Can we please all agree to make this post a non-judgmental space today? Just like most other parents I am simply trying to do the best I can, and just like most parents – I do not claim to have all the answers. And as a result of some recent non-judgmental and constructive feedback from blog readers I’ve been doing some thinking…and my thoughts are this: I never want my daughters to have to worry about food (or anything for that matter).
People sometimes imply that allowing your children to have free rein on junk food means “letting your kid be a kid,” but in reality I think they are confusing “eating junk food” with the happy-go-lucky, carefree feeling we often see in children. And in my opinion there are many ways to achieve that bliss, which I can assure you, is not only from junk food.
But I am the first to admit it’s not easy to constantly find that fine line between standing up for what you believe in (nourishing my children with the healthiest foods on the planet!) and also not being too uptight. Whether we like it or not, there is a social aspect to junk food. I tell my husband all the time “we’ve been there done that” …therefore I don’t care if I never again chow down on a Little Debbie Snack, a box of Nerds, or a Push Up (really, I don’t). But my children have not had the same experiences as me and no matter how much they “understand” why those foods are unhealthy who can blame them for wanting to see what they are all about? They are literally surrounded by this stuff on a regular basis – just look at school lunch rooms, TV commercials, and even check-out lines at the store.
The Feedback I Couldn’t Ignore
Aside from our 100-day pledge (which ended in 2010) we have never been fully restrictive on what our girls can and can’t eat. We certainly eat almost all “real food” at home, but now that our pledge is over our children indulge in processed “treats” at birthday parties, school celebrations, friend’s houses, etc. I certainly wish they weren’t offered junk food at so many events, but this is reality and I try not to stress about it (although I have become more involved at their school in hopes of continuing to see positive changes there). We also usually offer our girls a “once a week treat,” which is pretty much the only time we eat any big sweets (other than a super dark chocolate square), but more often than not they have junk food elsewhere so others were almost always beating me to the punch when it came treat time. This means our treats together as a family didn’t happen very often – or if they did my daughters would have to decide to forgo a treat that was being offered to them by someone else. Watching them make these decisions is what started bothering me deep down.
Then it just so happens that last weekend we had the chance to buy our kids their weekly treat, and by request we headed out for donuts (which I shared with this picture on Facebook). It was on that post where an interesting discussion started.
Although I can’t always sit down and read every single comment personally anymore – I do read a lot of them and value what our readers have to say. And I certainly did not overlook the comment from Erin that said, “Actually, excessive discussion of ‘good’ food and ‘bad’ food can play a large role on eating disorders.” Nor did I overlook the New York Times article that Marie shared that is entitled, “What’s Eating Our Kids? Fears About ‘Bad’ Foods.” Then (as if I didn’t already have my knickers in a twist enough) a kind reader emailed me personally and said:
“When I see your daughter questioning her food, I am encouraged by her awareness, but also concerned. I did the same thing, and my mom – who was also hyper-aware of food (and for good reason!) – encouraged this in me. I eventually become afraid of the food and restricted anything that wasn’t ‘healthy’ – until nothing was (at the same time I over-exercised, because exercise was healthy too). It all made sense – until it didn’t. I just encourage you, from the bottom of my heart, to be careful and aware and honest – but also leave some space for ‘food to be food’ – that’s become my mantra.” – 100 Days of Real Food Reader
Our Outlook Going Forward
I can truthfully tell you I have never even dabbled in eating disorders, although I (unfortunately) know many friends who have. Therefore I am no stranger to the subject and it’s of course not something I would ever want my daughters to struggle with. So literally right then and there I had a discussion with my husband and we agreed to make a slight change. As soon as my daughters came home from school I told my 2nd grader, “We’ve decided that you can eat the foods you are offered (within reason) when you are not at home, and they will not count as your ‘once a week treat.’ The weekly treats we will buy or make together as a family will happen no matter what. Mommy feeds you so much good, real food at home and that’s where you eat most of the time. You are such a healthy girl who is an excellent eater and also gets plenty of exercise so eating junk food at school or with friends once or twice a week could never erase that. Now eating cupcakes everyday (or twice a day) would not be a good thing, but a couple times a week is nothing for anyone to worry about.” And you know what, in the grand scheme of things – even though my daughters have their moments of course – they both really are super good eaters. They eat a wide variety of whole foods including lots of vegetables and are also fairly willing to try new things. So I wasn’t just talking the talk with her – even with highly processed junk food often feeling like my personal nemesis, I truly believe that eating it on occasion will not erase all that goodness.
And interestingly enough, even though my daughters have honestly never verbalized a complaint about our frequency of treats before, my 8-year-old seemed to really understand what I was telling her and even acted a little happy about this change. My kindergartner is still oblivious to quite a lot and frankly doesn’t even know what day it is half the time, so I spared her this “talk” because I didn’t think she’d even notice the difference at her age. But I do think what will go even further than this change is for me to (continue to) not act like the occasional junk food they eat is the end of the world (i.e. no guilt trip) while still educating them in a casual, non-threatening manner. I have also always been super careful about never criticizing my body in front of them, and I think that is another very important part of raising daughters with a healthy image as well. Now this parenting gig is something I am figuring out as I go (just like everyone else!) so we may continue to make adjustments as we move forward…but I can say that I do feel good about our renewed direction.
So today my 8-year-old came home from school and announced, “I had 3 oreos at lunch since it was a friend’s birthday.” Then she told me, “I read the ingredients, too.” And I said with a surprise, “Oh really, what did it say?” then with a laugh she said “I don’t remember.” Sounds like we are on the right track with having a carefree, worry-free kid who is slightly more aware than the others. :)
Grocery Shopping Template (+ My Routine)
I love the thoughtful way you approach things without getting too insanely cemented to “my way or the highway!” Eating, like thinking, singing, playing, or working is not subject to hard and fast rule 100% of the time. Being flexible and modeling grown-up flexibility is giving your kids a huge gift of rolling with the imperfect. I strive to give my kids actual food as often as possible which is probably close to about 90% of the time…but I do not hesitate, or look askance at the after-church donut or the shared cookie. THanks for the post!
GREAT article. Valuable insight.
thank you for sharing this. I have a 17 month old boy who eats only whole foods. Now since he doesnt know any better he hasnt had any junk food but i know the day will come that he will ask for it. I’m still not sure how I’m going to handle it but your story has been very helpful and has given my some idea of what to do!
I enjoy your posts and your concern for your children’s eating habits. I am a senior citizen, have raised all my kids to adults, and this is my unsolicited advice for you: Raise your children your way! There will always be those to give you advice both good and bad, but in the end these are your children and you are preparing them for a healthy future.
Thanks so much for writing this. I have been a follower on FB for some time now, but really appreciated this. Yes, we should be careful about food, be sure we know what is going in our bodies, and treat our bodies like an asset to protect and refine. But, at the same time, food is just food. I have several friends, who at pot luck dinners (which when it is their turn to host), pull out food from plastic containers, and order pizza “for the rest of us”. Our food should never be a reason to discriminate or judge others, nor should it be used to judge us (if we don’t ascribe to the same level of attention).
We are human. Food should never keep us from being such.
I don’t think them not eating the pizza and eating something different is being “judgemental”. They just probably know that everyone else wants something like pizza, and they don’t want to eat it. It sounds like you are judging them for what THEY do more than the other way around. Let’s think about it….a lot of the processed “foods” aren’t even really food, just man-made chemical food like products. 100’s of years ago eating all whole foods was the only option, so why are those who choose to continue to do just that, are the “odd ones out”?
If I have company, I try to make something healthy that everyone will like, and not focus on it being “healthy”. If I go to someone else’s house, we eat what they have.
I think you are on the right track. As someone who battled bulimia for 23 years, it wasn’t until I went to treatment that I learned to stop calling foods good/bad. It’s all about balance, variety and moderation. So I trying to teach that to my own kids and not make them crazy about all the things I was crazy about…much easier said than done!
I really like this approach. I think that I am finding that my best indicator of whether or not I am pushing ‘too much’ is my children. I have a tendency to be all or nothing and ‘end of the world’ thinking and I can tell when I’ve crossed the line between faithful teaching about nutrition and well…not sure what to call the extreme.
Do I expect them to be happy about every food choice I make for them? Nope. But I can see a tension that I don’t like when I slip into ‘this will kill you!’ mode. And because my oldest has Aspergers, I do see the tendency to pick up on my worry and carry it to the FAR extreme, and the last thing he needs is more food issues. Since I’ve started backing off a bit he’s actually expressed MORE of an interest (in a good way) in making healthy choices.
Good post!
Thank you for this heartfelt post. I have a very real story to share that I will condense. My eleven year old son this summer became obsessed with healthy eating this past summer that began with label reading due to food allergies in the family and continued with my banishment of high fructose corn syrup. What developed over the course of three months time was anxiety over the transition into middle school that led him into an eating disorder. He was 64 pounds when admitted to the hospital after a bout of the flu that he couldn’t fight with two parents that really missed the disorder and thought his eating habits to be extremely healthy. Little did we know that the lack of body fat and nutrients caused his heart to slow down, his liver to overwork, and his immune system to go awry. Thankfully with much education, therapy and great doctors, we have a healthy twelve year old that is 83 pounds and back on the growth chart with very little collateral damage.
I agree with everything you are trying to do for your family food wise as that is exactly where we are as a family. Changing your messaging is all you need to do to help your daughters have the healthy relationship with food you are seeking. With good and healthy whole food. I hope this helps somebody.
Wow, Toni – Thank you for sharing your story and I am so sorry to hear about what you have been through…but also thankful that you are on the other side and your son is feeling better now!
I am now 37. When I was young we were not allowed artificial colors, preservatives, or most any processed food. I look back on that time with great thanks. My childhood was full of happiness and freedom. I had a family that loved me and it was evident. That was all I needed.
I did not need those foods to make me happy or carefree. As a matter of fact they would have been worse for me. Love your children first and they will be better not having those foods.
I am curious, how did your family word/present the limitations so that you didn’t feel ashamed or controlled? It seems to be done in a healthy way, and would like to model that as well.
I agree 100%. I do what I can at home to give them a variety of good food, but parties are parties! Sometimes we eat at a restaurant and overindulge a little. It isn’t the end of the world unless that becomes the norm – like we used to be. Ten years ago we had dessert EVERY night – and often after lunch, too. Cake, cookies, brownies, ice cream… Now it’s once a week and we’re all healthier for it.
You’re doing great, Mom! Such an inspiration to mother’s everywhere that care about the well being of their children! Flexibility to make adjustments as life requires/reveals is key to knowing you’re doing great! Thanks for the post, and keep the education coming! <3
I found your blog a couple of weeks ago and though I have always been health conscious due to being obese until I was 24 (I just turned 34) reading your blog made me realize just how slack I had become with truly focusing on health, as opposed to maintaining a healthy weight. I have already started making huge strides in the right direction just in the last 2 weeks with cooking and eating whole foods and I feel fantastic! So I have a lot of thanks to pass your way.
This post, however, really hit home. I have an almost 3 year old daughter and a 3 month old son and while I want them to eat healthy and never have to struggle with weight the way I did, I worry that they are going to think about it too much. I don’t want them to have my thought process about food, and that whole notion of good foods vs bad foods because I know that has been awful for me. We all want our children to be healthy and happy. Finding that balance is soooo hard and I so appreciate you opening up this discussion. Wonderful post!
Thanks for this post. I’ve been on the real food road for a while now and I know it can feel tricky with my kids. So much of my own “stuff” around food can be thrown onto them and it always backfires. I’ve come to this conclusion so far. It’s not what I saw, but the energy behind it that makes all the difference. If I’m relaxed and aligned with my ideas, it’s not a big deal to my kids. If I’m trying to align with something but not quite there, they pick up on it and poke me about it until it is revealed in some way (ie I have an agenda, I’m not sure, I’m in conflict). They are excellent mirrors to me. They teach me a lot. One of the things I’ve learned from them is that they will naturally, when I don’t get in their way, return to well being. Do they eat everything I want them to? No- it’s so not perfect in that way, but perfect nonetheless. They’ve signaled me, through their reflection, to lighten up, be a model of wellness, relax, and enjoy food. If I mess it up, which happens often, it’s just an opportunity to come clean, talk about how I feel, and make amends as needed and then move forward. Thanks again for being personal here. Well done.
Sounds like a very wise and sensible approach. We are trying to make a shift in our eating toward healthier choices, not quite as far a long as you are, but we are making changes none-the-less. It is hard especially for our 13yo because she is so conditioned towards junk food. We actually adopted her, so she has only been with us for a year, so she came with a lot of previous habits too (such as dessert every night), which we don’t do. So, we have multiple challenges on our journey. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Good for you! I have many health conscious friends with kids and there is a sad trend I see in the kids…sneaky eaters. We eat healthy at home but have our vices too. Its a balance but I was lucky to grow up without any bad feelings surrounding food and I want the same for my kids. My kids do a great job of self limiting because they are aware of how too many treats make their body feel (I believe that happened after a super indulgent fair day, but it stuck around). :)
Well said mama!
This is a really loving conscientious post. What a lovely thoughtful way to encourage good eating while avoiding body issues.
Your blog is an inspiration. I wanted to share my recent experience with fruit snacks. My 3 year old loves them. We used to only get them when the kids were super sick (nothing was staying down) or on long road trips. Then, more often, but still only the organic ones. Somehow, in the last year every color and character imaginable has come home (my husband grocery shops). I made some homemade fruit leather and offered it to my son. He asked what the deal was and why mommy didn’t like his fruit snacks. I (I thought) casually said that there were some chemicals in them that made them bright colors, but they weren’t so good for him. They were ok once in a while, but I’d like him to substitute homemade sometimes. He FREAKED OUT hysterically sobbing that his beloved snacks were bad for his brain. He told his sister – he even (to my embarrassment) told his preschool to stop feeding him Froot Loops bc they had colors that were bad for his brain. Whoops. Mommy went too far. Am I glad that he only eats fruit leather and organic fruit snacks now when they are on sale? YES. Do I feel badly about scaring the bejeezus out of him? YES. Lesson learned mom. Hard line to walk.
Lisa-I’m so proud of you for listening to that kind emailer. I watched a friend of mine go through something similar to the story shared with her 12 year old son last summer. In a mere 90 days he went from fun-loving sweet pre-teen to an anorexic scared to death of most foods (at Thanksgiving he was chewing and spitting into napkins to get the flavor of food). What started out as a mom doing what she thought was the right thing by her kids – food testing for allergies & asthma and a nutritionists guidance on what they should/should not eat for their health – turned into a nightmare that has taken such a toll on her entire family. I, too, am trying to raise two kids in this crazy pre-packaged, processed food-filled world. I’ve tried to educate them as to why I don’t eat certain things and encourage them to make healthy choices while out (they are 11 & 13 now, so not as easy to monitor). Best of luck with your motherhood journey, and Happy Mother’s Day two days early!
Lisa,
I appreciate your humility and honesty in your journey being a parent of two girls. I have a 6 month old daughter, and even though she is just beginning to eat solid food, your post was helpful for me. I grew up in a very healthy home- we ate very well most of the time, but my parents could also enjoy and celebrate with treats every so often. I’d never stopped to think that my good relationship with food probably came from them. I want my girl to be thoughtful about what she puts into her body, but to also know how to let her hair down and enjoy life. Your comments reminded me that my husband and I will set the tone for that, so thank you for sharing.
So…I’m leaving this comment with a fake name (although real email address) and not my actual name because this is not my proudest moment. As a child, my parents were very restrictive with food. VERY. I was eventually diagnosed with ED-NOS (eating disorder, not otherwise specified). I am 5’7. I’ve weighed over 232 pounds and less than 102. I have never, ever had a good relationship with food and I still struggle all these years later. It’s getting better, but it’s taken me years to overcome “bad foods” vs “good foods” and no understanding of a healthy diet and exercise. The idea that eating a specific food makes me a bad person lingered with me for a long time. Shades of that still exist. Things like that linger. They really do. I love the fact that you are really thinking about this.
Hi there –
I have my own rocky history with food. My mom was not restrictive with food — there were other reasons I can identify for my food issues.
I am mom to an almost 6 year old and I am fairly restrictive about food. She does get 4 treats of her choosing/week (down from 1/day). When I say of her choosing, that means she can choose from things at home, like dark chocolate, homemade goodies or pre-screened goodies that are often organic, but always without HFCS and artificial colours, as well as choose to have certain treats at school or birthday parties. Left to her own devices, she does not seem to know when to stop and will often eat past her full point.
I am wondering, how restrictive were your parents? What were their rules?
I worry about my daughter. She does seem to react to artificial food colouring. I think that she has never had a good sense of when to stop, even when she was exclusively breastfed. So far, she has always been a very healthy weight, but I do worry about what messages I am sending her about food and I worry about whether she will ever learn to stop before she is over-full. . .
Dear L,
I wonder, how you know your child does not have a sense of when to stop? My oldest nursed for 90minutes a time until he was 4 month old (8 times a day) – and never less than 30 minutes a time when I weaned him at 2ys. He also never had picky toddler years, and sometimes as a toddler he would eat more for dinner than my husband. However I never stopped him from eating as much as he felt he has needed, and he maintained the same growth curve. I worry that your restrictiveness could possibly lead to harm your child by creating food issues. Most children are able to self regulate, eating more calories at one meal and less at the next. I ask not to question your parenting, but to encourage you to seek out additional information from your child’s doctor (and her know how much it concerns you), a nutritionist, or other resources (I like books by Ellyn Satter) regarding this. Restricting can lead to food issues, but if she truly does not have a full cue, that can be an issue too that needs to be treated appropriately. Please investigate further so as to help raise your child to be food secure.
