In case you missed it there was a conundrum on my Facebook page yesterday – after I learned my daughter was buying items in the school cafeteria I was unaware of – that spawned more than 3,000 comments (on both posts in total). I don’t think I read every single one of the comments, but I did read most and noticed something very interesting.
We’ve all heard the warning, “If you are too restrictive with your kids’ food choices now, it will backfire later!”
There may be some truth to that and I do personally strive for a “healthy” (and guilt-free) balance when my own kids want to indulge, BUT what I did notice yesterday – that was different than usual and that I really liked – were many of the following comments that REALLY struck a chord with me.
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These are the stories I think a lot of us don’t hear enough and also serve as a GREAT reminder to keep instilling healthy habits in our kids (despite the naysayers many of us have in our lives)…
“I WISH my parents had ‘forced’ a real food or healthy lifestyle on me. IF they had i would not still be 50+lbs overweight (since jr high) and have such a warped relationship with food!”
“I wish my parents made me eat healthy whole foods when I was younger. It would have saved me a lifetime of health issues that have pretty much subsided since I changed what I put in to my body.”
“As a child I was taught good nutrition and given good choices and for that I’m thankful. I wasn’t given fruit loops and chicken nuggets. I wasn’t allowed to order off the kids menu I had what the adults were having —lobster and seafood! I’m grateful as an adult that I don’t really crave junk food–not to say I don’t indulge once in a while, I’m human right? I would have loved to have had all of the organic and vegetarian choices back then that we have now. Bravo to any parent starting their kids off on the healthy track!!!”
“As a 26 year old who has struggled with her weight since third grade, I wish my parents had introduced me to real food sooner. We ate at home, but corn was the only ‘vegetable’ ever to grace the table. As a parent you HAVE to introduce those foods and “force’ your children to learn how to nourish their bodies, or they won’t know how to do it themselves.”
“I wish my family had had better eating habits when I was growing up. I wish I had never learned to put sugar on cereal for example. We didn’t have a lot of junk food but I learned some bad habits. And didn’t develop enough really good ones. Now I’m 50 and gluten intolerant and overweight and who knows what other damage has been done?”
“I chose what I ate because my parents were absent during mealtimes. Mac and cheese. Cereal. White bread. Pizza. Now, I have PCOS, insulin resistance, and gluten intolerance and because of these, am struggling to get pregnant. I’m not obese OR inactive, but my body was made sick as a child. I am SO PROUD of all of you mothers that are taking charge of your and your family’s health. It is SO IMPORTANT. You are enabling your children to live long healthy lives, especially your daughters who will have babies of their own. I have control of my health now (just turned 21) but it took 5 years to figure out what was wrong with me. It was food. Now I’m fighting to get my fertility back and I will succeed!!”
“My husband and I both grew up eating healthy for the most part and even now at ages 24 and 25 we would much rather eat a healthy meal than junk food. How you raise your children to eat follows them into adulthood.”
“I only wish healthy food habits were ‘forced’ onto me as a child. Then I wouldn’t have had to spend the last 3 years completely changing my diet to avoid weight loss surgery (2 of my sisters have had this), avoid an autoimmune thyroid disease, remove anti depressants and anti inflammatories from my daily routine and really enjoy my life! Thankfully, I now know better and I pass this information on to my own children so they can avoid these issues too.”
“I was fed all natural foods from birth (and that was 1980 when it wasn’t even cool, lol) and of course I had my sneaky moments, but I am obsessed with eating healthy as an adult. People are absolutely more likely to eat healthy if they are raised to see that as ‘normal.'”
“I wish my parents would have provided me with whole foods. I have struggled all my life with weight….”
“I certainly wish I didn’t have to work so hard to overcome the UNhealthy eating habits my parents passed down to me.”
“I am teaching my children now, what I wish I would have known growing up. Fresh whole foods are better for your body than processed foods.”
“I grew up in a house where my Mom sprinkled wheat germ on my yogurt and substituted tofu for meat…as a child, I didn’t even know that a soda and chip aisle existed in the grocery store. I have such gratitude for that, and have passed that on to my children.”
“I grew up in a house without sugar cereal, little debbies, and chips. As a child I was not happy about it but now I am sooo grateful. Now my family eats a clean diet…its my job to educate and provide healthy options for my family”
“I wish my parents would have cared more to teach me better eating habits because changing them as an adult was extremely hard since I really had no idea of what real health and real foods were.”
“I wish my mother had taught me healthy eating habits as a child rather than using food as rewards and to soothe. It’s taken a long time to break that. You’re their parent not their friend! Teaching them to be healthy is a good thing. Anyone saying otherwise is crazy.”
“I grew up on junk because my mom allowed me to be picky and let us eat what we wanted, and I have had a weight problem. So now I am trying to do better by my children and some people think I’m being mean and should let them eat whatever they want (the oldest being only two years old!). It is hard to make changes when you are used to eating poorly, so I want to make changes for them now and plant the seed of good health and eat real food. I think it is a crying shame for anyone to be ridiculed and put down for that.”
“I only wish my mother had the knowledge of eating clean and healthy growing up. My whole life, I ate unhealthy. Processed food. Fast food. I didn’t know any different. And all I knew to cook for my husband was the processed food my mom taught me to make. It’s so hard to change my eating habits of 22 years.”
“I feel so fortunate that healthy eating habits were ‘forced’ upon me as a child. I thank my mom all the time for that b/c I believe I am a healthier adult b/c of it. And I am passing along the same healthy habits to my children.”
My Own Childhood
There was also one comment (that I just cannot find again to quote!), but it said something like,
“I was allowed to eat all the junk I wanted growing up and I still snuck candy and other treats behind my parents’ back.”
And actually now that I think about it I was that kid, too. We were provided homemade dinners complete with vegetables of course, but beyond that I do recall a childhood filled with plenty of packaged food options (including Doritos, Kraft Mac & Cheese, Golden Grahams, Little Debbie Snacks, Frozen Pizza, Snickers, etc.). And even so I’ll never forget how many of my grandmother’s chocolate chips cookies I would eat as a child (while no one was looking!) when we visited her house.
