I’m going to go a little off the topic of food today but not off the topic of health. As you can probably attest, getting adequate and good-quality sleep is super important when it comes to feeling your best and experiencing good overall health. But what if you just can’t sleep even when you have the chance? Ugh. Unfortunately, this is something I can relate to all too well.
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My Growing Insomnia Issue and Getting Help
I used to be an excellent sleeper. In fact, my husband was even envious of how I could just fall right asleep the second my head hit the pillow. But then I had babies. And (inadvertently) started our full-time family business after getting laid off from my corporate job (hello pressure). And decided to write a book. And then another book (which is not fully done yet – don’t remind me!). And built and moved into a new house last year after our kids got redistricted (which involved making a meeellion tiny decisions). And tried to continue to stick to my self-imposed laundry schedule and grocery schedule and children’s ever-growing activity and social schedule with an occasional international trip thrown in the mix along the way.
Yes, I’m type A in case you’re wondering. But regardless, even when things seem like they’re (finally) starting to slow down the list somehow goes on and on – as any other busy parent can attest! And just to be clear, I know these are all good things in life that are keeping us so busy. But, as I read in Sheryl Sandberg’s book, just because things could be worse it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t want to make things better.
As a result of all those things I mentioned above, it has become harder and harder for me to shut my brain off at night. Whether it’s at bedtime or in the middle of the night when I randomly wake up and am devastated to find out it’s only 3 AM, I’m greeted by my new friend insomnia! So I decided it was time to figure out how to regain control of this growing problem of mine before things got any worse. That’s when I found Dr. Kristin Daley, a “sleep doctor” (as I like to call her) that specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia here in Charlotte, NC.
Some of the tips I’ve learned from Dr. Daley have been incredibly helpful so far and, in some cases, so simple! I’ve found myself sharing them with friends whenever I get the chance. So today (with Dr. Daley’s permission), I thought I’d share those tips here on the blog since I know there are many of us out there who could use a little help when it comes to getting a good night’s sleep and feeling rested in the morning.
Sleep Tips from Dr. Daley
If you’re not a great sleeper, then the details matter and can make such a difference. These are simple tips for learning how to sleep that have been helping me so much lately. In fact, while I am still officially going through my “sleep training” to get myself on track, there have been a couple days where I’ve woken up to my 6:30 AM alarm feeling more rested than I have all school year! As in “ready to hop right out of bed” rested. I didn’t know how important some of these things were before now!
- White Noise
I actually have a white noise machine that I use when traveling, but I was not using it at home. Now that my kids are old enough to come to me if they need something in the night, I was told to let that go and block out unwanted noise with the constant shush of a white noise machine (as opposed to one that has the rise and fall of ocean sounds). While it would be ideal to sleep in a completely pristine and quiet environment, it’s not exactly realistic for most of us to achieve in this day and age. No matter what you do, a car might drive by, a bird might chirp, your partner might snore, or your A/C might turn on. It does take a few nights to get used to sleeping with white noise if you’ve never done it before, so be sure to hang in there for this one. I’ve had this machine since my girls were babies. While it’s a little pricey, I love how small it is for travel, and it has been going strong for 11 years now! - No Interruptions
My husband is a night owl and would often do a little work or watch a little TV after I went to bed. That meant he would creep into our room to join me after I was already asleep, but no matter how quiet he was trying to be (and I know he was), it often sounded to me like he was literally busting through the door. I guess it’s that mother’s instinct of mine on hight alert! And I noticed that my quality of sleep was often really poor for the rest of the night after he came to bed. So we had to nip that in the bud, which thanks to #4 below has not been hard to tackle. - Cool Bedroom (between 65 and 67 degrees F)
This tip was a little shocking to me. I normally like it much warmer in our house! But apparently it doesn’t matter what’s going on from the neck down. Keeping your head cool is what’s key. So I invested in a heated mattress pad, which allows me to get into a warm bed every night while still following this important rule, which goes back to satisfying our instincts from the caveman days. - Maintain a Strict Sleep and Wake Schedule
