In case you missed it there was a conundrum on my Facebook page yesterday - after I learned my daughter was buying items in the school cafeteria I was unaware of - that spawned more than 3,000 comments (on both posts in total). I don't think I read every single one of the comments, but I did read most and noticed something very interesting.
We've all heard the warning, "If you are too restrictive with your kids' food choices now, it will backfire later!"
There may be some truth to that and I do personally strive for a "healthy" (and guilt-free) balance when my own kids want to indulge, BUT what I did notice yesterday - that was different than usual and that I really liked - were many of the following comments that REALLY struck a chord with me.
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These are the stories I think a lot of us don't hear enough and also serve as a GREAT reminder to keep instilling healthy habits in our kids (despite the naysayers many of us have in our lives)...
"I WISH my parents had 'forced' a real food or healthy lifestyle on me. IF they had i would not still be 50+lbs overweight (since jr high) and have such a warped relationship with food!"
"I wish my parents made me eat healthy whole foods when I was younger. It would have saved me a lifetime of health issues that have pretty much subsided since I changed what I put in to my body."
"As a child I was taught good nutrition and given good choices and for that I'm thankful. I wasn't given fruit loops and chicken nuggets. I wasn't allowed to order off the kids menu I had what the adults were having ---lobster and seafood! I'm grateful as an adult that I don't really crave junk food--not to say I don't indulge once in a while, I'm human right? I would have loved to have had all of the organic and vegetarian choices back then that we have now. Bravo to any parent starting their kids off on the healthy track!!!"
"As a 26 year old who has struggled with her weight since third grade, I wish my parents had introduced me to real food sooner. We ate at home, but corn was the only 'vegetable' ever to grace the table. As a parent you HAVE to introduce those foods and "force' your children to learn how to nourish their bodies, or they won't know how to do it themselves."
"I wish my family had had better eating habits when I was growing up. I wish I had never learned to put sugar on cereal for example. We didn't have a lot of junk food but I learned some bad habits. And didn't develop enough really good ones. Now I'm 50 and gluten intolerant and overweight and who knows what other damage has been done?"
"I chose what I ate because my parents were absent during mealtimes. Mac and cheese. Cereal. White bread. Pizza. Now, I have PCOS, insulin resistance, and gluten intolerance and because of these, am struggling to get pregnant. I'm not obese OR inactive, but my body was made sick as a child. I am SO PROUD of all of you mothers that are taking charge of your and your family's health. It is SO IMPORTANT. You are enabling your children to live long healthy lives, especially your daughters who will have babies of their own. I have control of my health now (just turned 21) but it took 5 years to figure out what was wrong with me. It was food. Now I'm fighting to get my fertility back and I will succeed!!"
"My husband and I both grew up eating healthy for the most part and even now at ages 24 and 25 we would much rather eat a healthy meal than junk food. How you raise your children to eat follows them into adulthood."
"I only wish healthy food habits were 'forced' onto me as a child. Then I wouldn't have had to spend the last 3 years completely changing my diet to avoid weight loss surgery (2 of my sisters have had this), avoid an autoimmune thyroid disease, remove anti depressants and anti inflammatories from my daily routine and really enjoy my life! Thankfully, I now know better and I pass this information on to my own children so they can avoid these issues too."
"I was fed all natural foods from birth (and that was 1980 when it wasn't even cool, lol) and of course I had my sneaky moments, but I am obsessed with eating healthy as an adult. People are absolutely more likely to eat healthy if they are raised to see that as 'normal.'"
"I wish my parents would have provided me with whole foods. I have struggled all my life with weight...."
"I certainly wish I didn't have to work so hard to overcome the UNhealthy eating habits my parents passed down to me."
"I am teaching my children now, what I wish I would have known growing up. Fresh whole foods are better for your body than processed foods."
"I grew up in a house where my Mom sprinkled wheat germ on my yogurt and substituted tofu for meat...as a child, I didn't even know that a soda and chip aisle existed in the grocery store. I have such gratitude for that, and have passed that on to my children."
"I grew up in a house without sugar cereal, little debbies, and chips. As a child I was not happy about it but now I am sooo grateful. Now my family eats a clean diet...its my job to educate and provide healthy options for my family"
"I wish my parents would have cared more to teach me better eating habits because changing them as an adult was extremely hard since I really had no idea of what real health and real foods were."
"I wish my mother had taught me healthy eating habits as a child rather than using food as rewards and to soothe. It's taken a long time to break that. You're their parent not their friend! Teaching them to be healthy is a good thing. Anyone saying otherwise is crazy."
"I grew up on junk because my mom allowed me to be picky and let us eat what we wanted, and I have had a weight problem. So now I am trying to do better by my children and some people think I'm being mean and should let them eat whatever they want (the oldest being only two years old!). It is hard to make changes when you are used to eating poorly, so I want to make changes for them now and plant the seed of good health and eat real food. I think it is a crying shame for anyone to be ridiculed and put down for that."
"I only wish my mother had the knowledge of eating clean and healthy growing up. My whole life, I ate unhealthy. Processed food. Fast food. I didn't know any different. And all I knew to cook for my husband was the processed food my mom taught me to make. It's so hard to change my eating habits of 22 years."
"I feel so fortunate that healthy eating habits were 'forced' upon me as a child. I thank my mom all the time for that b/c I believe I am a healthier adult b/c of it. And I am passing along the same healthy habits to my children."
My Own Childhood
There was also one comment (that I just cannot find again to quote!), but it said something like,
"I was allowed to eat all the junk I wanted growing up and I still snuck candy and other treats behind my parents' back."