During the holidays her famous chocolate chip cookies would be out on a tray in the dining room, and every single time I passed by I would pop one in my mouth. Man, her cookies were good. It’s not that I wasn’t “allowed” treats by any stretch of the imagination (although I am sure my parents did have some limits!), but there I was still eating an embarrassing amount of cookies and I don’t think anyone knew except me. Even despite my sneaky ways as a child though, I’ve always had a healthy relationship with food. So long story short – junk food restrictions or not – children might sneak food and while the issue certainly shouldn’t be ignored, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are going to be set up for a lifetime of negative health consequences as a result. Just my two cents based on my own experience.
So now I am really curious – what was your childhood like from a food perspective and how did that shape you as an adult? It seems there is really no “one size fits all” answer here so I’d love to hear your stories as well.
When I was a child, my parents did their best to provide not only a large variety of foods, but healthy foods as well. Every meal included fruits & vegetables. We also only ever had 100% whole wheat bread; unusual when I was growing up. I, too, also indulged in my share of junk/processed foods–only because my parents didn’t know to look at what’s actually in the ingreduents. I am grateful to my parents for setting me up for success as an adults. I have a healthy relationship with food. I actually ENJOY healthy foods and I indulge on occasion, too. As a parent myself, I always want to provide the best and healthiest foods to my children; to nourish them and to set the standard for what is their “normal”. Some of these things will become their comfort foods as adults. It’s my responsibility to make those healthful foods/meals. Making good food choices is a life skill, much like how we teach our kids to take care of their bodies in other ways (brushing teeth, hygiene, exercise, etc, etc.)
I absolutely think you are doing things well; you are doing what you know is best for your kids. I promise it will pay off!
When i was a kid my single parent mother cooked for us. Ive learned some improved diet information, and that is good. If i am what offends you to the point of banning me, you have a pretty shelterd life. I am not the only person who has pointed out the trust betrayed by your post but im the one you banned. Well bless your little heart.
I really think a lot of it is personality. We had mostly whole foods growing up. We did have occasional meals with cream of chicken soup in it, or Kraft mac and cheese on a weekend, but overall pretty healthy. As adults I am the one out of the three children in our family who is the healthy eater, focusing mostly on whole foods and organics when possible. My brother and his family go out to eat all the time, eat fast food many times a week and rarely cook from-scratch meal. My sister does a little more cooking but eats a lot of packaged convenience foods. We all sneaked food as kids, I remember I loved staying over at friends houses because they had sweet cereal and we were only allowed to choose one box for our birthdays.
Most nutrition experts say that teaching your children healthy eating habits is very important, but it isn’t a guarantee. We only have so much control over them. I think it is important but once they become adults they will have to make their choices.
I agree with so many who say that they wished they were forced to eat healthy. (I choose the word force because more often kids choose and desire the junk over healthy options, therefore needing to be forced to expand their horizons.) My childhood contained very little fruits and veggies. If they were offered they were options not required. As a result I, to this day, hate almost all fruits and veggies. I don’t have an unhealthy relationship with food, meaning I don’t over indulge and I’m not overweight but I am unhealthy. I struggle even at age 32 to eat fruits and veggies. I thought if I forced myself to eat them I would start to like them but it just makes me hate them even more. I’m determined to offer my kids healthy meals with lots of fruits and veggies and no processed crap but I’m afraid they will see that mommy isn’t eating it. I wish I had only eaten healthy and never had the option to eat junk. I feel like it would have made my life easier in more way than one.
Growing up my mom was strict with our eating. She was all about portion control more than about the “kind” of food we ate. We had nice clean food at dinner with homemade entrées; they cost less. But we also grew up with homemade oatmeal cookies and frozen pizzas in the summer time for lunch. I will say however, I grew up in a rural area and we DID NOT eat fast food but maybe once a month. We ate at home 99% of the time. Even when we went on vacations we ate food from the grocery store Deli Dept vs fast food. Eating at McDonalds did not happen very often.
As an adult I still do not enjoy fast food. I just never got a taste for it. I too, like my mom, am into portion control. But unlike her, I ventured out to learn more about healthy clean eating. My husband is gluten free vegetarian so it changed so much for me.
I totally believe its a parents duty and should be their joy, to teach their children to eat well. Eating is so important in a persons life. It’s circled around emotions, holidays, traditions, social gatherings and says who we are, what social status and financial status we are at! Food is a language we all speak. It’s so important that even the Holy Bible talks about it.
Again, I want to say, it’s up to parents to guide and teach a child how to eat. We wouldn’t put them in a car with keys without lots of instructions! Why give them keys to the kitchen without the same?
I love your blog & Facebook posts. Bless you!
I grew up when formula & packaged / processed food became truly mainstream for the middle class, and my parents were happy to help mainstream it, even though they bought into it being healthy and ironically, limited sugar to an extreme extent in the house. So while candy / soda was a no-no, I was readily fed hot dogs, canned vegetables, chef boyardee, frozen dinners, McDonalds and white bread with peanut butter and “fluff”. I was an extremely picky eater as a child and “vegetables” for me meant corn, iceberg lettuce and carrot sticks. I did not like milk and I believe I was lactose sensitive – perhaps it was just the ultra pasteurized, low fat tasteless milk in a plastic container that I found so disgusting! My picky eating continued until I was around 21, and some natural shift or maybe the fact that I was then living around new people / ideas helped sway me into trying the things I hated: tomatoes (tomatoes!), dark leafy greens, fish, beans, whole grains… and all the wonderful whole foods that now make up my diet. I still continued buying and enjoying certain convenience foods – hidden under the guise of healthy marketing – until a string of serious digestive illnesses in my mid-late 20’s forced me into a really clean eating pattern. I now have a child of my own. We keep a mostly vegetarian kitchen including organic whole milk products, organic eggs – and when meat is needed for our growing child we choose organic or grass fed beef, etc. I never bought jarred baby food and spend a lot of time cooking / preparing healthy meals for my child even as a working mother. I believe that this benefits the whole family though. I also breastfed for 2 years. My parents thought I was crazy but did not fight me on this – they do their best to support my beliefs, but now that my child is older they do sneak her treats a lot at their house. I try not to be 100% restrictive as I believe that their restricting me from sugar to such an extent as a child gave me a bit of a sugar obsession that has been hard to re-direct. But now when I get a craving I have know-how to prepare my own HEALTHY sweets or treats and I do feel really good about that. It remains to be seen how my child will operate with food when left to her own devices but even though she’s not a huge eater, quantity wise, she eats very healthy food and a wide variety for her preschool age including most meats, most vegetables, all whole grains, full-fat dairy and almost any fruit. Of course she dreams of cake, ice cream, candy and frosting – because she’s NORMAL. But she loves just as much a sun-dried tomato, olives and asparagus! I really hope she will have a full life of health and avoid some of the hidden health problems I struggled with by having a clean diet from the start. We’ll see.
