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I am learning that being offered processed food when you’d rather avoid it is a hot topic. The other day on Facebook I asked, “What do you do when someone offers your children a treat that's likely full of artificial dyes/flavors, preservatives, and other chemicals?” I was floored at the range of answers….here are a few examples many of which are at opposite ends of the spectrum:
- “I think it is best to be gracious to people that don't eat like you and accept their food.”
- “I let my kids have them. I figure I have control over the majority of their food, so I'm not going to worry about the few times when I don't.”
- “Sorry this is crazy let kids be kids.”
- “I agree with many others who have said it's all about balance and moderation. We eat a whole food lifestyle on a daily basis...but, whenever there are special occasions, social events, etc., we just go with the flow and enjoy the company! :)”
- “If it is from a stranger like at a bank, we say ‘No thank you, we'll have a treat after lunch.’ or something else polite. If it is at a party, I feed my kids before we go so they can eat party food, but won't be so hungry that they eat a lot. If it's at a playdate, then we bring something healthy to share, usually a fresh fruit tray full of my kids favorites. They'll eat the junk too, but not as much.”
- “I am sort of surprised at some of the replies. This is a ‘real food’ page. Of course some are at different levels but to say things like ‘this is crazy. let kids be kids!’ -- I do not understand! I don’t think what kids eat define how great their child hood is or isn't?!?!”
- “Since when did ‘letting kids be kids’ have to mean filling them with processed, refined foods full of chemicals and additives?”
- “I go with the flow with a little when possible, but sometimes being polite means politely saying no thank you. I have to tell people no when artificial dyes and artificial sweeteners are involved. My mom raised me right and I know how to use my manners to say no thanks.”
- “If it's a meal, I'll sit down and eat. But if it's a snack, I have no problem saying no.”
Does the reason for saying "no" really matter?
I have so many thoughts based on the feedback around this topic. First of all, some readers have indicated that unless you have a true allergy or medical concern it’s not right to “break the rules” at a public place (i.e. by bringing your own food to avoid concession stands at an amusement park) or turn down junk food that others are offering you. For all those that feel this way…what’s your opinion about vegetarians? That’s not exactly a medical condition is it? It’s a choice. And a lot of times it’s a moral choice. So is it bad manners for a vegetarian to turn down meat when it is offered? I don’t see how that’s much different from my choice to not eat (or not give my kids) factory-made junk food.
Now, I don’t want to mislead anyone that I am picking sides here because most of the time I honestly don’t know what to do when my kids are being offered junk food. And I think that decision doesn’t come easy because there’s frankly no “right” or “wrong” answer. At what point does being polite need to override your personal morals and values (or vice versa)?
How do the French handle it?
There are a couple of quotes from the book French Kids Eat Everything that really stood out on this topic. I’ll do a more in-depth review of the book later, but for now how about this for food for thought:
“Nutrition and healthy eating habits, while important, don’t need to be the main focus. Rather, enjoying your food is the focus, and healthy eating habits are a happy by-product.”
“The French are not primarily concerned with policing their children’s food intake, or banning all ‘fake foods.’ Rather, their goal is to train their children to eat a balanced diet and to realize how much healthier they feel if they eat mostly ‘real food.’”
I’ve always said that I don’t want to teach my children to say “no” to highly processed junk food just because “mommy said so.” But teaching them to make good food choices all on their own is no easy task especially considering that (unlike the French) almost everywhere our kids turn they are faced with some sort of junk food whether it’s a birthday party, friend’s house, gas station, dessert menu, school event, T.V. commercial, billboard, mall food court, etc. In France it’s apparently “against the rules” for anyone to offer your kid food without your permission (especially in-between meals) so no wonder it’s so easy for them to not police anyone’s food intake. Regardless, I still think there’s a lot to be learned from their attitude.
Where do you draw the line?
I was listening to Michelle Obama talk about her “Let’s Move” program on NPR the other day and she made a valid point on this very topic. She believes that our kids shouldn't have to worry or obsess about nutrition when they leave the house. I wholeheartedly agree with that statement, but finding the right balance between the wholesome food you believe in and being “polite” to all the outside forces that seem to be working against you isn’t easy. Because let’s face it, as I’ve said before, it’s NOT just one cookie or one birthday party or one piece of candy. It’s never just one. Most kids are given junk food multiple times a week for all sorts of reasons including holidays, sports practice, dance class, church events, trips to the bank, celebrations at school, and birthday parties. Junk food is no longer reserved for truly rare and special occasions.
