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I am learning that being offered processed food when you’d rather avoid it is a hot topic. The other day on Facebook I asked, “What do you do when someone offers your children a treat that's likely full of artificial dyes/flavors, preservatives, and other chemicals?” I was floored at the range of answers….here are a few examples many of which are at opposite ends of the spectrum:
- “I think it is best to be gracious to people that don't eat like you and accept their food.”
- “I let my kids have them. I figure I have control over the majority of their food, so I'm not going to worry about the few times when I don't.”
- “Sorry this is crazy let kids be kids.”
- “I agree with many others who have said it's all about balance and moderation. We eat a whole food lifestyle on a daily basis...but, whenever there are special occasions, social events, etc., we just go with the flow and enjoy the company! :)”
- “If it is from a stranger like at a bank, we say ‘No thank you, we'll have a treat after lunch.’ or something else polite. If it is at a party, I feed my kids before we go so they can eat party food, but won't be so hungry that they eat a lot. If it's at a playdate, then we bring something healthy to share, usually a fresh fruit tray full of my kids favorites. They'll eat the junk too, but not as much.”
- “I am sort of surprised at some of the replies. This is a ‘real food’ page. Of course some are at different levels but to say things like ‘this is crazy. let kids be kids!’ -- I do not understand! I don’t think what kids eat define how great their child hood is or isn't?!?!”
- “Since when did ‘letting kids be kids’ have to mean filling them with processed, refined foods full of chemicals and additives?”
- “I go with the flow with a little when possible, but sometimes being polite means politely saying no thank you. I have to tell people no when artificial dyes and artificial sweeteners are involved. My mom raised me right and I know how to use my manners to say no thanks.”
- “If it's a meal, I'll sit down and eat. But if it's a snack, I have no problem saying no.”
Does the reason for saying "no" really matter?
I have so many thoughts based on the feedback around this topic. First of all, some readers have indicated that unless you have a true allergy or medical concern it’s not right to “break the rules” at a public place (i.e. by bringing your own food to avoid concession stands at an amusement park) or turn down junk food that others are offering you. For all those that feel this way…what’s your opinion about vegetarians? That’s not exactly a medical condition is it? It’s a choice. And a lot of times it’s a moral choice. So is it bad manners for a vegetarian to turn down meat when it is offered? I don’t see how that’s much different from my choice to not eat (or not give my kids) factory-made junk food.
Now, I don’t want to mislead anyone that I am picking sides here because most of the time I honestly don’t know what to do when my kids are being offered junk food. And I think that decision doesn’t come easy because there’s frankly no “right” or “wrong” answer. At what point does being polite need to override your personal morals and values (or vice versa)?
How do the French handle it?
There are a couple of quotes from the book French Kids Eat Everything that really stood out on this topic. I’ll do a more in-depth review of the book later, but for now how about this for food for thought:
“Nutrition and healthy eating habits, while important, don’t need to be the main focus. Rather, enjoying your food is the focus, and healthy eating habits are a happy by-product.”
“The French are not primarily concerned with policing their children’s food intake, or banning all ‘fake foods.’ Rather, their goal is to train their children to eat a balanced diet and to realize how much healthier they feel if they eat mostly ‘real food.’”
I’ve always said that I don’t want to teach my children to say “no” to highly processed junk food just because “mommy said so.” But teaching them to make good food choices all on their own is no easy task especially considering that (unlike the French) almost everywhere our kids turn they are faced with some sort of junk food whether it’s a birthday party, friend’s house, gas station, dessert menu, school event, T.V. commercial, billboard, mall food court, etc. In France it’s apparently “against the rules” for anyone to offer your kid food without your permission (especially in-between meals) so no wonder it’s so easy for them to not police anyone’s food intake. Regardless, I still think there’s a lot to be learned from their attitude.
Where do you draw the line?
I was listening to Michelle Obama talk about her “Let’s Move” program on NPR the other day and she made a valid point on this very topic. She believes that our kids shouldn't have to worry or obsess about nutrition when they leave the house. I wholeheartedly agree with that statement, but finding the right balance between the wholesome food you believe in and being “polite” to all the outside forces that seem to be working against you isn’t easy. Because let’s face it, as I’ve said before, it’s NOT just one cookie or one birthday party or one piece of candy. It’s never just one. Most kids are given junk food multiple times a week for all sorts of reasons including holidays, sports practice, dance class, church events, trips to the bank, celebrations at school, and birthday parties. Junk food is no longer reserved for truly rare and special occasions.