My sister and I grew up thinking that lasagna was made from ground beef, canned tomato sauce and Velveeta cheese….Now we both choose to eat better. My children eat far better than my husband and I did growing up, but we still have treats on occasion. We find that moderation is key. I was appalled at some of the comments left on your post yesterday. I just couldn’t believe the judgement by some of these women. The bottom line is that as Mom’s, we should all strive to do what best fits our own family’s needs. There is no “one size fits all” answer. I applaud you for your efforts, and I strive to do better every day when it comes to cooking and shopping. It is a real struggle sometimes because we lived on processed food growing up. I have had to learn over the years how to cook with real food and not from something in a box. Thank you for your blog and for some really great ideas that I have adopted. I appreciate what you do :)
My parents fed me ridiculously healthy food growing up (in the 70s and 80s). We never had sugar cereal, chips, cookies, or anything processed. She started us on homemade baby food, we had cod liver oil and vitamins. I felt like I was the only child in my whole school who didn’t have white bread and I was so embarassed by it. When everyone else got chips and candy in their care packages at summer camp, I got nuts and raisins. I was mortified by it. When I was in high school and had my own money to buy my own lunches and snacks, I ate horribly. I lived on hostess pies and so much other crap from the a al carte. I think I wouldn’t have rebelled so much if we had occasional treats at home, but they were so few and far between. However, now I am extremely grateful that I was given a healthy upbringing. I feed my kids mostly whole, nutritious foods, but in total agreement with this blog, we have some treats and dessert, mostly homemade. I found that my upbringing with nearly complete abstinence from any junk was just a bit too extreme, and I chose such horrible junk when I finally had a chance to make my own choices. So for my family now, I am more lax than my parents were. I just remember being so embarassed by my food growing up, I don’t want that for my kids, and I don’t want them to crave the forbidden, so we have treats in moderation. Again, mostly homemade. I am grateful for being raised with whole foods, and it has definitely helped me make good food choices for my 4 kids now.
I wish my parents had done better with healthy food with me. My mom has her own issues with vegetables, so I grew up eating the same five. We never had variety. I still struggle with it. I think joining a CSA was the best thing for me for that. I’ve learned to love a few new ones. Even if I don’t eat something, I always find new things for my son to try. He is an amazing eater and only has two foods he doesn’t really care for. Everything else he’ll try at least once.
I thought of you tonight. I was in the grocery store and heard a child yell to their mother, “no! I want to eat healthy, mom!!” I couldn’t see exactly where they were, but it was in the vicinity of the hotdogs/lunchables section. It put a smile on my face, and I hope it does you too! :). Keep up the great and very important work! I am new to clean eating, and am thankful for your guidance, honesty and information!!
I didn’t start eating healthy until I had children. I was lucky enough it didn’t have any bad affects on me. My parents based most food choices around money, so we still weren’t allowed much junk at least. Because of that, I still saw junk food as a treat, and that is something I try to teach my kids. Once I starting feeding my infant son baby food, I started reading all labels. I actually stopped using store bought baby food because of the sodium content in them and haven’t turned back from there. Our rules for our kids are that they must try everything, they eat what I give them before asking for something else, and to have everything in moderation. My boys are young, 2 and 4, but we haven’t had trouble with this yet and have found great benefits from it. While cousins will gobble down cookie after cookie during holidays, my boys can’t take that much sugar and prefer to snack on vegetables and nuts. Instead of asking for more candy from their grandma, they ask her for pistachios or blueberries and think it is a treat. I still regulate how much of those they can have. We haven’t given up all processed foods, but I’m constantly trying to make the best choices for us. I’m sure I’ll get it wrong a lot, but as I try to teach my kids, all that matters is that you keep trying. I love your blog. I have found it as a great resource in making better food choices, and I love hearing your parenting stories as well. Thank you for taking the time to share with us!
I had pretty much the exact same childhood experience with food as you describe, only my Grandma’s were sugar cookies. My three boys (10, 8 and 7) love great-grandmas cookies as much as I did. Though not as well as yours (the goal), my kids are required to eat much better than I did. Generally, they seem empowered by the knowledge they have on how food affects their bodies and minds. My 7yr old (1st grade too) told me just this evening after coming out of the restroom that he’s going to need more fiber the next few days. :)
That same boy was busted deep in a dark pantry sneaking dark chocolate chips straight from the bag tonight too. I suppose there are worse things! He’s also been “white lying” about various things in the past two months. I choose to believe your daughter’s sneaking has less to do with food and more to do with her age/stage. Carry on, momma. You are doing great with them….and inspiring tens of thousands of us along the way!
My story is the same as many others. I was given sugar to put on unsweetened cereal, ice cream before bed, and whenever I had a great day or a really difficult day my mom would give me a special food treat. I’m 30 and it continues to cause difficulty with me. I think it is an amazing gift that you’re giving your children to teach them the healthy way to eat.
I would like to comment about the post regarding you “betraying” your child by talking about her sneaky behavior on Facebook. It is your job as the parent to guide and support your kids. Checking up on them to make sure they’re on the right track is your job! Caring about your kids and actively parenting them is what you’re supposed to do and there is nothing wrong with sharing your challenges with other people. You’re not the only one who has a child that does things they shouldn’t. It’s nice that you share your experiences so we all know that none of us are alone! Your kids are so lucky to have a mom like you!
