In case you missed it there was a conundrum on my Facebook page yesterday - after I learned my daughter was buying items in the school cafeteria I was unaware of - that spawned more than 3,000 comments (on both posts in total). I don't think I read every single one of the comments, but I did read most and noticed something very interesting.
We've all heard the warning, "If you are too restrictive with your kids' food choices now, it will backfire later!"
There may be some truth to that and I do personally strive for a "healthy" (and guilt-free) balance when my own kids want to indulge, BUT what I did notice yesterday - that was different than usual and that I really liked - were many of the following comments that REALLY struck a chord with me.
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These are the stories I think a lot of us don't hear enough and also serve as a GREAT reminder to keep instilling healthy habits in our kids (despite the naysayers many of us have in our lives)...
"I WISH my parents had 'forced' a real food or healthy lifestyle on me. IF they had i would not still be 50+lbs overweight (since jr high) and have such a warped relationship with food!"
"I wish my parents made me eat healthy whole foods when I was younger. It would have saved me a lifetime of health issues that have pretty much subsided since I changed what I put in to my body."
"As a child I was taught good nutrition and given good choices and for that I'm thankful. I wasn't given fruit loops and chicken nuggets. I wasn't allowed to order off the kids menu I had what the adults were having ---lobster and seafood! I'm grateful as an adult that I don't really crave junk food--not to say I don't indulge once in a while, I'm human right? I would have loved to have had all of the organic and vegetarian choices back then that we have now. Bravo to any parent starting their kids off on the healthy track!!!"
"As a 26 year old who has struggled with her weight since third grade, I wish my parents had introduced me to real food sooner. We ate at home, but corn was the only 'vegetable' ever to grace the table. As a parent you HAVE to introduce those foods and "force' your children to learn how to nourish their bodies, or they won't know how to do it themselves."
"I wish my family had had better eating habits when I was growing up. I wish I had never learned to put sugar on cereal for example. We didn't have a lot of junk food but I learned some bad habits. And didn't develop enough really good ones. Now I'm 50 and gluten intolerant and overweight and who knows what other damage has been done?"
"I chose what I ate because my parents were absent during mealtimes. Mac and cheese. Cereal. White bread. Pizza. Now, I have PCOS, insulin resistance, and gluten intolerance and because of these, am struggling to get pregnant. I'm not obese OR inactive, but my body was made sick as a child. I am SO PROUD of all of you mothers that are taking charge of your and your family's health. It is SO IMPORTANT. You are enabling your children to live long healthy lives, especially your daughters who will have babies of their own. I have control of my health now (just turned 21) but it took 5 years to figure out what was wrong with me. It was food. Now I'm fighting to get my fertility back and I will succeed!!"
"My husband and I both grew up eating healthy for the most part and even now at ages 24 and 25 we would much rather eat a healthy meal than junk food. How you raise your children to eat follows them into adulthood."
"I only wish healthy food habits were 'forced' onto me as a child. Then I wouldn't have had to spend the last 3 years completely changing my diet to avoid weight loss surgery (2 of my sisters have had this), avoid an autoimmune thyroid disease, remove anti depressants and anti inflammatories from my daily routine and really enjoy my life! Thankfully, I now know better and I pass this information on to my own children so they can avoid these issues too."
"I was fed all natural foods from birth (and that was 1980 when it wasn't even cool, lol) and of course I had my sneaky moments, but I am obsessed with eating healthy as an adult. People are absolutely more likely to eat healthy if they are raised to see that as 'normal.'"
"I wish my parents would have provided me with whole foods. I have struggled all my life with weight...."
"I certainly wish I didn't have to work so hard to overcome the UNhealthy eating habits my parents passed down to me."
"I am teaching my children now, what I wish I would have known growing up. Fresh whole foods are better for your body than processed foods."
"I grew up in a house where my Mom sprinkled wheat germ on my yogurt and substituted tofu for meat...as a child, I didn't even know that a soda and chip aisle existed in the grocery store. I have such gratitude for that, and have passed that on to my children."
"I grew up in a house without sugar cereal, little debbies, and chips. As a child I was not happy about it but now I am sooo grateful. Now my family eats a clean diet...its my job to educate and provide healthy options for my family"
"I wish my parents would have cared more to teach me better eating habits because changing them as an adult was extremely hard since I really had no idea of what real health and real foods were."
"I wish my mother had taught me healthy eating habits as a child rather than using food as rewards and to soothe. It's taken a long time to break that. You're their parent not their friend! Teaching them to be healthy is a good thing. Anyone saying otherwise is crazy."
"I grew up on junk because my mom allowed me to be picky and let us eat what we wanted, and I have had a weight problem. So now I am trying to do better by my children and some people think I'm being mean and should let them eat whatever they want (the oldest being only two years old!). It is hard to make changes when you are used to eating poorly, so I want to make changes for them now and plant the seed of good health and eat real food. I think it is a crying shame for anyone to be ridiculed and put down for that."
"I only wish my mother had the knowledge of eating clean and healthy growing up. My whole life, I ate unhealthy. Processed food. Fast food. I didn't know any different. And all I knew to cook for my husband was the processed food my mom taught me to make. It's so hard to change my eating habits of 22 years."
"I feel so fortunate that healthy eating habits were 'forced' upon me as a child. I thank my mom all the time for that b/c I believe I am a healthier adult b/c of it. And I am passing along the same healthy habits to my children."