I initially found this tip the most shocking, but (possibly thanks to the other areas of my life that I like to have so scheduled) this has actually been a much easier change than I expected. What this means is that I need to go to bed and wake up at basically the same time every day – even on the weekend. Yikes! AND, the most shocking part is that I’m only supposed to be in bed and sleep for 7 hours each night. I thought for sure I needed more sleep than that, but I’m willing to try anything at this point! The exact requirements may vary slightly from person to person, but this will result in higher quality sleep and help reduce tossing and turning for hours on end.The part I unexpectedly like about this new schedule (11:30 PM – 6:30 AM, with an extra 30 min until 7 AM on the weekends) is that there are no more decisions to be made about when I should go to sleep or wondering if I will be able to fall asleep or if my husband will want to turn in early with me, etc. I also no longer wake up in the morning and wonder if it’s a decent time to get out of bed yet or if I’m going to see 4 AM on the clock. If my alarm hasn’t gone off, then I just try to go back to sleep without having to look at my clock (which is a big no-no!). It’s honestly kind of freeing, and I am getting used to the 7-hour limit. - No Light Exposure at Night (and I mean NONE)
Say goodbye to your night light, digital clock, and even that little red light on your smoke detector (just put a piece of black electrical tape over it). And since you aren’t supposed to look at your clock at all in the night, it shouldn’t matter if it’s now living under your bed. Also under this category no computer or devices for your last 2 hours before bedtime. Watching TV is okay since it’s not usually right up in your face, but your iphone is definitely off-limits! (Which is honestly not such a bad habit to incorporate.) - Exercise with Intervals
I was already exercising (usually running 2 to 3 times a week), but apparently I wasn’t increasing my heart rate in brief intervals like I should be. You ideally want 10 different 30-second bursts when you exercise, so I’ve now incorporated sprints into my routine (which will help me run faster anyway!). It’s best to do this every day, but since I want to do exercises other than sprints (and 1 or 2 days a week the option to not exercise at all) I am just doing the best I can with this one. - Unfiltered Outside Time
This is one of those super simple tips that I had no idea was so important. Unfiltered outside time means no sunglasses, no windows, and no screens. Before meeting with Dr. Daley, I probably NEVER had unfiltered outside time because my sensitive eyes love to be behind sunglasses. This one will help set your circadian rhythm and jive nicely with that super dark room you’ll be keeping at night. - Deep Breathing (for at least 5 minutes each day)
I suppose some would call this meditating, but it’s really just as simple as 5 minutes of quiet, deep, slow breathing (without letting your thoughts take over) each day. This has probably been one of the harder tips for me to remember to do, but I understand the value and am trying! - Write Down Your Thoughts
This tip right here is just brilliant. If you sit down and write out a few bullet points with what’s on your mind at the end of each day (both bad and good stuff), then when your brain tries to “save the world” in the middle of the night you can know you’ve already tackled that issue by writing it on your paper. It will of course still be there waiting for you in the morning. - Limit Food and Beverage Before Bed (yes, including wine!)
I’ve never been an after dinner snack kind of person, but I do love my evening glass of wine. And in many cases, I feel like I need that wine to relax enough to fall asleep. The guideline is to limit your carbohydrates to less than 5 grams within 2 hours of bedtime. So for me, this means I can have no more than one glass of wine between 9:30 and 11:30 pm (my new scheduled bedtime). But I certainly don’t want to rely on wine as a “sleep aid” every night. So right now, I’m trying two nights on and one night off to get my body used to falling asleep all on its own again. - BONUS TIP (from my mother-in-law): Have a Mantra
I know this might sound all new-agey or something, but seriously – hear me out because it has saved me countless times from pointlessly lying awake at 3 AM for hours on end. Basically, come up with a meaningless phrase that you’ll repeat in your head over and over again the moment you wake up in the middle of the night. I don’t know about you, but when I when I randomly wake up my brain can somehow launch right into a thousand thoughts (good and important thoughts that I am convinced I need to remember the next day) but, alternatively, it is too hard to keep your brain clear and think of nothing. So, instead, block out the thoughts by instantly thinking of your mantra on repeat … it could be “99, 100, 99, 100” over and over or another phrase or number that has absolutely no meaning (and does not make you think of anything else important). When I wake up now I immediately start my mantra and within moments I am back to sleep. It is wonderful!
