It’s no secret that smart phones, tablets and the like have taken over our lives. It’s my hope though that we can all agree to keep one sacred place device-free, and that’s the dinner table! Today’s post is mainly about kids, but parents and other adults – let’s be sure we lead by example here. For some ideas, check out these Easy Dinner Ideas.
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My Recent Observation
My family and I went on a spring break trip earlier this month and at our one “fancy” dinner out I couldn’t help but notice what was going on a couple tables down from us. Call me judgmental if you’d like, but this was a beautiful setting in a really special place and both elementary-aged children were plopped down at the table with headphones on and i-pads. Props to the parents for ensuring the use of headphones would not disturb others, BUT as a result – they couldn’t even speak to each other! I can already hear some of the comments now, “What if it was just one special night on vacation and they don’t normally do that?” or “What if the parents were having a really bad day full of their meltdowns and desperately need some peace?”
I TOTALLY hear ya. No, I most certainly don’t have all the information and I do like to give people the benefit of the doubt. But, I can pretty much guarantee that not all the kids I’ve ever seen glued to a device at a restaurant (and this would be A LOT) were due to a rare and special occasion/situation. I think it’s safe to say for some it’s more the norm than the exception. And my big question is this…
Is it too much to ask our children to ditch the distractions and simply learn how to have polite conversation during one meal of the day?
Even little toddlers are old enough to begin to learn and participate in this wonderful pastime! A friend and I were recently joking that apparently we are the “mean” parents that make our kids actually interact with us and maybe do a little coloring when we’re out to dinner. I do also sometimes bring little activities in my purse like hangman or glow sticks, but even with these extras I still feel it does not shut anyone out and, if anything, encourages us to interact with each other. The point is – your children (and you) can still have fun!
Screen Time Is Off The Hook!
I think it’s safe to say children these days are getting plenty of screen time even if they were to take a dinner break. “The Kaiser Family Foundation puts media use among 8- to 18-year-olds at more than 7.5 hours a day.” (Say whaaaat???) Some experts are concerned this can cause a host of issues including low self-esteem and even losing the ability to read nonverbal communication. But I also think it simply makes good common sense to know how to function without your phone in your face and instead to know how to hold a face-to-face conversation. I do believe this is an area where lots of practice can make perfect, and our children need us to teach them how!
If you haven’t seen this video yet, it’s funny – and a good reminder that we’re not alone.
FYI – from what I can tell this is not a real product that’s actually for sale at the moment!
Where Do You Stand?
Do you agree this is a growing issue that needs to stop? What do you do to encourage your children to interact with you (and others) at the dinner table? I’ve heard of some people making a “drop box” where they drop their devices before dinner time so it becomes almost automatic, which sounds like a great idea to me. So how many device-free dinners can you commit to each week going forward?
On a completely different note I want to make sure you know about a wonderful product I love, Molly’s Suds! I love how much cleaner it leaves our clothes compared to store-bought “green” laundry detergents (that aren’t always as good for you or the Earth as they claim). Have you tried it yet? They now have lots of options to choose from including cloth diapers, all sports, and whitener so be sure to check it out – enjoy :)
I totally agree that meal time should be media free. It’s one of the only times we’re all together to connect. We love to laugh, and meal time is so short, even when we aren’t rushing out the door. We don’t even answer the phone, unless it’s an emergency. Great post!
totally agree!!!!!!!!!! we are raising a generation of soon-to-be adults who don’t know how to interact on their own without adult interaction (i.e. organized activities ) and minimal personal interaction, such as actually talking to someone on the phone versus texting. Not too many families use a front porch anymore or get outside and know your neighbors. They are actually doing away with learning cursive in a lot of schools now,so what, you print your signature on legal forms. Or all of a sudden it’s ok to use the X? The electronic age is sadly producing people who have little feeling for anything because everything is impersonal. Ever read “1984” by George Orwell??
This is a topic that boils my blood and makes me really sad. I am not a parent but I have observed too many times families out to dinner and no one talks – not even the parents! Even couples on date night just stare blankly into their phone screen. I think it’s really unfortunate to see adults and kids alike missing out on conversation just to check out facebook or play a game on their ipad.
I couldn’t agree more, and find it hard to believe anyone would disagree!
We actually take it a step further at our house and call it “no media time” which means no books, newspapers, magazines etc.
Meal time is family time. It’s when we share the events of our day. Believe me, they don’t suffer from a shortage of electronics time!
We’re with you on this. We have a “no electronics at the table rule” and the biggest enforcer is our five year old! It’s a good thing! And while we’re on the subject, no video players in the car, either! Stare out the window! It’s okay to be bored sometimes, necessity is the mother of invention! Thanks for your good work.