Clarification – I wanted to clarify that let “her know how much it concerns you”; “her” being your child’s doctor know how much your child’s lack of fullness cues worries you so your doctor will actually do something rather than brush it off.
Hi Shallon,
Thanks for your thoughts. I actually have raised this with her Dr., but perhaps I need to push it a bit more with him.
As an infant, she would breast feed until she spit up. Every time, unless I stopped after 45 minutes.
AS a toddler and even now at almost 6, she will very regularly eat until her stomach hurts and she is very uncomfortable. For example we have figured out that more than a waffle and a half will consistently result in a stomach ache. She would happily eat a full 2 waffles (homemade, whole grain, healthy) or more, and then feel miserable. We ask her to listen to her body and listen to what her stomach is telling her. Her response is often that she is hungry or starving.
She’s almost 6 now and she is learning to self regulate — we are definitely seeing improvements. We also never express any concerns about how her body might look if she eats too much, we only talk about things from a health point of view and do not label good foods vs bad foods.
L,
It does sound like your child truly does have a difficulty with registering the fullness cue. Maybe you should “push” your doctor to find out if there is a physiological reason (lack or excess of a hormone, etc.) I don’t know, but maybe there are some medical ways to help her body regulate. Personally I feel, the more you can learn, the more you can be sure you are doing the right thing. Either way it sounds like you are doing an appropriate job with her, especially since she is starting to figure out how to regulate herself externally. Wishing you and your daughter the best on this journey you will be navigating together.
Do you know any dietitians? If you can find a good one, maybe one who deals with peds specifically, they may have some good insight into this. Might just be a normal developmental thing
Great article and a very important point. We are shooting for the same “slightly more aware” point of view!
This is why I LOVE your blog. You are just a mom of young kids, trying to do the best you can. I have a 5, 4 and 1 year old, and just want them to grow up healthy. And although we have a long ways to go, we are sooooo much better off than where we were 6 months ago! You have been such an inspiration for me.
As parents we are constantly learning new ways to help our children become their “best self”. I think you are doing an amazing job!
This article almost brought tears to my eyes. I don’t have an eating disorder but I easily could if I allowed myself. I eat healthy most of the time but I literally hate myself when I eat something unhealthy or more than I should. I hate the way I look and I hate that I constantly have to worry about food. I know this isn’t a good way to live. I wish my mom had instilled in me the praise and confidence that you are instilling in your girls regarding food and health.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for posting this. A year ago I began changing my eating habits for the better and exercising. I am a single mom to a seven year old daughter who asks a lot of questions so we have had many discussions over this past year about the importance of exercise and making healthy food choices. The perspective of your readers and your response has made me think about my approach with these discussions. While I try not to harp on it often maybe I do need to take these conversations with a little less “enthusiasm”. I’m glad I’m not alone in navigating the parenting waters that surround making healthy choices in an increasingly unhealthy world. Thank you for provoking my thoughts! Keep up the good work.
Great job being willing to re-evaluate and shift things a bit for the sake of your kids. I have felt the same way with foods/treats and also have tried to “mellow” out when I noticed them being somewhat neurotic about what was in everything. My kids are now 8, 9 and 11 and definitely read labels but allowing them the freedom to indulge once in a while and make those choices will help them learn to balance later in life. You are a great mom! Kudos!
You’re doing a great job! I’m with you on avoiding junk food wherever possible. I have a 4-y-o son (he’ll be 5-y-o in September) and #2 is due in October this year. I’m proud to say my son has never eaten a MacDonalds or Burger King or a KFC, and as far as I’m concerned, the longer that remains a fact, the better. When my kids are old enough to go and spend their own money, they can go eat in those places if they want, but I hope that by then they will have learned and fully understood that the “food” sold there isn’t even really food, as it’s been so processed. My son is rather picky but I persist in trying to get him to try new things, even though it’s something of a battle – he doesn’t seem to make the connection in his head hat we NEED food to survive – he’s just not particularly interested in it most of the time, even when he helps to make it. Hopefully that will change over time. In the meantime, I’ll do as you do – try to do the best I can by my kids without making them feel they’re singled out from their friends. Keep up the great work! :)
I think that you are an amazing mother to those two little girls. With all that you have taught them about eating to nourish their bodies they are bound to make good decisions in whatever they choose. Keep up the good work!
So hardly agree. I am consciencously trying to feed my kids and teach them about healthy eating. At the same time we eat out sometimes and i do buy occasional snacks for school lunches. Todat my 6th grader came home and said we had “natural” popcorn and i read the label and was like yeah right there is nothing healthy in there but the salt. So with moderation and education i dont push just guide them. Thank you for the personal thoughts i am really uplifted by them. Keep on the right track!
I do hope that you get nothing but constructive and kind comments. I chose not to take your 100 Days challenge for similar reasons that you’ve outlined here. My daughter is 7, and I am trying not to make her paranoid about eating. That said, beginning in January of this year, I did a complete overhaul, and we eat “real food” 90% of the time at home. I never banned junk that my girl eats outside of home at all, but a strange thing happened. She started refusing Lunchables at her cousin’s house and soda at school. She started asking what was in things before she ate them. Sometimes she eats the foods anyway. Sometimes not. Regardless, she’s learning to “self-police” and making mostly good choices away from home and mostly good choices at home. I feel confident that she’ll be fine, and I bet your girls will be too.
Great piece. My rule is this for my children: while they are under my care, their health is my responsibility. AT home we are not completely whole food, but pretty darn close. No HFCS, dyes, and try to stick to the 5 ingredient rule. When out at activities they can choose to partake in whatever is being offered. If they have their own spending money – they can choose to purchase what they like . . . this came with a cost recently. My daughter chose a caramel frappacino and a piece of fast food pizza. Bought it herself. Was complaining of stomach pain for the rest of the night and fell asleep feeling ill.
Lesson learned.
So, at home, in my domain, I will continue to push healthy, non-scientific experiments – along with the occasional treats.
But, when they are out at school, church, other’s houses – all bets are off.
This creates a balance for our family.
Lisa- This is a wonderful post. I am a twenty-something woman and I have struggled with body image/slight eating disorders for most of my life. My mom, although she never meant to, placed negative ideas about food in my mind from and early age as well as criticized her own body in front of me. I love my mom and am grateful that she monitored what I ate as a child, but all of the monitoring has given me the constant feeling of negativity. Ex: If I binge on ice cream one night then I know I must work out for double the time the next day. It is an exhaustive habit of mine that has trickled down to my relationship with my boyfriend and well as friendships. I find myself cringing at the processed food my peers consume and it really makes me sad for a few different reasons. One- that people I care about are putting unnecessary chemicals in their bodies and two- that I care so much and find myself judging them.
I am glad that you are feeding your children real foods and watching what they eat because that’s what mom’s should do. In fact, I wish more parents fed their children reasonable portions and things that don’t come in packaging. On the flip side, I am ecstatic that you are looking forward to the possible repercussions it could have on your daughters’ body image later in life. Thank you for all you do! You’re an inspiration :)
The good thing about putting yourself out there in a blog is that you teach people like me so much great stuff that I was so unaware of before. The bad thing is that you get a lot of negative people who say some negative stuff. I think you’ve done a great job of balancing healthy food with tempting treats for your children. This slight change in your allowed treats is fine, but I hope that these negative people don’t weigh on you too much. (I don’t understand what they are doing following your blog if they don’t agree with what you are doing!) Keep up the good work and know that you are doing a great job, not only for your family, but for the rest of us out there!
Thank you for sharing this. I have a husband who has become very engaged with how foods are grown, their effects on our body, etc and chose to become a vegetarian a year ago and this past year is hedging towards a vegan lifestyle, though ice cream and chocolate are still a go with him. I have discussed with him on many occasions my concerns of becoming so vocal and sometimes overwhelming re his opinions/research, etc as we are raising 2 daughters and as a person with a psychology/social work background I didn’t want them to internalize this concern so much and develop eating disorders. We constantly strive to find a balance and while at home we eat mostly plant based whole foods, there are occasions that I eat meat (I refer to it as a flexitarian life style). My oldest daughter enjoys her meat but has it a few times a month and we will occasionally even cook it for her. My youngest at 10 has decided to forgo meat at this time – it was never really her “thing” anyhow. I enjoy your posts and applaud you for not being dogmatic in your approach and being willing and able to take in other’s viewpoints and courageous enough to take a step back, review and revise.
I appreciate this post. I struggle daily with my kids being around junk, and finally have decided that while at home we will eat real food. At birthday parties and restaurants they may choose to eat what they want. I think there is a happy medium that we must maintain so that they do feel normalcy in public situations. Having said that, I also believe that educating our children as to WHY we choose to eat the foods we do, and WHY we choose not to eat certain foods is vital. I want my children to have a firm knowledge of what is in their food, and I find that if I involve them in our food choices while shopping, that they are more willing to opt for the healthier alternatives. Plus, it is pretty great to hear them tell an adult that they don’t eat a certain food because it contains artificial ingredients/additives and why. Lol.
Get article…thank you for posting something so thoughtful and balanced on such a touchy subject.
Thank you for this article!
Your blog has been an amazing inspiration for my family and me and I really appreciate the insight you give. I also have two daughters at home and trying to raise them to be confident, healthy and happy people will always be a work in progress for us too. But we’re trying and it’s wonderful to have someone walking the same path as us. So thank you!
Jen
As an adult who has fought the weight battle all my life, I was very afraid when I had children that they would also battle weight. I was not sure what to do, but I knew whatever it was our parents (My husband is also overweight) had done, had not worked. No throwing stones at them, just fact.
So, we made one “food rule” when we had kids. There were/are no food rules. We tried to offer them a variety (somewhat hampered by my husband and his love of fast food, as that is how his single mom had raised him) However, the only ‘conversation’ about when to stop eating was: “Is your tummy full”. There were no good foods ~ No bad foods. interestingly enough, they were just as likely to choose water over pop (as time went by) and at the ages of 23 and 17 neither one of them drink pop hardly at all. That is just one example. My oldest is a marathon runner, LOVES your blog LOVES “REAL FOOD” and eats EXTREMELY healthy. She is thin. My youngest is ‘average weight’ for her height, not over weight, not under weight, (whatever that is:) at 17 and is a very picky eater. I celebrate celebrate that they are much Much healthier than I was a the same ages, and have a MUCH healthier attitude about food than I did.
I still struggle, but have recently lost 40 pounds, with my Doctor’s Mantra: “eat less, move more.” I currently work out an average of 60 minutes, 5 (sometimes 6) days a week, and I am within about 20 pounds of what I WOULD call the “ideal weight for me”. However, even where I am now would be ok if that is where I stay.
ALl that to say, GOOD FOR YOU! Here’s my parenting mantra (23 years after I became a parent) Parents do the best job they can with the information they have at the time. Keep going! You are doing awesome! And love the blog!
Deb – I want to applaud you. I love the “there are no food rules” rule. I do talk about less and more nutritionally dense foods with my preschooler (vs good/bad), but I probably need to cool it a bit on that too. Thank you for posting your story, I needed to hear that children can grow into healthy adults with a varied diet, including fast food. Thank you
THanks Shallon. Actually, taking it a step further…I do believe that God created our bodies to “know” what we need food wise, just as our bodies “know” what we need oxygen wise.
That may sound a little crazy, but as I watched my girls, turn increasingly to the “healthy choices” ~ even when we didn’t ‘insist’ on that. Choosing water over pop, time after time. (at 23 and 17 year olds, neither one of them drink pop, hardly ever, and yes, My husband and I both drink Diet pop, WAY more than we should, in my opinion)
It’s like the knowledge their body was born with didn’t get lost because of an over focus on food.
ANd,yes, they still eat fast food, the youngest MORE then the oldest, however, cuz the oldest one doesn’t like the way she feels after eating fast food. The oldest has learned that milk and beef make her feel really yucky, so she does not eat them.
I could talk about this for hours. LOL!~ I Actually have started writing a book called “Eat Less/Move MOre” based on my Doctor’s mantra on weight loss. Maybe someday I will get back to it.
But, thanks for your encouragement. I believe very much that a calorie is a calorie is a calorie. Many, Many, Many do not believe me, but STRICLY talking weight loss (Not other health issues) BUT strictly weight loss, NO MATTER what you eat, if you eat fewer calories, OR burn more calories you WILL weigh less, it’s simple math.
And, I believe , if we offer our children variety, do the best we can, and NOT get ‘hung up’ on “good food” “bad fod”~ it’s amazing what choices they will make. ALSO (to me this is huge) Make food ONLY ONLY ONLY about fuel. Teach them to ONLY eat when they are hungry, that’s WHAT it’s for, and to stop when FULL, not when plate is clean.
Ok, off my soapbox now. :) Thanks again.
Great article! It is really great that you are teaching your children the right way to eat. Yes, in this world we have food that is not healthy for us. I know its not going to “kill” us if we eat some of those things sometimes, but its better to do the best we can so we can take care of our bodies and serve the Lord. I try to feed my children whole foods too and you are right they do eat better and try new things. I don’t think they would do this if I didn’t offer them the good foods. I love reading your blog. Many people associate junk food with happiness and a kid being a kid but deep down that’s not what makes kids happy. The love and quality time spent with your children is what makes them happy. I am thankful for your website and wish you the best! May the Lord continue to bless you with discernment and wisdom.
Thank you for this article and also for standing up for the health of your children. I really enjoy your thoughts and I hope I can raise my little girl to be free from the hold that food has over so many of us.
Excellent post! Whole foods are so important…but so is balance!
As always, Lisa, thank you for sharing. It takes a strong woman and mommy to open yourself (and your family) up to the scrutiny of honesty, even when you are helping others! I truly appreciate the heart of your work in making us all healthier! Praying for your decisions, your blog, and our healthy outlook on food in our lives. Happy mommy’s day!
I love your blog and think you are doing an amazing job! Kids will be kids and treats are ok! The important thing is that you are helping them make wise decisions about food and that will help them when they are older. You are also feeding them such a wide variety of clean foods that they are eating! You are amazing and your blog is one of my favorites. You are an inspiration! Happy Mother’s Day!
I agree with you wholeheartedly! – and I really appreciate your honesty and willingness to share a direction change. That takes courage:)
This is a great post. I battled an eating disorder when I was in high school that stemmed largely from the labeling of foods as “good” or “bad” when I was growing up. Thankfully, I was able to beat it and no longer struggle with it. To end the pattern that ran through my family for generations I have made my whole family (more than one of which struggled with eating disorders) change the way we talk about food. People are not allowed to use the terms “good” or “bad”. Instead we talk about the nourishment that food gives your body. Whole foods provide a lot of nourishment and provide the fuel that your body needs to stay healthy. More processed foods provide less, or none, of that fuel. I’ve found it to be much less stigmatized than the other terms. This is just my personal experience though.
And from what I have had the pleasure of reading, you are a fabulous mom and your daughters are super lucky to have such a wonderful and caring role model.
I really admire your thoughtful and reflective thinking. Not everyone can stop and reevaluate a situation (especially when emotions are involved) and make changes to benefit your children. Way to go!
Wow, I really liked this article, my own mother is very healthy, eats organic when possible, very clean, and makes most everything from scratch – bread, cereal, etc. Growing up we never had processed foods, flavored chips, pop, or store bought popsicles. I would always ask my mom why my lunch wasn’t like the other kids at school. My mom always made me a sandwich with homemade bread outta the bread machine and this really bothered me to the point that I told her I no longer liked sandwiches in my lunch, just b/c my lunch looked nothing like the other kid’s processed lunches and I was embarrassed. This eventually led to eating disorders for me of sorts. As soon as I got to high school I started making sure I ate what the other kids ate, and in a way that was my teenage rebellion. I sadly got addicted to a lot of junk foods and gained weight when I strayed from the healthy diet my mom fed me. As an adult I ate what I wanted out of rebellion, because I was not allowed those foods as a child, now I was free to buy and eat all I wanted. Now as a overweight adult, I’ve finally come full circle and I see where my mother was coming from, but it took me a long time to get there. I have two daughters to think about now and how I’m going to approach food with them. I’m glad you wrote this article, it’s given me a lot to think about- I think my stand will be feed them as cleanly at home as possible and let them eat what they are offered elsewhere.
Thanks for your sharing of thoughtful ideas. It makes us all take pause and reflect on how we talk about food, health and nutrition. Your kids may stray periodically as they age but the foundation you have built for them (eating and loving healthy foods) will stay with them for a lifetime. I too worry when I see my five year olds synapses firing with a mouthful of sugary junk but I stop and breathe a sigh of relief when he devours a bowl or broccoli or Kale chips. Teaching him to be healthy and strong is one of the best gifts I can give him.
I like this article. I struggle with the exact same situation with my kids. My friends who wonder if I am doing the right thing by being whole foods plant based ask about my kids. I tell them, “it took me 38 years to figure out the right way for my body to eat to feel great, I will impart my knowledge on my kids, and let them make choices for themselves. And maybe when they are 38 and still active and super healthy, they can decide once and for all to be wholefoods plant based.” Some days my kids say “no thank you” to the junk food offered at every event. Some days, they dig in. Food is not a fight I want to put my foot down on, there are other non-negotiables that I am sure I will face in the teen years. I will save my foot for those.