One of the best things about Dr. Daley is that (as you can see from the tips) she doesn’t believe in giving me sleeping pills to solve my insomnia. As soon as I learned this about her, I knew she was the right person to help me. She also isn’t a big fan of melatonin or other natural supplements because, in some cases, the results might just be a placebo effect, which won’t help in the long run. Being able to sleep all on your own is obviously the best solution!
Sleep Tracker Apps
I’ve been tracking my sleep (as well as my caffeine, exercise, outside time, and wine consumption) on a printed sleep chart for her. I know some watches and apps are popular tools for tracking sleep, but Dr. Daley said she has occasionally seen people who get a little too obsessed with the tracking feature and end up hurting their sleep cycles even more as a result. So just be careful if/when using those! We only do it occasionally!
This is the Sleep Tracker that we own and recommend. We actually bought it for our children, but I’ve tried it a few times and thought it was super interesting to see!
Insomnia and Anxiety
Another interesting tidbit I’ve learned is that at the root of insomnia and anxiety, you’re basically dealing with the same thing – your brain not shutting off. So (as someone who has had my fair share of anxiety in recent years), it’s a relief to know these tips are a great starting point for anyone who struggles with anxiety.
I really hope this advice helps you. If you try these tips out, please come back and let me know how it goes in the comments! :)
I have the same issue, able to fall asleep but wide awake at 3 or 4am with my mind running a hundred miles an hour. I too do not want to take sleeping pills! I will try the above suggestions. Thank you so much for sharing!!! :)
Thank you!! These tips are great. I have suffered from insomnia for several years, and after therapy for my anxiety and meditation and yoga, things are improving. I still need to make some changes and these tips will help a lot. I appreciate sharing them with us.
My youngest has picked up this insomnia habit this last year. We have also found left to her own devices when she is sleeping, it is not always the most restful sleep. Anxiety from some school issues is most assuredly the main reason. When we do a blend of essential oils on her back or feet, she sleeps all night restfully. We have found a few blends. Vetiver, Frankincense, and Juniper Berry combination is our favorite. A premade blend named Balance and Sandalwood is another. We will visit the suggestions mentioned and try to improve her lifestyle quality.
Love this post! Thank you for sharing. :)
Good sleep hygiene is certainly important. Thank you, Lisa, for sharing your personal story and making yourself vulnerable. I have many patients with anxiety and insomnia issues and I will be pointing them to this article. I think you do a great job of highlighting the important aspects of good sleep hygiene and even some new aspects that are now better understood. If I had to highlight the most important, it would be exercising with intervals. We are finding out that interval training is not only important for sleep, but for overall general wellbeing and health. Another great article! Thanks!
Great advice!! I too struggled with being woken up when my husband would come to bed after me. I recently aligned my sleep/wake up times with his, and what a difference! Thanks for passing along these great tips! This is very helpful!
A magnesium deficiency (very common) will also cause problems sleeping. I had been a light sleeper MY ENTIRE LIFE, and about 3 years ago, I began supplementing with magnesium. Now I sleep through the night, and deeply.
Christina, what type of magnesium do you take (since there are many different types) & what dose? Any brands you really like? I’ve been interested to start supplementing with Magnesium. Thanks so much :)
Hi Mindy. I also use magnesium for my sleep issues and it has helped greatly. I use a magnesium citrate vs an oxide because it is more bio-available. You might chat with a naturopath or an regarding types and brands.