Our family had a rule of no fast food, no soda, and we got sugar cereal only on the week of our birthday. I would drink soda whenever I was at a friend’s house, and when I got my first car I went to McDonalds every day. I gorged on sugar cereal when I got to college. I think I spent one year of my life eating hostess cupcakes for dinner after college because I had never had them before. My mom’s healthy meals have formed the basis of my sense of taste as an adult. After the junk food binging years were over, I returned to a very similar palate. However, because the restrictions led me to go the opposite way, I don’t think I would have the same restrictions in my house. At the moment, only real food is allowed in the house, but I think if my son starts asking for soda or processed foods at home, I may try to allow them in moderation so that he doesn’t binge the way I did.
As an only child, my mother limited meal preparation to only food that she knew that I would eat. Both my parents were professionals and while we weren’t “rich”, I would say we were comfortable. So I don’t think meals were prepared, to suit my very limited tastes, out of financial necessity, I think that she felt that if I ate then she was taking care of, at last good deal of, parental business. I am sure I had some issues with texture because the food I preferred I was almost all smooth in nature, so mostly processed foods. I also loved milk. Even though I remember feeling relieved that I didn’t have to try new foods and that I could help myself to whatever treats were in the house, including Pepsi and Coke, without the worry of sharing them with anyone else. I did know that there was something not quite right about this. During and after college I had added a little more variety to my diet, but not much. My first child was born in 1989. I knew nothing about babies or children, so I read everything that I could get my hands on and some where through this process made the decision that I was going to raise my children differently, especially when it came to food. One of the things that I love about Facebook and internet blogs, is the support network that is just a few clicks away. From breast feeding to limiting to the food I offered to my children to healthier options I never felt like I had much support. My childrens’ grandparents were loving and wonderful, it was just that the way I chose to feed my children was very different from what they had done twenty five years earlier. Now I am 50 years old and I eat a mostly grain free/dairy free whole food diet. I still suffer from some occasional seasonal allergies, but I no longer take daily allergy meds. The sinus and congestion that was a constant in my life is rare. I no longer suffer from migraines or month long bouts of diarrhea. I feel pretty darn good most of the time! I started running 6 weeks before my 50th birthday and ran a 5K on the big day. My oldest child did rebel a bit against the healthy eating habits. However; he does keep a health journal to limit his intake of soda, sweets and fast food and to track his daily exercise. He also seems to have an open mind and a respect for healthy eating habits and has even written out some recipes as he watches me prepare meals . My daughter is away at college, but seems to enjoy the grain free/dairy free options that I prepare when she is home. I am also thankful that my husband is completely supportive of this lifestyle change. He eats what I eat when we are together and as much as possible when he is away. I love your posts and I am very thankful for the support, recipes, ideas and encouragement that you offer! Keep up the excellent parenting, they will thank you later! (not too long ago mine actually did, miracles happen :)
I grew up eating sugary cereal probably every day for breakfast through high school, there was always little candies around the house, and my mom always enjoyed baking cookies or treats. At the same time though, my parents cooked healthy homemade meals, casseroles, a balance of vegetables/starch/meat, etc. We rarely ate fast food. We always ate around the table, and Sunday night was in the nice dining room. There were no substitutions for my sister and I, we ate what my parents cooked. Of course I didn’t like everything that was provided, but my parents strongly forced the “no thank you bite” rule for anything my sister or I refused to eat (had to take at least one bite of everything on the plate no matter what). Now that I am old enough to cook for myself and make my own food decisions, I’m sticking pretty much exactly with what I was taught. I don’t eat fast food, I still eat cookies, and I have developed a love and appreciation for homemade foods. Goes to show that good parenting and teaching good habits does pay off in the long run!
I was raised with a mom who had a bad relationship with food. From a young age, she was obsessed with her body image and size. She has always been petite, but has probably been on more diets than most. She was/is a petite woman, but struggled to see her beauty. We ate Kraft man’ n cheese, tons of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on white bread, and canned SpagehettiOs. In fact, I had never actually eaten butter (only margarine) until I moved out and bought it myself.
Consequently, I developed a bad relationship with food and was also always putting myself on diets. Atkins, carb-loading, calorie-counting, splenda…anything. (Despite not being overweight, I felt the same pull my mom had).
About six years ago I developed terrible digestive issues and two years ago, I discovered I had Celiac Disease. This FORCED me to change my lifestyle. I eat almost all whole foods and organic. The ironic part is that I don’t count calories or worry about fat or any of that. My weight is more stable than it has been in years. What your parents do really does influence you. I sometimes think about how much easier my life would have been if I had been given direction on healthy habits from the beginning. What you are doing is wonderful.
This comment that opened your article “If you are too restrictive with your kids’ food choices now, it will backfire later!†is so ironic to me. It’s like saying, let’s just be lax on food restrictions now, that way their life (nutrition) will be ruined now and later, when it takes incredible amounts of willpower to break bad habits developed in early childhood.
My family ate at home and was always meat and potatoes, vegetables came from a can. Snacking was prominent and all processed. I think the only fruit I ate growing up was bananas and grapes. I’m still working to break many of these habits, especially those relating to sugar. I was picky and not willing to try new things. And when I grew up convenience foods were such a new thing and a lifesaver for many moms, so the negatives to that type of food weren’t known.
After getting married and beginning to cook my own meals, I tried a lot more foods and started learning about nutrition. We try to offer our children a wide range of foods that are nutritious, they eat what we eat. Of course we still have sweets and allow them to make their own choices, but I figure if I can help develop even one good habit in them as children, they will have a lot less to overcome as adults.
First off I want to say how much I love your posts. As a recent “clean eater” I have found your suggestions very helpful.
In answer to your question when I was growing up there were never restrictions. I was allowed to eat all the pop chips and chocolate that I wanted. Funny thing though I very clearly remember being a young kid and wanting to switch my Joe Louis snacks for my friends homemade banana muffins. I have been fortunate now to never have any weight issues but funny enough the girlfriend that i would switch with is very much overweight and unhealthy. I’m not insinuating that because she was always eating healthy to her mothers knowledge with restrictions on junk- does not mean that’s why she is unhealthy today and overweight – just funny I craved healthy food and never really got it and she always craved junk food and she never really got it.