Mfoodother and sil have a great system that I am introducing with my toddlers. There is no good or bad food, there is always any time food (fruits, veges they can have any time), every day food (breads, meats and things they would have daily but not necessarily snack any time on), and then sometimes food (treats that they only have on occasion)
Great post. I’m pretty strict at home with what my 3y.o. can eat in terms of providing a balanced diet – not many sweet treats unless they’re home made, and mostly whole wheat etc. I agree with your new approach. It’s similar to the approach we use with our daughter and it seems to work well. Moderation and flexibility are key – at parties or friends houses, she can eat what she chooses and I’m ok with that, knowing that she has such a balanced and diverse (more diverse eater than many adults I know!) diet. Thanks for your blog – it has inspired some changes in our household too.
Keep up the good work. Remember–YOU’RE the mama to those darling children and want only the best choices for them. You have inspired thousands and thousands of children and adults to eat better. My hubby and I did the 100 day challenge and although we’re non-grain, non-sugar now (I guess that’s Primal), you gave us a fresh start. We applaud you.
Thank you for your heartfelt post. I enjoy reading your updates on my Facebook. I raised my children with “traditional” American food up until about 4 years ago. Unfortunately, trying to make them more aware of what they’re eating and changing our diet to more nutritious food has been a bit of a struggle, especially for my teenagers. But we are working on it. I would like to be farther ahead in the process than we are, but looking at those around me I see that we are way ahead of the majority on this. I just can’t believe HOW MUCH junk, processed, artificial, boxed, fast-food, you name it– food people eat on a daily basis. It’s a wonder the human raise is even surviving!! My children are bombarded from every side with temptations for things that are not good for you and it is frustrating as a mom because they often see me as the “bad guy” because I limit most of our home-food to whole, nutritious items. No matter what recipes I try my kids view it as “awful”. The fight is often wearying. And I totally relate to what you said about everyone beating you to the punch with treats. Thanks for your post. I’m glad to know that there are others out there who are “trying” to do what’s right for their kids and not buying into all the lies.
It seems like, as parents, we worry about SO much with our kids. I feel like I question and second-guess almost all of my parenting decisions, big or small. (Does it ever get better? I’m only 2 year into it…) :)
Thank you for putting your thoughts out there! I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog. We have made a lot of changes in the way we eat, and reading 100 Days always encourages me!
Wonderful. You have progressed through the exact same stages we did when we went on the Feingold Diet for our childrens’ allergies & asthma (they were 5 & 3 then…15 & 13 now). So much has changed in my “food-mantra” yet so much remains the same. I also noticed some “hyper-food” awareness in my kids…it bothered me…and I eased up a bit…and you know…it was a very good thing. They know what is good for them, they can tell when they have eaten too much junk (they feel “funky and unwell”) and best of all…they still love me and embrace my “food nazi” ways!! You are doing a fantastic job…keep up the GREAT work for your families wellness!!
I appreciate your blog. We too have raised our 14 month old to eat healthy. I am so focused on ingredients that we have removed our home of all toxic things. I also make my own detergent, soap, baby food, etc. It started because I have an auto-immune disease that is triggered by toxins in every day products and foods. Since we have gone all natural in every sense of the word, I have been feeling so much better and my pain is minimized. My husband and I have also talked about how we will handle birthday parties and such. I told him that it is not unreasonable to allow reasonable treats during a special occasion, but unfortunately toxic is toxic and we must make our child aware of the poison that the FDA allows in our food. I am not trying to make him paranoid, but aware. That being said, I will not prevent him from having a piece of birthday cake at a party, but at school, packed lunches will be the norm. There won’t be a “treat” per week of chemical ridden foods, because to me that implies that they are rewards of some sort when in reality they are cancer causing chemicals. There is real food and there is fake food, but often times fake food is dangerous food. So while I agree with allowing children the occasional piece of birthday cake, that is as far as I am willing to go.
When we were on a Disney Cruise my 7 year old came from the breakfast buffet with her food and mentioned how she didn’t get a donut because she knew I wouldn’t like it. It really bothered me. I made sure to grab a donut when I went through the line and give it to her. She was shocked. I had issues with food as a young girl and that is the last thing I want for her. We eat well at home so I really don’t have an issue with occasional treats however the “treats” are constant outside our home and I feel if I didn’t limit it somewhat they would consume a lot of terrible food. I feel like our family treat times that I look forward to are not as enjoyable because I know the kids have had 10 “treats” already that week. It’s frustrating. I make sure they see me enjoying treats and we have a “eat dessert with every meal” rule on vacation. On a daily basis I’m just trying to impress on them the idea of “real” food vs factory food. They enjoying thinking about whether a food came from a tree, the ground or an animal (in which case go for it) or the absurdity of a donut tree or Oreo bush and we try to limit those foods.
Wow. This one really hit home for me. We have recently eliminated food dyes from my 4 kids diets and feel like that nazi mom who slaps someone’s hand at the drs office when they try and offer my kids a lollipop. My 11 yr old says I’m ridiculous, and I don’t want to raise children with food issues, but I sure don’t want to feed them garbage like food dyes either. :(
Lisa- you are an inspiration to me!! I am 24 yrs old and am going to be having children in the next couple of years. This is exactly how I want to raise my children! I also love how open you are with them and have real conversations.
As a school teacher, I am so happy to see parents who are willing to put forth effort in to sending kids healthy treats or snacks to school. There is no better time to start food education then at a young age!
Love this article!! There’s a fine line between feeding your children real, wholesome food and making them neurotic about what they eat.
We obviously don’t want to be feeding our children oreos and cupcakes all the time, but it would be even worse in my opinion to restrict their eating and set them up for disordered eating in the future. Keep up the good work!
Thank you for sharing. I have three daughters and I am trying so hard to ensure that they grow up with a healthy self body image as well as an understanding of good food choices. I am having to explain to our friends our venture on cutting out food dyes and processed foods. I am glad that their school does not allow treats and unhealthy foods for celebrations. (I am of the minority that is happy about this! LOL!) I applaud you for helping your children make good food choices now and for teaching them how to identify what ingredients to look for. It’s not an easy job, I feel like I am always fighting against something. But it is my job as their parent to ensure that they are healthy. Hope you have a wonderful mother’s day!!!
Can I just say that you are an inspiration?! I have a 14 month old and I have been struggling with what to feed him to the point of obsession. I completely understand where you are coming from. You are just a mom trying to make the best nutritional decisions for the people who rely on you the most. I mean if you don’t care, who will? You are not the norm and that’s why you stick out! I have exclusively pumped breast milk to my now 14 month old son who never latched! I’m not giving up or stopping until he’s at least 2. He’s had nothing but organic mostly prepared by me food and he’s as healthy as he can be! He’s only had
2 minor colds mostly due to teething. Everyone pressures me to stop pumping and give him cows milk. People say I’m “weird”. Well at the end of the day, who cares? You are giving your girls a gift. That is health and a lifetime of proper nutrition! I didn’t have that as a kid and struggled with eating poorly and losing and gaijin weight. In my opinion, their health and nutrition is the number one most important thing! You are obviously a mom who encourages communication with your family too. Don’t worry about what others think. You are doing an amazing job and your girls are so lucky to have you on their team. Have a fabulous Mother’s Day! :)
Wow, exclusing pumping! I applaud you. My sister did it for 6 mo, and I know it was a lot of work for her. I wish you the best in your extended breastfeeding, I am doing it for the second time. If you haven’t already, look up “Primate Breastfeeding Research” – very interesting – and it concludes that weaning age should be between 2.5-6yrs old! So don’t listen to those nay-sayers and continue as long as you are up to it.
I recently started telling myself:
“I can eat whatever I want. That’s because I have trained my body to mostly want things that are good for it.”
From what I have read, this is the attitude you have developed in your kids. Being a rigid fanatic about anything is not healthy. I think it’s more important to know that we are each in control of our own actions. If your kids tend to make the “better” choices, despite the occasional “less ideal” choice, congratulations, they’re great human beings! Keep up the good work!
Love this post. We’ve started to change many of our habits here at home, but I’m trying to walk that fine line. Thankfully, my oldest are boys, who just eat and don’t stress out too much about what’s in food, but my youngest is a girl, and I don’t want her to grow up with an unhealthy relationship with food. What I try to do is offer good choices, limit the bad ones at home, and talk with them if they ask. I don’t ever want them to feel like that if they eat a cupcake at school, it will be a horrible thing, but I also want them to know what is good for their bodies and what’s not. Now, if only I could get my husband on the same track as me (Cheez Its, anyone?).
Trust me, parenting is constant trial and error. My oldest is 11, and there are definitely days that I wonder if I’m totally screwing up. (Then there are the days I’m pretty sure I’ve got it right. :) )
You think much the way I do. My kids are now teens and tweens and the self-image/weight thing is so much the issue in our house. I try to use words like “make healthy choices”, “put good fuel into your body”, “all things in moderation”. I don’t say I or anyone is overweight; I try to say that I don’t feel good, or I don’t feel fit, or someone has made a lot of unhealthy choices. It’s awful that junky food is offered everywhere we go and when friends are over to our house, I try to offer plenty of healthy choices, but I also have to have one or two ‘nearly junky foods’ just so my kids don’t feel like we are a drag. It bothers me that I have to do that, but I just have to keep on keeping on. Good luck staying the course!
This is something I constantly struggle with. I have a (very active, but slightly overweight)7-year-old daughter and an almost-two daughter without weight issues. I am (mostly) recovered from 24 on-and-off years of anorexia and bulimia. My mother was obsessed with diet and it rubbed off on me. I’ve been trying not to do the same with my girls, so we never discuss weight, but because I *do* have to be careful with what my eldest eats she’s limited to one sweet a day. (The baby is too, even though she doesn’t have any issues.) It’s frustrating to have to police like this when her teachers and other parents hand out processed sugar hand over fist, and it makes me angry when I never get to treat her because everyone else already has. She has turned down her after-lesson candy many times because she’d rather have something else, and I don’t know that that’s a bad thing. We otherwise eat super-healthy whole foods, and she loves a lot of fruits and veggies. I don’t know the right answer but I think what matters is that we as parents care about figuring that out.
This was a great post! :)
I like that you considered this issue and wrote about it. I have a young daughter as well, so the topic of eating disorders has certainly been on my mind as well, when I think about her entering adolescence. Here is what I love about the real food approach to eating: I feel that this stance actually gives my kids more control in their life, instead of less. (And while I know that eating disorders are complex, in my heart, I believe that a lot of it is about control.) My husband and I never force food. Never. We have never insisted that our kids clean their plate, and we provide seconds on the occasions when someone feels hungry enough for that. We have never asked a teacher or a babysitter to make the kids eat anything. We leave a bunch of options to offer (fruit, yogurt, veggies etc) and what gets eaten gets eaten and the rest is saved, if possible. We talk about the way that healthy food makes us feel, and we reflect on the way that sometimes junk makes us tired or cranky. There is no conversation about fat or weight. For us, offering healthy food is not about criticizing or evaluating. It is about inviting everyone to a meal, sharing the joy of a tomato fresh off the vine, cooking something together that nourishes. It is my hope that when the magazines, skinny jeans, diets, and society’s idea of “pretty” start to encroach, that my daughter will always have a way back to health and happiness because she has experienced that healthy approach in her childhood. This blog has been a great place for ideas and inspiration!
This was a great post! I have been into real food a long time and faced this issue over the years. When my oldest was just a little boy we were fanatics about only eating healthy food. It was very rare that we indulged in junk food even at a party. Over the years we have learned some of the lessons you are learning now, but it took a long time. Real Food can become an idol that we put above everything else including relationships, and can in its own way become destructive. I still love Real Food, and pretty much fix only healthy meals, but I will be honest, we even get take out pizza and ice cream occasionally. We are all still healthy!
I was a single parent of three at a time when baby bonus was $6.00 a month and we lived on $376 a month paying out $232 a month in rent, the rest of my income went on food and clothing. My children didnt know what processed food was, junk food was something they only got on birthdays such as pop and chips. Living on good wholesome food didnt hurt them one bit and I think they are better for it. Obesity today is rampant in our culture and I believe it is a direct result of junk food, pop and processed food, remember that old adage “you are what you eat” and dont even buy that stuff if you want your children to be healthy, but at the same time look out for genetically altered foods, they are not good for you…….just saying
Great post, but I enjoy all of your posts. It is obvious that all the nutritional decisions you make for your family are well thought and come from a place of love. Sometimes as a mom, it’s a great thing for me to step back and “roll with it!” Thank you for all the wonderful information you share with us!
What a great post. Thank you for sharing with us. I’ve gotten somewhat uptight with my family’s eating as well. I’m just recently focusing on being less uptight about it. My kids eat very well most of the time, and like you, I am learning that the occasional cookie, cupcake, or something processed isn’t the end of the world. My son (age 6) loves spaghettios, however, he has had maybe one can in the last year. Today we were at the regular grocery store picking up a couple things and I asked him what he would like to get for lunch. He asked for spaghettios. I told him that he could get them and they would be a very occasional “treat”. Your girls (and my children) will probably be healthy eaters because of the good examples we are setting for them. A little wiggle room is just fine ;)
I was pleased to read your post today. I am an overweight mom that switched to healthy eating over 3 years ago. I have 5 children and because I have always struggled with a weight issue(runs in the family) I was determined that my kids would be a healthy weight and eat better. None of my kids have a weight issue for which I am truly thankful. While we still indulge in the occasional snacks, I do try to make all my snacks for the kids and of course encourage them to choose fruits and veggies!! Thrills my soul when my youngest comes in and chooses a carrot over the homemade cookies that I have. My daughter married 2 years ago and her in laws are obsessed with being skinny. They equate being healthy with being as thin as possible. They treat food like a necessary evil and try to change every recipe to make it barely edible so they won’t indulge. They believe anyone to have a weight problem is just lazy and disgusting. They have actually cut off our family and will have nothing to do with me or my kids because I am heavy. I have never felt condemned by your posts and I have never got the feeling that you were going about it the wrong way. However, it is a positive that you are being aware of how what you say can affect your daughter’s feelings about themselves and others. Thank you for your work to make recipes available to those of us working hard to change our lives for the better!!! You are an inspiration and your posts encourage me to make even more changes to what we eat!!! Sometimes when I am shopping I think about something that you have said about the additives in our food and I will say, no we don’t need that!! You are doing a great job!!! Shalom and Be Blessed!!
Tonia:
That is damaging! Skinny doesn’t mean healthy! It’s sad your daugher’s in laws have cut your family off but at the same time you don’t need that horrible negativity. Talk about food issues!
Good for you! I’ve come up with pretty much the same conclusion. Food is such a social thing. and although I can provide and control what we eat in our own home, I can’t and shouldn’t control other people and what they’re willing to give to me and my kids. I was raised to be grateful to any food provided by another, and I want that lesson to be learned by my kids too. So on valentines day when my friend uses shortening in her frosting for the sugar cookies (and food dye), and other times when other friends invite us over for lunch serve partially hydrogenated PB and J., I set the example by smiling and saying thank you. It’s a hard thing to find that fine line, but I like you, try my best. I also never say anything about body image to my kids other then they’re growing up to be such beautiful kids that I’m proud of :)
What an excellent and helpful post! I try my best to feed my family whole foods and have made huge improvements in our eating over the past 6 months (when I first discovered your blog). I have a 5 year old daughter. As we grocery shop together she often asks for crackers or cereals that I won’t buy due to all the bad ingredients and the other day she actually said “why do companies make stuff for kids that aren’t healthy for them????” Poor girl :(. I started feeling like I was going overboard with the restrictions. My daughter is a worrier by nature and after reading this post I see that I can make some modifications in my explanations and know that she eats healthy at home and the majority of the time. I feel that I can give in to some of her requests to see what else is out there so that she can learn to make her own informed decisions. Thanks for all the information and knowledge and support you provide to us!!!
Awesome! You’re doing what mothering is all about. Preparing them for taking care of themselves. What you are teaching them now will last a lifetime. Even if they break away from healthy foods after they move out, it will be temporary, they’ll come back to it. :)
So beautifully put! It goes to show that life is an evolving thing. Your new stance on foods is the one I take with my little one. It makes me happy to know that when Grandma offers to take him for Mcnuggets, that he refuses because (in his words) “It’s not REAL chicken!” But, I know that he will never turn down the offer for ice cream & will ask for extra sprinkles! And, I’m ok with that. He is aware of what he eats & really is a great eater and, I still want him to be a kid & enjoy ice cream with extra sprinkles with Grandma. He won’t make those choices his whole life & if I’m raising him to be aware of his food, then he’ll make good choices when he’s older. So, Kudos to you! I know that this was stretching for you & I commend you for evolving with life for the greater good of your family!
I just have a funny story to share. Many years ago, when my oldest two kids were about 4 and 6 (and I did not buy sugar coated cereals–except when we went camping and bought the small multi-box set of cereals), they were staying with a single lady who worked for my their dad. She bought some “kid cereals” to have for them that weekend and told me when we picked them up that when she offered it to them my 4 year old son told her, “No thank you, we aren’t allowed to have ‘junk cereal'” LOL!
I think it’s awesome what you’re doing! Too bad more parents (including me in the past) don’t care more about what their kids eat. I think the eating disorders stem from an emphasis on physical appearance and weight more than what food kids can and can’t eat. Your kids will thank you when they aren’t struggling with health problems and disease when they’re older. And they’re not afraid of vegetables like I was. Keep up the good work. We’re all benefiting from it!
I love this post! I deal with a sister in law who eats absolutely no fat and calls herself a vegetarian, although she clearly has a major eating disorder. It all started because a gymnastics coach put her on a carb diet in like jr. High or high school. Now my husband and I really struggle with raising our sons healthy without over doing it! Sounds like I am not alone! Thank you for your openness and honesty! I am also glad you guys understand school can be a cruel world and this will help your children in the long run as well. Good habits really do start at home! You are giving them a great foundation! I work in a school and know all about the junk food! I also see how kids get picked on for beliefs there families have as they grow older. Unfortunately bulling happens despite efforts to control it. Right or wrong, it is there. I am glad you guys are open to easing your beliefs for the sake of your children. Hang in there, you are providing the foundation that will carry over!