My Own Childhood
There was also one comment (that I just cannot find again to quote!), but it said something like,
"I was allowed to eat all the junk I wanted growing up and I still snuck candy and other treats behind my parents' back."
And actually now that I think about it I was that kid, too. We were provided homemade dinners complete with vegetables of course, but beyond that I do recall a childhood filled with plenty of packaged food options (including Doritos, Kraft Mac & Cheese, Golden Grahams, Little Debbie Snacks, Frozen Pizza, Snickers, etc.). And even so I'll never forget how many of my grandmother's chocolate chips cookies I would eat as a child (while no one was looking!) when we visited her house.
During the holidays her famous chocolate chip cookies would be out on a tray in the dining room, and every single time I passed by I would pop one in my mouth. Man, her cookies were good. It's not that I wasn't "allowed" treats by any stretch of the imagination (although I am sure my parents did have some limits!), but there I was still eating an embarrassing amount of cookies and I don't think anyone knew except me. Even despite my sneaky ways as a child though, I've always had a healthy relationship with food. So long story short - junk food restrictions or not - children might sneak food and while the issue certainly shouldn't be ignored, it doesn't necessarily mean they are going to be set up for a lifetime of negative health consequences as a result. Just my two cents based on my own experience.
So now I am really curious - what was your childhood like from a food perspective and how did that shape you as an adult? It seems there is really no "one size fits all" answer here so I'd love to hear your stories as well.
Amie says
My mother had been a vegetarian and my dad hated pasta, so we ate pretty well growing up. There were five kids and anything extra like soda or ice cream was considered a waste of money. Going out to eat was an extravagance and even delivery pizza was rate. They would drive us out to farm stands on the weekend, because we were lucky enough to live near small farming towns in Massachusetts and we would get fresh vegetables and fruits. This was a time before internet, and we didn't have cable because it was too expensive so we would go outside to play, and my parents would take us on day long hikes on the weekend. We ate healthy, we were taught to be active, but when I had the chance I would eat just as much junk as any other kid. But when I went to college and had a job of my own I ate a disgusting amount of fast and delivery food. And I gained so much weight. At least 50 pounds. And it made me really sad and I would cry when I would try and get dressed up to go anywhere. But luckily my parents gave me the skills I needed to undo the damage I had done to my body. I got healthy again, and I'm staying there. Even if your children do go overboard like I did, you are doing the same things my parents did: giving them the skills they need to be healthy and they can never unlearn what they will know by the time they leave your home. YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING. Especially if they end up marrying a man (like I did) who never ate a home cooked meal growing up, they can pass on their knowledge.
Kelli says
My parents were pretty good at feed us healthy clean foods for the most part, but we they got busier and prepackaged food became more accessible we had the occasional box of mac and cheese, frozen chicken patties, and my dad's favorite easy meal...ramen noodles! We were never allowed soda, fast food, and chips. Snacks consisted of fruits, veggies, and nuts. When I started driving I did rebel and went to McD's and BK as often as I could and ate as much fried food as I could afford on my fast food salary. I felt so lazy and sluggish all the time and then to my dismay began to gain weight (I always thought I had an amazing metabolism with a 5'10" 130lb stature). Turns out that eating so badly for just a few years screwed that up badly. In my mid 20's I had to go on a diet and lost 40 lbs in 6 months on Weight Watchers (mostly by cutting portion size and using low-fat/ low-calorie foods :/ ). Since then I have had 3 kids and have struggled with weight daily. 2 years ago I cleaned up our diets and cut all processed food in order to test my sons behavior issues. To my surprise, his behavior improved, but I also began to feel much more energized than I had in years. Even though there was much resistance from the kids at first, they are really coming around beautifully. My oldest (8-year-old) will eat anything we put in front of him and the 2 little ones try unfamiliar foods and sometimes like it. We will never go back to processed food, but I, like you, let them indulge at friends houses and parties and such. I am noticing that they are making better choices on their own sometimes, though. That is a score for me in many ways!
Jess says
My parents picked a "back to the land" lifestyle for our family. I grew up in the 70's and 80's in MN. We lived on a small farm and raised our own rabbits, chickens and until I was about 10 we had a cow we milked. We had a huge garden and my mom canned, froze and pickled everything. We did get soda at restaurants, chips if we were going to a picnic, and ate home baked goodies for holidays and treats. Yes there was hummus in my lunch. Yes I ate rabbit sandwiches in my lunches in high school. Yes I know how to pluck a chicken.
NOW I have a small (compared to my Mom) garden. I try to raise as much as I can for us to eat, but don't really preserve much. We try to be as whole as possible in our diet. Without a doubt my parents choices have influenced my choices as an adult, my lifestyle as an adult, and my siblings choices as well.
Love your blog. Keep up the good work.
Hannah says
Growing up my mom cooked most dinners for our family because we couldn't afford to eat out often. I remember most of our meals being tacos, spaghetti, pot roast, or chicken and veggies. I was never a big breakfast person, but we always had cereal (sugary) and pop tarts. As I got into my teenage years we ate fast food breakfast much more often, and our family meals got sporadic. I usually didn't eat lunch at school or if I did eat I was mainly junk. I have always lived on Coca Cola and I had friends that lived coming to my house because they could drink all the soda they wanted. LOL. When I went to college my eating habits it worse as I was eating out more often. I got married an started cooking some, then I had my first baby and three months later I got really sick. I battled with digestive issues for 6 years (and another baby in that time). About a year ago we got really unhealthy with our eating habits. We were eating fast food almost everyday, processed cookies and cakes, convenience foods. I lost a ton of weight and got really sick and was told by a doctor to cut out gluten. That change has made all the difference in my health and my family's health. We still eat sweets ad candy in moderation. But we almost never eat out. It's difficult to make those changes but so worth it!