This is so good!!! Thank you so much for posting!!
Wonderful advice! Thank you so much. I was always able to effortlessly fall asleep…until menopause. Now, I sleep for a couple of hours and then wake up, filled with anxiety about crazy things. I am relieved to read these tips and can’t wait to see how they work for me! God bless!
Oddly enough, I was just thinking about you not too long ago and trying to process all of the things you have to juggle. I am sorry that you are having difficulty sleeping! You certainly have a lot on your plate. Glad you are finding a way to take better care of your sleep needs!
Thanks for thinking of me …things are getting better!
Hmm, I need to try this!
Two questions:
1. What if kids are still waking regularly? Do we lengthen our sleep time to adjust?
2. What do you do for those last 2 screen free hours?
Do the dishes, bake some muffins, play checkers, call your mom, talk to your family, read or write a book, knit a sweater, do whatever people did for entertainment before cell phones and tv!
It’s okay to watch TV since it’s much further from your face than your phone or computer. We also like to read at night sometimes as well. I’m not sure about the kid question, but I know for me if it took me two hours to fall asleep I’m still supposed to wake at the same time no matter what. I hope that helps.
Thanks for the reminders about maintaining good sleep practices. Recently, a friend suggested I try a sleep hypnosis app. To my surprise and in spite of my skepticism, it’s probably the most effective practice I’ve ever used. $3 and no drugs!
These are great tips! They go beyond the standard ones we all see and address the different facets of insomnia. I haven’t seen the tip about exercising in intervals! So interesting!
My friend had a stroke in his early 40’s (he’s a healthy, real-food eating, incredibly active person) and during his recovery, the doctor’s suggested a sleep study. He decided to use a Zeo (I think that’s the brand) and track his stats as well as his habits. Two of the factors he found to affect his sleep quality were whether he had enough water that day and how late he ate dinner.
Good luck with the sleep training, Lisa!
Thank you so much for this! I to struggle with this issue, usually I fall asleep quickly but wake up around 2 or 3 am and am up for hours. I received a fitbit flex for Christmas and it tracks your sleep patterns and I was shocked to see just how restless i am during the night, most nights I have 27 or more episodes of restlessness. I thought this might be normal until one of my friends recently posted a screenshot of her fitbit flex sleep and it showed just 3 episodes of restlessness. Most of these things I do, like the interval training, the same bedtime, no light, but the deep breathing and the writing before bed are two things that I will definitely be incorporating into my bedtime routine moving forward. Thank you so much for sharing this. From your neighbor to the south, Greenville SC
All great advice.but I’m surprised your doctor didn’t add “no screen time for an hour before bed”. The light generated from screens (tvs, phones, ipdads, etc). Is a stimulant. There are multiple studies on this. Read a book, knit, play a board game simply unwind.
She honestly did and I just forgot to put that in there …adding it now!
Reading this at 1.30 am ….sigh. I have tried all of these tips at one time or another to no avail
If you are prone to wake ups try a “sleep mantra” that is a meaningless word you repeat over and over and over in your head if you wake up in the middle of the night. That has helped me so much, too!
Having children is the biggest impediment to having a good night’s sleep … I sincerely wish you the best in your quest to find a good night’s sleep again. When one has 8 solid hours of snoozing, the day after is so much better than the ones spent in a groggy state.
I was interested in your blog post about insomnia. My husband has suffered from insomnia for years and we belive it is due to PTSD. He started taking some nutritional supplements that have helped him sleep through the night every night since he started them! It’s really amazing. Just thought I’d share this with you. Thank you for all your usefull tips! :)
Loved this blog! I have a terrible time trying to sleep, it may be hormonal since I have had a hysterectomy. I was wondering what was the recommended time in unfiltered light? Thanks.
I’m curious about this too. My eyes are extremely sensitive, too and being out without sunglasses for very long can result in a migraine.