I may sound like I am all over the map here because the truth is I am. Where do you draw the line if you don’t want your children to be overly concerned about eating healthy while at the same time not compromising the values you desperately want to teach them? My husband thinks telling others “no” helps to spread the word that junk food isn’t always appropriate…how else are we going to influence a culture shift anyway? All I know is that I am constantly bouncing back and forth between telling my kids “no” and then giving in to the junk that’s being offered to them (and frankly that they want). But as stated above, I think one reader said it best, “Since when did ‘letting kids be kids’ have to mean filling them with processed, refined foods full of chemicals and additives?” So until the rest of America catches on to this idea how are you going to handle it?
Bethany says
My step-son is autistic and cannot process sugar. Everyone seems to think they are doing him a favor by sneaking him sugary snacks when we aren't around (because his mean parents won't let him have yummy treats.) Because hyper-activity, vomiting and diarrhea are favors apparently. Even when it is an issue of a medical condition, some people still won't care. We get looked at like we are rude for saying a polite "no, thank you" to processed junk food that we know will make him sick.
Jenny says
Love you Lisa! Such a great post. It is hard, and I feel that same way you do. My kids now look forward to going to the pediatrician because they get a lollipop as they leave. Even in Los Angeles. Sigh.
Karen says
I don't know how to handle it either. My neighbor us ultra strict with their kids food. One on hand I admire it she teaches her kids such things. We eat very healthy, but I did teach them with docket snacks to pick the best choice. Usually they did. It was still junk, but at least they tried to pick regular chips instead of Doritos. Does that make sense? Hope I phrased that right. I feel hypocritical especially around her. But she has taught her kids since birth about healthy eating. I have started later. My kids are12, 9 and 6. So they have eaten the stuff before. I wish I knew the answers too.
Laura says
I wouldn't break the rules of the amusement park to sneak in food if it isn't allowed. There is usually an option to store an ice chest in the car or a locker and eat just outside the gates or leave for a bit to eat elsewhere, then come back. OTOH, I might decide that eating there for one meal is our junk treat and I don't want to deal with the hassle of bringing my own.
I think it gets a bit easier as kids get older as birthday parties, at least in my experience, become smaller so your kid isn't being invited to every one of his classmate's, but just his friends. My kids are also currently playing in a new sports league where it isn't the norm to trade off providing snack for the team, so we stick to water and fruit usually and they aren't getting gatorade and cookies or other junk every week.
If they are truly exposed daily to junk you don't want them to have, you might want to come up with some rules you can live with like only one or two junky treats per week or nothing with artificial dyes.
I do think you can decline a treat without giving a reason, which is only going to come across as judging the person offering.
Candee Backus says
I am a grandmother & I have always tried to eat healthy. We are now trying very hard to cut out all processed foods. I have a younger friend with a 5 yr old son, who has raised him as a single mother & has taught him all about the good the bad & the ugly when it comes to the foods he eats. When kids are raised this way they seem to make the right decisions on their own. When this little guys goes shopping with his mom or grandmother & they happen to choose something off the shelf that he knows is a no no he tells them that another brand would be better or that it is something they just shouldn't be buying! He is obviously a very bright kid & has learned the lessons his mom has taken the time to teach him well. About the only sweet thing that he likes to have now & again is ice cream & they do have it once in a while, but he will say no to cookies or candy almost all the time. I realize that most kids aren't like this, but if you start them from the time they start on solid foods, they really don't know that there is something "better" out there & once they do know they are aware that they can make a wise choice on their own.
tracie says
I am a vegetarian. I have said no thanks plenty of times. Usually i try to handle it all beforehand if I know it will be an issue. I tend to ask what I can bring. I tell them that I am a vegetarian which means i am high maintenance :o) Joking always helps. But I had at least one occasion where my very well meaning aunt made something "vegetarian" for me with Cream of chicken soup as one of the ingredients. I said, "Thank you so much," put it on my plate and moved it around as I ate. I do think it is important to be concerned with the feelings of others and as for educating other people about things they don't care to hear or will most likely not adopt (vegetarianism, clean eating...etc) I gave up on that around 30. :o)
Tammy Kristoffersen says
I struggle with this too, all the time!!! I'm so happy you posted about it!! I don't have any answers, but at least I am not alone :)I get grief and teasing from all my friends with kids, and I know they do it in jest (somewhat). The root of the problem is my food choices for my kids makes them feel like a crappy parent, so they feel the need to "knock me down a peg" in a public way. My other big issue is we have a neighborhood of kids that all play together outside going from house to house throughout the day. I love that my kids have that freedom and sense of community, however, they all eat sugar and artificial color laden "snacks" constantly all day long, and I have to tell my kids no that they can't be like their friends eating junk. I let them have some, but I put a limit on it so it's not all the time every day. Some of these kids are already overweight, and my girl is muscly and trim and healthy. You are what you eat.