I think you are doing a great job. In a world where we are constantly bombarded with poor food choices (choices that are considered normal) it is sooo hard to walk this line. For my family what I buy at the grocery store is 95% real. I have a sweet tooth so that 5% is usually ice cream or something like that. My kids are allowed one “treat” per day whether it is an ice cream sandwich or some cookies, or occasionally a soda. I don’t control what they eat at friends houses, etc or if we are eating out. My kids are great eaters and very active so I’m ok with this. The challenge for me is that they are constantly begging for more. I think I am pretty reasonable but for every treat I approve I bet there are 10 times I say no! I wonder what kind of effect this is going to have on them… Even though they aren’t deprived they think they are and I’m not sure how to handle this. I too worry that if they feel controlled it could set a pattern for eating disorders, etc. but don’t think at 6 I should let them live off of little Debbie and Cheetos either!
Thank you for your honesty! I currently do not have any children but my husband and I have been trying to make the move to whole foods. I appreciate the concerns others have shared about eating disorders however I think we all have to be careful with any extremes not just in eating and exercising. I know families where no technology is aloud in the house or families who place their children in front of T.V’s all day. Any extreme can cause some problems. I am a graduating psychology student and you have to remember that often their is a lot more going on with children and parents who have eating disorders. So don’t let those comments get you too concerned! I love your blog and all the information you offer online it is a great reference for me :)
I love this article. From my limited (12 month) experience parenting is about constantly reassessing your position. There is always new evidence or new research to make us question what we always thought to be true. I believe thoughtful parenting is the best type of parenting.
Good comments. My children are grown and I tried when they were young to do some of the same things you are doing. Both of them love to cook and my daughter is trying to find that middle ground as well. This week the children went to a strawberry farm and picked strawberries. She made jam with some. I have a small courtyard garden with pots filled with herbs and veggies. The grandchildren love to help in the garden. They also love to help when I entertain with teas, etc. Getting children involved in the process of growing and cooking food add other positive elements of healthy living.
Happy Mothers Day! You are a good mom!
Big hugs!
I think this is a great step. Earlier this year I suffered from this obsession with healthy eating, which has actually been termed orthorexia. It all started by reading blogs, books, and watching documentaries about “real food” and the horrors of meat and processed food in the US. This was also when I came across your blog. I became a vegetarian and followed all the real food rules. I took it a little far, however, in that I didn’t want to eat anything I hadn’t prepared, and on the rare occasion I did eat something that wasn’t “in the rules” I would beat myself up over it for days. I’d also spend 2-3 hours at the gym everyday, and needless to say I dropped a bit of weight. After comments from friends and family I realized, like you, that the occasional treat or meal that isn’t what I would call healthy isn’t going to undo all the healthy habits I do have in place. It is very easy to become obsessed with everything you put in your mouth, and I wouldn’t want that for your girls. Balance is the key.
I love this post! In our house my husband is the one who is very diligent with our daughters about eating healthy and not eating sugary junk food. I on the other hand have tried very carefully to let them know that there is room for the occasional treat. I am quite aware of the health hazards “food” in our society causes from educating myself… unfortunately I’m not perfect and I still eat junk when I crave it against my better judgement. It has been a HUGE concern to me what our daughters perceptions will be as they get older about food and their bodies based on what we say and model to them. We have their best interest at heart, but being too extreme may be more damaging than just educating and allowing them choices, which they will ultimately make more and more as they mature. I like your compromise!
Thank you SOOOO Much for posting this. I struggle w/ this all the time! I hate to come off neurotic about the sugars and treats…but junk food is everywhere!?! Anyhow, loved hearing your perspective…I love your blog!
What a great post! This is something we have struggled with here, as well. I try to be mindful about not using the words “junk food” as I have a 6 yr old who gets VERY concerned about the types of food people he loves are eating already, without calling food junk. I use the phrase “sometimes foods”, to stress that you may eat it, but only sometimes. It has been really interesting to discover that my children’s definition of sometimes is actually less than what I would have determined. I suppose that is the benefit of the majority of their food that they have consumed over their little lifetimes being “real” food. :)
Love your honesty and your heart to do what is best for your girls. Thanks for sharing! Keep up the good work. I’ve loved reading your writings the past year or so. Very inspiring!
I read each post you have on facebook. I think what you do is amazing! I don’t see anything that concerns me in your posts. You seem very calm about everything, and you make eating healthy look so easy, and extremely appealing! I have issues with my body image and it scares me how easily it can happen. My daughter will be 2 this September. I want nothing more than to feed her healthy foods. My problem is that my husband has OCD (literally)and it’s not even plausible to discuss changing his diet. I admire your strength! Your posts encourage me to make better decisions, and I thank you for that! You’re doing an amazing job!
Like others have said, this post brought tears to my eyes. I’m really proud of you for being able to make these decisions for your family. You obviously love your kids and are trying to instill good values in them as well as providing a save, loving environment for them to grow up.
A few weeks ago, I realized just how much I was obsessing over feeding good foods to my family when I had trouble sleeping one night because I was beating myself up over the fact that my 2-year old had too many crackers that day! He doesn’t normally eat like that but I had taken one off day and allowed it to completely affect my personal well-being. It even started to affect my parents’ interaction with us. We only see them three or four times a year and they are afraid that they’ll “get in trouble” if they give my son the occasional treat when we visit. (My dad’s a chef, so you can imagine all of the great food he can expose them to.)
I decided that I don’t want to be that mom/daughter/parent anymore. I don’t want to be the mom who makes others feel torn down or defeated because of how I choose to raise my children. I want my kids to learn to accept generosity – if even in the form of the occasional brownie or cupcake – graciously and gratefully.
I really appreciate all you do here on your blog. You’re a great mom and advocate for real food. Keep up the fantastic work!
I started the 100 days of real food much to the angst of my 8 year old (I wish that she was as open-minded as yours!), and she is forever sad about the reduction of (mainly) sugar in our lives. I don’t think that informing and educating our kids about processed food, and food products is a bad thing. They are surrounded by marketing by corporations trying to sell children junk food, and i think what little we can do to combat that and at least not offer it in our houses is a good thing. I don’t think that pointing out that sugary treats are a “sometimes” food and not an every day food harms our children. I never make my kids finish something they don’t want to eat – i only ask them to try it. I think that the more they know now the better choices they can make later even if now, all they want is ice cream. Doing the 100 days of Real Food makes me feel like a better mom to my children so thank you for that and happy early Mother’s day!!
I agree with your ultimate decision and its what I do with my kids. Where I am VERY controlled with what they eat when at home or with me, whenever they are at school, a friends house or a birthday party I allow them to eat what is offered. I feel its the best decision.
Lisa, give yourself a break Your kids will be fine. Motherhood shouldn’t be under attack and mothers shouldn’t be so harshly judged on line or anywhere else. I have 3 kids, all older then yours, and I know how hard it is to feed them real food in this junk food world. I took a different approach and it works well for us but your the mom in your house and you and dad get to decide for your kids.
I love your blog. Thanks for taking the time to share your experiences!
Sarah H.
I think you are incredibly brave for opening up to such a large audience of mostly women, who, let’s be real, can be super judgey! Your posts have really inspired me to get our three boys (6, 4, and baby) eating the healthiest food available. I was appalled at some of the comments I read in response to the doughnut picture! I think as mothers we need to stop comparing and judging (it leaves you one of two feelings: prideful or discouraged, both of which are terrible!) and we need to start encouraging! We are all doing the best we can and no one is perfect! I love your new approach for your girls and think they will be so appreciative later in life for that! So here is my encouragement for you: you are pretty stinkin amazing and your girls are very lucky to have you!
I haven’t commented before, but I just wanted to say that I really admire the fact that you continue to keep an open mind, re-evaluate, and alter your course if the need arises. That’s an exceptional quality that few people possess, and it sets an outstanding example for your kids.
Excellent post. I don’t think that is a “compromise” … I think that is teaching your daughters, even at a young age, to be aware and to make choices that have very complex layers.
You can only control what you do at home – food, video games, etc. The real challenge of parenting is watching what they do as little individuals when they are out in the real world.
Well done, you!
I think a lot depends on knowing our kids. I empower my 4 year old with a lot of knowledge about all sorts of things others might not. But I know her capabilities completely. And I’m with her everyday of the week (no moms day out). I do agree with your new take though. I’m reminded of the French Kids Eat Everything book. We should enjoy our food. Even the “cheats” should just be enjoyed and without remorse as long as you know that the majority of the time you are eating a clean, healthy, whole foods diet. Just my 2 cents.
Your thoughtful post has me tearing up. We all do the best we can with our children. I would say you are doing better than most. I try to not be a food nazi. But I struggle with my husband who is very obstinate and thinks my food concerns are ridiculous. “If it’s in the store, it’s safe.” So he gives my twin toddlers way more crap than I ever would including Cheezits, Gummi Bears, red licorice and grocery store bakery cookies.
One of my twins seems to only want to eat when she is hungry and the other one wants to eat all the time. I am concerned she is going to develop an unhealthy relationship with food, like her mama (i.e. I don’t always eat only when I’m hungry.) And I too, have tried to really be conscious of criticizing my body, not wanting them to model me.
It’s tough…this parenting thing. Especially when your beliefs don’t always coincide with your partner. Luckily, most of what they eat is under my control. But I know that will change when they are no longer home with me. Yikes.
I am from France and grew up over there. I have been leaving in the US for 6 years and I am still learning how to get the products I need to cook the food I grew up with: real food. I never had to deal with the junk food when I was a child. It wasn’t there. All my family and most of our friends were like us: treats were exceptional, so we would never question not having any. And not eating too much at a party was more about being polite than being healthy. Now I have a one year old. I am so glad you are sharing your experience as I know I will soon need some guidance on how to handle her diet. My in-laws who live very close to us are eating junk food all day. My nephews and nieces just open the fridge when they want and get ice-creams, cakes… It puzzles me. I know I will need to learn to talk to my child and say no so she doesn’t follow this behavior… You are definitely right on your approach but I think I will unfortunately have to put my foot down early as she will see junk food too young and too often… Thanks so much for all your posts/ideas again!
Thank you! My husband and I have made the switch to real food since February and I’ve been wondering how I will balance this with the junk that will be offered to my daughter. She’s only 15 months now so we can control what goes in at the moment, but we know it will change. I appreciate you giving me a ‘sigh of relief’ so to speak. I needed that!
I’m having this struggle right now too. I’ve made every meal for my daughter for 4.5 years. I switched to “real” food when it clicked how processed her baby food was. Now she’s leaving her private daycare for big bad preschool where they provide breakfast and lunch. We’ll give it a shot. It’s only one year before I can start packing lunches again for kindergarten. time for her to start making good decisions alone.
My twins are now 7. In my experience, schools will allow you to control what your children are fed. The office staff can really be a great help with that too. I just stop in on the first day of school or a few days before school starts to share my concerns or to clarify any policy questions.
In daycare, meals were provided if we chose. We sent our own food, but they were still given sugary cereals for their “healthy” snack. In preschool and kindergarten, 2 meals and a snack were provided. Our family doesn’t eat beef, so I sent meals on those days. Another family sent lunch everyday. Our family changed schools and now breakfast and snack are provided to all kids and lunch is free for those who qualify. I send lunches and breakfasts (even though my kids were told no initially) whenever there is beef being served. My son seems to have some minor behavioral problems if he goes more than 2 hours without eating, so the doctor wrote a note encouraging the school to allow him to have a healthy snack that I provide to help keep him calm and able to focus and even that has not been a problem.
I have had lunch moms stop me when I was somewhere else in town and comment on how my kids eat such healthy foods or interesting meals. Their teachers have told me that they discuss my kids’ lunches frequently because of the healthy foods that are packed and that my kids actually eat it.
This post was perfect timing for me. I have six daughters. Two are adults and then I have a 5 year old, two 7 year olds and a 9 year old. We are on day 95 of our 100 day pledge. I have been so proud of my daughters and their willingness to take the pledge. They read every label and have even caught me when I started to put dried cranberries in our cart and found out they had organic sugar in them.
So I was trying to figure out how we would transition. I want to keep eating this way, but I do want them to have the freedom to have something when the other kids do. Today I had to make pizza before school since one of my daughters was singing at a rest home and then going to the park for pizza and the other had an afterschool party for finishing their reading goals and they were having pizza and cookies. I brought her the whole wheat pizza and the brownies.
I also don’t want them to obsess, but I want them to eat as healthy as possible. There are “treats” everywhere. At Church every Sunday, rewards at school, parties etc. I don’t want to give up what we have accomplished. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Vicki
Amen Sista! That’s what I do and it’s a good balance. Food awareness, absolutely but I am not the food police either.
That being said, I agree with your comment that you are learning as you go and I never passed judgement on any of your decisions. We all have to figure out what works for our family and gauge the repercussions of our decisions. You are doing a great job!
Both you and Food Babe amaze me and I was never concerned with any of your posts. You are doing what is right for your family and your girls will thank you for that later! It’s about teaching them to make healthy choices and I see nothing wrong with that! Keep up the amazing work!
I struggle with this so much. My daughter reacts to several chemical additives with behavioral issues and eyelash pulling so I feel like for her it’s not okay for her to have the same things as her friends. I try not to say that some foods are “bad” and try to say instead that we need to stay away from the things that hurt our bodies. I also keep plenty of chemical-free treats around so she never feels like I’m depriving her yet that’s often exactly how she feels. Sometimes I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle against Nerds and PopTarts and Cracker Jacks (these are actually things her friends bring for lunch).
I love your FB page and have changed several things in my own home due to your education on real food. I’m sorry people felt it their business to “educate” you on the way you feed your family. Sharing a personal experience to help educate others is great however I just want to say I admire a parent who takes the time to feed their family good whole foods. Don’t beat yourself up!!! And please keep educating us!!! I appreciate you’ve done all the hard work and I just get to follow suit! Lol
We walk a very fine line as parents. Sometimes I have to step back and look at myself. A little zealous. My “thing” is to not obsess about food he eats elsewhere. I have little control over that. Or how he spends his money (unless, say, it’s close to dinner time or something of that nature). He’s 14 so I just have to start letting go. Maybe it’s easier at this age because I simply can’t control it all. I still don’t buy junk. And on the rare occasion I bring home root beer or buy him a crappy pizza from the local pizza place, he’s so appreciative. But he also likes good food. As in healthy food. So I know, down the line, it’s all gonna be ok.
I’m still a little worried for your girls.
I don’t think it’s normal for an 8 year old to be reading ingredient labels. It sounds like she’s trying so hard to please you by telling you her food choices, classifying them as good and bad. Her concern and desire to please you by limiting her food choices is terrifying.
My mother never classified food or spoke about food period. She feed us only healthy homemade food and the only rules were only 2 cookies for desert.
There’s 4 kids in my family, all now in our thirties extremely healthy and making conscious healthy choices because it’s what we grew up eating and what we know as ‘food’. Without labeling food Mom showed us what good choices are and we base our choices on what we know.
Jenn, Kids learn from their role models. If the parents read labels it is perfectly healthy, and “normal” for the kids to read labels. My nephew was “reading” labels at four, of course what he thought the label said was more like a story… Twenty years later he is a normal healthy adult. My hope is that the more aware our children become when they are in charge of what is in the food their children will have less of a label to read.
Don’t children do all kinds of things to please their parents to some extent?? I know when I was growing up I wanted to get good grades and win softball games to make my parents proud. This eventually led to wanting to get good grades so that I could go to college and become successful, but this never would have happened if my parents hadn’t taught me the importance of success. Healthy habits follow the same lines — teaching your children to be educated about their food choices and read labels is a VERY important life skill.
I would also add that 25 years ago, most food WAS real and processed food was the exception. Now, as I stroll through the grocery store, processed foods seem to be the rule rather than the exception. In my house growing up, we rarely had boxed mac n cheese. That was a rare treat as was things like Pop Tarts. My mom cooked almost every night. I also believe that the things we grew up with like Campbell’s Soup is probably not the same Campbell’s Soup you would find today. My guess is that Campbell’s has found ways to cut corners with additives and preservatives in the name of money. I don’t know this for a fact…it’s just a suspicion. My point is that food is different now.
Jenn:
I don’t think you need to be concerned. It’s awesome that an 8 year old knows that Oreos is not something to be consumed on a regular basis. See the positive and beauty in such a marvelous discovery.
Not everyone is like you, and being different shouldn’t be a cause for alarm.
Thank you for this post, as I am in remission from an eating disorder that held a death grip on me from 8th grade through grad school. I have a daughter now, so think often about how to convey that certain foods offer our body more nutrients than others and some foods contain potentially harmful ingredients, but no food is “bad” or “good”.
By way of gentle conversation, could I ask you to reconsider your wording of not having dabbled in eating disoders? EDs are not diets gone too far, though people can certainly engage in disordered eating behaviors without having the criteria for a DSM diagnosis. One can no more dabble in ED than one can dabble in depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, etc. I hope this is taken as I intend it- a gentle suggestion from someone sensitive to the topic because of personal experience. Thank you for your writing and sharing!
Katie – The only thing I meant by not having “dabbled” is that I never even tried it once. I think some try to make themselves throw up then decide it’s not for them – I am not one of those people. That’s all there was too it. No offense intended.
Thanks for the great post! I love your site and the blogs you wrote. I’ve learned a lot!
