It’s no secret that smart phones, tablets and the like have taken over our lives. It’s my hope though that we can all agree to keep one sacred place device-free, and that’s the dinner table! Today’s post is mainly about kids, but parents and other adults – let’s be sure we lead by example here. For some ideas, check out these Easy Dinner Ideas.
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My Recent Observation
My family and I went on a spring break trip earlier this month and at our one “fancy” dinner out I couldn’t help but notice what was going on a couple tables down from us. Call me judgmental if you’d like, but this was a beautiful setting in a really special place and both elementary-aged children were plopped down at the table with headphones on and i-pads. Props to the parents for ensuring the use of headphones would not disturb others, BUT as a result – they couldn’t even speak to each other! I can already hear some of the comments now, “What if it was just one special night on vacation and they don’t normally do that?” or “What if the parents were having a really bad day full of their meltdowns and desperately need some peace?”
I TOTALLY hear ya. No, I most certainly don’t have all the information and I do like to give people the benefit of the doubt. But, I can pretty much guarantee that not all the kids I’ve ever seen glued to a device at a restaurant (and this would be A LOT) were due to a rare and special occasion/situation. I think it’s safe to say for some it’s more the norm than the exception. And my big question is this…
Is it too much to ask our children to ditch the distractions and simply learn how to have polite conversation during one meal of the day?
Even little toddlers are old enough to begin to learn and participate in this wonderful pastime! A friend and I were recently joking that apparently we are the “mean” parents that make our kids actually interact with us and maybe do a little coloring when we’re out to dinner. I do also sometimes bring little activities in my purse like hangman or glow sticks, but even with these extras I still feel it does not shut anyone out and, if anything, encourages us to interact with each other. The point is – your children (and you) can still have fun!
Screen Time Is Off The Hook!
I think it’s safe to say children these days are getting plenty of screen time even if they were to take a dinner break. “The Kaiser Family Foundation puts media use among 8- to 18-year-olds at more than 7.5 hours a day.” (Say whaaaat???) Some experts are concerned this can cause a host of issues including low self-esteem and even losing the ability to read nonverbal communication. But I also think it simply makes good common sense to know how to function without your phone in your face and instead to know how to hold a face-to-face conversation. I do believe this is an area where lots of practice can make perfect, and our children need us to teach them how!
If you haven’t seen this video yet, it’s funny – and a good reminder that we’re not alone.
FYI – from what I can tell this is not a real product that’s actually for sale at the moment!
Where Do You Stand?
Do you agree this is a growing issue that needs to stop? What do you do to encourage your children to interact with you (and others) at the dinner table? I’ve heard of some people making a “drop box” where they drop their devices before dinner time so it becomes almost automatic, which sounds like a great idea to me. So how many device-free dinners can you commit to each week going forward?
On a completely different note I want to make sure you know about a wonderful product I love, Molly’s Suds! I love how much cleaner it leaves our clothes compared to store-bought “green” laundry detergents (that aren’t always as good for you or the Earth as they claim). Have you tried it yet? They now have lots of options to choose from including cloth diapers, all sports, and whitener so be sure to check it out – enjoy :)
Gotta agree about tech free dinners! We have a NO SCREEN rule at the table. That means the kids can’t have their tablets and we can’t have our cell phones. Otherwise, it is so difficult to disconnect from the WORK side of the day and reconnect as a family. As a kid, my mom had a “no book” at the table rule, but it’s the same concept: Dinner time is family time. And between homework, work, piano, clubs, meetings, etc., dinner time is unfortunately the only family time we are consistently able to have during the week.
Let’s hear it for all the mean parents out there – I’m one!! No electronics at our table. I LOVED the video and will pass it along. If that device ever becomes a real thing, I’ll be the first in line!!!!
I agree with you. I dislike the fact that people are more worried about their devices then the person they are currently sharing a moment with. I see too many people looking down then looking out at the world.
We have a technology free dinner every single evening even if we are out to dinner. The TV is turned off and all the electronic devices are put away. Most days dinner time is the only time we are all together and we treasure this time. Even my teenage children have mentioned that they truly enjoy it and realize its something to appreciate. My children have mentioned that having dinner as a family isn’t common at their friends’ homes. Believe me the kids notice and appreciate it as well even if they may complain just a bit. MAKE IT A PRIORITY!
Agree!! No phones at the table and tv and computer are OFF at home during supper.
Totally agree..when we go out to eat I have never given my kids a phone or any device to keep themselves entertained. devices are banned at the house too during meals
It’s a HUGE problem, and not just for kids. Yesterday, I was out for dinner and saw a couple sitting there looking at their phones, not conversing at all. The real kicker was that their food had already been served! They were scrolling on Facebook instead of eating! It’s getting pretty out of control.