I may sound like I am all over the map here because the truth is I am. Where do you draw the line if you don’t want your children to be overly concerned about eating healthy while at the same time not compromising the values you desperately want to teach them? My husband thinks telling others “no” helps to spread the word that junk food isn’t always appropriate…how else are we going to influence a culture shift anyway? All I know is that I am constantly bouncing back and forth between telling my kids “no” and then giving in to the junk that’s being offered to them (and frankly that they want). But as stated above, I think one reader said it best, “Since when did ‘letting kids be kids’ have to mean filling them with processed, refined foods full of chemicals and additives?” So until the rest of America catches on to this idea how are you going to handle it?
Erika says
My daughters have food allergies and, rather than make a fuss, we find it easier to graciously accept the item, stick it in my purse, and toss it out after. My older daughter seems to be relieved not to have to explain that she can't have the item because she's allergic and both girls forget about the item pretty quickly, so the little one rarely asks about it later on. I DO wish we could turn the focus of school birthdays away from cupcakes and sweet treats, though. Would it be so wrong to have fruit kabobs, fruit and yogurt dip...or avoid food altogether and just read a special book after singing to the child? As you say, it's never 'one' treat. There's always some reason to celebrate.
Holly says
Junk is junk. What people eat is up to them. But in our family, it makes no sense to us to accept a food that will send my kids into a tailspin just for the sake of being polite. We never eat food dye, and no one has ever been miffed because we turned down their offer of petroleum-based dyed food. Fake ingredients are fake all the time, and your body doesn't know it's a special occasion - it will still react to it with inflammation in the body to the junk. If people are OK with a little inflammation now and then, that's up to them.
Sarah @ Belle on Heels says
Recently discovered your website and I just love it! So inspirational and my husband and I really want to get on board with this. We don't have kids yet, so I don't really have any dogs in this "fight". That said, I think every now and then (at a birthday party or something like that), it's GOOD to give your kids the option of eating junk food. My college roommate grew up with her food very strictly policed and when she got to school, she went CRAZY eating nothing but junk food all day, every day. I felt like, at least with her, being denied any type of junk food or even being able to choose put her in a situation where once she had the choice, she couldn't make the right decision. Which, of course, goes back to your goal of your gals making the right food choices for reasons other than "Mommy said so." I'm not sure there's a right answer to such a tough question!
mamallaura says
This is a tricky one--I have one gluten-free son & one who has no gluten issues, I can understand the challenge of not having a "verifiable reason" to turn down a treat politely. If they're both together, I have no problem saying "no" b/c I won't let one have something the other can't have when they're together.
It's easy to decline treats for the gluten-intolerant son, but it's far more difficult to feel comfortable saying "no thank you" with my other son. I worked in the 2 year old's class at church Sunday, & the "froot loops" & apple juice given out made my skin crawl. But since he doesn't have an allergy, I felt more awkward bringing in a different snack for him. But I do plan to talk to the church, because it's really not fair to those workers to give 20 two-year-olds 50 grams of sugar each, then expect them to play nicely while waiting for their parents...they could at least serve water.
Anyway, with our 5 year old (gluten-free), I have a system worked out because he's getting older & I will not always be able to have a substitute treat for him at birthday parties, at school, etc. I want him to learn to delay gratification, because there will be times that I don't know there will be a treat or I won't be prepared. So, we have a deal that if there's a snack he can't have, then he can either pick a safe snack when he gets home, or he can have a "media credit" (little tickets he can turn in to watch one show, or he can save up 4 to play Wii Sports). It helps him learn that treats are not the center of the world (you CAN have fun at a birthday party without cake), and it's OK if he doesn't have EXACTLY what everyone else has...and he can choose an activity or a snack as a replacement. It works for us.
As for the gluten eater, I do NOT love allowing him to eat junk food, but my energy is so focused on making sure the 5 year old doesn't have gluten that sometimes, the 2 year old is just the easy one to feed. At home, he eats with the rest of us...but out in public, it's definitely easier to not rock the boat.
Great question!
Sarah says
This is tough one for sure! When appropriate (e.g. candy from the bank, junk food from a cousin) I thank them and then ask if we can take it with us for later - after my son has had his meal. I politely let them know that he only gets treat food after he eats his meal other wise he gets really cranky :) Usually they are fine with that and pack it up for us. Then when we get home it gets classified as a a treat and can be eaten at the right time or forgotten!
Paula says
Being polite IS one of my values, and I am one of the people who is ok with my child having a cupcake or birthday cake and ice cream when we go to a party. The vast majority of the time we eat very well, so I don't stress over occasional goodies like that. Besides which, if someone offers him--or me--something that we don't want, whatever the reason, we say, "No, thank you" or something else politely declining. It would be rude to respond to an offer--whether it's something we like or not--with a list of reasons why we're declining. I can definitely understand the question, and especially when my son was very small we debated it as well, but I would never want to come across to someone who was offering us something as condescending or sanctimonious, and I think any answer other than "no, thank you" and a smile is just that. For what it's worth.