As a Speech and Debate coach of the State Champion Speech Team in NC – I can attest to the importance of knowing how to have a conversation beyond mono-syllabic responses, the need for learning how to make eye contact, how to compose ideas on the spot, etc. These are all skills we teach in Speech and Debate – we even do a basic how to order and eat a meal in a professional setting and leave an appropriate tip workshop. Numerous studies and companies have noted that Generation Tech are struggling with not only basic comportment and lack of attention span, but also the ability to be an engaging speaker. If at the least parents can’t do this at meal times with their families, consider also in the car – no headphones or movies on rides around town (not opposed to long trips because I once upon a time rode in a crowded Subaru with three younger brothers to Disney), but having conversations – turn on NPR for middle grades and high school kids and listen and discuss – or engage with programs like “Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me”…as a classroom teacher beyond the coach, I see these deficits manifesting in class discussions – kids don’t know how to speak their minds without lots of question asking on my part, they don’t look at each other when talking – I often bemoan walking into school each day and seeing them clumped together in the mall area on devices – near each other, but not engaged with one another…lunches, on the other hand, are often vibrant as devices aren’t allowed during the school day. Parents who allow use of devices and don’t set any parameters are severely crippling their children from a socio-cognitive stance. And if you don’t believe me…I can refer you to article after study after article that backs up what I’m saying…and if for no other reason…when your kids are grown and gone…will you really know them as people if you don’t ever get the chance to really talk with them?
I agree with the no device time at dinner. I am a Library Tech so I am not opposed to technology. There is a time and place however. Like we use food in moderation to sustain our bodies, we must use technology in moderation. There are so many other skills our children need to be a successful person. Having social skills are quite important to achieving and maintaining employment. We learn these skills in the family, and the family is their first teacher. If we don’t interact with each other, when would those teachable moments happen. What better time than dinner together?
Thanks all
We (even the adults) do not bring electronics to the dinner table. It is a sacred time for us to connect and just “be together.” In our too busy life, it’s about the only time of the day we can come together for undivided attention with each other, so we wouldn’t even consider it. Our children feel the same way and I feel good about that too, knowing that we have instilled “real” face time as precious and important. I have high hopes that they carry on the tradition of connecting with their loved ones as they start families of their own someday.
No devices at our table for any meal. Mealtime is time to catch up on the day and to socialize.
I must be a “mean” mom, too! ;) My toddler is allowed no more than an hour of television in the morning (if we turn it on at all), and either a movie, or an hour of TV a night (once again- if it’s even turned on or unless we’re in a music mood instead- then its the radio). This is not an everyday rule or routine, but if the TV gets turned on, that’s all the time I will allow it to be on for. My 12 year old is not allowed to watch TV before school, and if his homework is done, behavior was good, and chores are done after school, he is allowed 2 hours of electronic time (can choose between TV, I-pod, I-pad, computer, etc.- and can never use two at the same time). There are always some special occasions where we watch a movie together, etc, but we really try to get them to do other things on a consistent and daily basis. We don’t allow electronic devices when we’re out (anywhere) especially at dinner! The 12 year old will usually comment about how silly it seems if he sees someone else out with an i-pod/tablet/etc. He say they look like zombies. ;) There’s so much to see- why lock yourself in a bubble to get lost in something that’s not real? And for those days where children are moody and having meltdowns, I think it’s better to teach them how to deal with not being happy all the time and find other ways to cope than to get sucked into a device just to stay “happy”. Sure, it’s harder on the parents…but no one ever said parenting was easy. :)
This made me laugh. I think it’s a wonderful goal. I’m part of the mean mom club because we didn’t allow our kids to get phones until they were 16. Now they are older and have busy lives, so family sit down dinners are rare.
We do have a weekly family night where no phoning/texting is allowed. I also have put out a basket a few times now and declared our house a phone-free zone when gatherings have gotten ridiculous with everyone on their devices. The parents had a harder time with that.
Your girls are still young though and hopefully it becomes a family rule that they’ll respect as they get older….but it will get harder to peel them away from their devices/friends. What a different world we live in. How did we function without phones.
Since the flip phone made it’s debut back in the mid 90’s, I’ve collected the phones of my children and ALL of their friends when dining out. Some kids look at me in panic, others give the angry stare as I hold out my hand for collection. I assure each one of them they’ll get their phones back, and that this is our time to talk and get to know our childrens friends better. In minutes they are all laughing, swapping stories, and conversing with one another… Instead if the silent dinner. Now it’s a given. Their friends know if they are eating over at our house, or dining out with our family. Phones are tucked away, and OFF.