We have always been this way. We don’t even answer the phone during dinner. Even logistically, how do you eat with a fork and knife and text at the same time?? At dinner time I am usually starving and my priority is my food – I couldn’t care less about my phone at that point. I would take eating over texting any day! And as a parent with a little one who needs constant help and attention during mealtimes I just can’t even see how it would be possible.
I totally agree with you. It’s a really sad commentary on family life. Yes, it’s tough raising kids and sometimes you want the zone out time, but it’s not worth the long-lasting effects!
AGREE!! I dislike all electronics and find them to be a disruption to the family. I actually LOCK my children’s (ages 13, 10 5) ipads in our family safe (where we keep important documents) during the week M-F. My 13 year old doesn’t have a phone – which I hear is unheard of and he will not be getting one until he goes to high school. I am sure I sound extreme but they honestly do not complain about it and they are much HAPPIER and more well mannered without them. I can tell a huge difference in their behavior on Sat/Sun when they get a few hours of electronic time.
100% agreement, Lisa!
I work in a restaurant and I see this so much. I see a lot of disconnected families who barely look up or communicate with one another and it is so heartbreaking to me. We personally do not allow devices at the dinner table, when we are out to eat, or even when we go in a store ( most of the time, few exceptions). I am definitely with you on this one, Lisa.
I completely agree with you, Lisa. Children should learn how to behave in restaurants. Little pads of paper and pencil or pen can help occupy them but keep them in the conversation, as well. I’m 71 and old fashioned in this regard. I am so proud when my grandchildren behave while eating out and don’t have their faces and attentions hooked on a cell phone or other electronic device. Of course, I’ve seen tables of adults be disruptive, too.
Completely agree!!!!! Children 5 years ago didn’t have unfettered access to electronic games, texting and a myriad of apps to distract. I don’t think there is something any sadder than a family on their electronics at a meal time. Talk about disconnected! Literally! Toddlers of today throw a fit and the iPad comes out immediately. What happened to discipline and delayed gratification?!? And the same goes for adults!!! Pay attention to real life!!! Not some fake conversation that would never be said in person or playing a game to a certain level!! Every person needs to wake up and realize this!! America is being destroyed from the inside out!! Thank you for posting the truth!!!
Yes! Hilarious about the pepper grinder… ;D
If only it were a real product! :)
100% Agree.
Nothing more needed to be said.
Not only do I agree, I took it a step more advanced. No devices in bedroom at night. Because, just like GMO’s we are the experiment. Airplane modes at other times and batteries out. When my child thinks she will get a quick text off, when mom is distracted. The tv, was removed from the home years ago. We are a zombie free household. Be parents folks.
Thank you, you are so right! Our children’s brains are not being wired like they used to because of the lack of physical exercise but using a lot of electronics! You can read report after report that validates the sleep and attention problems these children are suffering yet, parents are not doing anything about it.
I completely agree!! Families are happiest when they spend time communicating with each other, and the dinner table is the perfect time to do that. I know our family has benefited from having designated times of the day declared as “screen free time” and meal times are one of those times.
I agree 100% however in the a grocery store we have to be careful to not look down to harshly at Moms who have kids with devices. Some may have kids with a disibility like Autism, Down Syndrome with sensory disorders etc and may need those devices to calm them and be able to even complete a grocery outing.
I absolutely agree, we have always had a technology free dinner time. Before all the mobile devises we made it a priority to turn off the TV and sit around the table most nights. It has fostered a close relationship between us parents and our children, siblings and now husbands and wives of siblings. Often we sit at the table after dinner talking for hours and I relish those times. I hope that now it will carry over to the grandchildren!
It is terribly sad for me to see a family engrossed in their phones/tablets instead of each other, it is not healthy
I agree with you, Lisa. I think our country is way too kid-centric. It’s all about the kids. Children need to see their parents “talking.” Communicating face to face is becoming a lost art. We don’t even own an i-pad b/c we know the addiction it can bring. I recently was forced to get a smart phone b/c it was the only option at my phone carrier when my old school slide phone bit the dust. I was hesitant but I can tell you the only thing on there kid-friendly is a Bible story app for my son to watch at night when we are winding down. We are not a holier than thou family, by any means, but today’s ways are proving to be more harmful than beneficial for our children. We are rearing brats who think they should be able to do what they want when they want and we cave b/c we don’t want to bruise their precious egos. I digress… I agree with no electronics at the table. Is it too much to ask for a family to have family time for 30-45 minutes? I feel if your child can’t behave at a restaurant without an electronic fix, then perhaps the child should stay home with a sitter or maybe even fix supper at home together. After all, since when did children have to be included in every outing?