The point is I grew up eating junk and now I am raising my family to be clean. I have made that choice. I feel like blaming your upbringing on your adult eating habits is a cop out. It’s easier to eat junk then to be healthy and it truly is a choice that you need to make regardless of how you ate as a kid.
I am struck by the fact that many of the comments you picked out to share involved people saying that they wish their parents had ‘forced’ them to eat healthy food. To me the fact that so many people chose the word ‘force’ or ‘made’ conveys the belief that no one would eat healthy food by choice, and certainly not children; that they would have to be forced into it.
This to me is a sad misconception about the way food and eating is approached in our society, and what brings about poor relationships with food and disordered eating of all kinds. No one should be ‘forced’ to eat anything, whether it be healthy or junk. No one should feel guilty or awful about what they eat or ate. Eating food should be a joyful and peaceful experience.
Children should be presented with healthy (and appropriate and realistic) choices at regularly scheduled intervals and should be allowed to pick and choose what they want to eat from the choices available. Children should be trusted to know how much and whether they want to eat at meal and snack times. If they choices offered are good tasting, whole, real food, there is no reason to force a child to eat it, or on the other side of the spectrum restrict them from eating the amount they want. Children will come to enjoy and appreciate real food but it takes TIME.
Regarding snacks and treat foods, we all know we live in a world filled with them, some junkier than others. By restricting our children from eating junk and snack foods, we are only increasing their liking for them, which can lead to preoccupation and binging. We need to teach our children that though these foods are delicious they are only foods we eat sometimes, and then they should be allowed to eat these foods from time to time without restriction. This takes away their forbidden status, and thus their power!
Though I cringe inside every time my son eats a blue cupcake at a birthday party, I grin and bear it because I want him to enjoy himself without any attachments or guilt about these foods. He is much too young for all that emotional baggage. He is allowed a ‘treat’ food once every day and he usually has it during his lunch or dinner. Sometimes it is ice cream (usually organic but not always) and sometimes it is a few pretzels. Either way he knows he is allowed to have treats and have them often and therefore they are really no big deal to him. He will often leave half of the cake he is eating at a party when he has enough, while I see other kids begging for seconds or thirds. I think this is a great skill he has, being able to listen to his own hunger and satiety cues, and one we should all strive to allow our children to be tuned it to, because they are all born with it.
Lisa, I think you are doing an AMAZING job and service to so many people, and as a nutritionist I refer people to your blog all the time. At the same time, I urge you to let your girls get crazy with some junk food occasionally, because I was very restricted as a child and then went junk food junkie once I was able to make some of my own food choices. In time I came to realize that that food didn’t make me feel good and was finally able to appreciate all the good food my mother fed me. But I don’t think I would have needed the junk food period if she hadn’t been so restrictive. And since they eat real food 99% of the time, they will likely come to realize the junk food is pretty gross anyway.
Dana – That word was used a lot because of the language used in the original question on Facebook.
I am an only child from a single parent household. My mother did not, and still does not cook. She would occasionally (rarely) cook a roast with carrots and potatoes. Most of my meals growing up were fast food, sugar cereal, pizza delivery, canned pasta (ravioli/beefaroni) or mac and cheese when kraft started making it. Canned corn or canned green beans were all the vegetables I got (other than the carrots and potatoes mentioned above), and those were rare. I never learned to cook or even to actually enjoy food. I always ate because I had to, never because I wanted to. As an adult and through my first marriage, fast food was always a staple. I was fortunate in my metabolism until I hit my 30s, staying very slender. Now in my 40s, I am about 50 pounds overweight and I am struggling to redefine my relationship with food. I struggle with headaches, low blood sugar, extreme PMS, and horrible mood swings. I am now married to a man who cooks and we are starting to get deeper into the real food lifestyle. My daughter is doing the same, and making sure her boys learn that real food tastes good! I can not even imagine a world where I was raised with home prepared food, much less REAL food. My mother still survives on sugar cereal, sodas, fast food, and the occasional pre-seasoned frozen chicken breast. She has never wanted to put any effort into preparing food, and sadly, I haven’t either. Food was never worth our time. How sad is that? I have learned to enjoy baking, but I still hate the process of meal preparation. My husband does enjoy it though, and I am learning to enjoy food itself. Baby steps.
Mum went to a lot of effort to cook healthy food for us- yes there was white flour and sugar but very little by way of pre-made snacks or takeout. MacDonalds etc were not really part of the food landscape here until I was a teenager (very different now). Soft drinks and chips and ice cream were very much a party food or a treat. She didn’t make a big deal out of it, it was just how we ate, and it was how the majority if our friends ate (I remember a big group of us conspiring to go to a certain girls house to play in the holidays because her Dad let us have CORDIAL!).
I rebelled a bit once I had the independence to do so- coke on the way home from school sometimes, going to Maccas with my friends at weekends. When I moved out of home at 19, I knew how to cook reasonably well so while there was definitely some instant noodles and pasta in my student diet, there was a lot if good stuff too.
As a parent though I’m skilled to give my kids a healthy diet, thanks to my mum, and knowledgable about it thanks to sites like this one. I don’t kid myself that French fries or ice cream from part of a balanced diet, but they do get them on the very odd occasion. We cook together, go to the fruit shop together, talk about healthy choices, but I don’t lose sleep because they ate a cupcake. I want them to have a positive relationship to food. I think I’m doing okay, they’re happy, healthy and interested in food.
I grew up in a meat and potatoes household (with a canned veggie on the side) and was allowed to eat pretty much whatever junk I wanted. I grew up to be about 50lbs overweight and unhappy with my body, which led to bulimia in high school and college. Thankfully, because I was sick of catching colds while in college I decided to try out being a vegetarian. More so because it was a challenge than because I found it wrong to kill animals for food. Fast forward seven years (still vegetarian and trying to eat/cook as cleanly as possible) and two children (also vegetarians) and I am a healthy weight, rarely ever get sick and couldn’t be happier. In fact my two children have both never been to the doctors for a sick visit in their lives. I don’t think that’s a coincidence.
Yesterday’s comments about you causing an eating disorder in your children when they get older are completely false. I was allowed whatever I wanted and ended up with a negative relationship with food. Keep up the good work and thanks for all the really great recipes!