And actually now that I think about it I was that kid, too. We were provided homemade dinners complete with vegetables of course, but beyond that I do recall a childhood filled with plenty of packaged food options (including Doritos, Kraft Mac & Cheese, Golden Grahams, Little Debbie Snacks, Frozen Pizza, Snickers, etc.). And even so I'll never forget how many of my grandmother's chocolate chips cookies I would eat as a child (while no one was looking!) when we visited her house.
During the holidays her famous chocolate chip cookies would be out on a tray in the dining room, and every single time I passed by I would pop one in my mouth. Man, her cookies were good. It's not that I wasn't "allowed" treats by any stretch of the imagination (although I am sure my parents did have some limits!), but there I was still eating an embarrassing amount of cookies and I don't think anyone knew except me. Even despite my sneaky ways as a child though, I've always had a healthy relationship with food. So long story short - junk food restrictions or not - children might sneak food and while the issue certainly shouldn't be ignored, it doesn't necessarily mean they are going to be set up for a lifetime of negative health consequences as a result. Just my two cents based on my own experience.
So now I am really curious - what was your childhood like from a food perspective and how did that shape you as an adult? It seems there is really no "one size fits all" answer here so I'd love to hear your stories as well.
Kimberly says
This kind of issue is something that vegetarians have been wrestling with for years. I first stopped eating meat at 15 and after my daughter arrived, stopped eating it again. Family would act like I was KILLING her because I wouldn't let her chow down on hot dogs, etc. My aunt gave her a hot dog when she was 3 even though she knew I didn't allow it.
Fast forward many years and we're not vegetarian anymore, but I do my absolute best to provide her with only healthy food options. I cook from scratch (even my bread) and make a conscious effort to make our diets healthy. I'd say we make the "right" choice at least 80% of the time.
I had gastric bypass 7 yrs. ago, my mom did 8 yrs. ago and my sister is 100 pounds overweight now. We were raised on canned green beans, hamburger helper, Hostess, etc. I had some kind of sugary cereal every morning of my childhood.
You do what you think is best for your children, period. When you know better, you do better. Those who don't know any better? They don't get a say.
Believe me, with child abuse of 1,000 types, bullying, etc. the LAST thing your kid is going to be talking about in therapy in the hypothetical future is the fact that they couldn't eat unlimited junk food when they were a kid. You know what's best for your child and unless the state says you're unfit, then you get the make the decisions. Screw anyone who says otherwise.
Carrie says
My mother always made everything from scratch. It wasn't always the healthiest, but it was homemade. In my old age, I long for those days. When I went to college I gourged on fast food and pizza and gained a ton of weight. I didnt understand that this wasn't the same food my mom made and it was quick and tasty. Now, I long for healthy foods and try my best to instil healthy eating into my kids. Time is a huge issue and sometimes my entire Sunday is gobbled up with meal planning and prep leaving no free time for me. Kids will be kids and I think as long as you have open and honest communication about food, they will be golden. So, I guess my wish would be to have more education as a kid and more free time as an adult.
Lori B. says
My husband was allowed to eat whatever he wanted. His family loved him so much that they had a candy drawer filled to the rim with cinnamon bears and all they ate were tacos, pizza, hamburgers, no vegetables, etc.. When we were dating he tried salad for the first time. Thanks to all of his families "love" he is constantly overweight, bad skin, bad liver, etc.. we have spent years trying to get him healthy. My kids are on a very restrictive diet. Nothing processed, 100% organic/farm raised, etc.. It is hard, costs a fortune and is exhausting for me. The second I am lazy I am hurting my kids. When they move out, they are more than welcome to eat M&M's, spaghetti O's, etc.. but that will be their choice. My house, my money, my time, my rules.
Lori B. says
I wish that instead of foodstamps, our govt would subsidize beans, rice & green vegetables. Then ALL of us could benefit from it.
Chrissy says
Great point Lori! It is YOUR house. When they are adults, you can only hope you have prepared them enough to make healthy choices. But while they are children/teens and living under your roof, it is up to you how they are nourished.
Judy says
My mother is an excellent cook, always made meals from scratch, and rarely bought prepackaged foods. We never had soda in the house and on the rare occasion she made koolaid she always used less sugar. Usually treats came from homemade baked goods often made by my mother or my sister and I.
Here is where it got hard for me though. I was the only overweight child out of 6 kids so my mother was always obsessing about everything I ate. I know she meant well but it was hard being singled out when your 5 skinny siblings could eat anything and everything and not gain weight. This led to me sneaking food(one of my worst things was making a small bowl of frosting from scratch and eating it straight out of the bowl).
Unfortunately my mother's obsessing really did create an unhealthy relationship with food for me. And I think maybe if she didn't obsess over my weight so much I would have had a healthier relationship with food. After all I always loved healthy foods but my mother's obsessing made me crave everything that she tried to keep me from eating.
Except for a few years in my early 20s when I lost a lot of weight I have always struggled. However, I am winning the battle by simply choosing a super clean diet most of the time and thinking about how it affects my body in a positive way instead of being obsessed about the scale. I figure if I flood myself with enough of the good stuff it will crowd out the bad stuff. I am thankful that my husband shares that same philosophy and this is the same lesson we are teaching our son as well. He is kind of piky but I don't want him obsessing about food or his weight like I did. I just want to teach him the positive side to choosing healthy foods most of the time.