Sue says
Growing up my parents said that I didn't have to finish something, but I at least had to try it. Meals were almost always homemade, with a few store bought things thrown in here and there. I was taught to value good food. A well made (home or bakery) cookie was soooo much better than an Oreo. As for having cookies in the house, my parents said if we really wanted cookies(cakes, etc), we could make them ourselves. We RARELY got store bought cookies. The extra effort of having to make things like that myself meant that sometimes I did make them, but more often I didn't.
To this day I never buy cookies like Oreos, etc, I do occasionally buy one from a local bakery. Otherwise I make them myself. I am so glad that my parents showed me how important good food was. That doesn't mean I never ate anything bad, I had a Pop Tart phase :) I think it's more about really realizing that your diet should be whole foods with an occasional rule breaker thrown in here and there. Moderation and balance.
Lacey says
My mother is and always has been a health but. We are processed foods and we are white flour but veggies, fruit, and naturally low sugar/fat foods were emphasized. Soda and kool aid was not even an option in our home. It has carried onto me today and I now have two beautiful healthy Children (ages both 5 yrs) that would pass up a piece of candy for homemade applesauce or organic yogurt anyday. When you don't expose them to the bad items they don't crave them. Out of sight, out of mind
Michele N says
I grew up with family meals together & mom packed our lunches. Mom always cooked from scratch & we never had boxed Mac& cheese or hamburger helper type foods. One/year while on vacation we each chose a sugar cereal foe breakfast , but it was one week out of the year. A few times/year, while dad was traveling mom took us for fast food for dinner. We learned to cook & bake from mom at an early age. She taught us to plan healthy balanced meals. I ate "healthy" growing up but healthier now since I have more knoeledge & advise from folks like you!! I still "cheat" but I suffer for it & feel crummy after eating junk. I am so thankful that my parents instilled good sound nutritional principles in me but I regret not leading an active lifestyle. I still hate to exercise & really wish I loved it.
Kim says
I've been overweight since I was a kid. My mother tried to help me with my weight by controlling what I was allowed to eat. By making food such a large point of contention, it only made my relationship with food more unhealthy. I remember the first time she left me home alone (3rd grade), I watched her back out of the driveway, and then ate everything I could find just because I could. She tried to provide us healthy food,but was honestly an awful cook and we only had canned vegetables. This led me to believe homemade dinners were gross and that any fast food was far superior. We didn't have chips or cookies in the house often, but my friend did, so we just hung out at her house. I am trying to develop better habits and regain control over what I eat.
Sarah says
Growing up, food was scarce in our house. What we did eat usually came from a package or a can. We area a lot of junk & drank tons of soda because those were cheap & could be bought early in the month when our food stamps arrived & they lasted through the month. When we did have extra money, it went to chips, little Debbie type treats, sugary cereals, and more soda. Having those extra treats were typically because my mother was not spending her welfare on drugs so I have associated these foods with being happy. It's actually a painful cycle to break. Never knowing about nutrition I found myself offering my kids a lot of things I thought were not so bad (Mac n cheese, chips, canned foods, packaged foods, frozen foods) and as they developed a taste for these foods they rejected the healthy foods I did add to their meals. They have always been thin (like me growing up) and I'm constantly in fear of them starving so I often gave them anything to fill them up. As a child I often went hungry & I never want them to feel the way I did. I know its so silly because their life is much different then mine was & they are welcome to eat as much as their bodies desire, where I could only eat what we had if we had it.
I feel I have created these adorable little picky monster children. I'm working so hard to break this cycle & get our whole family back on track. I want my kids to grow up healthy & happy. I want them to learn good eating habits & someday teach those habits to their children. I owe them a chance to live a full life & it starts with how they are cared for & fed.
I appreciate this blog & the message you are sending.
Kellie says
I was raised on sticky noodles "ramon noodles" pizza rolls, mac n cheese and just about anything boxed or canned. I was never taught to cook. I did eat healthy when my Dad cooked he would cook fresh meat and always make me eat it I remember thinking he was SO mean. until I realized that meat is the best thing on the planet! I raise all three of my kids on a whole natural foods and it is taking me so long learning the right way to cook everything and to even learn what some foods are. I have three kids between the ages 4-7 and they don't eat any candy they know its bad they choose bananas over any junk food. And that is their choice they know what is best for them and if other parents offer them things either they say they have to ask me or just no and that makes me so proud. they are not deprived of anything like a lot of people think they actually get a lot more then most kids I know they get good healthy food plus the knowledge to know what is best for them!
Monica says
Growing up in the south I ate a typical southern diet. Dinner consisted of meat, starch, some veggie that was either fried or somehow made to be extremely unhealthy, and of course bread. To us that was real food though, the veggies were grown in our garden, the bread was homemade, and the meat would come from an animal that we had killed and cleaned ourselves. We ate chips, and food from a box and lots of other foods that aren't good for you. If it weren't for my mom constantly insisting I eat a salad before dinner(even if it was covered in ranch) I would have terrible eating habits. I didn't begin to make better choices about what I was putting in my body until I was 18 and became a college athlete. Now nutrition is my passion, and I enjoy a much more balanced diet than I did in high school. Sure, being healthy would have been easier had my parents forced me to eat all real food and not allowed junk food in my diet, but honestly I wouldn't go back and change it. I am able to better appreciate the choices I have made concerning what I put into my body now, because I know just how not eating that way makes you feel.