I completely agree with you. Extenuating circumstances do exist (as you said), but it is so frustrating to me when the one time I have my whole family together each day is inundated with devices. I try to have light music on to enjoy when we’re at home. But my phone barely makes it way out of my bag when I step through the door and try my hardest to keep tv/tablets at bay. It’s almost harder to curb my husband than my 3 year old. ;) Long story short, I definitely share your feelings. I think we’re beginning to miss out on a lot of special small time because we’re over interested in immediate gratification of our wants on devices.
I totally agree with you! There are many circumstances that might necessitate this, but we do not allow any devices at our dinner table or when we are out to eat. Call me selfish, but I want to hear my husband’s and my children’s voices at the table:) I am afraid that when we choose to use devices, we are not teaching our children the skills needed to sit through a nice dinner, make appropriate conversation, and even look people in the eye. You have my support on this one!
I completely agree. Device free meals is key to conversation, whether it’s with your children or your mate. I’m always stunned to see young couples in restaurants, way more interested in there devices than their partner. I remember reading a study back in the 90’s that stated that couples who prioritized sharing the evening meal with each other and their family were more likely to “make it.” Now add devices to the picture. Certainly a recipe for lots of missed opportunities for communication and connection. Our lives have become busier and more complicated because of our devices, not less. Putting them down to connect seems essential to both the enjoyment of the nourishment and the people we love most.
I definitely agree with you on this one. I live and work in a college town, and every time my husband and friends go out to dinner, we see the students sitting down to eat and everyone takes out their phones. They don’t even talk to one another while they are sitting in the restaurant. Although my husband and friends are only a few years older than the students, we can think back to a time before all the cellular activity, where you could sit down to a nice dinner and actually talk to the people you are with.
Agree 100%. And while I don’t have children at home, my siblings have set rules at their homes–no electronic devices at the table–and that rule also applies at my home with company and guests. In both situations, there are no special needs issues. While I understand the argument for special needs individuals, I also can’t help but wonder/ask how special needs individuals were “distracted” before the existence of electronic devices. In some instances, it seems that technology, today, is being used as a crutch. When I go out socially, IF I take my phone with me (rather than leave it in my car), my ringer is “off”. Just like at home with answering machines/voicemail, if someone calls, they can leave a message; if the person didn’t leave a message, the call must not have been important.
Since you wondered: I was a special needs kid back in the 1980’s and 1990’s, before electronic devices were as ubiquitous as they are today. I have sensory issues and I’m an Aspie. My mother simply did not take me out unless she absolutely had to. I would often bring a book to distract me from the sensory overload of being out in public when she did. As an adult, I have good days and bad days. If we happen as a family to need to eat dinner out on a bad day (such as last night, incidentally), yes, I might be the one on the device (or knitting or reading a book) while my children engage in conversation with each other. We have plenty of time to talk; my family is not lacking for human interaction with one another, particularly with a loquacious 12 year old girl. One of the twins (almost 10) also has SPD, and on occasion out and about is wearing his headphones and is tuned out from his surroundings. Such ‘crutches’ help keep things smoothly running for my family.
At home, we generally don’t have any phones/tablets/etc at the table. We also don’t talk much during the actual eating part of the meal. Yes, we do eat slowly and deliberately, but we save the social aspect for after the meal, when everybody is happy and satiated. This is a personal preference and I completely understand that not everyone has issues with eating and talking generally at the same time.
Personally, I think we each need to do for our families what is best for our families and leave our judgement within the confines of our grey matter. Life’s too short to get aggravated about decisions that don’t truly affect us in any meaningful way.
Thank you for sharing your insight. And yes, I agree there are always exceptions to the rule – my thoughts in the post were not meant for those special situations.
Oh, do I wish the “technology hijacker” were actually available! I might just *forget* to turn things back on. :-D We don’t allow any devices at the table, but most of the rest of the time our 2 teens have earphones in and devices on, totally oblivious to the world around them.
I was once I the grocery store and a mother set up a lap top in the grocery cart for her child to watch a movie on and she never once talked to him. (She btw bought all processed food) And then there was a father walking all over the produce department talking to his prescool children about all of the different types of fruits and vegetables and where they came from and let the children pick some to try. And they were so happy! I sure we can guess what . Their dinner tabkes look and sound like!
Thanks for writing this, Lisa! I agree!