Melissa says
I was hardly ever allowed to drink soda as a child; I'm 32 and I once in awhile I will try some...one sip and I'm done. I absolutely HATE it and I'm pretty sure I have my parents to thank for that.
Laura Ann says
I'm afraid of sounding repetitive, but since you asked...
I had an interesting experience with food growing up. My mom is very "health conscious," although to her that meant a lot of low-fat food, salads and such. My dad, on the other hand, is a less healthy eater, more inclined to pizza and ice cream and such. And it was hard because, as a kid, who do you think I was more inclined to eat like? My dad, of course, because he had the "fun food." I was also not taught portion control at all. By the time I was old enough to care, I was an extremely chubby kid.
Granted, I have a larger body frame, so I probably would never have been tiny, but I definitely needed to lose some weight. Once in college, I started taking control of my weight, at first through things such as calorie-counting and exercise, but it was was not until a year and a half ago when I discovered this blog that I really changed the way I think about food. I've come to see it as something that can absolutely be delicious and should be nourishing. I wish I had been taught that as a kid. Now, as a recent college grad, I try to do the best I can on a limited budget, and though it's not as good as I would like, I try to eat real, nourishing food as much as is feasible.
Also thanks, Lisa, for starting this blog and helping others become more educated about food in ways that we may never had known before.
Haeley says
For part of my childhood my parents were vegetarian (but bought me some of the things I wanted that were meat, and I was allowed to order whatever I wanted when we were out). Then we just ate "healthy" food after they stopped being vegetarian. I was always on the Feingold diet. I still use that in my house to help with my ADHD and migraines and with my son's PDD and ADHD. Honestly I dont think it did much for me positive and certainly not negative. I was always an adventurous eater and I always enjoyed most everything healthy and not. I wish mine and my husbands example of eating a wide variety of healthy food would rub off on my son but with his sensory issues he has a very limited number of acceptable foods. I think it is about 50% nature and 50% nurture when it comes to our food preferences. And that 50% is still a pretty big influence! Plus showing our kids how to prepare whole foods gives them an important life tool for continued health after they are no longer in our daily care.
Amy says
This is a topic I think about a lot, especially since I'm at the point where I'm getting ready to start a family of my own. I like to contrast my experience with my husband's, because I think there is a happy medium in there somewhere.
I have a pretty unhealthy relationship with food. Since I was a little kid I've loved veggies and fruits and anything homemade, but the quantity was the issue. My parents were fine cooks, but they were always at work and so I took over cooking and shopping for all dinners at the age of 16. My mom's side of the family always seems to be dieting; I'm pretty sure my grandmother has been a weight watcher's member for 50 years. That side of food and nutrition fostered an unhealthy body image and relationship with food in myself. The guilt of eating something delicious, the fact that cookies, sweets, and pasta are treats that you should feel bad about eating (and then, if I have had this much, what's another cookie going to do?), and butter on toast or whole fat milk will make you fat... all of that was so much worse than simply learning what full was and that full from veggies and whole grains feels so much better than from a big mac and diet coke.
On the other side, my husband was raised almost exclusively on fast food and now has no desire to eat it. He will, of course, but has no sense of shame or lust like I do. His family also doesn't have the same kind of strange dieting history as mine.
I think it's so much more about the packaging of the message rather than the message. It's about having a healthy RELATIONSHIP with food. A diet that is well-rounded, full of whole foods, heavy on the veggies and light on the cookies should be encouraged, obviously, though I think we should be careful to be too damning of a meal involving boxed mac n cheese.
Jessica says
Growing up I ate everything that is deemed "unhealthy" today: poptarts, cereal (the sugary kind), hamburger helper, mcdonalds, mt dew, cookies, more cookies, cookie dough, etc. I'm still fairly young and haven't experienced any dietary or health concerns yet as a result, however, I did have an extremely active lifestyle, played 3-4 sports year round and lived on farm so I was up at 5 a.m. doing chores some mornings, and THEN heading to morning softball practice all before school even started!(so of course I also bought breakfast at school :))
I don't look back in regret at what my family fed us. It was just what everyone did. Do I crave unhealthy food now? Yes, but I also love homemade roasted veggies, haven't drank soda in a year, and just made chicken salad for lunch. Extreme diets one way or the other of course have their damages, however, as an adult, you can't blame your parents for everything and you have to take it into your own hands. Educate yourself, teach yourself what you don't know and you'll survive.
Cheri says
I feel as though it is my job to show my kids the right way to eat. It's that simple. I guess the way that I see it, I also taught them the proper way to speak to adults, groom themselves, and behave in general. I'm certain that my children will try to find that line no matter what my edict is, and it's my job to talk them them about whatever the transgression is to help them make better and more informed decisions. A perfect example: My little girl is allergic to milk (non life-threatening). I have spoken with her about it, about WHY it's important that she abstains from all milk products-but one day she decided to have some yogurt and helped herself. She was miserable-she felt sick to her stomach for the remainder of the day, and also broke out in an itchy rash that covered her entire body. My point is-we arm our children with information and support, and then allow them to mess up every once in a while and deal with the repercussions in the kindest, most gentle way possible.
Holly says
I grew up being allowed to eat whatever I wanted. I never had to try anything I didn't like and I could have unlimited amounts of sodas and junk food. As an adult, I adapted a healthier lifestyle and now try to raise my kids that way. What has inspired me about this blog is that even though I thought I was a pretty healthy eater, so many of the things we buy contain so many things we don't need to eat and I've learned to be a better label reader and have swapped out many of my staples (like the canned breadcrumbs) for healthier alternatives. It is sad that a person who has dedicated so much effort into writing about healthy food choices gets so much criticism from others and reading all the blog posts yesterday was really frustrating. I think most parents are trying to do what is best by their children and we should be thankful we have a resource like this to help us make good choices.