It doesn’t have to be too long …I know if I go on a 20 minute run outside with no sunglasses on that totally counts!
I had a sleep study done and was surprised to learn that even as a mature adult (mid-50s) when one is sleeping well, he or she will not usually get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. If you are getting up a lot, thinking it is because you need to go to the bathroom, it may be that you have interrupted sleep – i.e. sleep apnea. It turns out I had borderline severe sleep apnea. I now sleep with a C-Pap machine and sleep soundly like I did as a young girl. My fuzzy thinking cleared up, and I have felt like a new woman. Sleep apnea is so bad for your heart, and the classic symptom is loud snoring. It is well worth getting it checked out.
Kaye, I second that. Lisa, it is worth getting a sleep study to understand what’s going on. Apologies for the long comment, but sleep disordered breathing is far too often not considered along with insomnia (and there are plenty of non-invasive, natural ways to treat it.)
When we sleep, the airway goes floppy—and thanks to modern development and processed foods, our jaw and airway grow differently from how they’re supposed to, which is why most people are susceptible to interrupted breathing (which translates to interrupted REM sleep and thus, perhaps, your insomnia).
I commend Dr. Daley’s great tips and for not wanting to prescribe sleeping pills. I’d add to that recommendation that you check up on the quality of your sleep (not only the quantity) with a sleep study, as Kaye says.
I tell all my patients—we get one life, it’s worth making sure we get as much uninterrupted REM sleep as possible! Great post, Lisa, thanks for your openness about such an important health issue and hope you start sleeping better soon!
I did a sleep study last fall and started with the C-PAP w/ full face mask in late January. It has made a big difference in my qualify of sleep. My biggest problem is that if I do wake up and the machine is going full-blast, it is so loud and there is so much air being blown into my face that I cannot fall back asleep and end up turning it off.
I would ask your doctor to try an APAP since they tend to blow less and they blow the right amount of air at the right time.
The first thing my sleep psychologist told me was that I wasn’t allowed to do anything in bed except sleep and have sex. If I was lying in bed for more than twenty minutes without sleeping, I had to get up and sit somewhere to read in low light until I felt sleepy.
As a therapist, this is a huge issue for a number of patients. Your list is a very good start. I would also recommend no artificial light about 30 to 60 minutes before bedtime because of the impact it has on your circadian rhythms. That means no cellphone, computer or television. It has had a huge impact on my ability to sleep through the night. I have a routine about 45 minutes before bed: get my next day’s lunch ready, wash my face, brush my teeth, lay out my clothes, write in my journal, etc.
How much unfiltered outside time? And is there any particular time of day?
I sewed myself a sleep mask a few months ago and it has made ALL THE DIFFERENCE for my sleep habits. Now instead of pulling the curtains all the way shut and making sure no light is peeking around the shades, I put on the sleep mask and call it good. Plus, they are super simple to sew (even by hand!).
These are great tips Lisa. Thank you.
I just completed whole30. And as many people have experienced, I slept SO well during my 30 days. Like a rock honestly. Previous to whole30 I was taking Tylenol PM every night to take the edge off. Because I knew if I woke up, I’d have a difficult time getting back to sleep. I too have the anxious over active brain.
SO – my question to you with that is, have you considered making more significant changes to your diet to see if that helps? Almost everyone who completes whole30 raves about their high quality sleep. Clearly you already eat a very healthy real food-style diet. But perhaps it’s still the sugars, alcohol, dairy causing problems with sleep? I know you know a lot on this area but I encourage you to at least investigate the whole30 book (It Starts With Food) and website to see if this may help you further. Good luck!
Lisa- I worked with Dr. Daley as well and she is amazing. I credit her with bringing me back to health after a devastating bout with anxiety and insomnia. She is wonderful! It’s been three years for me and her ‘prescription’ for me still works- no pills required. Good luck to you and thanks for sharing with others.