Emily T. says
I grew up in a rural farming community. Our eggs, milk, fruit, veggies, cheese, butter, and meat were produced on our farm or came from a neighbor's farm. My mom made everything we ate. Supper was a meat, potato, a cooked veggie, a salad, home-made whole wheat bread and butter, and some kind of fruit side (such as home canned peaches or applesauce). Sounds like paradise, huh? But I craved all the packaged foods I saw at school. I remember being so embarassed by my whole wheat sandwich which was drenched in some jam that hadn't quite set-up. As a teenager my mom went to work on the weekends. Her concession to a busier schedule was cold cereal. All of my siblings and I reveled in that cereal! A few boxes were often inhaled on those weekend mornings. I also remember as a kid not liking cake. Turns out as an adult I learned that cake can be made with white floor and is often light and delicious! Who know! When I left home to go to college I gorged on ramen, tv dinners, chicken patty sandwiches, and whatever other processed foods were on sale at the local market. Fast forward 20 years--I am the mom of 5 teenagers. We eat much like 100 days of real food advocates (though I do make cakes with white flour!). My teenagers love the food we eat at home and are often disappointed with food elsewhere. They have a taste for real food and can tell the difference in how they feel when they eat processed lower quality foods. Though I strayed as a teen and young adult from whole real foods, my mom set the foundation for my eating habits. I had the knowledge when I grew up and had my own family to pass that foundation on to my own kids. And though they eat junk when out in the world away from home, I believe they will carry what they have learned about food on to their own families someday. So I try not to worry so much about what they eat when at college and out and about! Lisa, I really do believe your little ones are learning from what you feed them at home even if they make different choices at school! Hugs sent to you--it's hard the first time that "baby" shows her sneaky side!
Gretchen says
I wish I had been taught to eat healthy foods growing up, as it majorly affects my relationship with food now.
I had two parents who worked in retail management and so food was quick and easy. Many nights it was my older sister making mac and cheese or fish sticks, and if my parents were home, it was fat laden casseroles. I was naturally thin and healthy and danced for most of my life. By high school I still ate junk as I was always on the run to practices, but because I danced so much I still was tiny and in shape.
Fast forward and breaking the habits have been hard. I like to cook, but vegetables are forced for me. Thankfully I keep trying to work hard and will now at least a few veggies, but it has had to be constant. There is no question I would've been better off as a child being introduced to the right foods and at 31, I wish I had. I'll keep chugging along, but it hard some days to break a lifetime of fat and sugar.
Brittanie says
My mom majored in nutrition in the 70's and told us this all the time. I was constantly told I was a picky eater and had a terrible sweet tooth and believed this well into my twenties. I ate a rediculous amount of pasta and pan fried food at dinner, had dessert every night and used my money at school to buy cookies and chocolate milk daily. Chips were a notorious appetizer and veggies were small portions and what I later realized to be severely over cooked. I don't know if my mom didn't do her own work in college or forgot everything after graduation but it took me years to realize many of my problems come from my childhood eating habits. I'm proud to say with my daughter we have created a wonderful balance of foods and the sometimes treat. I may still hve a sweet tooth but I love all sorts of food and veggies and am by no means a picky eater when food is raw or cooked correctly.
Dottie says
I grew up in a home where my older sister had a candy stash in the bedroom (and I knew where it was). In our household a "balanced" meal was hamburger helper or some overly processed, high sodium "meat" and a vegetable or two, sometimes accompanied by the obligatory lettuce and tomato salad. I was allowed to be picky and had no clue that anyone ate anything other than white bread. While I was not overweight as a child, the sudden changes of no longer being in school and active quickly changed that. Since then I've struggled with trying to figure out what's healthy so I could lose weight. I fell for the "fat makes you fat" mantra in the 90's --and gained more weight in the process because it took eating a whole box of tasteless cookies to get even a smidgeon of pleasure out of them (and I bet I don't even have to name the brand for you to know what I'm talking about). While for the past few years I knew a little about real food and healthy eating, I didn't really get into it until this year. I really wish someone had taken the time to teach me this stuff long ago! I'm still transitioning to totally "real" food, but my family's diet is ten times better than what it used to be and we are all feeling better because of it. I haven't kicked the fast food habit fully, but I can keep it to a minimum and I can tell a difference when I fall off the wagon and depend on the quick stuff for too long. Keep teaching about real food! We are listening and learning.
vicky says
I am 23 years old, and I still live with my family. I have no income to buy my own food. I am currently in college, so hopefully I will be able to buy my own stuff soon (when I graduate).
My family's dietary habits haven't changed much from when I was a child. Canned/boxed foods are a staple. I have increased the quantity of fresh fruit that comes into the house, but I am pretty much the only one who touches it. Occasionally we have a completely healthy meal, but it is rare. The results of these habits: My mother is overweight. My brother is overweight and has a thyroid condition (may or may not be related). My sister is over weight and has a thyroid condition and likely is developing diabetes. I am just barely at a normal weight and I have a thryoid condition.
naima says
I was so lucky to have grown up with all home cooked meals, every meal. My downfall was that my mom didn't teach me how to cook. When I moved out on my own, I thought that cooking Pasta Roni was homemade because I boiled the noodles my darn self. I quickly put on a lot of weight and felt horrible in general because of all of the processed foods I had never eaten before. It took me almost 3 years to figure out it was my diet and not just growing up. So mamas, teach your kids not only how to eat well, but how to cook! (Boys and girls!)