Jacqulyn says
So you put the health of your child below your "values"? I wish my mother had educated me on nutrition, and had been there to say no to people. Your child may one day thank you or be disappointed because you didn't protect their health for the sake of your values.
Luitha says
Hi there!
It's an interesting question, and I think another way to think about it would be - is the other person being polite by giving your child food without asking you? Is it polite to insist that someone eats what you eat, whether that's real food or not?
It's admirable to be concerned with being social and polite, but at the same time we need to recognise that sometimes other people aren't following the same rules!
Personaly, I refuse food on behalf of my children all the time, and don't feel bad about it - the way I see it is that when peopl offer you something they are making an offer, not insisting, and we are all entitled to say no, especially when it comes to our bodies (or the bodies of our children!)
Just my two pennies worth :)
Sally says
My children are adults, but I've read both French Kids Eat Everything and Bringing up Bébé and I'm currently reading Outside the Box: Why Our Children Need Real Food, Not Food Products. All three authors agree that children who are raised on real food prefer it to processed food.
For myself, I aim for "mostly homemade" and reversed Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade approach. I aim for 70% (or more) real food and 30% (or less) processed food. In practice I'd guess that I'm very close to 90/10 or maybe even 95/5. My at-home consumption of processed foods tends to be some bread products (I make most of my own bread) and condiments (I make some of those, too). I've frequently said that there's nothing I don't eat, but there are a lot of things I eat very rarely. I have to agree with the kids raised on real food -- it tastes better!
But processed foods exist and many people either don't know or don't cqre that it's not a good choice. Since starting this, I've been to a "nothing homemade" (except the potatoes) Thanksgiving dinner and ate what was provided. I've also eaten at fast/casual restaurants. These things happen infrequently enough that I just don't worry about them.
I'm not sure what I'd do if I were raising children now. Snacking is so much more common than it was when my children were young. In the absence of allergies, food sensitivities or intolerances, I think I'd try to keep the same balance I do of real to processed food and let them just enjoy themselves without worrying about it at birthday and holiday parties.
Marian says
A constant struggle! Our change to a healthy lifestyle started with the birth of our first child, so that has allowed us to have certain things be the normal in our family from the beginning. For example, my kids have never eaten their Halloween candy and it's no big deal. I declined all unhealthy food offered my children until they began to become aware that they were missing out on something, sometime after age 2. Since then we have chosen which foods our kids will occasionally be allowed to eat in social situations. For example, they can have a very small piece of cake at a birthday party. But there are some things they have never had and I will always decline, such as hot dogs and soda. I'm working to change the culture of the organizations that our kids will be involved in for a long time - church and school.
Marini says
I think it's insane that some people think that having processed foods is a treat!!! Or that eating such is poison. I can't say that I COMPLETELY cut out processed foods for my kids simply because my husband is not fully on board yet, but for the most part I try to make sure they have healthy snacks. Fruits and such. However I cannot put down another woman for having a concern on how to turn down processed sugary snacks when offered. People are going to react odd no matter what your belief system is. My reply would be thanks but no thanks. If they feel they are owed an explanation then they can simply ask for one. If they don't ask then they obviously felt they didn't need one. WE can only please so many people, why not it be the ones that matter.
Kristy Hawkins says
It is hard to know what to do sometimes. I admit there are times when we give into the "junk" if I forget to bring something with me or a special occassion but I have also used my right to say no. It's no different than a child with a food allergy, like peanuts for example. I have a child diagnossed with abdominal migraines and certain foods trigger an episode just like with regular migraines. IF I feel like I need to explain further to keep from offending then I will if not, then I just "oh no thanks, we don't need any extra sugar today!" Fortunately for me, where we live most people eat healthy or follow pretty strict diets.
Jenna says
I also feed my toddler very healthy food. I try to avoid pretty much what you avoid. However, if I plan on taking my child to a party or an event, I will let her eat what they offer (in moderation.) I think its kind of awkward to go places and eat fruit while all the other kids are offered a cookie. It kind of like making your child the different one out of group. I agree that its best for the child at the moment, but food is a cultural thing. It brings people together and its has ALWAYS been a celebratory thing. That will never change for as long as we live. You can eat healthy or clean....but when your child is at a party that only happens like once a month, let them be a child and be like everyone else without feeling left out.
Stacey says
Wow! Reading some of the replies, I realize we have it easy in the polite decline department. My daughter has a behavioral sensitivity to artificial coloring. So, when we politely decline, our response is "no thank you, she is allergic to artificial coloring". Hard for anyone to take issue to that response. And there is no moderation for us in this department. She understands herself that she can't have it, and has learned to politely tell people no thank you when offered.
Jane says
Oh and I forgot to mention that there was a column online recently from an Indian-American woman living in France who said she thinks that French parenting book was a load of hooey and didn't bear any resemblance to the French families she knew! Take these things with a grain of salt.