Lyndon says
Thank you for this! I never thought about it like that, but it is the same. I think the reason that I struggle with it more has to do with not wanting to hurt the feelings, more so if it is another mom giving it, o the person giving it...not wanting to make them feel uncomfortable. I know the nutrician of my kids is more important than someone's feelings I a situation like that, but I still struggle with it. My son played soccer for the first time a while back. He started right after the discussion about snacks parents bring for kids for the games. Wth that being our first experience, I thought how bad could it really be....surely parents don't bring snacks that are that bad. His first game, the parents in charge of snack brought the 6-packs of Oreos for all the kids and mini-sprite cans. I was shocked! I felt uncomfortable. I didn't want to tell my no and make a scene, so I sat cringing as he ate them. I did tell him that he could only eat 2 from the package, but still. Even after experiencing it, I still don't feel like I know how to handle it in a way that is not going to seem ungrateful or to come across as "better than thou," if you know what I mean. I did bring healthy choices and everyone liked it, but I was the ONLY one the whole season who did. I was so ready for the season to end. This one is such a struggle for me.
Mama654 says
I use to think it would be fine, but the more I noticed my children having trouble focusing or calming/winding down the more I just started saying no. We say they are once in awhile foods, so they each got one small munchkin at Church on Sunday, but they will eat our healthier alternatives at home or that we bring the rest of the time. It is so quick and easy to whip up a dozen cookies with wholesome ingredients (it actually is so quick!). We have cut dyes and high fructose corn syrup completely. I know let kids be kids- but I want mine to feel good being a kid! We now grate dark chocolate as a quick topping instead of sprinkles and most other things can be substituted with something equally as delicious. When my daughter attended vbs last week I just asked ahead of time what snacks were being served and I provided her with a fair alternate. On donut day I made her a cupcake (which she didn't prefer so she asked for dark chocolate covered pretzels). Instead of twizzlers we found gummy bears colored with fruit. It was a bit more work for me but the kids loved the scavenger hunt in the grocery store to find the healthier candies (still junk but a better choice.)
Marion says
I also struggle with this. I do my best and cringe when I see little ones given pop and so unhealthy choices. My 5 and 3 year old do pretty well with making choices. I remember my son on several occasions saying "that is not a healthy choice, but a banana is" or whatever food we are talking about. I had a mom tell me she ate lunch with her son (my son was also in his class and sat with her son at lunch) and has seen the gourmet lunches my son brings to school. I asked what have you seen him bring. She told me homemade waffle or pancake sandwiches, banana/almond butter sandwiches, lots of fruits and veggies and he is always drinking water. I told her thank you for the compliment and would love to share ideas if you are looking for them. She said "my son just eats the lunch at school." The funny thing is she is a nurse and if eating lunch at school works for her family go for it. It just doesn't work for ours. We like the unprocessed foods and homemade.
Meg says
We take it day by day. Since we're also gluten-free as well as natural eating, when we stay with family for a few days, I choose to stand firm on the gluten, but relax on the rest (although I slip them fermented foods and probiotics throughout the trips in order to help combat the side effects). But the lollipop at the barber's I have no problem turning down politely. Birthday parties, they get my own gluten free cupcakes with dye-free icing or a slice of home-made GF pizza, etc. Walking the balance between keeping clean and being realistic - and when in doubt, I give the decision to the kids. We talk about food constantly and how their bodies feel - sometimes they take the treat, and sometimes (Even at ages 3&4) they choose not to.
Lyn says
Moving to the US from the UK I was stunned that banks and post offices (& liquor stores!)have candy right there on the counter! WHY??? As a Mom (& Dietitian) I have no problem with saying no thank you and giving no reason.
Laura says
I think it's important to recognize that things like "harmony" and "relationships" and "peace" are also values, and when someone accepts the offer of processed/junk food, they're simply making a values choice as to which feels more important in that moment...their values around food choices or their values around relationships. It's not right or wrong, it's just what's right for them in the moment.