I have no problem allowing my nine and 13-year-old boys to play on my iPad while at a restaurant waiting for food to arrive. But once food is on the table for devices get put away. Same thing with it home, well dinner is being prepared after homework is done device time is okay. But once I say wash hands for dinner all that Is put away. Mealtime has always been family time. The only time a device is allowed at the table during meal time, is when my husband is working and it’s the only way to get the family at the table together is put away. Mealtime has always been family time. The only time a device is allowed at the table during meal time, is when my husband is working and it’s the only way to get the family at the table together, or if someone is waiting for an important phone call.
I absolutely 100% agree. Not only do we enforce this rule with our children (who are now college age) but we follow it too. No devices at dinner. Period. It’s just never been a problem because they’ve always understood that.
I do agree with you on this issue! When my kids were little, I watched an older couple having dinner in a restaurant with their teenage granddaughter who was plugged into her MP3 player. Not a lick of conversation happened at the dinner and I remember being SO sad for all the lost conversation and opportunity. Vowed right then, that our dinner table would always be electronic free. It works!
I’ve seen the same thing and felt so sorry for the grandparents. They probably don’t see the grandchild very often. I felt like going up to the child and taking away the electronic device. ;-)
We tried using devices when the kids were very young, so my husband and I could have a peaceful meal, but it slowly, insidiously, started to backfire on us. Our kids could not socialize at the table! So, they are 100% gone. At breakfast and dinner. They sometimes have them during lunch on the weekends.
I agree with you 100%. I never allow devices during dinner. When I was a child, during dinner we had some of the best conversations as a family. I have continued this with my own children.
My children have never been permitted to use devices while at the table.
I agree with you, no devices at mealtimes. Children are loosing out on the art of conversation.
We do not allow devices at the table at home AT ALL. Sometimes we allow my 11-year-old son to play his while we are at a restaurant waiting for our food, but it gets put away as soon as the food arrives and stays away.
In this day and age almost everyone is interacting via social media. I agree that we should take time to interact face to face as well as take the opportunity to teach our children how to have a face to face conversation. One which is not interrupted by the ring, buzz or vibration of our devices.. As I watch this generation sit together at coffee shops and restaurants face down texting I realize that while engrossed in our devices we are missing the world around us. I think it is a very valuable practice to spend time unplugged, and the dinner table provides an excellent opportunity for learning what is rapidly becoming the lost art of communicating face to face.
I can see already I’m going to be in the minority here, but while I agree there’s entirely too much technology in restaurants (and probably home settings for meals), it shouldn’t be forced upon those who don’t share that feeling. I think I’ve done the right thing with my kids (in their 30’s now for the most part) but I wouldn’t dream expecting everyone to do as I do. If, as my kids’ families grow, they allow their children to be on their devices during meals I might voice my opinion, but I doubt it would go beyond that. Sorry, but I’m a bit tired of vocal groups dictating the rules to everyone. Let them do what they will with their own life, but ease up on ruling the world…
No adult or child should have a screen at the dinner table, ever. Whether at home or dinner out. That is our rule and we’ve have great conversations but also have struggled sometimes to come up with topics. We get so little down time as it is, so it is actually a relief to be non-accessible during the family meal.
limited use. No use at mealtime, at home or out.
I agree completely – it is nothing but rude to include phones and other devices at the dinner table at home and in public eateries. There is no reason children can’t learn to sit and be quiet if the parents need downtime. Children don’t need to be heard from constantly. Learning self-restraint does not destroy self-esteem. How can food be enjoyed if the mind is constantly engaged in another activity to the exclusion of all others? Yes, ditch the devices!
I started a rule when the kids were younger that NO DEVICES were allowed at the dinner table. They are now teenagers and appreciate the family time we share when we eat together. I watch families in restaurants all on their phones and no one is talking to each other anymore. Breaks my heart. Thanks for speaking out about this!!!!
I agree completely!,, children have to be taught how to act in public, they have to be taken there, to be taught..without technology as a babysitter ! I have to admit, we are guilty of having tv on during meals.. I can honestly say NEVER has a phone, ipad etc been brought to the dinner table..
I completely agree that dinners out are a screen-free time. My young boys love nothing more than playing on the ipads and iphones, but when we are out to dinner they enjoy their crayons and paper pads just as much. At home, we eat as a family and we dock our electronics away from the table.
I completely support teaching kids how to properly use the technology that has become readily available to them. However, I also support and encourage parents to teach their kids the proper times that these devices should be used.