When I was growing up we always had good whole food in the house. Every meal had a typical meat, starch, whole grain bread and some kind of vegetables. My family had a HUGE garden (partly due to financial reasons but also because my mom grew up on a farm) As a child I hated that garden! It was such a chore to maintain and harvest but every year we would end up with fresh carrots, peas, beans, cucumbers, raspberries, potatoes, etc etc. We didn’t have a huge variety of choices in our meals but we kids all knew about and ate vegetables every day.
That sounds like a very healthy childhood but like so many others I was also a secret binge eater of any junk I could get my hands on! Not just a few chips or cookies, but the whole bag please! My parents didn’t place huge strict rules regarding food for us and I still ate the crap whenever I could. I knew it was bad food though, I think that’s the difference. I made the choice to eat the “food” that I knew full well was horrible for my body. I don’t think that it’s the fault of my parents necessarily for not being strict enough or too strict. I blame the food industry for the advertising and packaging and Sugar content that they add to the food to make it sooooooo appealing and addictive.
I do wish that my parents had been a bit more strict with our food choices, and had less crap in the house for me to pillage. But mostly I wish that they had taught me how to actually COOK real food meals! None of us kids were in the kitchen when meals were prepared so as an adult – I know what real food is, but I don’t always eat it because I have to prepare and cook it, and as someone that isn’t confident in my cooking skills it can effect my choices. There’s only so much salad I can take until I need a real meal!
I think that it’s so important to teach our kids the difference between real food and junk food. Kids should be in the garden learning what real food is, and also in the kitchen learning how to actually USE real food! It will give them the tools for when they are on their own and have to make those choices for themselves. Obviously they’re going to knowingly eat crap in college, but they should also have the knowledge to make a healthy meal for themselves too.
We ate a lot of processed food growing up. I was rediculously picky as a child, and my parents would guilt me into eating things I didn’t like (processed foods, no less, like fast food burgers…I still don’t like beef very much and am borderline vegetarian after listening to my body) and gave me endless grief when I didn’t conform to their “food norms”. I told my mom when I was a kid I wanted to be an archeologist…her response? “Better pack a lot of peanut butter because you won’t eat anything else.” They never tried alternative cooking methods (fresh green beans versus canned, etc) and when my milk intolerance surfaced, it became even worse. I made my meals separately after that, almost every night, to avoid getting sick or having issues. I felt isolated, rejected.
As an adult, I’ve found quite a few foods I really enjoy that I never would have touched as a child; and imagine my surprise going to my parents when my brother and I weren’t living there and discovering them making all the food they’d STOPPED making because we were “too picky” and they gave up trying to feed it to us.
I had panic attacks on my first few dates, I was terrified I would look stupid ordering “safe” food at restaurants. Now, I’m still paranoid about food (my intolerance is now a full blown allergy; ordering at new places is like Russian Roulette with my guts) but I love trying new things. I eat things I never would have touched as a child (and things my family won’t touch!). When we have kids, it’ll be a “no thank you bite” food rule; no guilt, no “you have to finish your *main* before you can eat ANYTHING else”. I know they meant well, but my parents went about the whole food thing the wrong way for me. Food became a comfort and a curse. I’m still working to change that :)
When I was a kid we ate pretty well. My Mom was SAHM and my Dad didn’t make much money so we were required to eat mostly homegrown and made. The few exceptions were chips (which I hated even as a child) granola bars and candy, while we didn’t get it often it was in the house. If we wanted treats we were more than welcome to make cookies, brownies or cakes from scratch and I did so often. My Aunt was very aware of food and her family didn’t eat anything unreal. It shaped me quite strongly to watch them. Whenever we would have family activities her kids would sneak treats. While my parents would say eat one or two, and we might sneak a third, my aunt wouldn’t let her kids have any. I remember watching one of my cousins sneak over 10 cookies one day and wondering how he didn’t get sick!
While I try to feed my family a healthy diet and we eat about 90-95% whole foods, I am always conscious of restricting it and turning one or two cookies into sneaking 10+.
Honestly, I think my mother did the best she could with what she knew and what she could afford. We always had fruits and veggies in the house and there was a limit on the amount of junk we could eat. However being a working mom and having us in a zillion activities and convince food being the theme of the 90s, as well as cheap we did eat poorly compared to how I do now.
My family has horrific weight issues that have left family members home bound. My sister works her rear off at the gym and eats healthy, and I have transitioned to paleo to keep the weight off and my type 1 diabetes under control. However, a lot of the health issues my mother has I think could be easily cleared up by eliminating grains (she has a lot of symptoms of celiac) however, my father would pitch a fit so she won’t even try…
I grew up in the 50’s and 60’s. My mother was a horrible cook, refused to acknowledge it, and certainly was not open to any suggestions. SHE liked her cooking, and that was all that mattered. The few tasty foods (i.e., pre-packaged, processed, sweets, etc.) were locked up, and in the rare instances she forgot to lock them up, my brother and I would sneak and gorge, gladly suffering her rage-filled beatings for the rare taste of something palatable.
When my brother and I were old enough to make our own money and get out of that situation, we pretty much went crazy over food, buying and eating everything we’d been denied…and lots of it! Our weights ballooned, and it has been a life-long struggle for both of us, though, through self-education about clean eating, I am very close to reaching my ideal healthy weight now.
All this to say, I strongly believe that BALANCE is the key to long-term, successful weight maintenance. We have so much more nutritional information available today. Best of all, so many fattening recipes can be modified to be much healthier.
If I had a child who was sneaking unhealthy food, I would talk to them about it, and discuss making healthier versions of these foods at home – teachable moments to learn what makes foods healthy and unhealthy.
Thanks for the great discussion opportunity on your forum!
I grew up eating standard, American sliced cheese, lunchables and Spaghetti O’s and I continued eating extremely processed food through high school and college. No limits, but I went to high school in a very image-obsessed town. I was extremely self conscious for a long time, always counting every single calorie. Always had terrible spouts of what my mom called “low blood sugar.” I fixed it with eating more processed food, sodas or something else high in sugar. It got so bad in college that I tried every solution. Making meals at home, carrying sugar snacks, pills. Nothing worked. I switched to whole foods, completely unprocessed. My 20 year long “low blood sugar” and all around illness- completely 100% solved. I never, ever had another problem. Whatever it is, the dyes, GMOs, flavors- all i know is that it doesn’t exist in real food, and there’s no reason we should feed that stuff to anyone.
