behind it that makes all the difference. If I'm relaxed and aligned with my ideas, it's not a big deal to my kids. If I'm trying to align with something but not quite there, they pick up on it and poke me about it until it is revealed in some way (ie I have an agenda, I'm not sure, I'm in conflict). They are excellent mirrors to me. They teach me a lot. One of the things I've learned from them is that they will naturally, when I don't get in their way, return to well being. Do they eat everything I want them to? No- it's so not perfect in that way, but perfect nonetheless. They've signaled me, through their reflection, to lighten up, be a model of wellness, relax, and enjoy food. If I mess it up, which happens often, it's just an opportunity to come clean, talk about how I feel, and make amends as needed and then move forward. Thanks again for being personal here. Well done.
Amy says
I found your blog a couple of weeks ago and though I have always been health conscious due to being obese until I was 24 (I just turned 34) reading your blog made me realize just how slack I had become with truly focusing on health, as opposed to maintaining a healthy weight. I have already started making huge strides in the right direction just in the last 2 weeks with cooking and eating whole foods and I feel fantastic! So I have a lot of thanks to pass your way.
This post, however, really hit home. I have an almost 3 year old daughter and a 3 month old son and while I want them to eat healthy and never have to struggle with weight the way I did, I worry that they are going to think about it too much. I don't want them to have my thought process about food, and that whole notion of good foods vs bad foods because I know that has been awful for me. We all want our children to be healthy and happy. Finding that balance is soooo hard and I so appreciate you opening up this discussion. Wonderful post!
Jeanenne Sweatman says
You're doing great, Mom! Such an inspiration to mother's everywhere that care about the well being of their children! Flexibility to make adjustments as life requires/reveals is key to knowing you're doing great! Thanks for the post, and keep the education coming! <3
Cheryl says
I agree 100%. I do what I can at home to give them a variety of good food, but parties are parties! Sometimes we eat at a restaurant and overindulge a little. It isn't the end of the world unless that becomes the norm - like we used to be. Ten years ago we had dessert EVERY night - and often after lunch, too. Cake, cookies, brownies, ice cream... Now it's once a week and we're all healthier for it.
Brian Andrews says
I am now 37. When I was young we were not allowed artificial colors, preservatives, or most any processed food. I look back on that time with great thanks. My childhood was full of happiness and freedom. I had a family that loved me and it was evident. That was all I needed.
I did not need those foods to make me happy or carefree. As a matter of fact they would have been worse for me. Love your children first and they will be better not having those foods.
D says
I am curious, how did your family word/present the limitations so that you didn't feel ashamed or controlled? It seems to be done in a healthy way, and would like to model that as well.
Toni says
Thank you for this heartfelt post. I have a very real story to share that I will condense. My eleven year old son this summer became obsessed with healthy eating this past summer that began with label reading due to food allergies in the family and continued with my banishment of high fructose corn syrup. What developed over the course of three months time was anxiety over the transition into middle school that led him into an eating disorder. He was 64 pounds when admitted to the hospital after a bout of the flu that he couldn't fight with two parents that really missed the disorder and thought his eating habits to be extremely healthy. Little did we know that the lack of body fat and nutrients caused his heart to slow down, his liver to overwork, and his immune system to go awry. Thankfully with much education, therapy and great doctors, we have a healthy twelve year old that is 83 pounds and back on the growth chart with very little collateral damage.
I agree with everything you are trying to do for your family food wise as that is exactly where we are as a family. Changing your messaging is all you need to do to help your daughters have the healthy relationship with food you are seeking. With good and healthy whole food. I hope this helps somebody.
Lisa says
Wow, Toni - Thank you for sharing your story and I am so sorry to hear about what you have been through...but also thankful that you are on the other side and your son is feeling better now!
Kim says
Good post!
Rea says
I really like this approach. I think that I am finding that my best indicator of whether or not I am pushing 'too much' is my children. I have a tendency to be all or nothing and 'end of the world' thinking and I can tell when I've crossed the line between faithful teaching about nutrition and well...not sure what to call the extreme.
Do I expect them to be happy about every food choice I make for them? Nope. But I can see a tension that I don't like when I slip into 'this will kill you!' mode. And because my oldest has Aspergers, I do see the tendency to pick up on my worry and carry it to the FAR extreme, and the last thing he needs is more food issues. Since I've started backing off a bit he's actually expressed MORE of an interest (in a good way) in making healthy choices.
Tammy says
I think you are on the right track. As someone who battled bulimia for 23 years, it wasn't until I went to treatment that I learned to stop calling foods good/bad. It's all about balance, variety and moderation. So I trying to teach that to my own kids and not make them crazy about all the things I was crazy about...much easier said than done!
Thomas says
Thanks so much for writing this. I have been a follower on FB for some time now, but really appreciated this. Yes, we should be careful about food, be sure we know what is going in our bodies, and treat our bodies like an asset to protect and refine. But, at the same time, food is just food. I have several friends, who at pot luck dinners (which when it is their turn to host), pull out food from plastic containers, and order pizza "for the rest of us". Our food should never be a reason to discriminate or judge others, nor should it be used to judge us (if we don't ascribe to the same level of attention).
We are human. Food should never keep us from being such.
D says
I don't think them not eating the pizza and eating something different is being "judgemental". They just probably know that everyone else wants something like pizza, and they don't want to eat it. It sounds like you are judging them for what THEY do more than the other way around. Let's think about it....a lot of the processed "foods" aren't even really food, just man-made chemical food like products. 100's of years ago eating all whole foods was the only option, so why are those who choose to continue to do just that, are the "odd ones out"?
If I have company, I try to make something healthy that everyone will like, and not focus on it being "healthy". If I go to someone else's house, we eat what they have.
Melinda says
I enjoy your posts and your concern for your children's eating habits. I am a senior citizen, have raised all my kids to adults, and this is my unsolicited advice for you: Raise your children your way! There will always be those to give you advice both good and bad, but in the end these are your children and you are preparing them for a healthy future.
donna says
thank you for sharing this. I have a 17 month old boy who eats only whole foods. Now since he doesnt know any better he hasnt had any junk food but i know the day will come that he will ask for it. I'm still not sure how I'm going to handle it but your story has been very helpful and has given my some idea of what to do!
Tess says
GREAT article. Valuable insight.
Sarah says
I love the thoughtful way you approach things without getting too insanely cemented to "my way or the highway!" Eating, like thinking, singing, playing, or working is not subject to hard and fast rule 100% of the time. Being flexible and modeling grown-up flexibility is giving your kids a huge gift of rolling with the imperfect. I strive to give my kids actual food as often as possible which is probably close to about 90% of the time...but I do not hesitate, or look askance at the after-church donut or the shared cookie. THanks for the post!