Sally says
There are two books out and I think you're talking about the other one (Bringing up Bébé). French Kids Eat Everything is solely about food. Both books, however, give the same message about food; FKEE goes into more detail.
Jane says
Honestly, I do not worry about it. My kids have been eating healthy for so long, that they which and how much of certain foods will make them feel bad so I can trust them to self-moderate. My children often take candy or something similar when offered and then bring it home where it sits until it becomes stale and gets thrown out. Something like birthday cake, they usually will ask for a small piece or will take a few bites and throw the rest. It's just not a big deal and not something I waste my time stressing about. My job is to provide them with healthy food and teach them about making good choices, as well as serving as a good role model. If I sit around making all their decisions for them, they are not going to learn to take care of themselves, and ultimately that is my job as a parent.
Jennifer says
I have raised two children on a healthy, no-junk-food diet and when they were young, I tried to teach them how to politely say, “no, thank you†when offered junk food. They are both now adults and making their own decisions and rather than rebelling (as many predict that children will eventually do) they have both happily embraced the idea of eating healthfully … and continue to offer a simple and polite “no, thank you†when necessary.
Ironically, even though I taught them to do something that apparently some think is rude (refuse food), many people - strangers and friends alike - repeatedly commented on how polite my children were.
A simple “no, thank you†isn’t rude. What’s rude is implying or insisting that someone eat something even though they would rather not. MUTUAL respect can make life so much nicer. : )
More than healthful eating habits, I wanted to instill in my children the confidence to make the right choice for themselves regardless of what others thought. Think about the effects of giving this ability to kids! Kids who have the confidence to stand up to peer pressure!
My kids don’t “worry or obsess about nutrition when they leave the house†any more than they worry or obsess about other things that are a normal and consistent part of their lives. They are happy, confident, and respectful of others.
We live in an obesigenic environment. The physical and social influences in our modern-day society have a tendency to promote unhealthful dietary choices rather than healthful ones. Junk food is abundantly available, easily accessible, and aggressively marketed. In my opinion, learning to offer a polite, "no, thank you" just makes sense.
Sarah says
I enjoyed reading the comments. Personally, my parents (who are health NUTS) NEVER let us have Kool aid/soda or debbie cakes and what have you. But we are allowed to have other "junk" food in moderation. Michelle Obama, on the other hand, in my opinion, is one of the WORST first ladies in American History. And dont even get me started on her husband. Parents know best for their child. Its THEIR kid. The government shouldn't be forcing businesses and individuals to make healthy choices. Let parents do their job and let the government to do it's job.
Kate says
well I do what my mother did in this area.
So growing up my family literally lived off the land. Farmers with a huge farm. I remember her going to the grist mills in canada and getting wheat flour and bulger and oatmeal but I rarely remember going to the grocery store. She made all of her own pasta (and tho I'm a working mother of three I still do because its really not that hard) yogurt etc. Anyways- being healthy was super super important to her. She taught us that white flour white sugar and any processed food was "empty calories". that was her favorite way of saying food way bad - empty calories. But how it worked with us as kids was at home she cooked we ate what she cooked - end of story.- but out - we could pick whatever we wanted - she might remind us of how bad it was (and she did often) but we had final say. I think this is very important- very important - in maintaining that fine line between shoving something down someones throat and having them rebel and passing on good habits. And trust me I have a lot of examples of my mother pushing something down our throats and all 5 of us rebelling. Thats the thing- five kids- all of us varying levels of atheists/agnostics (mother was VERY religious- and insisted on us being as well) - but all of us eat extremely healthy including my 20 year old bachelor brother- not a typical category for the organic hummus purchaser. Now as an adult I eat pretty much the same way except I don't have a garden- I buy my bread sometimes- and my pasta sometimes too- my yogurt and hummus and cheese and applesauce (its freaking hard to find one with a label that lists only apples as the ingredients!) always- but thats the only processed food I buy and thats how its always been- thro college life- thro living a single life- thro dealing with a over processed food husband- its just my way of life. But I really think the key was that it was our choice- not hers- or at least thats how we felt! if we went out with my grandparents and we wanted to order orange mac and cheese and hotdogs- fine with her. And with my kids its always healthy at home- they love lentil soup and hummus and spicy stir fry etc (2 and 4 years old) and eat plently of vegetables - never been to McDonalds - I've never had gold fish or chicken nuggets or go gurt or really anything packaged and geared for children in my house (or chips or juice or soda or candy despite my husbands whines). But at playdates and stuff - sure they eat whatever everyone else is - and honestly they often without me saying a thing head towards the healthier things anyways coz thats what they are used too. With kids - in my opinion - if you make a big deal of something then it becomes a big deal and they feel like they need to win- now or ten years later. And I know several people who eat horribly but were raised "right" but its because their parents made such a huge deal out of it.