A wonderful blog topic.
Before I read this, I read the Food Babe’s post about her dining experience in S.E. Asia, and when she was talking about the MSGs in food, etc, I thought to myself, “what if her and her husband had eaten that food for a week? Would they keel over dead?”
Unless there is a specific allergy, I doubt if they would have noticed if the food was GMO.
I try to avoid it for the long haul, but I don’t think a week of eating that way would be harmful.
Miss Lisa, you are setting a wonderful example for your girls, and I applaud your efforts to raise healthy, well adjusted children!
What an awesome mommy you are!
Our job as parents is not as so many of us think to raise responsible well adjusted people,but rather to do our best job giving our darlings the tool and skills to succeed at that. Congratulations you are doing great!
Teaching them moderation in all things is an excellent way to help them develop healthy lifestyle choices. “Too much of a good thing”, over-focusing, can lead to obsession, then compulsion. Good for you for recognizing the need to teach them judgment and not to worry about every speck that is in the food that they might get elsewhere. Do what you can, and relax. It will help them know that you trust them.
I am very impressed by your openness in this post. In this electronically social world it is becoming increasingly more difficult to be a parent. We are constantly bombarded by judgment which causes us to feel guilty about almost everything we do as parents. The reality is the best parents are the ones that do what’s right for their family no matter what other people think. And knowing that you have to continually change and modify your parenting choices will ensure your family stays strong, happy and healthy. Way to go!
Your post brought tears to my eyes. We all do the best we can for our children and it is hard sometimes to know what is right. Your compromise sounds perfect. You are a great Mom and a couple Oreos is not the end of world.
Thank you so much for this post! I tend to get anxious when we don’t eat perfectly. It’s nice to hear it from someone other than my husband that junk food every once in awhile is not the end of the world since we eat real food the rest of the time.
Lisa,
I love this article and even went back to skim through some of the mentioned comments on the picture you posted. I do not feed my son nearly as much nonprocessed food as you do, but I still get complimented at the amount of fruits and vegetables he will eat. I do not worry about giving him sugar or even calling it “treats”. Even the best diets and life style plans usually call for a “cheat” day. I concentrate on teaching my son that food is fuel for his body, just like gas in a car. The best thing any parent can do is to give their children all the tools they need to make their decisions, and know that sometimes they will make good ones and sometimes they won’t.
Good job. Time and time again I am reminded of “balance”. Its impossible to control every aspect of our children’s lives. You’ve done a good job teaching your children healthy habits and eventually we have to let them make some choices on their own! So I tell myself to smile (helps me to stay calm) and then ask them about how they handled their choices and decisions!
you are awesome!
Thank you for this! After learning that the snacks my 1st grader was having DAILY at school were 99% of the time gummies, pre-packaged cakes/cookies, etc., we had a chat about him taking his own snack every day. I told him he could make the choice each day if he ate the provided snack or his own. I have worried if that was the right way to approach it, but I’m happy to say he usually eats what he brings from home! I mean really, does a class of 6 and 7 year olds need a “fruit” roll-up at 2:30 to sustain them until 3:20? I’m so glad snacks are no longer part of the day in 2nd grade! Thanks for all you do and for keeping it real! :)
Excellent post! All concerns Moms have about installing the right view of our daughters! The fact that you wrote this post and deal with this struggle is proof you’re a a great Mom!
I love this post! I have struggled with this myself. I became aware of the food we were eating after I had my daughter and her dad often tells me I read to much about it but the truth is, there was so much we didn’t know and now that we do we can’t ignore it. but, I don’t want my daughter to have a complex about food. I have been a bit overweight all my life. my parents controlled what we ate pretty strictly and as soon as I got my own money, I spent it on junk food. I don’t want to create the same situation with my daughter. I don’t want her to constantly be thinking about food. There is enough for her to worry about. Thank you!
If I only I had been educated back when I was younger(70s, 80s) about these types of choices; however, back then there wasnt the “healthy” choices/environment like there is today. Only exercise became popular…who doesnt rememeber Olivia Newton-John’s Let’s Get Physical!” lol
I think that what you are doing is awesome! You are making them aware of both avenues at an early age, so that when they do become adults and can make their own lifestyle choices, they have exactly that – a choice. They will be educated (well) about good foods and bad foods.
I enjoy your site so very much…so much that I wish I had children of my own to fix these cool lunches that you send off with them.
When I was in elementary school I use to help out with the hot lunch packs(yes as an elementary student). I think about those lunches compared to what you prepare today, and Im quickly reminded of how blessed we are with better knowledge and better foods. My mom use to pack my lunch all the time with cool things, but that was a different time period and this is now.
I cannot speak for others, but I can for myself…so THANK YOU for sharing daily and inspiring at least me!
Robin McAfee~
Beautiful post. As parents we just try to be the best and do our best. I think you are doing an amazing job.
Teach, educate, guide…all wonderful things. No parent is perfect.
Thank you for such an amazing blog. You have empowered me as a mom to make some HUGE changes to our eating. I too have a very young daughter and worry about what she was consuming.
Since finding your site, we have not bought one box of cereal. All home made and 100% real.
Baby steps, but moving in the right direction. Thank you.
I appreciate this post. We are all doing the best we can and learning as we go. One of the reasons I stopped “liking” the blog on Facebook was the constant teacher/school bashing that was happening in the comments. Coming from a family of educators, I can assure you that for every complaint about “unhealthful” food, there are just as many parents complaining about schools overstepping in trying to encourage healthful eating. It is a no win situation, and frankly, schools have a long list of things to worry about that come ahead of birthday treats. If a new, non judgemental approach is coming, perhaps I will rethink that “unlike”…
Thank you for sharing this post – this is something that’s been on my mind lately too as we enter our birthday party season (from now until mid-August, it seems there is at least a party every weekend). I have an almost 5yo daughter and I want to raise her to make healthy choices about what she eats and how she lives, but I think the key word there is choices. Really, I like to think we’re all trying to do that and we just have different ideas on how that looks. But if we are always making the choices for them, how is that teaching them to make a good choice? So I’ve been trying to loosen up as well :) Just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your ideas and insights – even when I don’t always agree with you, it’s been really good to think about the topics you bring up.
Great post!
A couple things; first, don’t be discouraged by those whom judge you. People need to realize that we judge simply by the choices we make every day and there really is no need to verbalize them. We have a right in this country to raise our children in the ways we feel are right. We aren’t going to agree with everyone. There is so much good to glean from your site– I don’t agree with everything but would never judge you for it. It’s your family– your decisions.
That said, my second point is that as long as you’re not making the food issue about weight or appearance, it’s likely you won’t raise kids with eating disorders. I agree that there is a balance (and again, everyone’s is different) but engaging your children in thinking about what they put into their bodies can’t possibly be bad if it’s done out of love and concern for their health and well being.
Good for you! I absolutely agree with your honesty and openness here. I think as a blogger we (you especially, being so well-known) can feel under the microscope and it pushes us to be better… but also a bit further into the world of obsessive. I love that you are taking a step back and adjusting to a more relaxed view that will still keep your family eating healthy, but not obsessed. Thanks for keeping it real. :)
This brought tears of pride to my eyes! Please don’t ever stop doing what you do.
Hi Lisa!
I think how you talked about it to your older daughter was perfect. I think it’s optimal to have the strictest rules apply inside the home and more relaxed rules elsewhere. This ensures mainly good food habits, but allows for social flexibility. What you outlined are basically the same rules I have for my four-year-old as well. While we’re home, treats are limited, but still available at certain times. While away from home, if a friend offers us a treat, we accept and say thank-you. Sometimes I’ll ask her to wait until after dinner or something, but in general, we say yes. I don’t have any food allergies/intolerances to contend with, so this is much easier for me to navigate than for some.
While I do think it would be harmful to a child to instill fear and paranoia about their food choices or berate them for what or how much they eat, I really think the issue is intent and how you talk a child about food. Encouraging healthful food choices is not abusive. Having rules about when “treats” are okay is not abusive. Balance should always be the goal!
I think what is so very unfortunate is that most of the food that is offered to children is pure junk. It’s truly sad. Yes, it won’t kill them to eat it occasionally, but I can’t believe how many times a week my daughter is offered candy or another sugary treat. It can be discouraging.
Anyway, I think how you addressed the issue with your daughter was great and I love your blog!
I love your blog and I love your open, honest, practical posts. I think you are absolutely on the right track with your girls. Giving them knowledge and the room to make their own good choices will help them to feel empowered and will likely lead to a positive relationship with food for a lifetime.
I also appreciate the thoughtfulness of this post and that you take constructive feedback to heart. I “casually” struggled with eating disorders in college and have found that by eating what I want when I’m truly hungry, I end up making better choices as a whole and never worry about my weight. Now that I have kids, my approach is to make a single dinner (no short-order cooking) made up of healthy choices and to offer a “treat” very sporadically. When I do offer a treat, I do not make a big deal out of it because I don’t want my kids to think that “treat” food is any more special than our regular food. Given that food is part of your livelihood, I think the change you’re making will be a good way to diffuse some of the negative energy while keeping with your core beliefs.
I watched a mother who constantly dieted and asked me if she looked fat. And not suprisingly, I became obsessed with what I did and didn’t eat which led into a full eating disorder in college, and to this day, more thoughts that should be during the day are dedicated to food. I struggle with teaching my daughter to be a different way but worry that the bigger deal I make about eating healthy food, the bigger deal she will make, and the cycle will continue. Its such a struggle to find a balance with letting them make their own food choices and not criticizing when they make the choice to eat a frosting-covered cupcake over an apple. What child would not make that same choice??
You are such an inspiration! We are making changes in baby steps towards a real food lifestyle and your blog is where it all started. This post is the reason we follow your blog and believe in your cause. You live in the real world and see through all the garbage the food industry has brainwashed us with (ex/ you are depriving your child a happy life if they don’t eat brightly colored cereal for breakfast). I appreciate your honesty and advice!!! Understand that despite criticism you are doing the right thing!!!!!!!! It is good to adapt to new situations and roll with the punches but stay on course! You are doing the best thing for your children!
I loved this article. Thank you for your honesty. I have struggled with over-eating my whole life. This was modeled for me by many of the females in my family, particularly my mom. I have two daughters who are 3 and 1. I told my husband while I was still pregnant with our first daughter that I would have a complex about our daughter’s eating habits. I have struggled with wanting to teach them healthy eating habits versus creating anxiety over food. I had always tried to limit sweets, etc, but I have only started to learn how to eat clean, whole foods in the last six months or so. Thankfully, our daughters are great eaters. They haven’t had many situations where they have had to feel “deprived.” My biggest struggle is how to handle all of the outside treats. Even at 3 years old, this happens so often! So this post was perfect for me! Thanks for all you do!
First, THANK YOU for your post!! Obsession, especially about food and weight, is something that many women struggle with. If it’s not overeating or eating processed junk, it’s counting calories and eating “healthy” food (that isn’t really). Everyone has an opinion, whether it’s militant dieters or militant “health” people (I had a friend who was Paleo and was insistent that every time I had a piece of bread I was ruining my health). I have switched to real foods (have been doing it pretty religiously for about 3-4 months) and my husband has started to change his views as well (he refuses to buy store-bought bread because he says it tastes bad compared to my homemade, whole wheat bread!). It’s a process, and I’m so glad I started following your blog, and others, to help me along the way.
As someone who has struggled with weight and body issues for over 10 years, I appreciate your candidness. And I appreciate your fresh approach to balance. I’m sure your daughters will learn the essentials (they pick up more than we give them credit for!), and watching your smart decisions will help them make wise decisions on their own.
(By the way, your whole wheat banana bread is my husband’s absolute favorite!!!).
I too have the same issues and it is not only girls with awareness of image, food, body. This is a great way to parent, as you learn more you can be a smarter parent. I too try not to obsess about all the processed food. I don’t have the support of my spouse so I have to hide the unhealthy food and try to explain why mommy feeds whole foods, why we don’t buy school lunches, and why if we want a treat I bake it at home where I can control the ingredients. I am raising a very food aware young man who loves all things food and does not understand why you would not eat veggies or fruit. Thank you for showing how we parents are constantly changing our strategies.
I think this change will be a positive one.
I love this post! I try to do what is right for my children and it’s great to know I’m not alone. My oldest, 14 1/2 years old, is beginning to make fun of organic food because obviously she doesn’t have any diseases or illnesses. I’m just hoping that the values we have instilled will surface again after the rebellious teens pass. :) I feel so encouraged now.
You are a great mom! I have two daughters, ages 3 years and 6 months, and I always worry about this same issue. I just wish that processed food wasn’t the norm, it would be so much easier.
Fantastic post! Great points for my husband and me to keep in mind as we educate our own kiddos on healthy but also carefree living!!!
This is a great article and I appreciate your dilemma. We live in a very strange world and I, too, am simply doing the best I can in trying to educate my son without causing him stress. There is an actual coined termed, orthorexia, that is applied to folks (like me sometimes) who go overboard with the “everything MUST be healthy.” It’s a very strange culture that we seemingly have to get used to eating foods that don’t nourish us. Thanks for your blog!
Lisa, you did the right thing and I truly believe in the long run, this change you made will make a positive difference in how your daughters view food.
We go by the 85/15 rule. 85% of the time we eat really healthy(which is pretty much whenever we are in our home and what I send to school), 15% we can eat whatever we want (if we eat out or are at friends or whatever).
This was a fantastic post! Thanks for your continued inspiration.
I applaud your honesty and willingness to share all these conversations. I think you are on the right track :-)
I’m glad you’ve found a happy medium for yourself and your family. I feel bad that you had some comments come in last week that concerned you in a way that made you worry. I’m a person that believes every family has the right to make their own decisions and that there shouldn’t be judgement because you know your family best – outside of abusive or emotionally damaging abuse of course. I can tell you I dabbled in bulemia as a teenager and my mom never made food an issue – it was about me and how I felt about my body and how my peers were reacting to my physical form. Keep doing what is right in making sure that your children have balance and good food. It is such a blessing that we have food in our stomachs to begin with :).
I admire your honesty and willingness to put yourself out there, even though there will always be those who feel free to criticize your personal choices for your family. I disagree with the notion that childhood memories have to be built around junk foods. I don’t remember what we ate every time when we went camping (I can’t even remember if there were smores involved), but I do remember the campgrounds we stayed at, when we got caught in a ridiculously cold night and what we did when we were there. I think its a fabulous decision to let your girls choose, very moderately, for themselves, but still educating them thoroughly and guiding them along the way.
What a great blog! My kids are all young adults now but I enjoy seeing the great job you are doing with your family. My only advice…you are the only and best person to parent your children. People should not judge you for wanting to be a good parent. Keep up the good work and I love reading and seeing your pictures!
What I have learned raising a large family over that past 24 yrs is to not ban all treats at home. When fully banned at home, the overindulge when older and elsewhere, having that feeling of not knowing when they can indulge again. They learn mideration from us. Also, right from a young age, our tone & how we say things send loud messages. Saying we have to finish vegetables as if they are something not desired or a job sends a loud message. I watch how we say things and speak about healthy food like it is a treat we desire. I crack up when our 7 yr old asks if he is really, really good, can we get broccoli and apples. OK, but only if you’re really, reallty good :) When I now see our older kids as young adults choosing fruit or vegetables over cookies just because they rather, that’s when I know it has worked and keep it up with the younger kids.
My family and I have been eating organic and “real” food for almost 3 months now. When I asked my oldest (she’s 8) what she wanted for her birthday dinner she asked for hotdogs(not processed) and breaded zucchini. This is the same kid who wouldn’t eat anything green before we began. Yes there are foods out there that will tempt our kids but if it’s not made into such a big deal by the parents, the kids wont see it that way too. I think when it comes to kids it’s important that the parent live the life style: eat to live don’t live to eat. My kids are happier now. And being happy and healthy means they are free to be carefree without the need or want for sugar.
Bravo for this post! Thank you for your honesty on this issue. We feel the same way about “eating healthy” as a family. It can be difficult to keep everything in perspective. Plus, I believe if we make good food choices most of the time, then our bodies are better able to handle our occasional indulgences.
Great post. Thankyou for your honest words :-)
You are the mom, and in my opinion, you know what’s best for your child. Thanks for being transparent about this issue, as many people will hide the fact that their kid has an Oreo now and then (and we all do, don’t we?) I was raised with very healthy food and a mostly vegetarian diet. I have a very clear memory as a child of being at a birthday party at a skating rink. Without parental supervision, I ate a little debbie, a chocolate malt, and a pepsi for lunch. Someone took a picture of me with it all in front of me. I was so, so happy that day. I keep that picture to remind me that it’s just food and we occasionally have to let our kids be kids. Even if we have to look away. ;) Keep doing what you’re doing – I love your posts.
Lisa….I hope this doesn’t sound condescending , but I am proud of you. You are so honest and are showing everyone that this is a JOURNEY, one that you are still on as well. I applaud you for reconsidering how you do things and making changes based on the needs of your family. And that you are sharing it all along the way. I am so impressed by you….keep it up!!!! :)
I don’t understand how in the world labeling food as “good/bad” is going to somehow contribute to an eating disorder. There are good foods that we should base our diet on and foods that are bad for us that should be considered occasional treats. Calling them good/bad and enjoying them accordingly is not any different than labeling them always/sometimes. The problem is not in what we call food, it is what they see us do with food that will be passed down to our children. Someone can call food all the “right” labels but if they are constantly dieting and unsatisfied with their weight/appearance the kids will pick up on it. We can’t let our identity be defined by our looks. Along that same line, I think obsessively telling our children how beautiful they are can backfire. We are essentially telling them they are worth something because they are beautiful. What happens when there is a car accident that scars their face or cancer that leaves them without hair. Tell your kids they are beautiful, but don’t stop there. They are SO much more than their outward appearance. We need to be students of our children, finding and pointing out areas that they are gifted in, complementing character and helping them understand the unique individual that they are. Eating disorders have nothing to do with what words we use to describe food, and everything to do with the fact that we as a culture define worth by body image.