My mother feels so guilty for basically feeding me poison for my entire childhood. We both wish we had understood the risks before. It’s not a treat to eat processed food, it’s not weird to have a healthy, holistic understanding of what you’re putting in your body. Your blog is the absolute greatest, and it was the first one I found when I made my transition to eating real foods. I recommend it to everyone.
Growing up in a large, economically poor family, we were taught to eat what was on our plate. All of our meals were homemade; we had homemade spaghetti meat sauce (a favorite), meatballs, chicken, stir fry, and pot roast on a regular basis. Mom always made sure there were vegetables on our plate (although these were sometimes corn or potatoes, which I now consider a starch). Store-bought, pre-packaged food was a rarity (although it did sometimes come in as a treat). Both of my parents cooked and taught all four children to cook. My husband and I have enjoyed cooking together and for each other since we got married 9 years ago, and now we get our two year old daughter involved. I value the lessons in the kitchen I learned from my parents, and I want to pass these down (with improvements!).
My biggest struggle has been an unyielding sweet tooth. If I wanted brownies or cookies growing up, I was told I could make it. I love to bake, so rarely did I skip baking something if we had the ingredients in the house and I was in the mood. Also, when we got 1:1 time with a parent (generally for a half day of running errands or grocery shopping together), we would generally go through the drive through and/or get a candy bar at check-out. This happened on almost every trip to a store, and I think it reinforced the good, albeit temporary, feelings sugar can already cause. Despite my other good eating habits, I still struggle with a sweet tooth, and I struggle with trying to find a balance for myself and as an example to my daughter. I want to teach her to love kale and cake, but to be able to say no to the cake!
My mum was a stay-at-home mum until I was 10 and we ate mostly healthy homemade food. Once she went back to work, we started eating more packaged food and also more low-fat foods. Although any time we wanted a snack we were told we could have an apple or a carrot! As a consequence my sister and I each eat about a kilo of carrots a week as adults :)
I was vegetarian from ages 13-28 and didn’t eat very well for some of that time (lots of pasta with jarred sauce). Slowly as an adult I have come around to real food made from scratch and have even introduced meat back into my diet.
I’m sure at the root of it all, your daughter is just trying to fit in with her friends, who only eat junk. Indeed, the most important thing you can do is set an example. My mom, bless her heart, grew up very neglected. There was never anyone to teach her about eating well, and with being very poor, she ultimately ate whatever was available– which more often than not was the worst of the worst. By the time her and my father joined the middle class, she believed Hamburger Helper and sloppy Joes were nice, healthy dinners (with a side of buttered, microwaved frozen corn or canned green beans). Raised in that environment, I thought the same. It wasn’t until I was a teenager that I started making friends with people who were vegetarian, vegan, or interested in culinary arts. Somehow, I really had no idea vegetables tasted good, or even that you could make anything from scratch. It was like a food renaissance. Now, as an adult with my own growing family, I make sure the vast majority of our meals are made from fresh, real ingredients. I’m chef mommy, and I can cook anything. I always read labels obsessively, shelf it if its list is more than a few ingredients, and avoid feeding my husband and daughter Fake Food at literally any costs. I fully believe in indulging in cravings, but now I know how to make better choices about it. And I’m teaching my mom, too. :)
I was a preemie and very sick as a baby so my Mom worried so much about how much I ate that she got to the point where she would let me eat whatever I wanted just so I would gain weight. She generally served healthy food but didn’t make me eat vegetables, more meat and potatoes. Lots of carbs. As I got older I got more and more picky was allowed to eat whatever and that turned into lots of sugary cereal and pasta. I am determined not to let my kids go down the same path. We do allow treats but on a daily basis we serve only whole foods, as much organic and pastured as possible. I think it is important that my kids develop a love for healthy food. As they get older (only 5 & 3) they will need to learn to make choices on their own and I am sure we will have to work out a system and do a lot of talking about it. We already talk about the importance of healthy food. At karate tonight a child brought mini cupcakes for his birthday. I allowed my daughter to take one but we decided that she would eat it after school tomorrow. We talked about why we don’t want to eat a bunch of sugar just before bed and that waiting for things is sometimes good for us. She didn’t love the final decision but she dealt with it.
I love seeing the healthy meals that you post daily! I grew up on a dairy farm in Tennessee with a huge garden out back. We ate out of the garden when it was in season, and always had our own beef. I had some sensory issues with foods and my dad was old school and force-fed me broccoli once until I threw up (I still hate broccoli). After that, my parents set a timer, and by the time it went off I had to have cleaned my plate. I was always thin and underweight and wouldn’t have eaten if they didn’t make me! I hated the vegetables and couldn’t bear to eat them. I know that my parents were just worried about me and trying to keep me fed properly. However, after struggling years with eating disorders, over-exercising, and infertility, I have started eating better like I was raised. I eat to be nourished and to feed the babies I’m growing! Getting past the food problems was hard, but now I’m pregnant with twins and this isn’t about me anymore. I can see why parents want their children to eat healthy- mine just went about it in the wrong way. I think that you do an amazing job and are definitely not too restrictive. Keep up the gorgeous meals and raising your kids to eat right. If they stray for a while, most likely they will come back around to healthy eating in the end :)
We ate plenty of home-cooked meals, but we were pretty picky kids who couldn’t stomach much more than canned corn and cold carrot sticks. We didn’t drink much soda, never really went to McDonald’s (it was my birthday lunch every year until I was 15), and ate a lot of home-cooked meals, laden with cream and white flour and lots of mac and cheese. I will say that despite living on Goldfish crackers and canned vegetables, my parents taught me HOW TO COOK and that has made all the difference.