Kate says
good god can I edit that? I have a degree but it does not look like I'm even literate!!!
Stephanie says
Thank you! This is what I've been looking for. Balanced and yet still teaching them preference to the good food. My only problem is when they're offered cake or candy and juice at school at least once a month with no other options. I have two other children and my husband drives our only car to work so it's hard for me to explain our preferences to his teacher. I have no idea how to handle the junk at school because it's so often. I will be using this approach at home and out with family though.
Angela says
I've been struggling with this all summer!!! During the school year it is easier to surround yourself with good food. The summer brings out more unstructured eating times. The one I can't get over is the HOT DOGS!!! I can't stand them. IF, I ever buy them they are nitrate free and come from properly treated animals. Is it rude to bring your own hot dogs to a BBQ? Do you insult the person throwing the party? My five year old son has leukemia and I try to limit the amount of chemicals he puts into his body. He has enough to deal with, let alone fighting what is in his food.... Food has a purpose and I try to teach my 5 and 6 year old that every day so that they can make good choices.
I love that all of your information is "mom" ready and doable. I've recommended your site to many other mom's who have an interest in food. Thank you for making this your life's mission. It is making a difference.
jessica says
I have been very surprised by the amount of people that say they feel sorry my kids because they didn't know what cotton candy was or because they had never had a cheeto. I was actually proud of my 5, 4, and 3, year old boys for saying no thank you to the neighbor for offering to buy them something from the ice cream truck. Sometimes they struggle with other people gft to go to McDonalds all of the time but I just tell them that it is important to me that they grow up strong and healthy and that some families have different values or priorities.
Patty says
Great article, thanks! I am trying to implement a whole foods diet, but here in the deep south it is so very difficult outside of the home. Fortunately we home school and they aren't offered junk constantly. By far my greatest challenge are my in-laws, who are kind, generous, have horrible eating habits and think I'm crazy. I inadvertently offend them all the time by politely declining. Of course being southerners they are very polite about it. They smile and kindly inform me that seasoned tacos, boxed Mac in cheese, kool aid and Burger King is actually quite healthy. I give in with my kids because to not allow them to feed the grand kids would be unpardonable. *roll eyes*. How do I deal with that? Well everywhere else I've seen my older kids (9 & 7) begin to make good choices, so that's a start. It's slow progress but steady, especially with my husband. I'd just move but dh is kind of attached. They are lovable in their way. Anyway, thank you for providing so many great meal ideas and recipes. They are very helpful!
Simone says
Sorry, however a little correction in the beginnng...French kids have the absolute same problem with "junk food" being very accessible to them! What I feel is true that in general europeans don't make such a huge deal out of "not healthy or healthy" eating, they do strive for balance. In return my child does not know that the lolli pop offered by his friend is not healthy and I don't teach him at all that sweets are a treat...here go so many parents wrong...they make this the "forbidden, the rare and the tough food to get"...which kid doesn't found this one exciting!..at home I simply only offer food I approve off....no comment...no other choice, no other desire....done. Outside the house it's my sons choice and interestingly enough he can and will say "no" even to a cookie, if he doesn't feel like having one.....but most importantly he doesn't get the feeling that he is missing out on something, that sweets are the good stuff, which you only get on special occasions etc. And personally I feel bring some of "your" food along and see what kids will grab....I guarantee if I come with my huge snake made out of apples, strawberries etc. kids will gravitate to my dish...and voila...they eat "healthy"......just a thought:-))
Amy says
I love how you pointed out "going with the flow" has become several times a week. I started by saying "no thank you" when out, but then I figured once in a while would be fine. I soon discovered that it has become a regular thing and we are sliding backwards. I am far from only eating real food but I am picky as to what non-real food is ok. Time to start saying "no thank you." I might even bring up the vegetarian point as a comparison!
Jana says
This is an excellent article regarding what I feel is a HUGE problem! Kids are bombarded by unhealthy food everywhere - including at school. I have been working with my kids to understand why we are eating healthier foods and how it can affect them. It is an on-going battle. But, I don't have a problem saying no when offered unhealthy food. My oldest son (now 8) is trying to not eat candy for a year. He turns down so, so, so many offers and it is never a big deal. When asked why a kid doesn't want candy... he simply tells them what he is doing. I agree with your hubby that saying and explaining why if you need to will help most others (lets face it, there will always be those who think you are a goody two shoes) understand the importance of healthy eating.
I just found your website, but I am so excited to keep following you!!
Stacy says
I used to think it was best to always be a gracious recipient. But my kids are on the Feingold diet and have behavioral sensitivities to things like food dye and msg. Now, I will go to great acrobatic lengths to be sure they do not have anything I don't let them have. It's not about being a helicopter mom; it's about not subjecting your child to the misery of a 3-day crash. Once you've studied your child when he is trapped in a reaction and cannot control his body (even if it isn't a real allergy), you will risk any judgment, temper tantrum, or eyeroll.