This is EXACTLY why you are by far my FAVORITE real food blogger. You strive for good health & great nutrition while not expecting perfection. Striving for perfection almost always ultimately ends in failure.
Thank you for sharing this heartfelt, sincere post!!!! Thank you, thank you again. Well written. I love your blog and what you are teaching your family and the world. I have taken many of your practices and put them into play at my home with my husband and I.
I want to teach my kids the same things, one day, and I think this is exactly the approach and outlook. I never want my kids to panic when they are out, or with friends and not know what to do. I think this approach allows for freedom within boundaries.
You earned your gold star for the day!
I REALLY appreciate your honesty! Thanks for sharing.
I need to find that happy ground as well. I know I’m obsessive about food but its hard not to b when you know just how bad it is, I mean isn’t it a good thing that we want what’s best for our children? I think you’re doing a wonderful job, you deserve a hats off to you!!!
Thank you Lisa for this excellent post!! Since I started reading your blog in February and making major food changes in our family, I have struggled with not being the “food Nazi” of the house. My kids are much older than yours (18, 15, 12, and 11) so I have to realize it will take time for bad habits to be changed. So I am learning to accept gradual changes and I keep reminding myself that we are better off now than we were 6 months ago. There is a fine line between educating your children and scaring them to death! And having two daughters also I agree that you have to be so careful about the whole body image thing. Sounds like you are handling it well with your daughters. Keep up the good work, this blog is SUCH a help!
Hi Lisa, thank you for your vulnerability and candor in this post. I am slowly learning how to use less processed foods and cook in a healthier way (I’ve dabled with your meal plans and recipe index- thank you!) but I am far from where you are. Nevertheless, I’m inspired by your commitment, creativity, intellectual flexibility and most recently, your unpretentiousness. Thank you for having ears to hear that constructive feedback and the confidence and humility to share with us. God has used you to reshape my view of food and I know my daughters will benefit greatly.
I only have a 2 year old, so I don’t know the school routine yet…. but isn’t it possible that there are a handful of like minded parents of her classmates who can get together and pledge to only send healthy snacks. Then possibly create an easy snack cookbook for all the other parents, and offer it to them as an alternative snack for birthdays etc. Even if only 10 participate… that’s a third less junk and a third fewer decisions your kids have to make. Spread the awareness rather than making your kid feel different. I realize this is sometimes impossible since some schools require store bought items only with labels…. butmaybe in that case you could distribute a list of healthier processed snacks to the parents.
Lisa:
I wanted to tell you how much I have enjoyed your blog and recipes. I feel privileged to have an opportunity to share your insights and knowledge about the tremendously difficult decisions that face every one of us in our time and culture regarding food.
Eating is one of the greatest pleasures in life and at the same time choosing the best way to nurture ourselves in modern times is one of our most challenging yet basic daily necessities.
Take comfort in your reflecting and active nature. Thank you again for your ideas. They´ve been a source of education, motivation, and reflection for me and my family.
Best wishes,
Leah
Lisa, I appreciate your post and it is thought provoking. For us eating “healthy” is a matter of food allergies. We will need to find that balance but it is a matter of educating my children so that they can avoid things that are harmful to their system and creates illness in them. Something to think about definitely.
As someone who grew up in a household that valued eating healthy food, yet always allowed room for treats, I have only now, at 27 come to understand that eating does not have to be an all-or-nothing mentality. From the age of 12 to 25, I struggled with anorexia and was unable to healthfully understand the distinction between ‘normal’ eating and ‘healthy eating’. After numerous treatment facilities, and finally one that taught me to value food as nourishment, not a chore, did I finally understand the difference.
I believe the attitude you have towards food, one that values it for its nourishment, its ability to sustain life, and even it’s social component is one that will allow your daughters to develop their own relationship with food that is balanced.
I so appreciate all that you share on this site, and I hope that someday, when I have children I too can demonstrate the true value of a nourished life.
You are a marvelous Mum. Your approach to the changes you wanted to make was thoughtful, in the very truest sense of the word. I only wish I could take on board constructive advice in the manner you have shown. Well done, and what lucky girls to have a Mum like you.
You are so sweet. You sound like me. I have worried a lot about what my kids are eating and then worry that I’m worrying them. All in moderation I guess. Today I was volunteering at my daughters school in the first grade and was working with the kids who still aren’t reading very well. One of them was acting so tired and just didn’t want to read (he acts like this all the time). I asked him what he had for breakfast and he said, “Chocolate cereal.” Hmmmm… No wonder. My husband is a school teacher and I used to work with Special Ed kiddos. I really wish that parents could see how important good nutrition is and how it directly relates to performance in school. We both see it all the time.
Hi Lisa and Jason – Great article – I really enjoyed it. This is something that has crossed my mind often and I’m so glad you shared this. Hope you are both doing well! I miss working with all of you! Jill
Awww…thanks Jill. We miss you too and hope you are doing well with your new job! :)
Awesome post!
Thank you for addressing the negative aspects of associating food as bad. Growing up, I knew that pizza and fried chicken was bad for me, but I’d eat it when offered and then, when I had some privacy, I would throw it up plus the next couple of meals just to make sure that the bad stuff was out of me. I honestly thought this was better than digesting the foods normally. I know this isn’t how everyone thinks about food, but It happened to me. I hope my story helps bring awareness to this issue. I recommend teaching your family about eating a balanced diet from known, whole sources while emphasizing that they shouldn’t feel guilty for eating other things. Thanks.
I love how you wrote this post. In a way it was kinda amusing because this is EXACTLY what I do! With birthday parties, Tball, soccer and such, the “junk food” is everywhere. My 5 yr old know artificial colors and too much sugar are not good. I’ve cut back on juice, even though 100% organic juice, and I have noticed a big difference in him, not nearly as hyper. He now only gets juice in the morning, one serving of milk if wanted and water the rest of the day. I ALWAYS pack his lunch with all healthy options but ALWAYS put a cookie or two with it. I shop at Whole Foods so at least there’s no artificial colors…. but your so right! You can’t make them afraid of food or deprive them of what all the other kids in class are having. I figure if I keep explaining what is healthy and why he will grow up to be an educated adult and make good decisions knowing how things taste and the effects of eating the best he can. Let’s face it, sometimes, SOMETIMES, we have to satisfy our taste buds! LOL LOL Your a great mom so relax!
I usually never comment on posts like this….but THANK YOU!! You have encouraged me more than ever! I have 2 kids ages 11 and 16. We have been on our whole foods journey for about 3 years. We are FAR from perfect but strive to eat real food as much as possible. This has been a huge journey of learning and trying to do whats best for my kids. Thank you so much for being so open and honest. I believe it gives others hope that have just started their journey. Thank you again!
Thanks for this post, and your honesty! My twins are only 3 (and so still pretty oblivious), but this is something I’ve thought about a lot – your balance makes sense to me, and I appreciate your sharing the work-in-progress that parenting (and really, life!) is. I love this blog, and look forward to seeing how your renewed direction works out for you and your family.
Thank you for this well-written and thoughtful post! I know how hard it is to do (or in your case, write) things that may be controversial and to receive feedback that isn’t completely supportive. Isn’t it annoying the way so many people will praise your posts but if one person has something a little different to say then that is the one comment you spend hours agonizing over? You’re doing a great job!
I’d love to say more but my toddler decided to shampoo her hair while I wasn’t watching…
Keep up the good work!
Love your blog. Not only are you teaching your daughters how to feed a strong, healthy body you are also teaching them that it is ok to admit that you are wrong and change your mind. I tell my kids to make the best decision they can, with the information they have at the time and when that is no longer working reevaluate that and change course. All are great lessons for children and you should be proud about your commitment to raising happy, healthy children. Way to go Lisa!
I loved this post! Most people are so caught up in their own thoughts and wants that they never take into consideration what you just realized. There is definitely a fine line between making your children aware but also allowing them to
Be children and learn some on their own. I love following your blog and it has definitely made my husband and I rethink our lifestyle of eating for our own girls!!!!
Good for you! I joined your group at the beginning and have watched you go through many changes. I will admit that when you first started on this journey, I would find myself a little upset with the ultra strict, unforgiving diet you put your family on. I recall you being upset with your mom while on a visit for serving refined wheat (white flour) pasta instead of whole-wheat. I come from a food allergy family, and when you live with restricting foods as a matter of life and death, to witness people being that diligent on principal alone tends to make me role my eyes a bit. I’m glad to see you’ve relaxed your standards a little bit. Many food allergic kids end up with eating disorders due to fear of dying from eating something as simple as a peanut or a piece of cheese. You are doing a great job teaching your girls how to identify healthy food and make good choices. They will always come to you for answers.
Thank you for addressing such an important topic. I am a 31 year old mother to a beautiful daughter and I have personally battled an eating disorder in my early 20s. I will tell you in my humble opinion that your high focus on food is by far the healthiest (mentally and emotionally) that I have come across. For me the most detrimental contributing factor growing up was a mother who measured her food and counted every calorie. She bought us soda, chips, cookies etc but refused to eat them because they were ‘fattening’. She spoke negatively about her body and only ate processed ‘fat free’ foods. This my friends is what leads to poor understanding of food, nutrition, and crumbled my body image. After counseling and the birth of my daughter I vowed to raise her with a healthy body image and a love for HEALTHY food. We eat as ‘real’ as possible but we are still on our journey. I guarantee you she knows the difference between healthy and non healthy foods but the focus on REAL food. There will nerve be calorie talk in our house and fats are celebrated because the right fats feed and nourish our body. I personally am at my healthiest physically and emotionally with food and that is thanks to websites like this. When you focus on all that you can and should eat it takes away from the thought of what you shouldn’t. Lastly I will say that the most impressionable thing from my childhood was watching my mother look at her body in the mirror and speak so negatively about herself. Mothers praise your beautiful selves and do that in front of your sons and daughters!!!!
It makes me happy to see parents who are encouraging their children to eat healthier and having meals at home as opposed to driving them through the drive through every night because, A mom doesn’t want to cook or it’s fast and easy. I applaud you for doing what you are doing for your girls. If more parents were like you childhood obesity would be at a low. Now if we can just teach kids to not sit in front of the tv or computers all day.
I’m raising my four year old grandson and your page has been a great help to me. He gets much healthier lunches than my own kids received 25 years ago. Thank you!
Lisa, you do what works for your family. Don’t worry about what everyone else has to say. Thank you so much for keeping it real. So many people are so worried about dying, they forget to live!
Another wonderful post! I am sorry to hear and read the judgemental posts that sometimes accompany your blog because I believe you’re trying to do the best for your children— and everyone knows there are a gazillion definitions for what that means. You put yourself, your thoughts and your family out there not to tell people this the only way to be but it is the way for you. I am curious if after any of these processed food situations if they experience any symptoms digestively that make them notice the difference? I am curious as I noticed this as I am addressing food allergies that equate to a real food plan. When I inadvertently ingest something I notice how different it makes me feel. Curious if others have had this reaction too?
I think it is wonderful that you could take constructive feedback and apply it to yourself in such an honest way. I try to feed my family mostly real food but we do allow plenty of treats too. But I still struggle with other people’s criticism of how I feed my child. But I am so proud that my 3 yr old is not the average picky eater and likes vegetables and eats what my hubby and I eat. Even at the age of 3 she will you tell you that we eat good food and exercise to be strong and healthy. As long as our beliefs about food are shared in a positive way, I think kids are not hurt by it. I applaud you for sharing your views on your blog day after day, even with the constant negative, judgemental comments.
How do you not obsess over feeding them real food when it’s theorized that artificial flavors and colors and other additives cause ADHD and autism? I don’t know how to find the balance.
Wow! Thank you! I am a new mom and have loved reading each of your blog posts ever since I have found your blog a month ago. You are such an inspiration and encouragement to me! Thank you and keep it up!
Thanks for posting this, it has got me thinking. I agree. It’s hard to find that happy medium. I don’t want my kids to stress out over food either. Teaching them to make good choices most of the time while not stressing out over the “bad stuff” will hopefully lead to a life time of good decision making. I often provide an alternative treat (such as homemade cookies, cake, or an all natural ice cream) to show them that they can have a treat without adding all the preservatives and additives and therefor not feel deprived. Your right, if you say no to all the things you feel are “bad”, you could lead to them eating it without telling you and that could lead to bad eating habits and weight gain.
Lisa,
I love your blog, and I appreciate all you do. I have learned so much from you. I especially appreciate your honesty, and I also love your non-threatening approach to so many topics. Other food bloggers try to use scare tactics and instill fear in their readers. I hate to see that approach, but when I do, I always think of what a much better job you do in helping share information and helping educate your readers. Keep up the great work, and thank you for all you do!
This is FANTASTIC! My kids have become more aware and are making better choices. Although I cringed today when my son asked me if he could have a piece of candy (DOTS) from a bag he received at a school fair (fundraising for malaria prevention nets), he asked…he would have never asked before and I would have never questioned it. But he asked! And I said, “yes”. It was okay. He somewhat enjoyed the treat, but then helped me make dinner tonight with produce from our weekly trip to the farmers market. I believe a little wiggle room goes a long way. Thank you so much for your honesty and for being willing to change the rules along the way.
I LOVE this post!! We are slowly transitioning our family to more and more Real Food, and I have struggled with this issue, without even really being able to “name” it, specifically. This post, however, is exactly what has been flopping around in my brain, and I think you are handling it beautifully. I appreciate your honesty, vulnerability, and willingness to make public such a personal issue. Your website has been such an encouragement to me on this journey. Thank you!!
I definitely applaude your commitment to keeping your family healthy, I would make sure that you err on the side of caution when it comes to eating disorders and how much emphasis you are placing in food. As a recovering anorexic, I have become an advocate of spreading awareness and prevention. Obviously there are many factors that lead to eating disorders but I recommend that you spend some time researching orthorexia. It sounds like if anything, you and your daughters could run the risk of suffering from that eating disorder.
Very good post. It’s very respectable to re examine your current values when someone addresses an opposing point of view. Or not so much opposing as just the warning that was given to you. It shows what a caring and intelligent mother you truly are because you are not only thinking about your children’s nutritional needs but the reality of human behaviour. What you are doing for your daughters is distilling knowledge that they will take with them for the rest of their lives. They will be able to make more informed decisions through this as adults. I’m pretty jealous that my parents didn’t teach me or inform themselves through research on how to eat a healthy balanced diet of real foods. Not understand how horrible processed food is.
Thank you Lisa for this post. As a mother of 2 young boys (age 2 and 3) I strive to maintain a real food household. It is not easy since my husband still has his quaker granola bars and likes ice cream. He also loves to take the boys to get a donut or a pastry from our local bakery on sat mornings. You know what it is okay. I was raised on good food but had junk food in the house and was critized about my weight by my mom. I have found that all of my friends do not follow a “real food” eating mantra –they are doing the best they can. My kids always have gold fish and graham crackers at church nursery and playgroup. I still try to bring homemade snacks with me but they still want the gold fish. I let them and that is okay. I encourage healthy choices and offer at home and do what I can. We order pizza out and I also make homemade whole wheat pizza. It is not the end of the world. I love that this blog is REAL and not so extreme that it is impossible to live by. My husband was banned all junk food at home and was never allowed McDonalds. When he left for college that was his diet – candy bars and fast food. I do not want that to happen to my boys. Keep up the great work and raising your children.
This may be my favorite post on your blog thus far. I don’t know what the other 7 pages of comments say, but I hope they’re all as positive as the comments on this page! I think it’s so important to feed our children well and educate them so they can make good choices, but also helping them have a good relationship with food is so important and I think this new way of thinking for you is awesome.
I love this post and completely agree! We eat mostly real foods but moderation of the bad stuff when presented gives our children a skill of self control and decision making that they need to practice before becoming adults. I also believe its important that our children eat the foods that others prepare when visiting friends. It can be disrespectful if not. You are an awesome mamma!
When I have these issues in my life (most recently, stressing over finding a non-GMO pectin to make homemade sugarfree jam with) my lovely friend who happens to be an organic gardener & an original 60’s-era hippie tells me “It’s hard to be a purist.” That is the most freeing advice I’ve ever gotten. Enjoy your new-found freedom & know that you’re doing a wonderful job :)
Thank you Lisa for sharing! I have been consumed with similar struggles recently. It is so hard to bite my tongue when someone offers my children artificial foods!!! My mind only thinks of the chemicals their little bodies have to fight. In fact, my six year old is highly sensitive to artificial food colorings.
I dont want them to spend their childhood riddled with the fears that I have, or to pretend that we dont live in America, so I have always just focused on the positives… until recently…
Since they started eating solid foods as babies, I always shared with them the health benefits of what they were eating. I focused on food as fuel. They are great eaters. At any meal, they always eat their fruit and veggies first, and not because I ever suggested it. They truly enjoy eating healthy foods.
And now they are 5 and 6, and eat plenty of meals outside the home, at school, parties, playdates…
They have experienced a wide variety of “junk food”, and to no surprise, they love it!!!
I refuse to be the “bad mommy” that restricts what they eat when they are not at home, but they are very wise about nutrition, so i had a quick talk about artificial foods.