Even if you can’t get your kids to follow your lead and eat real food, at least you’re teaching them how to make real food. I didn’t balk at the strange shape of squash or other vegetables. I didn’t wonder how to make my food taste good – I just added garlic and onion and herbs. So of course your reaction – whatever it is – to your daughter’s behavior is going to be fine. Rest easy knowing you’ll feel her well, and she will be able to feed herself well when she finally wants to.
*feed her well
My mom made just about everything from scratch, not because she was health conscious, but because we were very poor. We didn’t always eat a balanced diet, (many a day I had pb&j for breakfast, lunch & dinner), but we always ate something. She wasn’t a very experienced cook, and we ate mostly the “basics”- hamburgs, spaghetti, etc- but she did teach me to cook those basics- at a very young age. My brother and I were left home alone for a few hours each day after school, starting when we were 7&9, and dinner was supposed to be on the table when my dad arrived home. (My mom worked afternoons, my dad, days.) I credit her for my love of cooking now, and for the fact that we do eat healthy. I never thought it was “normal” to eat fast food, or boxed mac n cheese- because she always said, why would you pay for something that you can make at home for less than $5?
My kids are very curious about healthy food, and ask tons of questions. They both like to help cook, and my 12 year old is capable of making a pretty amazing breakfast for everyone, by himself. Last time he made eggs, french toast, and bacon for us! :) (And yes, he is very careful with bacon, and wears an apron- he is also a Boy Scout, so he has quite a bit of experience- I wouldn’t let him do it alone if I thought he was at risk- we were present in the kitchen, but didn’t interfere0 he had it under control!)
I think teaching your kids to eat right is soooo important, and it is our responsibility to make sure they know how to take care of themselves now, and when they are out on their own!
Comfort food is the food you were fed with love growing up … if it’s not healthy, then you set someone up for a lifetime of fighting this innate bond with unhealthy food. I know my son will eat his share of junk food when I’m not looking, but whole, healthy food is what he will return to – and what he will crave when he’s an adult and wants to feel like a little loved kid again. That’s a gift I’m giving him – it’s what my mom gave me and it makes it so much easier to be a healthy adult.
Growing up my family definitely did not stick to a whole foods diet but not on purpose. Only simply because we did not have the education about healthy food and my mom and dad simply just cooked and gave us what they had growing up (steak, potatoes, bread and butter, pizza, goldfish, brownies etc). We were all active and were healthy and were also all naturally had (and have) smaller body frames. Then when I was in high school I developed a horrible eating disorder and that completely changed my relationship with food. I was only concerned with the amount of calories a food had and did not take a second look at the ingredients list. Through 6 years of battling and regaining my life after my eating disorder I have developed a whole new relationship with food that I am so grateful for. I am now 20 and absolutely love cooking whole food meals that follow mostly a paleo diet. I have gone about nutrition so wrong for a long time that food is now a passion of mine and I want to feed and nourish my body with the best foods possible. I read every single ingredient label on everything and if it is not a whole food, I can’t pronounce it etc it goes back on the shelf. I also agree with Lisa that you vote with your dollars. My mom showed me this site and it is now a bookmark on my computer along with Food Babe (love every single thing she does exposing the large food companies and taking action!). I think it is amazing what you do for your family in preparing wholesome meals and teaching so many people along the way. It is activists like you that foster change in the community and eventually the culture overall. Being a Public Health major in college these sites are a perfect way to start changing how people think about food and how important it is. Food first of all was my downfall but now it is my passion and what gives me purpose and vitality in life! Thank you Lisa for all that you do, you are an inspiration to many :)
I was actually raised on a vegetarian diet full of a lot of Indian food. My parents emphasized the health benefits of Indian food and that all American food was unhealthy. So my idea of indulging when involved eating at Taco Bell or Mcdonalds an occasionally sneaking in some meat from the school cafeteria because my parents were against it. They also discussed a lot about obesity and my grandmothers diabetes. My family was not also shy about calling me fat or my brother fat. (As a child, my fat resided in my belly, so I looked like philsbury doughboy.) All of these influences made me a health freak by the time I entered high school and started reading books like “Skinny Bitch” and of course I watched the documentary “Food Inc.” By my junior year I’m high school I decided to become a real vegetarian and learn more about food. I sure learned a lot about food because now I recently graduated college with a food science and human nutrition degree. So while parents did try to restrict me and I rebelled in many cases as a child, whatever they said still sticks with me. However, the fact that they said all Indian food is healthy for you did not stick with me because it totally isn’t.
Growing up my siblings and I didn’t have much choice of food. Our parents abused drugs and feeding us was less of a concern. We often didn’t have food so when we did we heard “eat as much as you can.” I remember being so hungry one day all we had was ground sausage and we children made that up and ate it. We also stole rhubarb from a neighbors yard because we didn’t have anything else to eat. When food stamp amounts were renewed each month we went grocery shopping. Options were limited to processed foods. We had a few produce staples: carrots and celery always with ranch, bananas, oranges and apples. The rest came in a box or a bag or can. And when the food stamps ran out not long after we got them we got fast food the rest of the month.
I now have digestion and stomach issues and an addiction and horrible relationship with food. My son started out with good habits but as family demands grew it got harder to maintain.
I feel like there is something wrong with me that I can’t fix something that should be so simple.
Like most of the other comments I wish good eating habits was something I had to endure growing up. Now it’s so confusing. There is so many rules and different eating styles it’s hard to trust which is the right one.
“I feel like there is something wrong with me that I can’t fix something that should be so simple.”
AS, I wish I could reach out through the Internet and give you a big, healing hug. There is nothing wrong with you, and our relationship with food is rarely ever simple.
Emotionally speaking, food is security; not having enough, and not having positive associations with food, is something that you’ve been carrying around all these years. You know why “comfort food” is so popular? The chicken soup when we had a cold, the mashed potatoes when we had a sore throat, the orange mac-n-cheese, cookies, and ice cream we were allowed to have for a Saturday night sleepover–it’s not really the food that’s comforting. It’s the memories of being loved and cared for.
So it’s not just a matter of having the “will power” to choose
veggies over ice cream–it’s also overcoming emotional attachments and associations, and sometimes even physical addictions (yes, processed food is purposely made to be addictive).
I wish you the best on your journey, for yourself and your family. I hope you find peace and health.