April says
I absolutely grew up in a home where food choices were horrible. A piece of me is still resentful for them "not taking better care of me" when it comes to nutrition but I understand that they were not taking care of themselves either. I once pointed out to them that I can't believe that they let me eat mayo on white bread as an afternoon snack often. I also started drinking soda as a toddler.
I feel that starting good habits as a kid is what GOOD PARENTS are supposed to do. Kids don't want to do homework. Are we supposed to just let them skip it because imposing our lifestyles of hardwork will make them rebel and therefore not want to work in the future? Kids like to watch a lot of tv. Are we supposed to just let them watch endless hours of it? If we do t are they going to rebel and become couch potatoes?
Of course not, you train your children in the way you want them to go.
April says
I was raised on white bread, sugar cereals and TV dinners. Shortly after my daughter was born we realized she had severe food allergies. Since then with lots of research we have changed our eating habits to be more real food. It's made me thankful for her food allergies that made us look at what we were eating. Food tastes better when it's not full of chemicals.
Autumn says
I grew up with a very healthy household. We did eat processed food sometimes, but my mom was very strict on no-junkfoods, no-sweets, no fast food, etc. As a teenager, i went away to college and every single meal I had the option to get dessert, get something unhealthy. For me, those were extremely rare "treats" growing up and I definitely overindulged in my sudden new-found freedom and of course gained a lot of weight. That said, I take responsibility for my own unhealthy habits now and am trying to find a better balance for my kids. I don't want their bodies filled with processed junk and sugars everyday, I also want them to know how to balance themselves when they are around it nonstop and can make their own choices.
Shirley says
With respect, it wasn't a conundrum. It was a kerfuffle, alternately spelled kerfluffle.
Tracey says
I believe 100% that how you're raised food-wise shapes your choices as adult. I grew up in rural Nebraska. My parents had a huge garden and hunted and fished. Our freezer was full of wild game and the cellar full of vegetables canned at home. My mom was anti-processed food before anyone even recognized what that meant. I would have killed for sugary cereal I saw on TV AND I most certainly indulged when I went away to college and bought my own food. Hello, Freshman 15.
Now that I'm in my forties and a mom to 4 kids, we eat exactly the way I did growing up. Acquiring a taste for healthy food as a child definitely guided my healthy choices as an adult and as a parent.
By the way, we had a school issue similar to yours recently. Our first grader was eating a second breakfast at school every morning. Of course, it was the sugary cereals I won't buy. :-)
Eileen says
I ate way too many Doritos growing up. I was chunky...I completely changed my eating habits on my own. Now I'm a dietitian and personal trainer. I hope my kids will continue the healthy habits I'm instilling in them! :)
Brianne says
I grew up in the South as the third of four children whose parents both worked hard but made little money. We did not have things in the house like sugar cereals, chips, sodas, etc because we could not afford it. We also did not have a lot of fresh veggies or fruits because of cost as well. We had a garden and an orchard and that is where the majority of our fruits and veggies came from. I was exposed to a lot of fried food (chicken, potatoes, okra) and white carbs. It was the way my parents were raised and how things were done. I remember being able to make the choices I wanted regarding food as I got older and they were mostly terrible. But I was extremely physically active and never had a weight problem so I never thought about it. As an adult and healthcare worker, I am exposed to what a diet poor in veggies and fruits (not fried) does to people on a daily basis. I see twenty somethings with health problems that used to only happen to elderly people. Most of the illness I see can be boiled down to choices with food and activity.
Being a new parent, I have become THAT mom who is so "restrictive". I have been called mean and unfair by other adults for the food choices I make for my child. I have found people take the food choices for your own children personally, like you are judging them and their food choices by not allowing your child to have those same things. I actually see that for any parenting decision. Whereas I promote a healthy, clean eating lifestyle to whoever is interested I in no way judge others who eat food I do not permit for my child.
There is also such a strong emotional and social connection to food here that I do not completely understand even though I grew up in it. Grandparents or people in general want to show love by feeding my child cookies and ice cream. Why not a hug or a kiss? Or play with them? Or take them on a walk? My fondest memories with my grandmother all involve the nature walks we took. Why can't food be for nourishment primarily and anything else secondarily? I want to know when my child grows up if they eat emotionally- for comfort, love, fulfillment- that it is not because that is what I taught by example or by words. Of all the things I can do wrong with my child I hardly think feeding them a diet rich in vegetables and fruits and low in junk food will be the worst.
AP says
My family lifestyle was more in the middle. My mom is a vegetarian, and my dad is a big meat eater and lover of sweets. My mom's family was poor, so her diet has always been made up of the basic vegetables that they grew. None of the fancy vegetarian dishes you see now. Bless her heart, she tried everything to help me eat healthy, but I still hate most vegetables. I've learned to eat a larger number of them over the years because I know I need to, but I still don't like them. I'm more like my dad, in that I'm a meat and carbs kind of girl. Bread, pasta, chips and salsa.....they're my downfall. Unfortunately, I'm fighting a lot of bad genetics. That vegetarian mom that never ate worse than the occasional Snickers? Over 300 cholesterol when I was in high school. Dad's side was just as bad when it comes to heart health, even though I don't recall them eating too badly. My parents always tried to teach balance and portion size, and that's what it's all about. I'm not really good at the whole foods thing, but I'm constantly trying to make better decisions and hit the 90/10 mark. Kids are always going to sneak food (and other things) at some point. And I think the current dishonesty issue is just a phase at that age. My niece did similar things. I think the key is to always be teaching, guiding, and correcting (when needed). Kids need love and healthy boundaries. If they get both, they'll be fine, in dealing with both food and life.