AND, I think this is such an important topic! Vegans and vegetarian boundaries are, I think, more accepted in our culture today. It's definitely time to encourage the acceptance of unhealthy/processed/junk food boundaries, too. I don't have kids, so can't speak to that part of the conversation, but I'm so glad you brought this up!
Jo Burbidge says
Very well argued. I'm of the same mind and definitely find it hard to know where to draw the line in terms of politeness vs health eating concepts. Treats should be treats but, unfortunately in the UK, just as in the US, so-called treat foods have become everyday. We live rurally so we're lucky to be surrounded by more farm shops and farmers' markets than processed fast food places. Its not at all the same when we head into the metropolitan areas! Polite but flexible where necessary so as not to unnecessarily offend us how I tend to straddle the line right now :)
vc says
If a friend gives me a sweet or something, i usually take it to be polite, but i do not usually eat it.
S. says
I really needed to read this! It's good to know that others struggle to balance their food values with the rest of society. I don't have children of my own, but I have a stepson, and when he is at our home at the same time as my in-laws, my mother-in-law goes to the store to buy him "the food he likes" and cooks separate meals for him the whole time they are there. To me, that is MUCH more rude than saying no to a stranger. It makes me worry about how to handle these sorts of situations when we do have kids of our own. I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't have the answers!
Kiley says
I think its important not topick foods for your kids but rather teach them to make healthy choices. Some moms get ridiculous with their children that the children becomes unhappy and probably eventually wont want to venture outside. I think its healthy and makes for happy kids if you yeach them to be independent and make their own choices with food especially.
Melinda P. says
I once watched the daughter of an acquaintance sit in misery as she watched my children hit the ice cream bar while she sat quietly waiting for her controlling mother give her approval to what she was allowed to eat. She never got to select her own meal and usually had to share a meal with her mother, who prided herself on eating healthy, low-fat meals. Was her kid healthier than mine? Probably! Was her kid happier than mine? No way!! Which is better? Well, I would prefer my children to be happy AND healthy. As I read many of these responses it often sounds like many people miss out on the fact that food is also supposed to be pleasurable and not something that should be endured. I think Michael Pollan and the French would both agree with that. Feed them healthy but don't fret over that meal at McDonald's with Grandpa that they love. In the end they will remember the time spent with Grandpa and not how unhealthy the meal was.
vc says
Low fat is the opposite of what lisa wants. She, infact, according to certain posts only feeds her kids whole dairy
Lynda says
This may have been mentioned, but I find it difficult to imagine that every occasion needs to have food. Wouldn't a healthy beverage be better? Our society revolves around food. We are a dehydrated society in America, and if we focused on giving ourselves more liquids we wouldn't need so many "snacks".
Not every occasion should include food. Just my opinion.
Dianne says
I just want to mention briefly that unfortunately for us here in the US our junk food is more junky than that available in Europe. They have much stricter laws on additives and colorants that we do, so even their occasional junk food treat is better than ours. A lot of our large food manufacturers, like Kraft, offer the same products there as here only without HFCS and artificial colors and preservatives.
Heather says
Carley, I feel your pain. My father is extremely close with my two boys and has a horrible diet. The kids think it is fun to go to grandpa's house and eat Doritos and M & M's and donuts. My oldest son loves it when grandpa takes him to McDonald's. I have not yet decided how I am going to handle these things. I don't think you need to necessarily explain the horrors of the chemicals, etc or try to reason or convince your MIL of your food choices. I am assuming you have expressed your view point and she chooses not to respect what you ask? Have you talked with your husband to see if him taking a stand would help? In regard to the responses you get from people such as my kids "drank kool-aids and juices, weren’t breastfed, etc etc etc…..and they “turned out fine†or “it never hurt them†I would simply say "good for them, those were your kids and these are mine" I think that by trying to keep it simple and showing that we are not going to be persuaded to change our minds people may realize we mean business and back-off. One can always hope it is that simple right? :)
Carley says
I don't have a problem when I am in a situation with my children, but I can't help but feel silly and almost disrespectful sending my daughter off with my MIL for the day and trying to tell her not to give her Koolaid and Mac and cheese. Our culture is just uneducated in this department, and I guess I will just have to let them watch what I do and eventually begin to respect our choices. But in the meantime, how do you explain the horrors of the junky chemicals, when all the other kids who eat it "are perfectly okay???!"
Carley says
I struggle with getting responses from family members about how their children ate certain foods, drank kool-aids and juices, weren't breastfed, etc etc etc.....and they "turned out fine" or "it never hurt them."