I explained to them that some sneaky scientists in a laboratory were mixing chemicals together to make stuff that looks like food and tastes like food, but isn’t food at all. I even explained that these chemicals were like poisons and too much of them could really hurt our bodies. I explained that the healthy foods we eat provide us with nutrients to keep our bodies strong so that a little bit of sneaky chemicals cant hurt us.
For a few days i worried that I had ruined my children’s innocence! That I would end up with daughters riddled with eating disorders or afraid to eat, or social outcasts at birthday parties.
But instead, i have grown even more proud of my kids. Just yesterday, upon returning from school, my 6 year old made herself a snack of berries (blue, black and strawberries) and announced that she had really enjoyed some junky snacks at school and wanted to refill her body with health b/c she was feeling icky. I want them to make their own choices, but cant imagine how they would do that w/o knowing what they are choosing.
I now am comforted knowing that I am doing my job as a mother and guiding my kids through life, and if i wanted to rob them of a childhood i would plunk them in front of a TV or computer instead of letting them accidentally destroy plants in the garden while hunting for worms :)
Jennifer:
Best reply ever.
Food IS fuel. That didn’t hit home for me until I decided to join a gym and start moving for a change. My metabolism was all like “WHAT?!?!” and non-beneficial food didn’t do me any good, and I felt it. Oh boy did I feel it. In order to not collapse, I began eating real, unprocessed food because that is what my body needed. Junk food lost its appeal because it didn’t do me any good.
This post hit so close to home for me. I feel the same way when it comes to worrying about my need to feed my girls healthy foods and what exactly I am planting in their minds. I also have an 8 year old and a kindergartener. And I have been doing a similar plan as to what you have done, healthy, real food at home, and packed lunches. Except at lunch they get one fun food sometimes I can make it organic and non processed other times it’s gushers and every Friday night it’s family fun food night with pizza or take out and a movie. But I think that in raising kids a lot of how they turn out is our relationship with them. If we fill them with fear about their food yes they will have fear about food in them. But if we are on the stricter side, but explain our reasoning it will help them to be aware. It’s mostly about having a good relationship with them in all subjects not just one subject. (I have seen many parents in a variety of subjects from grades, sports, activities, and even food obsess about that subject with their kids) If we have a well rounded relationship with our children, and we aren’t obsessive how WE live they will grow up strong, healthy, and smart.
well u can choose to have friends that are as conscious as you about food and other stuff. you can attend with ur kids to events of gathering of ppl with similar conscious interests too.. that way, ur kids will become friends with their kids.. and u could send ur kids also on events that are especially made to group kids together.. kids who have conscious parents like u. these could be the people u frequent the most… and then, if other gatherings happena few times a year, so be it. I am planning on home-schooling my kids.. either that or I find a school/group of people whom I share the same awareness and interests with. it is up to us to build new conscious communities together. and it all depends on what people we choose to deal with and eat with, etc. I set my priorities differently than u.
hmmm did you read her first sentence which said “can we all agree to make this a non-judgemental space for today.”
There will always be people who think they do things better than everyone else. (Salma) It is best to ignore them. Lisa is doing an amazing job raising her daughters. She is doing what is best for her family — not anyone else’s family. I think this is the best post so far. Thank you Lisa!
Thank you for this post! Great one.
Thank you for sharing so honestly and clearly. You’ve expressed the heart of so many of us! Thanks for the loving work you do every day to make your family and MY family healthier. THANK YOU!
Lisa, thank you – an excellent point that certainly resonates. Thank you for your candor – your posts are thought provoking and even if someone disagrees, it sparks discussion. Well done, and thank you again for what you are doing. The more discussion about food in this country, the better!
This was a great read! It hit home with me, as well. My husband and I are really trying to incorporate more whole (and wholesome) foods into our diet; thankfully, he, my son and I are all pretty willing to try things out (even with a wary eye, lol). My husband has been tentatively diagnosed with Crohns Disease, so we’ve recently started looking into adding juicing to our daily regimen. There are times that I cringe when we go to my in-law’s for dinner, or to a friends house, and some of the ingredients are things I won’t allow in my house (many of them from years before 100 Days came about!). But, I have to realize, my MIL is an excellent cook, and actually incorporates veggies into her meals more than I do! But, it’s also grandma’s house, and he doesn’t live there, so ice cream sandwiches or Italian ices are few and far between. “I can’t be so uptight!” the very thought that crossed my mind while reading this. Our little man is only two, and we have years ahead of us to introduce so many wonderful things in the food world! Thank you for being realistic, and real with your readers!
I think. Your decision is awesome I try to do the same. Mine are much older than you and the kin of understand the way food works that its a topic for discussion and although I may be passionate at times they shouldn’t hide or be afraid to tell me or talk to me about food.
Good luck!!
Interesting topic! How much is allowed would depend on how sensitive the child is. Science has shown that all kids are affected by food dyes. We were super careful due to our son’s sensitivity to anything made from petroleum. A 4 day reaction wasn’t worth allowing him to have it. Now that they are grown, both still avoid junk food.
Well, I think that one day all of our children are going to make their own food choices. I think the best we can do is to teach them why they SHOULD eat certain foods, to help them pay attention to how they feel after they eat different foods and how to place foods into the everyday vs. the occasional categories. Hopefully, they will develop a positive relationship with food…one where they look at it as fuel to help you feel good a short while later AND live a long, healthy life. That is my hope for my children! It appears that you are teaching your girls to have a similar relationship with food:)
Great post! Such an important topic and a major concern of mine. I follow a similar strategy in my family- only healthy food in our house. If we are at a party or out to dinner I let my children make their own choices.
Lisa, I am so impressed! You are obviously a very caring mom. As a pediatrician, and mother of 3 kids ages 3, 5 and 7, I love your blog. I could not agree more about the fine line between encouraging our children to consume healthy, unprocessed foods the majority of the time, but without making food a black and white good and bad thing that might lead to undue worries about food later. My kids eat very well at home and I pack them healthy lunches for school. Their diet is full of fruits and vegetables. We rarely have desert at home and when we do, it is usually berries, or watermelon or homemade sorbet. My kids love to bake and my 3 and 5 year old love nothing more than to make cookies to surprise their sister when she gets off the bus from elementary school. We make a half batch so that there are not a ton of left over cookies and we can have another project for another day. The cookies are usually a pretty healthy recipe. My kids are invited to a lot of birthday parties and school events which often include a lot of treats that are full of artificial colors and empty calories. I dont worry too much about it, though, because I don’t want to tell them that they have to forgo the treats, and therefore feel excluded. Luckily, my kids truly prefer the taste of healthy unprocessed food, and will often just take a bite or two of the cupcake and leave the rest. When we go to a restaurant, I encourage them to order from the adult menu, but if there is something on the kid’s menu that they want, I let them have it….part of the fun of eating out is that everyone can make a choice about what they are eating. However, my kids almost aways choose to substitute the fries for a fruit of veggie. That is good enough for me. My sister is raising her 2 daughters vegan and not allowing them to participate in activities that include non vegan foods at school/ b day parties or playdates. I vehemently feel that this a very dangerous choice. I model healthy eating. I talk about using food to nourish our bodies to provide fuel for working and playing, 99% of the foods that I buy and have in our home are healthy foods at home, so it is what my kids are used to eating…but nothing is absolutely off limits. Ultimately, they will need to practice making good choices without me standing over their shoulders to continue to make good choices as adults. They need a little freedom to be able to do that.
Great post! I too have trouble drawing the line on what I tell my girls about selecting certain foods. I cannot stand that junk food is available wherever they go, even in their learning center. Fruit snacks, Rice Krispie treats, Oreos, applesauce and graham crackers with HFCS, Keebler cookies, you name it. Early on I began packing their own special snack boxes, but always let the teacher know that if they desperately wanted what everyone else was having that was fine. Luckily they are happy with their organic snacks and it wasn’t until this school year that my five year old began requesting the school’s snacks. I see no problem with special treats here and there but when these chemicals and GMOs are in EVERYTHING these days, they are hard to avoid! We have eliminated all processed snacks, even organic ones, because they get enough junk elsewhere. They are excited to reach in the bin and grab and apple for snack anyway.
Well done! Thank you for doing this for your daughters. I completely understand your dilemma and I certainly think you did the right thing! Here’s to whole food and carefree eating simply enjoying food!
I can see the different sides of the issue, and I can understand them, I think.
What it comes down to (for me) is you raise your children as you see fit. They are your kids. Kids, as well as adults, are literally bombarded with commercials and ads regarding fast food, kid food, food that is marketed as healthy but if you read between the lines it isn’t, et al. I have seen children brought up on Happy Meals and Lunchables and the like, and I have seen children brought up with home cooked meals without a preservative in sight. It’s the way of the world, and you do what you can to not have your family turn into a statistic.
I like your blog because you don’t finger point. You write what you do and don’t put anyone down because they don’t do the exact same thing as you do. I don’t have kids and I find your recipes and lunches beneficial for myself as an adult, and I am grateful for your knowledge.
Food is a touchy subject for some: we all need food, but we all view our food needs differently. You do what feels good for you and your family, and be proud you are educating your children as to what is healthy and what is not.
We try to real food as much as possible. I don’t buy treat that have food dye or corn syrup, etc in them. We try to make a lot of our treats homemade. However, especially when we are out with friends or at birthday parties and other such events they get to pick. I made a decision a while ago that my kids are going to have to figure it out for themselves in some ways. I can provide the good food, and the educational foundation, but if I prevent them from ever tasting the little debbie’s snack cakes or an occasional sucker then when they get to an age where they really grasp the concept sneaking and rebellion or even when they are out on their own, the good food choices are going to seem like a trap and a killer of fun that mom has made us do instead of a choice that they made for themselves because they truly know its what”s best for them. In this way I try to balance out my approach and I applaud you for trying to take the same action with your kids.
Real food talk and a REAL parent. Thank you for keeping it all real!
We think alike!!! I have 3 daughters and 1 son and have the same worries as you do! I have adopted the same food philosophy as you. We are doing the best we can! I agree! When I see what my peers are feeding their kids, what they get at school, birthday parties, etc, it is sickening. I support you 100%!
Wow! How we speak about food is something I haven’t been aware of. But from this post I will try to be more aware in the future. My three year old daughter is hyper aware off”good” and “bad” food and maybe I’ve harped on that too much. It’s always seemed like a slippery slope, but I don’t want to damage her by trying to do good .
Thank you for this article. I have been on a similar path while trying to balance what my girls (6 & 4) consume. I too want to provide the very best but find myself ‘out of control’ when they are away. I find that it’s easiest to simply not worry about it – they have been exposed to many good things in life as it pertains to healthy eating and exercise. I know that the big picture is pointing them in the right direction so that when I no longer provide for them, they are well prepared to live life.
I’m sure that you are doing the same, lead by example and your kids will follow the same path. As a parent we help them establish the common ground between healthy and unhealthy choices; they then eventually make their own decisions. As they grow older they will rely upon their experiences and make healthy decisions. You’re doing the right thing, I would encourage you not to worry about it – every family unit encourages their children to follow specific paths, some choose politics or religion, some choose healthy lifestyles or environmental stewardship. That’s what makes each culture whole.
Thank you for all you do.
Thumbs up!!! This is same balance we have come to with our 7 and 12 year old. What is in your home develops life long habits. My kids love shopping for quality and nutrition over quantity. Earthfare, Trader Joe’s, The local Farmer’s Market, local eggs and raw milk. Shopping did not excite them at a ‘regular’ grocery store and the some of the ‘junk’ has lost it draw. Just today though, my son had ice cream with his grandmother after a tennis match. Moderation. I am ok because I know that most of what they eat packs a nutritional punch!
I honestly think that society makes way too much out food in general anyway. It is celebrated more than anything, it is used as treats, comfort, rewards, motivation, entertainment and just about anything else that one could imagine. Food such just be that, food. It is nothing more than fuel for the body and so we must provide the best fuel that we can to sustain and energize it. I have no problem with “junk food” per say as long as its real food and nothing that is fake or noting but a bunch of chemicals as this is why I follow you, Food Babe and some others as you all are the ones that inspired me and my family and continue to do so on a daily basis. I do not judge you but would only offer that to not worry so much as to the emotional stress that your daughters will experience by not enjoying junk food. If we just use and as well teach our children that food whether it is real or fake is only to fuel the body rather than to build a life around it. The Bible teaches that we should train up a child in the way that they should go and that way being Christ Jesus and not whether or not they are comforted, entertained or enjoy food. Well I’ll keep my thoughts short as in hope to not offend as I usually do no matter what or how that I say something. Honestly I try not to and I pray that this will be received with the love that it is being written. Thanks for your Blog as I have thoroughly enjoyed it and hope to continue as well. Again, lets just eat good real food and not get caught up in so much phycology and man’s wisdom. Let us turn to the one that can sustain us aka..the bread of life, Jesus Christ.
I could not help but to comment on this. I’m a college student ( not yet a mother but hopefully one day) and I read your posts all of the time. I’ve been slowly getting into a healthier food lifestyle and I struggle with what is actually healthy and what other people think is healthy. In the future I plan to give my children the healthiest lifestyle possible. I basically wanted to say good for you. Not only are you doing what you feel is best for your children but you are accepting others advice on how to raise them and doing it in a positive way. You are truly a role model.
A few years ago I worked at a residential eating disorder recovery center for women. Most of the patients were in their late teens or early twenties (although we had a number of more mature women as well). A startling number of these women were battling eating disorders that wouldn’t allow them to eat foods that weren’t local, organic, etc (as well as fat-free and low-calorie). They felt guilty about the impact of any food they ate on their bodies and the planet. Obviously, they weren’t physically or mentally healthy.
Fast forward a few years, and I am the mother of a daughter. She is only two now, and an adventurous and healthy eater. Almost all of the food she consumes is prepared by me or her dad. I’ve already been struggling with what to do about family visits where she is offered a variety of highly processed, low-nutrient foods, but I’ve decided for the time being to leave it be. For one thing, I’m still there to monitor her, and even these visits are a every now and then event–a treat unto themselves. But I always think back to the women I met who battled these eating disorders, and I don’t want my daughter to deal with the same thing.
Furthermore, I feel that my responsibility lies in putting pressure on the powers that be–the FDA, the government, the schools, and food corporations–to improve so that our children can just eat food without anybody worrying about it making them sick! There are times when I feel completely overwhelmed because as our family’s primary food shopper and cook, I have to educate myself on what is good, bad, and ugly before even heading to the grocery store. And then I have to fit it all into our budget. And then next week I’ll learn about something I just fed our family that might be circumspect. I bet that it is only a small percentage of people who have the time, resources, or desire to even begin this type of research, and I feel very frustrated that our government hasn’t done more to keep these ingredients out of our food supply!
Until our government, schools, etc. catch up, I’ll continue to feed my daughter healthy, whole foods, some homemade treats, and then let the rest go. There is no point in beating myself up or causing her to feel guilty down the road when there is already so much pressure on us to meet certain standards. I’ll do the best I can, put some pressure on the likes of Kraft and McDonalds to do a little better, and then give myself a break.
This is exactly the post I needed today. Thank you!
I make these same decisions every day. I make a point with my son to understand that I don’t buy junk. We make sure we all eat right as much as possible. We even anticipate parties and other junk arenas and make sure the healthy balance is still positive. We are really proud of our efforts to eat clean… In fact our son is better than we are because sadly WE KNOW THE TASTINESS AND EMOTION OF THR JUNK.
My husband and I are pledging to be 100% clean eaters in June. Wish us luck.
Thank you for your transparency. Some people, including myself, are black and white (or all good vs all bad) and your insight is helpful. I often felt myself reading your website and then feeling inadequate because we were not 100% real. This post makes you and your goals (to me) more attainable and real. I feel encouraged, not defeated. As a mental health therapist who has worked with teens (many of whom have eating disorders or body perception disorders) you are on the right track. Thanks! Favorite post ever.
Thank you for this, it is almost word for word the same conclusion my husband and I came up with. We have four children and two of them are pre-teens. They have active social lives and I am not always there to monitor what they are eating, nor do I think I should be. Our goal is to raise well educated thinkers, without making them manic or obsessive about food. Some of that education comes from letting them learn on their own and experience for themselves the differences between consuming real vs processed foods. So far they go for real 75% of the time- but sometimes they want to experience what other people are trying and I don’t ever want to make them feel bad about that. Food is hard, it’s nourishment tied to so many strange social aspects- we are all just doing are best to navigate a tough situation.
I think this was a well thought out way to address the issue. Having struggled with food myself all of my life I know first hand how hard it can be when food becomes polarized into good and bad. (the diet industry literally feeds on this-no pun intended!) I have been on both sides and even when I was on the side of eating nothing but good food it still seemed that my life was obsessed by food! Only this time it was about ensuring that I never ate anything “bad”. Drove my family and friends crazy as they never knew what I could eat and what I couldn’t and it was a chore to find something worthy if we happened to be traveling and needed to just grab something on the go. And you know…as humans anytime someone tells us we can’t have something we tend to just want it all the more. Kudos to you for giving your daughters the freedom to choose and the education to be able to understand how to make healthy choices. Those are two things I wish I had received growing up.
I agree with Lisa. I am a pediatrician, now SAHM training my own kids to make healthy food choices, but at my house, I felt that power struggles and hyper-control of food could be a setup for Eating Disorders. Took a class with Cindy Landham who has now written a great book on how to be relaxed around food but make good choices:
http://www.amazon.com/Liberated-Eater-Cindy-Landham/dp/1467540072/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1368237684&sr=1-1&keywords=cindy+landham
Wonderfully insightful post about the ways our everyday actions and beliefs influence our children as a whole, and the projections of what the outcomes could be. I totally agree about the social and cultural importance of certain foods, however it is concerning to me that so much of what we accept as treats or social, party type food is so over processed and loaded with artificial ingredients that it isn’t even really ‘food’. I am finding the normalcy of eating so much junk harder to tolerate in my own life. Some people assume a can of soft drink and a hot dog for example can be classed as a ‘meal’, yet I challenge anyone to find any nutritional value at all in those items. My fear is that not enough people care to question the processing and additives in their food to demand change, to demand that our foods are more whole and less science experiment. To demand that we don’t NEED food to stay bright green for 10 years and still taste fresh.