Stephanie says
My parents tried to make sure I ate healthy, but they themselves do not have very healthy diets so I ate a lot of processed foods growing up. I was overweight until a few months ago; Last January I joined weight watchers and shortly after I was also introduced to the concept of real food. I have now lost 31 lbs and am a healthy weight. I still really struggle with cravings and I believe I am a food addict, but I am learning to manage it. I have had a lot of issues with emotional eating, but I am starting to realize that food is not the answer. When I have children, I fully intend to feed them real food so that they do not have to struggle with their weight like I did.
Steph says
My mom was a single parent and did her best under the circumstances and with the knowledge she had, but we at a lot of beefaroni, kraft dinner and those types of meals.
I was very fortunate to live in a residence in university that didn't have a meal plan option so I started cooking for myself. For the most part it was whole(ish) foods and as a result, instead of gaining the dreaded frosh 15, I lost 20 lbs. When I got married I took an even bigger step towards eating organic whole foods and now it's just a way of life. I struggle a bit with the balance of feeding my kids 'junk' outside the house. I get a lot of "it won't hurt him" comments etc., but if they eat a lot of it I feel it *will* over time hurt him. Like you, I don't really want my kids to eat junk but if it's offered I let them have it. Luckily the majority of my friends and family are pretty good eaters so the junk isn't too bad. I have a very picky son but I hope that if I stick with the habits that we have at home, that he'll have the knowledge to bring with him later in life. Thanks for having this site because I think it's helping a lot of people realize there's a better way to eat and therefore live!
Alli says
I was born in the 70's and as a kid ate a lot of convenience foods. My mom cooked dinner, but used a lot of Rice a Roni, canned fruit (I don't remember ever having fresh fruits and veggies in our house) and packaged side dishes. We did eat a good amount of TV dinners and fast food, always had soda around the house, and Little Debbie snacks. Almost nothing was made from scratch in the way of baked goods. My brother and I still tried to sneak candy and treats -- having access to junk food on a regular basis didn't make us turn it down when we had the chance.
When I first had my own place and cooked for myself, then for my family, I cooked almost the same way except I made sure to have fruits and vegetables with all meals and rarely had soda or chips in the house. I gradually made changes over the years as I learned more about healthy choices and it helps that I like to cook and bake!
Allie says
I was also allowed to eat whatever I wanted and still "snuck" more junk food than my family probably knew about. Honestly, this is also how I functioned until this past year. I stopped eating meat at the end of August and am vegan now. It's still hard on me and food is always going to be a temptation because I have always fed my body the junk. I also wish I had the healthy food chcoices since birth because I struggle with my weight and worry that I always will.
I'm also using my experience though to vow to provide better options for my kids, when I have kids. And now, my husband and I are giving ourselves the better options!
Liz says
I grew up in a mixed household. There was an emphasis on fruits and vegetables in whatever form (fresh, canned, frozen), and a de-emphasis on meat as a central component of the meal. But there was also a fair share of junk, as my parents raised twins with colic as infants, and juggled their work schedules to ensure someone was home with us most of the time. Hardee's breakfasts, pizza/candy Fridays, and canned soups and boxed mac and cheese were not out of place. Over time it got "better" according to this website's standards. (Oh dear God we ate so many beans in high school, a rough earnings period for my parents. SO. MANY. BEANS.) But we had a lot of freedom to choose, too. It was a learning experience, but eventually my sister and I had first-hand knowledge that real food made you feel better and kept you going through both mental and physical "exercise" of school/sports. They never forced anything on us, ever, just gave us clear expert opinions and the freedom to choose portion size and foods, with a healthy understanding of "everything in moderation." They modeled everything, but my knowledge is MINE, and that is something stronger than anything that would have been forced on me. (Then again, everyone in my family is stubborn and fiercely independent!)
Leilani says
Just to summarize my ridiculously long comment, I ate healthy as a kid because it's what I was given.
I eat healthily now, because I know it's healthy, and it's also the food I genuinely prefer to eat.
Leilani says
I was raised eating healthy natural food. I would say it was "forced" on me, it's just what we had, what I was given. I don't even remember ever having discussion about "making healthy choices" or why we ate somewhat differently from other people or how wholesome food was better for us. IT was just the norm. I was only kid with spinach as a favorite food (and yes, I am convinced that a lot of kids hate it because they're supposed to, not because they've ever eaten it). Yes, on occasion at friends' houses and such I was excited to eat their junk food, but honestly I never felt deprived or wanted "normal" food or anything. It was more that it was against what I was normally given than actually wanting/liking their food. My aunt like to tell the story of when my sister and I were caught sneaking extra seaweed as a snack...
My father did most of the cooking when I was little, so when he moved out my dietary habits may have declined a little, but by high school I was doing most of the household cooking, and I made it all as health as I could because I wanted to be eating that way, not because anyone was forcing decisions on me- if anything I was bringing the healthiness to my mother (not that she didn't want it, she just wasn't much of a cook, and sometimes less healthy = easier, helllooo microwaves).