Stacy says
I was raised in a household that has an unhealthy relationship with food. My father and grown brothers refuse to eat most vegetables and cringe at the thought of consuming something labeled “organic.†My mother is an emotional eater. I remember stopping at McDonald’s on a regular basis and eating a second dinner while running errands with her. We would eat in the car in the parking lot so my father and brothers wouldn’t find out. My mother also had to prepare meals for a family of seven while working full time so she often resorted to processed foods.
I can say without a doubt my relationship with food has been negatively impacted as a result of my upbringing. I am a grown adult and can acknowledge that I decide what I am putting into my body, but on a day-to-day basis I struggle to make decisions that go against how I was raised. My husband was raised in the same type of household and struggles as well. We have an 18 month old son and we refuse to let him develop the same type of relationship with food as we did. Your website has had a huge influence in how we approach food with our son, and I can tell its making a difference even in a child as young as our son. He prefers non-processed food over processed ones and doesn’t beg us for certain “treats†the way my friends children do.
The truth is this is a relatively new issue parents have to face since the huge prevalence of processed foods has only been around for a few generations. As you mentioned in the post before I agree with other commenters I wish I was raised in a household where a healthy relationship with food was demonstrated. It’s unrealistic to think a child in our society will be able to live their whole life without consuming (and in some kids cases sneaking) processed foods. As children get older they get to make more and more decisions regarding what goes into their body, but parents like you lay the foundation for a healthy lifestyle which includes whole foods and the occasional indulgences.
Thank you for all the work that you do!
Julie says
I grew up in South America were fast food was luxury. My parents had 4 kids so buying package food was out of their budget. We would only have cookies around Christmas time. The rest of the year my snak consisted of a tomato salad or some sort of fruit. It truly can't. Stand Mac&cheese or hamburger helper, for some reason I can taste the chemicals in it. Raising my son here in the states has been difficult because my husband grew up with McDonald's (everyday) and tends to gravitate towards junk food. All his family though I was out of my mind when I was feedin real fruit and vegetables to my then 6 month old. As of today I can say my son had never had a jar of baby food, rice cereal or Mac&cheese from a box. I love seeing my little guy eating salads for dinner without complain because that all he knows
Kristen says
As a child, we were a chili, tuna casserole, hamburger, fried chicken & pizza family. Every lunch required a Little Debbie Snack cake. After marriage, we discovered Food Delivery! Pizza, hot wings & Chinese. Then I had a baby and researched healthy food for the first time. Soon after, my husband acquired diabetes, and he got it bad. Now, I'm struggling to learn about food & cooking (I am a terrible cook!). My son & I are eating reasonably well, while my husband will still only eat meat & pizza. But, at least he's eating non-processed meat now :-)
Emily says
I feel like I was raised pretty healthy, my mom always cooked and we always had family meals, always. We did eat sugar, we did eat mac & cheese and top ramen on occasion. Never were allowed sugar cereal (except as a special treat), or little debbie anything. I feel like as an adult I eat fairly healthy ( I have my indulgences), and I feed my family mostly whole foods. My husband was raised on white bread and kraft cheese slices, and he has learned to appreciate my cooking. It's all about balance for me and I feel like my kids are learning a healthy balance as well and I hope and they grow up they have a healthy relationship with food. We allow treats, but do limit sugar when possible.
I don't think your daughters issue was as much about the food as about testing boundaries. Parenting is tough, that's for sure!
Cathy says
My parents immigrated to the US from China two years before I was born. They were very busy working multiple jobs to make ends meet and eventually, saving up to send their 3 daughters to college. Even though my parents weren't always around during meal times, I was raised by an extensive network of family members. Although dinner was always home cooked traditional healthy Chinese food, I ate plenty of processed snacks and junk food between meals and after school. I think I have a healthy relationship with food now as an adult and I strive to make good choices when grocery shopping. I started medical school this year and find myself eating more processed food than usual, since I have limited time to cook and can't get to the grocery store as often as I would like. Your blog and Facebook posts remind me to think about what I'm putting in my body. Thank you :)
KB says
My mom raised me on healthy foods--not 100% clean but no soda and very few packaged snacks in the house. Her dad owned a creamery so she was brought up on sweets and ICE CREAM, so treats weren't out of the question for me as a kid, but they were limited. Now she and I share clean eating recipes and other healthy habits all the time. My boyfriend, however, is another story.... His mom does not cook, and hey, it's not for everyone. But every night was frozen meals, corn or potatoes as a "vegetable" (sometimes) and packaged snacks galore. I try to feed the 2 of us as best I can, but he still shops for hot dogs, Kraft singles, Hostess cupcakes, and Cheetos. He was raised on that. He eats what I make, and likes it, but douses it in salt and never seeks out healthy food for himself. Since these have been his habits from birth, it's that much harder for him to switch. Since I had healthy food and guidance my whole life, I'm happy and healthy and will be for years to come. Makes me nervous for him. If I ever have kids, I will feed them to nourish them, and teach them to make good choices. Keep it up, parents who DO have food rules and regulations. A life of health is the best thing you can give your kids. xoxo
Mei says
My parents have a really warped idea of what "good nutrition" means. To my mom and grandmother, 200 calories is 200 calories, period. It doesn't matter where it comes from. Could be ice cream, could be a pear. It's still 200 calories. They're both quite overweight, and now my mom is having to look at cholesterol, and she gets on me about calories more than ever. So, she'll but the "fat free" or "reduced fat" versions. Sometimes that's good, other times, it just means way more artificial things. I've tried to explain to her that fruit and veggies are the "good kind of calories", but she's set in her opinion.