As a high school teacher, I had the opportunity to chaperone the prom and it was an eye-opening experience. Almost no kids were dancing, and 90% of them were glued to their phones at their tables! As I told them when I saw them in school the next week, they were being totally lame :-)
So many social skills aren’t able to develop if you aren’t “forced” to interact with people, and I think family dinner is an excellent way to build conversational skills, ask good questions, and of course learn the value of enjoying eating a meal with people you love (and therefore gain a deeper appreciation of food and eating in general!) So then, when kids are at prom, or at their boyfriend/girlfriend’s parents house meeting them for the first time, or even at a college dining hall with their new roommates, they will have the social skills they need to handle the new situation.
TOTALLY AGREE!! And yes, as you have said, there are situations that may be different( we too have a special needs child), but the majority of the time everyone( especially parents/adults!!) need to put the electronic devices down!!
I agree whole heartedly, including the caveats of special circumstances. I do think we are doing an injustice to future adults by not creating device boundaries. In addition to practicing socialization, use of vocabulary, creating a sense of humor, connecting with the people in your life, processing the day and the surroundings, we aren’t mindful about the food we are eating. We are teaching our kids to just shovel it in. This is how we create food, weight and health issues. Mindful eating is not a luxury, it is a necessity. Taste it. Swallow it. To be extreme, a child could choke because they are too busy with Minion Rush, my nemesis at restaurants, to realize they took too much of a bite. My son is only 5 and we do not use devices at dinner at home. But I am laying it down now at restaurants because I don’t want a middle school/high school/college/adult that is incapable of holding a conversation in public. In the meantime, we have started playing cards after dinner…UNO to be exact. And the excitement that that has created around our dinner eating has been amazing! something for us to look forward to after we eat and talk.
It’s also incredible to see how many adults in a restaurant are on their phones. Totally agree with you on this one!
I agree and for me personally, I remind myself of how quickly habits are formed and how long it takes to break them. We are what we practice and what we model, especially as parents. We talk often with our children about the reasons why we do very little screen time–we get to truly be present with real people, listen to each other, look into their eyes, be creative, be active, and so on.
Completely agree! We have 2 teenagers and we do not allow screens at the dinner table. We were recently out to dinner with another family and my daughter’s “friend” spent the entire evening with her phone in front of her face. The parents said nothing. My daughter was annoyed and got a lesson on how it feels to be with someone who is constantly looking at their phone instead of interacting with the person in front of them.
I agree completely. It still bothers me when people answer the house phone at dinner. My husband and I make sure we never bring our cell phones to the dinner table. We have very little technology in our house – two cells, neither of them smart phones, and one desktop computer, so that keeps the temptation to a minimum. I’ve found that now our twins, who are 6 years old, are so well practiced at how to entertain themselves without technology that we’ve been able to make it through dinners out that last up to two hours without a problem. It’s definitely a lot more work, but I think it’s worth the investment of time.
It’s not just fancy restaurants and kids. It’s live theater, at the symphony and adults. It’s an overused tool to keeps kids busy. While I generally didn’t take my kids when they were young to fancy dinners or shows because the boys were energetic. I couldn’t enjoy the event because I was keeping them quiet and out of trouble. When there were big fancy family events the kids were put together and allowed to bring their Gameboys. Adults could talk and children could play. Not perfect, but a compromise.
I agree in theory but also recognize there are exceptions and special situations (as in every aspect of life). With the exception of children with special needs, I think kids should be forced to interact with the adults at the table at the beginning and throughout the meal. If the parents want to “hang out” for a bit to enjoy a glass of wine or desert, or if there is a large party that sit there for awhile, by all means, give your kids something to keep them entertained at this point. But allowing them to be on the device the entire time they are at the table deprives them of an opportunity to socialize with adults. Social interaction is a vital part of development and I see many kids who are missing out on this.
I agree wholeheartedly. The only time I allow it when one of us wants to take a picture of our food! (We are total foodie geeks at our house). :-)
I agree 100%. Devices are not allowed at any of our meal times in the house or out for both our son and us. We also don’t allow devices to be used when company is over, that includes not just family functions, but when a babysitter, or other family member is caring for our son or on a play date.
I understand what you are saying. However…as you also stated you don’t always know the situation. I have a special needs son with many sensory issues. However, if you just saw him out you would not be able to guess. The only way we can enjoy a “nice” dinner is to let him use a tablet. It helps him tune out the lights, noises, voices and sit still for us long enough to enjoy a nice meal out. We rarely go out….so when we do we want to be able to enjoy ourselves. I could care less what the people around us think. They have no idea what life is like day to day.
I totally agree there are special situations (as you have described), but as I said above “I can pretty much guarantee that not all the kids I’ve ever seen glued to a device at a restaurant (and this would be A LOT) were due to a rare and special occasion.”