I'm now 20, so I don't know if I can fully discuss my "adult" eating habits, but I know that I still prefer to eat the healthiest food I am able. Yes, I indulge sometimes, but honestly I prefer to eat fresh fruit over chips or anything like that, and just feel gross if I eat a lot of candy and crap.
I don't think I was forced into my eating habits, it's just what was normal for me. And personally I am VERY glad that this is how I grew up. I am happy knowing I would actually prefer to consume things that are better for my body. I don't alway have a lot of food choices living on a college campus (and being a vegetarian), but I try to make the healthiest eating choice I can. And to just be okay with it and not get frustrated at myself when I break my norm and eat crap.
Kristin says
We ate well when we could afford it, but we were dirt poor and ate a lot of bologna sandwiches for a while there. I hate that my parents have yo-yo dieted their entire adult lives, always looking for the quick fix. After kids, I lost weight primarily by cutting out the junk (i.e. the Hamburger Helper). That was 5 years ago, and it's still a process, but I'm now a vegetarian who makes just about everything from scratch (don't worry ... I still cook meat for my husband and kids) and am training for my 4th marathon and 1st triathlon.
As a side note, I love what Mike Rowe (the Dirty Jobs guy) posted on Facebook for his parents anniversary about lying to your kids: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=695599173783562&set=a.151342491542569.29994.116999698310182&type=1&theater
My favorite part: “Hey, Dad, can we order a pizza tonight?â€
“A what?†We had never eaten a pizza before, much less ordered one. The concept of food delivery was completely foreign.
“Bobby Price says his mother has a pizza pie delivered right to their house every Friday night," I said. "And Chinese food every Wednesday.â€
My father sighed, and spoke with a hint of sadness. “Look, son, Bobby’s mother doesn’t know how to cook. It’s not her fault they can’t have normal food.†Then, quietly to my mother. “Peg, maybe you should call Mrs. Price and give her the recipe for your meatloaf casserole.â€
“Of course, John. That poor boy deserves a home-cooked meal.â€
“He sure does, Peg. He sure does.â€
Shelley says
My mother read yudkin when I was a kid so we were generally eating healthy food. Growing up with positive food choices have lead me to teach my kids the same. Making your children aware of the consequences of poor diets if something all parents should be doing.
Diane says
My parents were really young when they got married (19), and really young when they had me and my brother (21 and 25, respectively). As a result, they were still figuring things out. They also come from a very conservative Mennonite background, so the kitchen responsibilities were all up to my Mom - but she didn't really know how to cook, except for a few Mennonite staples (homemade chicken noodle soup; a type of perogy we call veranikya, which is basically boiled dough filled with cottage cheese and served with a whole cream gravy), some Mexican dishes (since that's where they were born), and whatever else was cheap (we had a lot of spaghetti and Prego). Vegetables were rarely on the menu, and when they were, it was just something like frozen peas or corn - and salads were just iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, and Italian dressing (and very, very rare). BUT it was all homemade.
Then, when I got older, my parents had more stable employment and started buying more processed stuff, like frozen pizzas, cases of Pepsi (I had 3 a day in high school!), and whatever sugary cereals we wanted. To them, they were luxuries, and proof that they were doing well. We also got into patterns, where meals were a rotation of the same 4 or 5 things all the time (I'm not kidding - my parents would have been content with corn flakes for breakfast, baloney sandwiches for lunch, and spaghetti for dinner every day, if it had been possible!).
Basically, I'm grateful that during my final year of high school all my friends happened to be vegetarian (except me). Through them, I learned that there were actually other ways to have salad, and that vegetables didn't just have to be the side dishes of a meal.
I have a pretty restrictive diet now, since I learned I have IBS, and have to avoid gluten, dairy, lentils, nuts, and certain fruits and vegetables - but can honestly testify that changing my diet has given me more energy and improved my mood. Now I'm living with my parents again, due to my financial situation, and am trying to help them learn to eat more healthily (so I can eat healthily) - it's slow going, but they're realizing how much better they feel. :)
Lacey says
I am so happy you are out there sharing this message and showing America what real food looks like and what appropriate serving sizes look like as well. My parents did irrevocable damage to my health, my teeth, my body, and my self-esteem by letting me eat anything I wanted and not setting limits. The only food I ate came from a window, a box, or a bag and we did not eat at a table. My parents let me eat as much junk as I wanted and I still snuck food as well. There was no limiting the Halloween Candy or any candy for that matter. I have an autoimmune disease, am overweight, gluten intolerant, and have insulin resistance. I struggle DAILY with food because of the poor choices and lack of guidance from my parents. I developed my first eating disorder at age 9! That is when I realized I was overweight and not like my friends. I went on an orange diet where I only ate oranges for a long period of time. Then, in high school I became Anorexic and literally almost starved myself to death because my parents were lacking in teaching me proper nutrition. What you do as parents MATTERS! My children eat organic, whole foods and while we are not perfect they don't even now what fast food is! They see me make most things we eat from scratch and they will tell you the multiple uses for coconut oil, LOL! I still need to get better at portion size and getting my kiddos to eat more veggies but I have already given my children a gift they will have for a lifetime... They know where real food comes from and know that just because you can buy it in a restaurant or store does not mean it is good for you or that you should buy it!
Laura McQuade says
Growing up, we ate a LOT of junk. Not that my mom didn't try! But she was a young mom and married to a very picky eater (dad grew up feeding himself, so he was used to things like fruity pebbles and canned ravioli on a regular basis). By 12 I had started gaining weight and it didn't stop for ten years. Worse, as a child I didn't develop the healthy eating habits that can help to build discipline. Any habits I did have weren't habits of my own, but were rules that were strictly enforced (I learned to get really good at not getting caught).