In the last year, I've been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (I'm 21, diagnosed at 20) although I've had it for a while. Since I left for college at 18, I've noticed eating cleanly or as real as possible has made my RA more manageable. As a child, I was criticized on how much I ate, but I was always hungry -- now I know it's just from all the preservatives and gross additives. Mostly we had snacks at home, and dinner was the big meal of the day. Dessert was normal, we were allowed seconds. If we didn't like something, we were allowed to make something else if we wanted. Eating all the processed "fat free" food when I go home really hurts my body now. I wish we had fruits! My little brother is still at home, and sometimes it's hard for him to enjoy things that aren't from a box.
My fiancé still lives at home, where almost every meal is from a box. When we're together, we cook real food. We both can feel the difference, both in how our body runs, and how we feel overall. When we get an apartment together, you can bet we'll be cooking clean food! We plan on giving our kids real food. It's helped us be much healthier than we were before meeting each other.
Gena says
I was raised eating a lot of take-out, and processed food. As a newly wed, I cooked what I knew and put on 50lbs very quickly! It has taken 10 years to get that weight off and that has only occured over the last two years and because I have changed our diet completely. We have done our very best to "eat clean". My eyes were opened to GMO's, food allergies, etc. through issues with my oldest child (who is now in 2nd grade). I have seen a tremendous difference in all four of us in the family and everyone has gotten used to the way we eat now. I cook everything, make our own bread, granola bars etc. and it helps me to de-stress, I never knew how much I would enjoy actually cooking (not heating up something)and how good I am at cooking! My children telling me I should open a restaurant makes my day (who knows if it's really that good but they are the only critics that matter :) ) I am thankful my eyes were opened to the corrupted food system in this country before my children were to ruined by my bad choices.
On a different note, regarding your daughter's "sneakiness", it probably was a combination of things. I know it's entirely disappointing when your child does something like that, aren't we supposed to know them better than anyone? But, it probably just her wanting to be like her friends. My son has had issues like that the last two years with lunches, he just wants to "open" something in a package. It's sad but true and something that I never thought about. I just hope that when they are older they don't go getting tattoos on their foreheads because their friends did!! Keep keeping on, you are someone we all can rely on to keep us going on this food journey that can be so difficult at times. Thank you for all you do.
Heather says
I was not raised on real foods. We did eat at home, but we also ate out a lot (fast food). I wish I would have been taught healthy eating habits as a child. I have children of my own & I often think about how much "junk" I put into my body & allowed my children to put into theirs before I learned about real food. I really believe my parents were unaware of just how much food contributes to your health. My children were teenagers before we began our real food journey & it's not easy to monitor what your teen eats especially when they aren't home for every meal. We just do the best we can to teach them why we feel eating real food is important. It was encouraging to read some of the comments from others who said they ate healthy as a child & continue to eat healthy as an adult. Hopefully my children will choose real foods as adults.
Summer says
My family had a garden my entire childhood and vegetables were always a center point of our meals. I distinctly remember the first time I had canned spaghetti sauce (around age 7 or 8); I spit it out and asked my mom why it tasted like sugar. We would eat the candy/treats at school parties, but it was never anything that I craved or wanted. As a 28 year old adult, I can honestly say that my palette is different from a lot of my friends. Fast food makes me sick. Pre-package food tastes terrible. All of these habits that I am so grateful for as a mature and responsible adult were ingrained in me as a child.
I cannot applaud you and all of the moms out there dedicated to providing and teaching their children about "real food." They WILL be healthier and they WILL be happier in the long run.
Pam says
I find this comment a little offensive and it seems out of touch with the blog. Her daughters seem well adjusted and she clearly loves them, she's even posted blogs about letting them within reason make their own decisions. I don't think she's "starting in on them" I think she's ignited this same passion for food conversation in her kids.
To pretend that she isn't saying "I love you, how was your trip" first doesn't mean they didn't have that conversation- it means this is a blog about "real food" and so she's giving the audience the very reason they follow her blog. If it was about the other narratives, it would be a parenting blog or alternately, her personal facebook page.
I mean how would you like it if someone attacked your parenting choices based on one little facet of your life. Maybe you start a baking blog, and your kids are your taste testers- is it then appropriate for them to attack you for feeding your kids junk (just because the commenters are unaware that you could eat healthy at home 95% of the time)?
It's a food blog. It is the topic of conversation. It seems like an obsession because she stays on topic on a blog and it is important to her.
We're not all one trick ponies just because we stay on track occasionally.
Pam says
I no longer see the comment this original one was a reply too... might have been deleted?
Lisa says
Pam - Yes it was because it violated our comment policy.
Jane says
Violated your policy or touched a nerve?
I clearly stated that I didn't know your personal life, just what you post. I also didn't say you didn't love your children by any means. I actually stated that you just want what's best for them. Obviously, some people can't read.
But, it was an honest question. Do you spend just as much time focusing on other areas just as important or is your main concern their eating habits?