Lisa- I worked with Dr. Daley as well and she is amazing. I credit her with bringing me back to health after a devastating bout with insomnia. She is wonderful! Good luck to you!
Thank you, thank you thank you!
I’d be interested in knowing whether it is recommend to stick to your 11:30-6:30 schedule after an interrupted night of sleep (i.e. When your kids wake you at night).
you may also find this interesting if you fall asleep but then consistently find that you wake at 3AM – your liver is regenerating at 3AM and if your body does not have what it needs to support that you will have a burst of adrenaline that will wake you up. http://www.rejuvinstitute.com/why-do-i-always-wake-up-at-3am
thanks for sharing that!
What does your body need to support liver regeneration?
You are speaking to me with this post! Several tips I haven’t tried yet. I’m so worried about going to the doctor about my insomnia as I don’t want sleeping pills so I’m happy to hear you’ve found someone who doesn’t believe in them. Going to talk to my husband about it too as I have the same problem with being woken up by him. And it seems I’m trying to go to bed too early. Thank you so much for sharing this!
Don’t forget that for some, there might be an apnea issue as well. You don’t necessarily have to snore to have apnea (it’s a pause in breathing). I know for me, I have apnea, and once I’d startle awake, I’d be an insomniac some nights. So if the tips you gave don’t work, it’s worth having a sleep study to ensure there’s nothing else going on. I’m definitely going to incorporate some of your tips with my apnea mask (the sunlight, especially).
I have to share this tip – Try putting your phone on airplane mode during the night. I just made that change and it has had a huge impact!
The EMF waves that your phone gives off makes it much more difficult for your brain to turn off and sleep deeply. I’m not getting any more sleep, but my sleep is more restorative. I also turn my wi-fi off each night, and notice a difference.
Did your doctor have any opinion on sleepmasks? I’ve become a really light sleeper the last few years, using both a fan for white noise and a sleep mask, and I’ve become pretty dependent on both. Id like to get away from the sleep mask but any sort of light that peeks in will wake me up, so I’m feeling kind of stuck. It’s also not the most attractive option!
Thank you so much for this. This is something that I have dealing with since before my kids were born. (It has got worse since then). Can’t wait to try these :)
Thanks very much! I’ve struggled with insomnia since childhood; now, as a mother of young children running my own business, it’s been all too easy to use exhaustion as a tool for making sure I don’t struggle to fall asleep each night. This is not a healthy or happy way to live. I’ve read several books and many articles about this, but the advice is often repetitive — the information in your post looks extremely useful and a bit different, and I will definitely give it a try. Thanks again for sharing. Our bodies need sleep as much as we need solid nutrition, and I know many parents who struggle to get it.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing all of this! I am definitely going to implement your suggestions in my life. I’m wondering though, why only 7 hours of sleep at night?
Apparently studies show 7 is enough for most (not 8 as many of us have also heard). I always thought I needed even more sleep than that (up 9 hours sometimes), but so far I am surprisingly managing on the 7! And feel like I’ve been given the gift of time. I would just recommend trying it. The goal is to actually be sleeping all the hours you are in bed. No more tossing and turning!
Interesting. What advice have you been given or would you give if you are awake in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep? Also, how did you address your husband wanting to go to bed later than you?
I’ve suffered from insomnia for years and my biggest problem is my husband coming in after I’ve been sleeping for a few hours. These tips are great and I will have to have a serious conversation with him tonight! Thanks for posting!!!
No shame in telling him to sleep on the couch if it means a good night’s sleep for you!
Thank you for sharing this! It’s actually nice just to know I’m not the only one who deals with these issues!
No, you are not alone unfortunately!
I’ve come across this same issue as my last baby finally started waking up at night. I’m suddenly expecting bouts of insomnia and I think like you I have to “relearn” how to sleep. Thanks for the pointers – I’ll try them and let you know if they’ve helped my situation!
Yes, let me know!