How do you respond to people like this? People who love your children, but just don't see what the big deal is? I try to explain research and statistics, but they continue to fill my toddler up with junk and pressure me to start feeding my too-young baby.
Assistant to 100 Days (Amy) says
Hi Carley. This post might help: https://www.100daysofrealfood.com/2012/04/12/newsflash-we-are-not-just-fine/. From a personal perspective I really struggle with this, too. When I am around individuals who do not respect my position on food and nutrition I pick my battles, when necessary, but try to maintain a fairly hard line in general. It can take a lot of time for people to "wake up"...and many just don't want to think about it. Stay strong. ~Amy
riodv says
While I believe it is important to teach your children about nutrition early, I also believe it is important to maintain a balance in our modern world. I am personally gluten intolerant and have had to adopt a whole new food-lifestyle around that knowledge, one I am greateful for and feel 1,000x better about than I ever have in my lifetime. I had no idea certain things I was dealing with since childhood were as a result of a gluten allergy. My fiance' is now trying this with me since his brother is seriously intolerant, and based on some episodes of his own, he is wondering if he may be intolerant as well. In that, I have the opportunity to educate him about food as well.
I am hoping that this experience will gove us BOTH the training we need to feed and educate our own little ones about better food choices when THEY come along. That said, I had a friend whose wife was so over-the-top vegan/hippie/naturalist, etc. that she taught her children from birth that processed and unnatural foods were "poison" to the degree that her sons literally threw up involuntarily after eating some M&M's once realizing that they were coated in artificial food dyes. Whereas I have a tremendous respect for that lifestyle, I still believe there's a difference btwn teaching your children to respect and adhere to wise and clean food choices and mentally scarring them. Admittedly, this is the most extreme example I can think of, but I think it makes the point.
Jason Leake with 100 Days of Real Food says
Agreed...we are sensitive to the cultural aspect and do let our children have a treat a week so they can relate to what their friends are eating and not feel deprived. Sometimes it's homemade ice cream or cookies, but often it ends up being the result of a birthday party or some other event at school.
nellie says
I can so relate to this. But we have a son who is sensitive to the artificial junk(dyes and preservatives) so it is easier for us we have a good reason. We rarely ever eat out and we literally take our own snacks and food when we are planning an outing. It is at times a lot of extra work but well worth it! We see the effects in our son if we are not careful. We found the feingold diet about 2.5 years ago and will forever be grateful how it has helped our son, our family!! Do not be ashamed or embarrassed be proud to be healthy!
I love the comment and anology Zara? Wrote about Christian values! Good point great example!
Zara says
I have no problem saying no thank you, and teach my children to say no thank you. I wouldn't make them eat chocolate cake if they don't like chocolate (which, believe it or not, is true of some children, ha ha ha). So why should they feel bad about saying no thank you to a processed cupcake if they don't like processed cupcakes - maybe it's not the flavor, but it is definitely the after-effects. I don't believe in "bending the rules" when we go to someone else's house. That's like bending our values based on the "approval" of others. I am teaching our children our values, be it about finances, religion, ethics, or health. Those values make us who we are, and we are not afraid or ashamed to stay true to them. Of course, we are polite, and don't tell them we're not going to eat it because it's trash! But I really don't see how a "no thank you" is rude, or ungrateful. And I really don't see how making up lies to the bank teller ("no thanks, we're going to have a treat after lunch") is teaching your children your values. Why are we ashamed to make healthy food choices? Why do people feel they have to worry about other people's feelings if they don't want to eat something, for whatever reason? Why is there a lack of support as a whole in our society for those who make healthy food choices? Why is there so much pressure for people to eat junk food? Those are the real questions, in my opinion. I don't teach my children that they only have to be charitable, kind and forgiving on Sundays, and only with other Christians, so I certainly don't intend to teach them that healthy eating is only important within the confines of our own home, and should not be adhered to if it is in contrast with someone else's views.
Yvonne says
Thank you, Zara, for this thoughtful and inspiring reply! I have often struggled with others (usually family members) offering junk to my 7 year old. I have given in too many times to avoid conflict, but your post has given me courage to stAnd up for our food values. I realize now that by giving in to bad food choices simply to avoid offending others, I have watered down my position and made it seem more like a hobby than a lifestyle. I also realize I'm going to have some possibly difficult heart to heart conversations with both sets of grandparents (who frequently babysit) since snacks are offered without me being there. I also think this behavior has confused my child. While I'm striving for her to make her own healthy food choices away from home, I'm actually, silentl,giving her permission to eat junk elsewhere.thank you!!!