Pam says
Good for you guys! That comment was aggressively worded, stating that the reader as a negative assumption about the way the author raises the children- the phrase "starting in on them" has no place in a question about dialogue. The last thing any mother needs in this life are people coming in making ridiculous assumptions and judging her on a snippet of conversation that is on topic to the conversation at large (in this case the food blog). Since she's commented again implying she "touched a nerve" it's clearly not an honest question, it's an attack.
I love that you guys strive for a safe place on your blog, so that moms can have healthy conversations without someone demeaning them due to lack of context.
Ashley says
My mom had a terrible self-image and relationship with food and passed that on to us kids. I remember having Slim Fast as an 8-year-old because it was offered to me as a healthy choice. I sneaked foods and had food guilt as a 5th grader. 100 calorie packs and "diet" food were what stuffed the fridge and pantry. Sweets were hidden away, and therefore insanely desirable and naughty - unless we were being rewarded for something (explain THAT one!). My relationship with food is totally screwy because I still see "junk" as a reward, which would explain my current weight issues. I'm lucky, I found real food before my body completely fell apart so I still have time to reverse the damage that has been done with fake food, but it's still a struggle every day to change my views on things. I think what you are raised with absolutely frames your relationship with food. Which is why I never talk negatively about my body in front of my girls, there are no "off limits foods" (except gluten for my Celiac kiddo) and we have what I consider important and sensible rules about food: no fighting about it, no lying about it, and no crying over it (that and try everything before you judge it, but that's more of a life rule!). It seems like such a simple thing to have such endless conversations about - it's food for goodness sakes! We NEED it to survive! - but I'm hoping that raising my girls the way that we are means that they will never see it as such a big deal. Just something that is delicious, enjoyable, and should always be high quality (REAL) fuel for their lives.
Amy says
I grew up with a mom who loved cooking all of our meals, and a father who was very particular. He grew up eating mostly "meat and potatoes", and while my mom presented us with many options and meals were well-rounded, there was little fish (unless catfish), and we probably had the same vegetables (corn, green beans, white potatoes, etc.). The bread was always white, and we had our fair share of frozen meals. The only time anything was said about our food consumption was to tell us to clean our plates.
Over the years, my understanding of what is "healthy" has evolved slowly, but surely. I know it's not just a number on the scale and working out a lot. It is also mindful eating. It is probably just in the last 3-4 years that I have really been conscious about reading labels and making sure what our family eats is real and whole. I am raising two wonderful eaters, and our older son (just 4), already knows what foods aren't good for his body and why.
Meghan says
Everyone is different. My mom was forced to eat poorly cooked canned vegetables by her father growing up, and developed a vegetable phobia. She and her siblings have terrible diets. She swore she wouldn't force her kids to eat anything they didn't like, so I grew up eating a lot of processed food, or home cooked meat & potato type food. Despite all of that, me and my two siblings--all independently--discovered a love of cooking, and fresh food. I've been vegetarian for 13 years, and am a member of a CSA. We are not necessarily limited by our childhoods or doomed by our parents influences.
Amy says
One of the biggest fights my sister and I ever had with my parents was in middle school. My mom packed healthy, balanced lunches every day in reusable lunchboxes. However, all of our friends had chips and pop in brown paper bags for lunch, instead of cut up apples and orange juice. We spent a whole evening crying and yelling over how "weird" our family was.
Now, I really appreciate (and miss) Mom-packed lunches. When I eventually have kids, I definitely plan to pack healthy, balanced lunches. My kids might not think it is cool, but eventually they will appreciate it!
Jane M. says
I was one of four children and my parents were teachers. So, not only did my mom not want to buy a lot of junk for us, but they couldn't afford all the processed junk. She cooked every dinner growing up. The only time I remember eating fast food was about once a month on Sunday, we would get fried chicken. Honestly, i remember a lot of not-so-nutritious home-cooked meals (sloppy joes!), but they were still home-cooked. I grew up not liking french fries, because I didn't get the point (unfortunately, thanks to the McDonald's that was built in our town when I was in 6th grade, I developed a taste for them in high school). And there's still so much junk that is too sweet or too rich for me, that everyone I know likes. I'm so happy my mom wouldn't buy us Lucky Charms or Trix.
Now, thanks mostly to the internet, I'm equipped with so much more knowledge about food and what's bad and good, and I plan on, not just feeding my children the best diet possible, but educating them about it over the years, so that they'll know WHY they are not eating the stuff everyone else is, and why we eat so many vegetables instead of chips and fries. I've always been very passionate about nutrition, and hope to go back to school myself to become a nutritionist. I look forward to giving my children the best health start possible, and I know they will appreciate it, because I appreciate what my mom did.
Holly says
As a child I grew up on PB&J, pasta, and all kinds of crap that makes me cringe now. Our after dinner limit was 4 cookies for dessert or a package of Little Debbies or Entemins (sp?). My husband on the other hand was fed so much good food, fish, brown rice and tons of veggies. When we met I was still a bad eater, Mc D's, all kinds of take out and he would go with me. He was never allowed to go to these fast food restaurants and when we would go he would order 6 cheeseburgers, a filet o fish and nuggets and wash them all down with a shake, ugh! I vowed that I would teach my kids the right way to eat but not deny them an occasional (maybe 2 times a year) fast food experience so they can someday hopefully make the decision for themselves. We are now eating a 90% whole food diet with the occasional junk food, ex. chips, but I have noticed that I feel better, have more energy and less depression. My 2 year old was the most horrible child one could ever have, and believe me I know because she is number 4 of 5. When I switched her diet she became the most loving child, no more throwing herself on the floor in the grocery store, no more hours of horrible screaming and crying because I told her no. It has made less stress for me since they are all so close and still need a lot of attention (6,5,3,2 and 1). It was a struggle at first to come up with things but it is becoming easier with websites like this and some of my own research.