Carrie says
I have a co-worker that has a response I have adopted, "that looks delicious, but it's not on my food list. Thanks for offering."
Jean says
Wow - I am really surprised at how vehement people are regarding this. I think its fine to politely decline and teach your kids how to do so too, but some of the posts of how people respond are a little too over the line of rudeness. People are not trying to offend you with snacks - they are being generous and while I am not saying you have to accept their offer, be aware of the relationship involved. We rarely eat processed foods. When my children were small, I monitored it more and as they grew we had conversations about food and the choices they make. Now they are teenagers and make relatively good choices on their own - snacks are almost always veggies and fruit, they never drink soda. My personal opinion is teach your kids, don't force your beliefs on them. I want my kids to WANT to eat healthy, not because I told them to. As far as dinner parties go, I always offer to bring a dish so that there is something I will want to eat.
Amy says
This seems to be more and more of a growing problem for me! I'm tired of my kids having so much access to junk. I was mortified at the snacks my own church provided at VBS; Rootbeer floats, jello jigglers with cool whip and half a strawberry.. popcorn with a piece of candy at the bottom... and always pretzels. UGH! But I guess I haven't decided how I want to handle it, so my kids get the snacks. At home it's only healthy stuff... apparently we're the only family of our friend who doesn't keep the cubbord stocked with orange chips all summer long. Then my kids devour them when they get the opportunity. I don't want them to obsess about nutrition but I want them to learn what's healthy and how to be healthy. It's hard not to feel like a wierdo or rude about it. The grandparents are horrible about the whole thing as well... and we see them several times a week usually.
kate b says
today is the offical kick off to our own personal 100 days of real food, and balancing it with Naturally Thin by Bethenny Frankel,with high hopes of finding a better balance of food in my families daily life. we have been practicing the real food diet to about 95% for the last few months, and I feel that the 100 day challenge will help push us the last 5%. Our lives have already improved. That being said - this issue came up in the last few days with our summer travel schedule. My kids (age 4.5 and 1.5) were refusing the food in the restaurant, to my frustration actually, but when we returned to the hotel and I brought out the fruit and veggies I had packed they polished off most of them (2-3 servings each!) SO, our practice has already made a difference in their little lives...that someday I hope they will be able to continue to make their own healthy choices. Next up, helping to educate my parents when they move in with us for a few weeks...wish me luck! My dad is a Cheetos kind of eating guy. eke.
Marcie says
Lisa, How do you handle the snacks given out after a sports game? Many parents think the children need to be rewarded with junk food for playing. I don't see why they need to be rewarded for something that was supposed to be fun, nor do I want them to refuel their bodies with Gatorade and Cheetos! Both my kids will be handed a snack after the game come soccer season and I am already not looking forward to it. I was thinking that in order to have any control over this I will need to be the team mom for both teams. I was thinking of sending out a friendly email about refueling with healthy snacks and give a list of suggestions. I also, was thinking of including some info on why sports drinks are unnecessary.Do you feel that this is appropriate?
Tamara Mannelly says
Ugh, the after sports snacks. It is the worst. I would get teased because I wouldn't let my daughter have a pack of nutter butters and a giant gatorade after a game (she was 5, played for 25 min and it was 10:30 in the morning!!!). Not sure how your sports group organizes, but we alternated weeks to bring snack. The coach encouraged healthy snacks but very few paid attention. You could talk to the coach or the league organizers to see what is encouraged. If you are team mom, maybe you could pass out a snack schedule and encourage healthy snacks...giving some examples (whatever happened to fresh orange slices!!!). When it was my turn for snacks, I once brought bags of grapes and a cheese stick. We also made whole wheat chocolate chip cookies for one game (it was an afternoon game and I wanted a 'treat' and to show parents that cookies could be made with nourishing ingredients...everyone loved them!). Good luck with the snack/sports world! It drives me crazy!!
Assistant to 100 Days (Jill) says
Hi Marcie. I think your approach sounds totally reasonable, but, of course, you will get those parents that disagree with you and will not comply. All you can do is provide the information in a tactful manner and hope that parents will follow along. It would probably even help you out if you could get the entire "league" on board so all teams are doing the same thing - that way the kids don't have "snack envy" over another teams processed snack. Best of luck to you. Jill
Lori B. says
I'm over the millions of excuses parents will give to allow their children to be knowingly poisoned and malnourished. Obviously these parents have been poising themselves! If you are on this site, then you can't close your eyes to the knowledge that you have been given. You KNOW! So you CAN'T do it anymore. Now if you continue to hurt your children through the food the you feed them then shame on you and shame on anyone here who knowingly feeds poison to someone else's child. If you care enough to feed your kid "real food" then care enough to keep them safe from harm. When we all decided to have children WE made the decision to raise them and protect them. Just because you are "too tired", "too poor", "don't have enough time", "work full time", "too tall, too short, tooo whatever!!!" YOU CHOSE TO BE THE PROTECTORS AND PROVIDERS FOR YOUR KIDS!!!!! Not everyone else, not the govt, not your neighbor, YOU!!! If you dont care, then stop having kids. Yeah, my comment is harsh, but I am sooooo over the excuses and complaining and whining why people CAN'T do something especially when so many commenters are giving everyone option after option of what they CAN do. People who always say "Can't" are just waiting for someone else to do it for them!