Yes, we agree! In all honesty, it’s hard for my husband and I to put or phones down and are often thinking, or even talking about work related emails at the table. We try to make our best effort to have a totally electronic free dinner table! We like to start our mealtime with “who has something to share from today?” The kids love it and we are often surprised at what we learn! ;)
I agree completely! My girls are still young (5,7 and 9) but when we eat meals, at home or restaurant, no one is on a device of any kind. It wasn’t even a set rule my husband and I had to make. It was just a natural thing to not do. We eat at the table for our meals and at a restaurant you should be talking and enjoying the place! My girls don’t get a lot of TV time because they are at dance every night. They also do not have TV in their bedrooms. We also don’t allow are lids to veg out on devices while guests are over.
I fully agree with you Lisa and do not see why you should not talk about this. Eating (with good digestion) is all about attending to what you are putting in your mouth and the environment you are in. I have teenagers and it is just an unwritten rule that when we are at any table none of us have our devices out. We never answer the phone either. Some of the most fun interactions we’ve had with our children at restaurants were playing the games on the sheets provided or having coloring competitions. Our children are better for it. They can hold a conversation with any adult and have been complemented many times for that skill. What an easy way to teach a life skill that many youth may lack!
I agree 100%! i think people should be able to communicate with their voices, in person as well as in print!
I agree. I have two 17 year olds and they love their devices. But meal times have always been device free. This includes all devices, mobile and otherwise. This also includs the Television and the landline phone as well.
My kids were also not allowed to have TVS or computers in their room when they were younger. I’ve relaxed a bit on the computer rule, but neither of them have a TV in their room.
My last rule is about family trips. The kids may use their devices for some of the trip, but at least 1/2 the trip must be without the device. There are so many things to see on the road, if you just look out the window.
I know I’m probably not as strict as I could be, but I do what works for us.
This has been the family rule since my son was born. He’s only 3 right now, but my husband and I firmly believe dinner time is a good time to reconnect and discuss our day. I do give my son toys or something to play with when we are at a restaurant, so he doesn’t get impatient waiting.
I totally agree. I grew up just before cellphones became a big hit but we ate together every single night. I’m from a family of 6 with two full time working parents and we were very involved in sports. No TV or computers until after dinner. I don’t think it was a rule just something we didn’t do. Even as we got older not a single one of would bust out a device at the table. It is flat out rude and we’ll honestly it can wait. I still, to this day don’t take my phone out at dinner (home or out).
I mostly agree with you on device free dinners, especially those at home. I do allow my children to bring devices to restaurants (now that they have outgrown coloring) but they are never allowed to use headphones in restaurants or when in the car with me unless we are on a long trip. We all need to be able to communicate with one another and headphones put them in another world completely. They just know that the volume of the game must be turned off completely so as not to disturb others. I allow them to bring devices to restaurants because often, there are long waits and the meal can drag on for over an hour or more. Most children throughout history tend to get bored when asked to sit for long periods at the dinner table or anywhere for that matter and the devices help to keep them happy and allow me to enjoy a complaint free meal. They know that once the meal comes, all devices are put away and we talk and eat our meal together. So, typically they use them until the appetizer comes. That means, device time while we wait for a table and then 7-9 minutes for the appetizer. This seems like a happy compromise to me. I think that making a big deal out of “device time” just creates more desire in children just like making a big deal out of dessert and special treats. Many parents will disagree with me and that’s ok.
I am in total agreement. I am a single mom and I look forward to dinner time with my son. We eat and talk about his day at school, my day and anything else that comes up. Sometimes we just eat and watch the birds outside the window. It’s a special time for us to spend together without any distractions.
Yup.
I am very pro technology, but teaching a kid about technology includes teaching him the proper times to use that technology.
Chilling out Saturday morning, good.
Having dinner, nope.
Try this next time you go to a nice restaurant with your family; focus on YOUR family and what works for YOU. Don’t worry what that family is doing at the other table or how other that family gets by. Judging other mothers and other family’s is only teaching YOUR family intolerance. Move on with what works for you If you are not in their shoes or at their table, don’t judge and enjoy your dinner:). Everyone will be happier, at your table and theirs. When you start feeling a little judgemental of other family’s just take a deep breath and remember we are all just doing the best we can. Maybe that would be a good time to teach tolerance to your family instead of negativity.
Is there an extra charge for the parenting lesson/hand slap combo?!
Totally agree with you 100%! Manners are forgotten and that makes me sad for generations ahead.
I want one! Lol!!! We have always had a no phone or iPod policy at our table! However getting the kids to the table can be tricky! It’s so important to actually engage with our families! They grow up so fast and before you know it they’re off to college! We had one fly the nest last year! It’s so worth it to set this time aside!!! That being said I do have a special needs child that is totally overwhelemed at restaurants and an iPod might have saved our sanity instead of enduring with the meltdowns and giving up going out with said child.