Judy says
I'm truly sorry for those whose food choices have caused rifts in their relationships. It's really sad that people will criticize you for feeding your children well and avoiding the junk. Thankfully my mom has really gotten on board and my dad is taking baby steps. As for the rest of the family who roll their eyes about eating organically (not to mention the mostly vegetarian diet, which is fairly new), they don't feed us anyway so I'm not concerned about them. :)
I've found a few things that have worked for us in making it easier to avoid treats from other people: 1) We donate Halloween candy to the troops or to a soup kitchen and replace it with organic chocolate or suckers or special homemade treats. Not that I think it's okay for others to eat what we won't, but they will anyway. 2) I cringed when I saw the snacks at the first Girl Scout meeting (fairy "fruit" snacks and pretzels with HFCS), so I offered to be the snack mom and make snacks that may be a little out of the norm for most of the girls (butternut squash muffins, biscuits made with farmer cheese, etc.) and push them a little bit to try new things. 3) I always offer to bring something when we're invited for dinner so that I know at least one dish will be okay with me. 4) Always explain to my 6 year old why we don't eat certain things and am thrilled when she says "no thank you" all on her own. It's an affirmation that I'm doing something right.
Lisa says
I just became the team mom, organizing drinks & snacks for my son's tee ball team. Last year i had a hard time getting others on board for soccer snacks. I brought organic squeeze applesauce for the kids & water. Over half of the team looked disappointed (3 & 4 year olds) and didn't take an applesauce, wanting cookies or chips like the other parents bring (along with juice boxes). I would love to hear more suggestions for team snacks or things you took for scouts snacks. Thanks!
Judy says
I don't have a big problem with taking cookies or sweet treats for snacks as long as I make them or I know what's in them and where they came from. My main concern is that they're not loaded with chemicals, preservatives, dyes, GMOs, etc., so if it's going to have sugar, it's going to be organic sugar (with wheat flour and flax seed)! That said, I've only been able to take snacks a few times because the leaders asked to alternate weeks so they can use up the snacks they purchased earlier. (On those days, I make sure she gets a snack at home before the meeting.) :) Here's the link to the butternut squash muffins I made. http://simpledailyrecipes.com/2407/simple-butternut-squash-breakfast-muffins/ I made mini muffins and added a couple organic chocolate chips to each muffin. I've also made vegan chocolate cupcakes for my daughter's birthday and I'm planning on making homemade pretzels, homemade tortillas with cheese, farmer cheese biscuits. Maybe someday I'll make kale chips for them! As for drinks, I've taken water, lemonade or organic milk (in a half gallon bottle or carton with Ikea plastic cups) and whatever's left comes home with me. By pouring each individually, at least they're getting less juice than they would in a juice box. For a sports team, maybe some juice and water, so that when the juice runs out, they'll switch to water, but not feel like they're being deprived? Hope this helps! Kudos to you for taking something healthy and not the usual junky snacks!
Assistant to 100 Days (Amy) says
Hi Lisa. In addition to Judy's generous comments this list might help: https://www.100daysofrealfood.com/2012/07/31/85-snacks-for-kids-and-adults/. Our soccer season is just beginning, so I am right there with you. Good luck! ~Amy
Kelly says
How do you handle the Girl Scout Cookie sales? This is our first year in Girl Scouts, and I am very troubled with the whole situation. Please answer quickly!
Assistant to 100 Days (Amy) says
Hi Kelly. That is a personal choice. I know for me this year, we did not sell the Cub Scout popcorn because I was not comfortable peddling or taking money for something that I felt was unhealthy. ~Amy
Sandi says
I just made the decision this year not to buy any Girl Scout cookies. My resolve was tested this afternoon when a cute little girl came to my door. I stuck to my guns and said no, although I did donate $4 (the price of 1 box) to the girl's troop. I will do the same when my niece asks me about buying cookies (I plan on donating more to her troop). I think Girl Scouts is a worthwhile organization so I want to support them, but I don't need any cookies. I do love me some Samoas, though, so it will be a sacrifice! :)
Ryan Hornbaker says
FYI about Girl Scout cookie sales....a lot of troops will donate cookies to soldiers overseas. I know some might not feel comfortable sending them to someone when you won't eat them yourself but it is a worthwhile cause. You can also donate money just to the troop in lieu of the cookies. We have cut out all food dyes and were quite concerned when our daughter's behavior became erratic again. We discovered that a medication she was having to take to help her with bad GI problems she has struggled with contains red dye. Needless to say we stopped using the medication immediately. How long can it take before the red dye is out of her system? Thank you....