Sarah says
ABSOLUTELY LORI!!! It's not the govt's job- its the PARENTS job. PERIOD.
Tamara Mannelly says
Such a good post. I deal with this all the time and, like you, go back and forth between 'no thank you' and just letting them have it. I guess I try to think about what other junk they have had that day, etc. I have been trying to teach my daughter about WHY we eat the way we do, asking her what she has had already that day. This goes for not just junk food. I will say, hey why don't we have some chicken for dinner since we haven't had any meat/protein yet today. Or, we have already had a lot of fruit today, let's share some vegetables for an appetizer. We did run into the problem recently when we were traveling with another family. Their son was eating Fruit Loops out of the box. My daughter asked if she could have some and I said no you may not. (First of all, Fruit Loops? Secondly, we were just leaving to go out for dinner). I told her that she couldn't have the snack because we were getting ready to eat dinner. Then she proceeded to tell the boy that if he ate food like Fruit Loops 'he would die because it is so unhealthy'. **sigh** I talked to her later about it and she said 'well, if they are unhealthy foods, you become unhealthy and if you are unhealthy, you die'. Love the logic of a 6 year old. Had to tell her that eating Fruit Loops isn't going to kill you and that we eat healthy to keep our bodies healthy and strong. It's so hard for her to understand, as I teach her why we all should eat healthier food most of the time,why others don't seem to care and why some children eat junk all day. If I am teaching her about why artificial dyes, etc. are bad, she doesn't understand why other moms let their kids eat the stuff. So hard to teach her to make better choices on her own but not be judgy of others' choices.
Kim says
When I was growing up in the 70's and 80's, unprocessed food was not really something people I knew talked about, largely because much of the food we ate came directly from our garden. Yes, we had our share of candy, and sometimes McDonald's, and no one ever told me that I should not eat that, but my family made good choices about what they ate, amd we learned by their example. Today, as a thirty something, I have no issues with cholesterol, and I will still choose an apple or a piece of fruit over candy any day. It's just habit.
This country has changed so much in the last few decades, and when I lived overseas and got to shop at the open air piatzas, I realized that what we call progress is sometimes anything but. In making life easier and more convenient, we've made ourselves less healthy.
Meghan says
I have been reading this blog for a about a year. I was pregnant at the time I found it and decided that day I was going to change our eating habits and lifestyle. My husband and I never ate that much super processed food but this blog changed my mind. Where we live it is not always possible to eat local. I love the way you handled this. I believe that if the child is old enough and under stands they should choose, that is what we are training them for, right? People need to make a choice. I choose to feed my daughter organic homemade baby food. If I can't then I choose organic. When offered food for her I decline politely. We live in Europe where people are constantly praising our child and touching her. As an American I used to freak out but I realize that it is just how it is here. If she is given something I thank them and tell them she just ate. I believe that most people are very understanding of lifestyle choices and are not offended if you explain why. Yes, sometime I feed my daughter things that are "not good or processed" but end the end she prefers the healthy choices even at 15 months. That is all I want for my child to make the right choices. Thank you for opening me and family up to these ideas.
rene says
Eating together is getting so complex!
I think it is rude to ask a child if they want a treat without consulting parent's first.
At the same time, people's eating issues are making it difficult to even sup together. Inviting friends to dinner used to involve a massive amount of generosity on the part of the host and guests were supposed to be thankful and gracious regardless of how they felt about what was served them, unless they had a true allergy or severe health issue. Now, hosting a friendly dinner is all too often a minefield where what you have to offer is suspect, if not simply rejected as of value to the people that you have invited. Dietary needs (not to mention simply temporary & seemingly fad-driven choices) can make it nearly impossible to even determine what meal can be served - no sugar, no soy, no hfca, organic only, no meat, no night shades, no wine, no vinegar, no this, no that.... I completely understand. I have a number of food allergies myself. Still, sometimes I am amazed at how much energy and angst can surround having a meal together... often having relationships stunted because dietary choices are so different. Can a gluten free by choice no necessity person truly not have lunch with someone who has not given up their whole wheat bread?