Kelli says
I think I had a balanced food upbringing. My mom was a school "lunch lady" (which was much different then)...we ate a lot of home cooked meals...we hunted our own meat and grew our own garden. We also baked and had sweets. And ate kraft and baloney. One vivid memory is that we also hiked with this other family. We always took little Debbie's and water bottles And the other family always brought carrot sticks and cans of coke. My sister and I wanted the coke and their kids wanted the little Debbie's. Actually I think that makes a fabulous illustration....balance and the desire to have what we do not have. :). Happy eating!
Chrissy @ Muse of the Morning says
This is just based on my personal experience- I believe that what you are raised on is what you will gravitate towards as an adult. Kind of like wanting to regain that feeling of childhood.
As a child, I was raised on food made from scratch. I had never had boxed mac and cheese or hamburger helper or anything like that. Of course, I wanted candy and I wanted my Mom to "get with it" and fix what my friends were eating at their houses. But when I grew up, I only had the experience of cooking from scratch, so going towards the processed food never even occurred to me.
So, even though my children might complain about the food that I fix, that I don't fix what they want at every single meal, and want candy, I have faith that when they are grown, they will gravitate back towards the type of foods that I am making.
So that's just my take on it. Thank you for sharing this post!
Casey says
I cannot agree more with this. My mom always cooked a real dinner and wouldn't let me eat junk food and it really stuck with me for most of my life. That isn't to say that I didn't love getting some craft M&C every once in a while but on the whole she was very careful about what I ate - especially so the first 5 years of my life. I say the first 5 years because I am 1 of 4 and by the time the 4th came along some of our family eating habbits when down the drain. My brother who was raised more on unhealthy options was overweight his whole life until he turned 19 and decided to do something about it. I on the other hand do not have a taste for candy or flavored cereal, or most chips. I do love tortilla chips and salsa though...(I guess everyone has a few things). Now I am feeding my daughter much like my mom fed me in the begining and even more so - now that I know what is in certain foods I find it impossible to serve them to her. Plus the homemade versions of the staples taste so much better homemade. I just made cream of chicken for a casserole the other night and it has never tasted so good. We hadn't had a casserole in over a year because of not wanting to give our daughter the canned version of "cream of" soups. Now I never have to buy that stuff again.
I think looking at what is happening in our society with so many people having digestive problems and gluten issues it is obvious that the chemicals and preservatives in foods are causing medical issues. And as a parent it is your job to keep your kids safe - even if the bully is food.
The people who say if you don't let you kids have junk food they will revolt later in life are crazy! If you follow that logic then we should all let our kids smoke and drink and do drugs so that way they don't revolt and try that as well.
You are a great mom and I love the ideas and information from this blog!
Lori says
Well, my parents were hippies and we grew and hunted and fished for a lot of our own food. That's not to say we never ate processed food. We did, just not all the time. I sat in the garden and ate green beans and peas right off the plant. I ate raspberries, blackberries, and blueberries right off the bush. We ate venison and lamb and had fresh eggs and our own pastured beef. We got raw milk from a friends farm. I ate apples right off the tree. I wish my kids could do the same. But we dwell in the city In a condo, In a state where it is illegal to buy raw milk for human consumption, hundreds of miles from the nearest farm, so I do the best I can with what there is at the small farmers market and health food store. And yes, sometimes I do make cupcakes from a box for a special treat. We do the best we know how, with what we have.
Tiffany says
I grew up eating pretty much what I wanted. I would often come home from school, sit at the kitchen table and drink soda and eat doritos. No I did not finish the bag! I am so glad that I am teaching my kids how to eat healthier - that was never taught in my house. Although the kids in my house were not overweight (my parents were and still are) I tended to be a bit on the chubby side. We have very open discussions at my house regarding food and why we eat what we eat and why we do not eat what we do not eat - I think that discussion helps a lot. So far my daughter's tell me everything - when they had a piece of candy at school or chocolate milk - they know it is not healthy and that is most important to me.
Newlyweds on a Budget says
With two full-time working parents, I was raised on junk food and fast food. I have struggled to learn how to eat healthy, and this past year my husband and I made health a number one priority. We switched to Paleo in January, and that got us eating whole foods. My husband lost 20 pounds in about a month, and I lost 10. Finding the diet too restrictive, we moved on to just eating better whole good-for-you foods. We eat brown rice pasta, Ezekiel bread, limit dairy, drink almond milk, eat veggies with every meal... It has NOT been easy to re-wire our brains to eat this way, but it was important to us so we made it a priority. And I am so looking forward to teaching our (not yet conceived) children about this way of living. I want them to view food as nourishment, and not as comfort.
Maggie Murphy says
I left a comment yesterday but was moved to make a different point. Grateful for the chance to address this. I grew up in a single parent household. My amazing mother worked full time and that left little time for elaborate meal planning. Also, she hated to cook. We ate a lot of prepackaged meals. I don't think I ate a real mashed potato (Hungry Jack!) until I was a teenager. No judgement...she was doing what she knew how to do. But once you know better, how can you NOT do better? I have battled my weight most of my life as a result of a very poor relationship with food and a vicious carb/processed sugar addiction. I have made incremental changes over the years but in the last twelve months, I have switched to whole/clean eating, essentially following a modified paleo/primal diet. I have never felt better, weighed less and been healthier. And it would be nothing short of abuse to take care of my own health this way but not my childrens' because it's too restrictive? I also don't let my children drink, smoke and drive (they're 10 & 8.) Does that make me restrictive? I am helping them avoid the three decades of ill health and struggle I endured. THAT is called good parenting.