I left my mom's house at 17 lacking a basic level of self-discipline and completely without healthy habits. Today I'm 22 and finally learning to take the reigns and turn my life around so I don't cause my kids to have the same health and self esteem problems I've had. I wish my parents would have found a way to make our home a consistently real food home! Now the best I can do is get myself to that place and teach my kids to go forward from there.
I definitely don't think you're ruining your kids in any way with your food choices. You're teaching them to see food as fuel - and to choose the right fuel! - instead of teaching them to turn to food for comfort or out of boredom. I can't see that as anything but healthy. Every kid goes through a phase where they're testing boundaries and seeing what they can get away with. It's normal, and it needs to be handled well so it stops, but it doesn't mean that your lifestyle choices need to be changed at all.
Chrissy says
My family was definitely unhealthy in it's eating habits. Although my mom didn't work (or, during the times she did, worked part-time), she rarely had any plan for dinner. A few times a month she would get really restrictive and declare that we had to eat everything on our plate which usually included a fatty hunk of meat, some potatoes, and a slop of heated up (frozen) vegetables. Other than those 15 20 times a year, our dinners mostly consisted of frozen pizza (even at 12 I could throw down an entire pizza by myself and still was a bean pole), giant portions of meat on the grill (with no discernible vegetable to speak of), or fast food/pizza.
I always associated weight with health and, because of this, I thought I was healthy (the rest of my family has always been large) because my peak weight while living at home was 117 lbs at 5'7. When I first got pregnant (one I eventually lost), I had blood work done and my doctor told me that my cholesterol levels were outrageous, especially for 23 and thin. I changed a little bit, but my husband and I still lived on convenience until just the last couple of months. We recently started eating clean and have noticed a lot of negative feedback and passive aggressive comments from family members (particularly my mother-in-law). She is not in agreeance with the restrictions we put on our kids and has been caught a few times sneaking them extra pieces of candy (they are 15 months and almost 4). My sister-in-law told me she feels bad for kids like mine because their parents got to enjoy all these delicious foods that they'll never be able to experience. o.O
I'm just hoping to help my children have a better relationship with food than I or my husband did. While I'm an emotional cleaner (my hubby sometimes jokes that he needs to get me mad to make me clean), he is an emotional eater. He turns to food (specifically carbs and fats) when he's feeling down or angry. He gets that from his mother and both of them are an unhealthy weight (again, I know now that weight isn't the only indication of health). I don't want my children to form that bond. We are trying to get them to enjoy the healthy, whole foods, but also to realize that food has a function and it is to provide nourishment and energy, not make us feel better.
Cammie says
My parents ate "healthy" before it was really trendy, but as an adult I now realize they were eating to lose weight and not as part of a healthy lifestyle. They were always thin and had some healthy habits, but they still to this day buy into every "fad" that comes along. Nothing was ever restricted and there was unhealthy food around the house too. I never had to sneak junk food, but looking back I binged at friend's houses that had junk food available. Also at college, I indulged in all the things we never had growing up such as pizza dipped in ranch, fast food, etc. I was super active which is how I think I kept my weight in check but once I got to college my activity declined and my weight slowly increased year by year. After I had my 2 kids at 28, I was 60 pounds overweight and had to work really hard to get to a healthy weight. All of that said, I don't know if being raised the way I was lead to unhealthy habits or if I'm just an emotional eater. I have to think about food everyday so that I can keep myself in check. By raising my kids on a clean diet I feel like I'm educating them to eat food the way God intended it to be eaten and what's best for their bodies. I'm not super strict about anything to hopefully avoid bad habits either way. It will always be a concern however. Lisa, you're doing wonderful things and putting yourself out there is so hard. Keep up the good work and focus on those around you who positively support you.
Robyn says
My mom doesn't cook. Her mashed potatoes were the nasty flakes. We had those wretched TV dinners with the freaky square carrots. My grandma is an incredible cook so I knew what food was supposed to taste like so I was determined to eat food that tasted good. Growing up, my breakfasts were poptarts, instant oatmeal, sugary cereals, frozen sausage biscuits, and toaster strudels. It makes me sick thinking that's what fed my growing body! On the other hand, though my grandma cooked, it was old-fashioned southern cooking. My grandma uses margarine, drinks diet coke, and makes very sugary desserts. My grandparents had a garden, though so I did eat veggies. Oh, but my grandma bought canned peas - GROSS! I hadn't lived until I had frozen peas! :) Anyway, my entire family is overweight and/or has various health problems. My personal wake up call was when my oldest (now 8) was a toddler and I was feeding him Chef Boyardee ravioli. I was bored while waiting for him to eat and was reading the ingredients and realized that I had no clue what he was eating. I had gone from breastfeeding to that. I realized I could at least make him a sandwich and it would even be quicker than heating up radioactive garbage. My kids all now think plain yogurt with fruit and granola is a great treat! They get excited over unsweetened applesauce. They think fruit juice is supposed to be diluted 50% (I even like it better that way now!). While we have a long way to go, we never fight about food. They have always been given what I make from the time they were able to eat it. My kids are tall and skinny and my husband and I can't figure out who they've gotten it from. People are always amazed that my kids will eat anything that's offered to them. And they actually get physically ILL when they eat the junk that they're given at church or parties!