Lysep says
oops, just realised I wrote a novel! :)
Lysep says
Well... this is very interesting... I have had that problem since my first child was born... or at least, since he's been having food as opposed to breast milk.
And my first and main opponent to this day is... my mother-in-law!
Needless to say that the fact that I am French has some influence but also because I want to give my children the best! I am not 100% real food but I try to be and unfortunately, my mother-in-law doesn't spend one day without sweets / bought cakes and honestly, what I would call rubbish food. She just loves them and it has become really hard to say no and also, it has created an atmosphere of - shall we say - uneasiness to leave my children with her knowing what she would give them to eat! And I have seen first hand, what she fed my nephew and then told me not to tell her daughter (cakes to a 6 months old child). Now, my daughter, 3, keeps asking to see her Grandma so that she can eat cakes and watch telly (yes, I don't agree with TV neither)!!
I have tried to keep to my good resolutions for a very long time and my son was the only one with... NO snacks for a very long time, without me realising because, very simply, we do not eat between meals! And my son had never asked because he wasn't hungry. Now that he's at school, with a packed lunch, well... needless to say that he's wondering why he is the only child without crisps and with 'funny' lunches - he hasn't complained about the latter though - and I cannot comprehend why parents feed their children (and themselves, let's face it) such expensive junk food. Again, it's probably because I am French that I am often appalled and I take it it's the way British people have been brought up to be and eat...
I don't know what the answer is to your question, but I don't know why we have to feel guilty about saying no to food we disagree with. I often tell my children they will have it later and usually, they forget about it and I bin it! But like you said, it doesn't help spread the word... Any suggestions for my mother-in-law? She just doesn't get it, it doesn't matter how many times we tell her... and we see here once a week when she comes over for lunch and brings horrible dyed and flavoured bought cakes (we, adults, hate them but the children do like them, unfortunately!).
Assistant to 100 Days (Amy) says
Hello Lysep. I wish there were easy answers on this one but it is one of the toughest things to navigate. I can tell you what I do when it comes to family, especially. I try to make it very clear what our rules are about food and why. I try to be as consistent as possible so it is understood where we bend and where we don't. The "why" is important because sometimes it is just a matter of helping someone understand the "science" behind it all. That said, there are definitely times that I choose to look the other way. A sweet old gentleman in a local deli bought my son, who he thought was a little girl, a Sponge Bob cookie the other day. It made the old guy happy to do that and I wasn't about to take that away from him. Later Sam (my son) ate two bites and was done. I can live with that and it was the right choice for us in that moment. Like anyone, you have to make choices based on what is right for you and your family. It may not always be black and white and it will likely never be perfect. Good luck. ~Amy
BrumMum says
Please revisit this topic again. I'm just jumping on board although I've always been mindful of healthy eating for my four children. My current struggle is school! EVERYDAY at least one child has a processed food item handed out by teachers for ANY reason! I follow the rule of making all of our occasional sweet treats, but if school hands it out daily I feel I have no room to offer a "healthy" homemade treat!! I'm just starting The Unhealthy Truth and I hope Robyn speaks to this. What are we to do?
liz says
When celebrating birthdays, I make all our sweets wholesome with a little homemade icing on top. Whole Foods even sells natural sprinkles. With that said, I do cringe going to birthday parties and seeing all the unnatural, proccessed, brightly colored cakes and cookies. I work with my 2yr ld on telling her how this makes her feel (her tummy hurt after a sucker). I wish all could be mindful of what they serve, but knowing this will not happen unless we as a culture really change, it is our responsibility to teach our child about what they are putting in their bodies in place of just saying no.
Jacqulyn says
I am 19 years old today and have struggled with my weight for years. I am a healthy weight but struggled with a horrible relationship with food. I sincerely wish that I was educated about nutrition when I was younger, I wish my mother had taken the time to teach me about a healthy balanced diet full of clean and healthy foods like you do with your children. I'm telling from experience that you can't "just let kids be kids" it really is for the best to educate your children about nutrition and quality food. I am a strong believer now that kids can have treats but instead of feeding them junk food full of artificial dyes and chemicals, make them something! Bake a cake, or a treat. Spend some extra money on good chocolate! Show your children what a real treat is compared to bland junk food.