Jennifer says
My mother was always conscious of serving us healthy food, of setting a good example with exercise, and of generally leading by example. As a teen, once I had my driver's license, I snuck around and ate horribly when I knew she was not watching. Eventually I got over all that and early in my adulthood I learned to do as she did, I have not parted from my mother's good ways. I am thankful for her example and have carried it on into my own family. I think it's important to teach our children well, as you are obviously doing. I would like to add that Lisa is teaching all of us well too, as evidenced by her growing number of fans. To those who suggest she is forcing your lifestyle on her children I would ask, "Why are you here"? Are you not here to learn from Lisa's lifestyle as well?
Stefanie says
We were not raised with any food guidelines. However,we did grow up having a meal for us home cooked every day. I do agree nutrition is very important but to me the most important thing is to provide for your family and make sure they are well fed and well taken care of! My parents were not aware what a health diet consisted of and that's ok! My brother and I both are healthy adults who do practice nutritious lifestyles.
Melissa says
My mom ran a healthfood store for a few years of my childhood. She mainly cooked from scratch, but we did have Ragu, boxed mac and cheese on occasion and canned cream of mushroom soup was always in the cabinet. But we also always had grapes, oranges, apples, bananas, a salad with virtually every meal, fish on occasion. So, we had a reasonable mix. She hated cooking, but did a fair job, and we ate what she cooked, or went hungry. Never had white bread, but my aunt had that stuff, and we loved going over there and mold it up into a ball. eww. We never really had pop/soda on demand, but as a young adult, I remember buying it all the time. My hubby's world was similar, although a bit less healthy. His dad didn't like veggies, so they didn't have many. Today, I struggle as my kids are teens and young adults and want only garbage, that I didn't really ever feed them. Meanwhile, I want a cleaner diet than we currently have. Lots of mealtime woes here. But my kids are old enough to go elsewhere to get junk food, and I can't really stop them. I keep educating. My 16 year old got an earful today!
Tracey says
My mom worked and was a single mother. So we had some issues around this area of life. In the mornings I had to do breakfast for myself, cereal, poptarts. After school , most days she would pick me up and it was 'dinner' for me at McDonalds. I would not dinner later. Or if I did it was mac and cheese or toasted cheese. She did not eat that way. She was also very active. But those healthy traits did not get passed along to me. Now, I am 48, have depression and migraines, and weight issues. Please please please teach you kids healthy habits. Teach you kids what is a treat really means. A treat is not sitting down with a box of devildogs for the afternoon.
Emma says
As a child I relied on school food and fast food restaurants a lot for meals. My mom made some awesome stuff when she did cook, but it wasn't very often and she cooked the "southern style" way with little regard to health issues. As an adult I have finally started paying attention to what I consume, but because of my history with food I have two setbacks: not knowing how to prepare simple healthy meals, and of course the cravings for the sweets, fried chicken, etc.. that my body once thrived on.
Marcela says
I posted this on your page on FB, but in case you missed it:
I disagree a little with the people who say you should "fix" this by packing extra snacks or trying home made versions of the food she bought... I think she did it more because she was testing boundaries, and for a feeling of belonging (eating the same crap the people at school were eating.)
I have totally gone through that myself! I felt left out with my home packaged meal so once a week my mom would let me buy off the cafeteria. I admit those were NOT good choices I made, mainly chips and grape soda. But I was only 8!
After changing schools, sometimes I would get a hot dog (at our 9am break - classes here start at 7:30 and end at 12, so everyone goes home for lunch). HOT DOGS! AT NINE IN THE MORNING! And you know why? Because i wanted to belong, because it was new, because I had a little money to have a hot dog sometimes... But honestly, I don't think I was even hungry for a hot dog at 9am!!!
I never told my mom about the hot dogs either, I thought she'd disapprove 1- spending money on food when I had it packaged from home 2- a bloody hot dog!!! It wasn't betrayal, it was just me growing up and enjoying the thrill of making my own decisions - as poor as they were.
Kids will be kids, I think you do a great job instructing them (like the cupcake thing during your daughter's birthday party at school - where you let her choose and she chose the healthy option...), but kids will be kids. It's part of growing up. We push our boundaries, test the water. I think it's cool that you "caught" her, because now you have the space to openly talk about all those issues that are so important while growing up and becoming your own person! She's young, she'll make wrong choices SOMETIMES, not always.
Keep up with the good work! I think your kids will really appreciate the effort you're doing right now (and sometimes they will hate you for it, too. Because that's how we are with our parents!). And chill.
Now, on people saying you're creating anxiety or promoting orthorexia - that's a bit too much. The thing is, you SEE how WRONG our eating habits are today (I believe that in 30, 40 years people will look back and laugh at how stupid we were having soda, chips, even chocolate milk and cookies with "vitamins", sugary cereal an all... It's POISON! - and I don't eat 100% clean myself).
People say you're radical because well, you are. As much as they're radically ignoring how unhealthy chocolate milk in a box can be! And how poisonous chips are, too.
You are thinking in the future, and I congratulate you for that.
Also, I love this page. I love the recipes and I love how engaged you are. You do a tremendous work and I hope your lifestyle will reach more people - even those who, like me, won't follow it 100% of the time. But your work creating awareness on what we put inside our bodies is magnificent!