I think that we should be cautious about telling our kids that making the "right" food choices every minute is more important than community and relationships. Rudely offering kids "treats" with no warning deserves a simple request to not do that in the future because of your kids' health needs and family values(I don't know about your kids, but I have one who really goes crazy with food coloring and I REALLY appreciate it when people don't feed him lifesavers and sno cones...) but to teach our children that someone else's kind intention and true generosity is to be snubbed and/or corrected because of the perceived lack of nutritional value of what was offered seems like an equally undesirable lesson to teach our children. Honesty is good. I'm not a fan of the little white lie... but there is true value in graciousness and appreciation of people for who they are and for what they have to offer.
Bridget Taylor says
I completely disagree with this article. My kids do get junk food, sometimes I just can't stop them or the environment from making junk food available. HOWEVER, I would never encourage another mother not worry about it, say yes to junk food that she could say no to. In the matter of health there is no amount of BAD food that is acceptable so that we can please our friends and family. I tell all my friends, "don't worry about us. You are never expected to provide GOOD food, but they can't be offended when we say no to BAD food."
I know I take a hard stance, but people who can't get over our choices just feel bad about their own. I will not endanger my children to make insecure people happy.
Tamara Mannelly says
Love this. I feel a similar way but haven't been able to fully and always act on it. When I say 'no thank you', politely, the person offering the food (if they are a friend and knows my eating habits) seems to get so defensive and make a big deal. I find it odd because I didn't make a big deal, just said no thank you. Plus, I don't like the big deal being made in front of my daughter as it draws even more attention to it.
Recently, we were at a little country store with a friend and her children. At the checkout, her children asked for these little individually wrapped caramels. Of course, my daughter asked for one. As I was getting ready to reach for one to look at the ingredients (Hey, I love a good caramel...just wanted to check to see if this one was worth it), my friend sort of rolled her eyes and said "here I will buy you one". I was very annoyed that she bought this candy for my daughter while I was standing right there without asking me. (Plus I knew she did it because she thinks my food issues are weird). I simply wanted to look at the ingredients, and in my head was going over the other crap we had had that day...pancakes/syrup, some homemade cookies on a boat ride, etc.
I hate to make a big deal about it, but why can't a simple 'no thank you' suffice. Also, if my daughter had started begging me for one, I would not have bought it for her no matter what I thought of the quality of the ingredients as I do not like to encourage that kind of behavior.
traci says
It is very hard when people make comments when you pass on cake or ice cream. At work we have cake once a month for our un-birthday.If someone brings something in to share it's more than once a month. I just don't know why they can't be respectful of your choices. I don't make comments about their processed foods. I wish they could see how much better I feel. Thank you for all of your recipes and research. This is my go to blog when I have a question or need a recipe. I love it:)
Lil says
For those of you who completely restrict your children's diets, I would say, you need to think how they will react when it is up to them to make their own food choices. I had to laugh at the previous comment describing the kids hoarding the candy - because that was me as a kid ! I was raised in a vegetarian - whole foods household and once I was old enough to eat what I wanted, it was junk food, fast food, soda, etc. Now I am a mother of two little boys, we eat very healthy (mostly whole foods, local raised meat, veggies from our own garden, etc.) however, I absolutely do not completely restrict their diet when outside the home. Now, I definitely said "no thank you", when my mother in law attempted to give them twinkles and snowballs, however, I told her that she was more than welcome to give them a treat as long as it is a baked good made with real ingredients. My goal is for my children to enjoy the food they eat and ultimately make healthy food choices throughout their lives because they have developed a taste and appreciation for it and also understand the health and environmental benefits of eating real foods. Saying "no" to every little thing is ultimately going to backfire.
Janine Burns says
I agree with Lilly. We can't keep the kids in a bubble or it will back fire. I gained 15 lbs my freshmen year old college cause all I ate was junk cause I was nt allowed to eat it before. All those breakfast cereals are really tasty! Especially Lucky Charms. I don't buy those now but I am aware of the backfire. My daughter loves sugar and carbs.. It my job to teach her how to eat right!
sarah says
"Saying “no†to every little thing is ultimately going to backfire."
There is actually a lot of research out there to back up this statement. Teaching kids to listen to their bodies rather than forcing them to follow strict rules will result in healthier, happier, more balanced kids.
Alex @ Good Girl Gone Wife says
Unfortunately, I don't have any kids yet, but if I did, I hope I'd be able to politely decline in such situations if I would prefer my children not have something. But that could totally change when I'm actually a mother.
Pam@behealthybehappywellness says
Definitely a hot topic! Personally I don't want my kids to be stressed out about food. They know what they should eat (as you said what makes them feel better), and most of the time they will make good choices on their own (or I'll guide them to the better choices). However, I am not going to freak out or deny them an experience if food is a big part of it. For example, if everyone else is at the amusement park and eating ice cream, I'm okay with them having a little if they want it. That being said, we don't have any food allergies - if we did I'd take a much harder line.