Cassandra says
Because my daughter is only 2, I worry more about eating over at other people's houses who don't eat organic. I almost hate that , due to all the reading I have done, every time I put a bit of non-organic chicken in my mouth (just using that as an example) I think about the hormones/antibiotics/and feed that animal was given. I find that I eat vegetarian a lot when eating out at restaurants. I agree...everything in moderation. I think the more off-limits food is, the more desirable it can become for a child. I cook all of my daughters breakfast and lunches for daycare, so I feel better when she does get something "bad" because I know 90% of the time it's healthy.
Nicole says
I believe extremes usually create extremes. I was on a restrictive diet as a child because of food allergies. Whenever I got the chance to eat foods outside of my household I stuffed myself silly because those foods were strictly forbidden. I remember seeing a pantry of food when I was babysitting and trying a little bit of everything. In Middle School I would hide my lunch in my locker and use my own money to buy lunch at school, throwing away the food on the way home. Point out the better choice at parties, talk about your own food choices as a child and adult, encourage schools to have several options as rewards and expose your children to a wide variety of foods.
Mary says
I find it the hardest when it's "baby food" or "toddler food" such as Gerber snacks etc...that's offered and I have to say no because their full of junk and additives. I think fake food should not be allowed to be marketed for babies.
denise says
I would like to stand up for our food choices. I am thankful that I can feed my family and don't need others contributions. My husband on the other hand (if he even agrees with me) likes to be polite. This leads to me swallowing and stuffing until I cant do it anymore then I explode typically on a Facebook rant.
Leslie says
Late to the party, but you linked to this from your FB page and I thought it was interesting.
I am not as "hard-core" as you are about healthy food. My aim is to my very picky five-year-old to eat a variety of fruits and vegetables. She does. I know she eats too many carbs, because she LOVES sandwiches, but I don't give her stuff like chips or pretzels. (Maybe once in a while, she can have pita chips or pretzels as a snack.) We go to restaurants, but eat mostly organic and unprocessed at home.
That said, I will let her eat one or two Newman's Own faux Oreos or Annie's bunny graham crackers. I also let her eat bakery cookies (in moderation) and gelato. Are they good for her? Not at all, but I eat sweets and I'd be a hypocrite to not let her eat them.
I would love if we were at the point where she ate no sweets and all healthy, unprocessed food. (Heck, I'd love if I did that.) But at least we never eat fast food. She will probably eat McDonald's at least once as a teen, because she'll want to see what she's missing, but I think that's inevitable.
I just think of the story I read that a model/actress told. (Can't remember who.) She was raised by hippie parents who never ate sugar and she once spotted Fruit Loops in the garbage and ate them--out of the trash. My friend used to go stuff Twinkies in her mouth in the back of 7-11, because they were never allowed to eat them.
So, I do the best I can, and I don't beat myself up.
lauren says
i struggle with this and don't even have kids... but based on what I've read to steer us toward real food in the first place I don't think occasional junk is really an issue. I believe that the chemicals that are in processed food are down right bad for us. I prefer not to eat them period. BUT I also think they do the REAL damage to our bodies when thats all we eat, when are bodies are so weakened by fake food that they can't naturally filter out the harmful stuff.
So based on reading your blog for the past few weeks, I think your kids have healthy bodies and healthy eating habits that will help them bounce all the bad stuff right back out of their bodies without much effort. Eating real food doesn't change your health in a day, or even a week so an occasional snack certainly wont send you into a tailspin.
April Jorgensen says
I just wish they people wouldn't try to feed my kid all the time! For instance, Sunday school is one hour! Guess what!? She doesn't need a snack! We JUST had breakfast! And Wednesday night church--that's an hour too-- We JUST had dinner!
We let kid stuff revolve around food WAY too much!
(also, when we go to the bank, etc and they offer my three year old a piece of candy, I just say "That's sweet, but we really shouldn't. Thank you for the offer" and smile. It will be harder when she is older I am sure because she will want to argue with me! :)
Beth says
I've battled this same issue as we are gradually making changes in our diet. I stumbled upon a fantastic resource for feeding families...ellynsatter.com. Here's a quote from her about this same issue:
"''Forbidden'' foods are high-fat, high-sugar, relatively low-nutrient foods such as sweets, chips and sodas. As with everything else about parenting, using them is a balancing act. If you give your child unlimited access to these easy-to-like foods, she is likely to fill up on them and not be interested in learning to like more-challenging foods such as vegetables. On the other hand, if you restrict them, research shows she is likely to eat more of them when she gets the chance and be fatter than she might be otherwise."
I thought this was a great point. Food for thought.:)