It takes alot of courage to share such personal “stuff”. I just wanted to take this opportunity to say that I value your website and blog, and I often share your posts on fb. Your humility and transparency is appreciated and admired. Peace and blessings.
I am new to your blog and so far I love everything I have read. I have a son 6 yrs and daughter 19 months and we have been on the path of more clean eating and it’s been inspiring for me to find new things to prepare. We cannot be in control of our kids food all the time and so a nice balance of eating clean at home is a great way to start. We say no to lolly pops from the bank and that is ok, but how do you have your child say no to a Birthday cupcake? I agree with not teaching your kids to be hyper about food and it being bad for you. It’s about making good choices. I also believe that when your kids get a little older they can be more in tune with their body and know what makes them feel good and what makes them feel tired or a little sick. I know children/kids who scrap off the frosting because they don’t like how sweet it taste. We develope those taste preferences and awareness for their body as they grow and develope. Thanks for sharing this subject because it is so important!
Great post-I’m in the same boat as you are-3 young girls-trying to gracefully balance teaching/guiding them about good healthy foods without causing them to be overly concerned about food, which leads to self image issues and eating disorders. I think you are doing a great job! I see what you pack your girls for lunch and you inspire me daily. But the reality is that you are human, like the rest of us-we all are finding our own path. Unfortunately, there are just so many judgmental folks out there who think its their way or the highway. What it boils down to is just do your absolute best. Thanks for being human and showing this side of you. Makes the other folks out here who struggle daily about that balance feel a lot better about the things they are doing too. Thanks!
Thank you so much for sharing. we have and 80/20 rule at our house (it is my hope to someday be 90/10 but for now) So we strive to eat clean 80% of the time and don’t stress about the 20%.
We have 3 children 23, 20 and 13, our oldest is married and we are still trying to figure this parenting thing out :-)
Again thanks for the insight into your journey, helps to have others on the road with me.
I have had this same dilemma come up as we try to eat as whole food/organic as possible, but our friends and family don’t. It’s funny to me when my daughter tells adults if food is healthy or not. We have the complication of food allergies in both of us. I have focused more on portion control of “unhealthy” food- indulging in a favorite is fine, within reason, but I also do not buy food that is not safe in my mind. Thank you for being open about not being perfect- I feel like people who question my way of feeding my daughter expect me to be 100% sure of every move I make and just like you I am moving through this as we grow as a family!
Love this! Balance is key in so many areas of life, and this post was a great encouragement to me.
i work with young children with feeding issues and in reading Ellyn Satter’s work and the research by Dr. Irene Chatoor you find evidence to back up the recent shift you have made:) they suggest a “dessert day” a few (1-3) times a week where during one meal the “treat” is offered as part of the meal and can be eaten whenever each person wants to eat it (in that meal). this helps kids learn to eat treats in moderation instead of making them this coveted “special” thing that is an expression of our emotions and celebrations…they are just another food. http://www.ellynsatter.com/using-forbidden-food-i-51.html
Thanks for sharing…and for being willing to change!
Our oldest child developed anorexia at the age of 13. She was homeschooled, never exposed to media/magazines depicting girls who are “thin”, etc.and I never talked about my body or dissatisfaction with my shape. I simply educated my girls at a very young age about nutrition and food choices and because she is a rule follower, she took my words to heart much more than the average child.
I have since relaxed about food, and she has undergone treatment and is doing very well at the age of 17. The key is understanding your child and giving him/her the wisdom, but allowing them the freedom to choose.
Oh…my…goodness. I, literally, just had this same sort of conversation with my girlfriend because I am like a crazy person when it comes to sugar and my 4-year old daughter. Since she was small we have tried to limit the amount of sugar she eats and sometimes we even just say, “No, you can’t have x, y, z” despite her friends having the same thing. I am more crazy about anything with corn syrup so the candy she usually does get is made with sugar. But even then at 4 years old, should they be eating so much sugar? And how much is so much?? (Sigh). It is so tough to be a parent.
Thank you so much for sharing this post. I have just recently started following your website (it is a favorite on my computer :) ) and I absolutely love everything that you post regarding eating real foods, being earth friendly, and your reasoning behind all of it. I am a Public Health major in college and this is an area of focus that I am very interested in. Particularly with creating policies and changes within school lunch programs. Especially in the elementary schools because that is when kids start both good and bad habits that they carry with them throughout life. I couldn’t agree more that it is very important to teach children that their is a special balance between eating healthy and restricting all junk foods or “bad” foods. I overcame a life changing eating disorder myself and did not understand that healthy balance, and believed all food was essentially bad. So from that point of view I am going to be sure my children eat mostly healthy and real foods because it has now become a passion of mine because I now know how to truly be healthy. Yet I am also going to be extremely careful with that because too much obsession around food especially at a young age can lead to disordered thoughts towards food even when meant with the best intentions. The comments are all great on this post and I just wanted to provide some personal thoughts and insight. Thank you so much for starting this wonderful movement and keep up the good work!!! I hope to do something like this when I graduate from college :) Thanks so much, Caitlin
Hi Lisa,
Very nice! I am also very sensitive to how my daughters grow up thinking about food. I think one thing you mentioned at the end about body image is huge! Not long after I started dating my hubby, he told me he didn’t like when I said anything like “I’m fat”, and I was in love, so I stopped! That was LIFE-CHANGING! I stopped saying it, and soon I stopped believing it. I never had an eating disorder, but I’m sure that in my tweens through college, I had some “disordered eating”, like most girls. I REALLY don’t want my girls to ever experience that, so positive body image, about people inside and outside of our family, as well as positive attitudes about food are key! I really, really want my kids to make the right choices about food on their own, and they are doing just that, slowly but surely :) Here are some mostly “unwritten” rules about sweets in our house. Thanks for your great post! http://fresh-you.blogspot.com/2013/02/lucky-seven-tips-for-kids-and-sweets.html
I have been hoping for a post like this here for quite some time. I appreciate your struggle but applaud your decision. As a mother I completely relate to the struggle with food and balancing healthy information with the realistic understanding that food is fuel and that eating should be fun. If it’s any comfort, I’m also a teacher and I do feel it’s my job to educate my students about healthy choices and why an apple will make their bodies more ready to learn than fruit snacks. I do include it in my lessons (brief, but frequent discussions about the benefits of making healthy choices–and what healthy choices look like). There has to be a balance, though, between a healthy conversation/education and constant obsession over what we eat. I applaud all of your efforts.
Cheers! I loved this post!
As a registered dietitian and licensed nutritionist who specializes in working with women who have eating disorders, I appreciate this post. I must admit that I have had some concern for some of the previous blogs, but was encouraged when I read this latest one. I would also go one step further and discourage the labeling of foods as ‘good’ and ‘bad’. Thank you for sharing your story!
Did this with my son and he felt sick on the junk days ,he said mom there is sun junk food in our schools
I love this post! I am a huge proponent of the rules of your blog but I have wondered what effect it will have on your daughters. I am so happy to hear you are relaxing on your rules. I agree that “kids should be kids” doesn’t mean junk food all the time, but they also shouldn’t have to miss out on normal childhood experiences. Kudos to you for making sure you never criticize your body etc in front of them. My mother never did and it was the best possible thing she could have done in terms of giving me self confidence.
Thanks for hepling us feed our kids healthy!
One treat a week is what we try to do with out family as well.
I am sorry that some moms had to be judgemental and rude when you fist posted this picture. You are amazing and do an awesome job feeding your family! If I can do half of what you do, I will be happy!
Wow. Wonderful post. You addressed the same questions I’ve been having about restricting junk food and sugar. Our family is like most others here…4 impossibly busy kids…we try to do our best, but there has to be wiggle room. I can’t beat myself up for feeding the kids junk once in awhile. Life happens, like the day when my daughter and I were driving through a blizzard and ended up buying dinner at a truck stop. It has to be ok.
My family is taking baby steps towards a real food diet and healthier lifestyle, but we’re never going to be perfect. Keep up the good work and thoughtful posts. You are inspiring thousands of people every day. Thanks!
You are such a great mom and I love this post! As a new mother who grew up with food/weight/body issues, this is something I think about a lot as my baby starts eating and is becoming aware of the world around him.
We have this dilemma in our household as well. My kids are torn between, “a mom who says some foods are unhealthy” and “friends whose moms let their kids eat those foods” and “the ads, the toys and the fancy colored packaging”. It is really hard to explain these things to a 7 and 5 year-old. “Then why do they sell it? Why do all the other people buy and eat it?”.
Another thing that I have hard time is the food we let them eat once in a while or only have home-made vs. the food that are no-nos. Such as carbonated drinks, over-processed/packaged snacks, donuts etc. If I let them eat the “no-nos” even once, they’ll bicker every time I say no after that until the end of my life.
What I try to do, as a solution is to focus on the good stuff we eat. not what we “cannot” eat. It’s the same for adults. We get more worried and start having disorders when we constantly focus on what we cannot eat and what we should avoid. The best way to override that anxiety is to focus on what you eat and enjoy that. Ignoring the unhealthy food and finding healthy alternatives at gatherings, events and parties, might be hard. Especially for children. We gotta just focus on the healthy yummies.
I very much appreciate your post today. I always loved your website because you already present your views and decisions in a non-judgemental way, and this just capped it very nicely. :)
We recently started eating clean, and I have made WAY too much of a big deal about our lifestyle change, both with my friends and family and with my two daughters. When my daughter’s teacher called me the other day, I knew I had gone too far. My daughter gets a snack every afternoon in Kindergarten and I always try to pack something healthy and clean, and this time it was a smoothie in the new little smoothie pop containers that we purchased. Apparently I haven’t figured out how to use them correctly yet and it spilled all over her lunch box. My daughter was extremely upset, and refused to share a snack with her teacher because she didn’t know if it was “clean”. I was amused…and heartbroken. The snack was just plain almonds, but my daughter was scared about eating them and her teacher knew we were eating clean and wanted to make sure they were “safe”.
I don’t want my girls to worry about food either. I think as moms we put WAY too much pressure on ourselves to feed our families the right food, and sometimes it can come across the wrong way to our children. We put that pressure on them and we really don’t mean to. I think that if I know that my girls are eating healthy at home and developing good habits, they’ll make good decisions out in the world. And if they don’t? That’s okay, too.
Thank you so much for this article, it definitely came at the right moment.
Great post! Thanks so much. I have a daughter who is 2 and I’m trying to find that line between encouraging healthy food but not being crazy about it. What we try to do is not have junk food at home, so we know that when we’re eating at home it’ll be good food. Then whenever she’s out, she can eat what she’s offered. (Although I have talked to both sets of grandparents about laying off on the candy!) It’s taken me…since she was born to ease up on myself with the guilt. Now I’m able to have more perspective and realize that in general she eats healthy whole foods, so the rest is no big deal. Tonight was a good test for me — we went to a school program and somehow missed dinner and she ended up eating 3 chocolate chip cookies and nothing else. Several months ago I would have had a fit and probably made her stay up late to eat spinach or something. Now I can just laugh it off and plan a healthy breakfast for tomorrow. :)
Great post! However, some of us have no choice but to be “food and label nazis”- my kids are highly reactive to food coloring and artificial flavors which typically eliminates even a “treat day”. So far at least, none of them seem to be having problems with having to read labels obsessively, and there are times when we have deal with the lesser of 2 evils situations. Does anyone have any creative ideas that I can use to lessen the obsessiveness factor while keeping them safe at the same time if it should occur? So far it is simply you can’t have this, this or this or you will feel really bad…
When my son was a baby 26 years ago I was busy pumping and freezing little baggies of milk, roasting squash, sweet potatoes and other vegetables and freezing them in ice cube trays for his baby food. Ditto when my daughter was born two years later. We live about 35 minutes from the next city large enough to shop in, so we naturally were out over a meal time when we shopped. For us that meant making tuna or egg salad and taking yogurt for toddlers to eat. My sisters have always kidded me for giving Jordan a choice of ‘bran’ (my cereal) or Lucky Charms (what the cousins were eating) while on family vacation. You can guess his pick that time! Anyway, whole food has always been our diet. Both of my kids are strong, healthy young people and both choose to eat good foods. Honestly, I’m not bragging, but soon Jordan will become a dad. He and his sweet wife both value a sound diet and it’s something I feel is a legacy of good health. Your daughters will appreciate your values as will others who embrace this good life! Best wishes to you!
I find your blog quite inspirational. I come from a family with major obesity issues, and am doing my best to find a better path to break the cycle with my daughter. I’ve been following a number of blogs with different philosophies trying to figure out the changes that would be best for me for weight loss and pain management as I have extreme arthritis in my knees. I also want to find a balance and allow my daughter “to be a kid”…and as mentioned by many others not cause “body issues or eating disorder issues” for her. Thanks for putting your thoughts out there and for your transparency!
I have had eating disorders. I have struggled with food and my relationship with it. And in endevoring to eat ‘real food’, I have found myself paralyzed as to what to do and how to do it from time to time. I then need to step back and breathe. And then breathe again. My son – 4 years old, is an amazing eater. He understands portion size, he understands we must eat from different groups. He has never had a hot dog, and hates french fries, nuggets and mac n cheese (even my home made). He also hates broccoli, avocado, and onions. Basically – there is a balance… and it changes. We must keep ourselves from thinking there is one way- one path, one right. It is awareness, evaluation and love that gets us through. THanks for what you do.
Eating disorders come out of an unmet need to be loved, a lack of nurturing, perfection performance and drivenness (trying to earn love or feel worthy) poor self esteem and fear of man(what do they think of me??) It also has to do with being hard on yourself and not accepting yourself. Humans are not perfect and its ok. So all this to say there is nothing wrong with eating organic, non gmo, and not a ton of sugar. Its really wisdom:) Eating disorders have little to do with food. Sure food becomes the object, but food is not the root of the problem.
Thank you for a great post. I have always felt out of step with those who think there are “good” and “bad” foods. Food is fuel. Can you put better fuel in your body? Sure just like you can put lousy fuel but its still just fuel. Our brains need sugar and fat to work so those things can’t be “all” bad :)
Just recently started reading Go Kaleo’s blog where she suggests the above designation of food and advises all of us to “eat the food” and “lift all the things”. She was also concerned about the decades of “disordered eating” and “eating disorders” and after much research that I won’t add here (grin), she discovered that food is just food. Should you make the best choices you can? Absolutely but there should be no forbidden foods. Food is fuel. :)
Thanks again for a wonderful post! Have a great day! :)
I don’t often comment on blogs, but this really resonated with me. I a 45-year old mother of 14-year old twins, and I totally applaud what you are doing. I grew up with a mother who cooked mostly “real food” throughout my childhood in the 70s-80s, which was not always the case at my friends’ homes. We did have treats around the house, but my Mom also tended to reward with sweets, more so than punishing by taking away a treat. The solution when I was sad or otherwise upset was a treat as well. There was other pathology involving food that I don’t need to get into, and though I never developed a full-blown eating disorder, I definitely developed a habit of sneaking/hiding “bad” i.e. junk foods since my Mom was so against them (for her, there was also a class judgement towards people who would serve that kind of food to their families). In addition, I was the kid who went insane for junk food at other people’s homes. For my kids, I have taken more of a middle ground, with my cooking as well as what they eat outside the home. That said, we are lucky to be able to afford high quality restaurant or taekout food when I don’t/can’t cook dinner, and we do not keep a ton of processed foods in the house. However, I have never made a big deal about how many treats they can have, and they tend to be the kind of kids who stop eating when they are full or just done (even with desserts) and do not get overly excited about treats, even when they were little. I see other kids whose diets are much more restricted and those kids act like a sweet is their heroin fix, and I see myself as a kid in them. I do want my kids to be aware of nutrition, and make good choices, but I also do not want them to be hung up on good vs. bad food like I was and just take for granted that they are given good, healthy food at home most of the time. I applaud your decision to make your weekly family treat a consistent thing and not something that is taken away based on what happens outside of home or at school. I also am 100% with you on being careful in front of your daughter not to criticize your own body (let along theirs). I see so many women doing this unconsciously without realizing what they are doing to their daughters when they do so. I try to do the same, and also to neutralize any complaints my daughter makes about her own body, food habits, etc. and also talk in terms of general health, moderation, as opposed to weight and restriction. Luckily, I also two kids who generally make good choices and who do not have weight or health issues, and hope that the approach we have taken (as well as good habits my husband and I model) will result in them having healthy, normal relationship with food as adults.
Thank you so much for this post, and all of your others. I kind of go by the ‘everything in moderation’ philosophy. I love that I can read your posts and see something to aspire to, but I never feel overwhelmed or like you are setting an impossible standard. I LOVE that you sometimes say, start small; it makes it more doable. I’ve been reading a lot lately to move my family more consistently to real food, and yours is my favorite site, by far! I feel like you do a great job walking a pretty fine line.
Thank you!
You are wise to avoid criticizing your body in front of your daughters. I wish I could remember the exact statistic, but I heard recently that a girl/woman’s body image is highly correlated with her mother’s own body image. My mother constantly griped about her body… and guess what? Our shared DNA means I have the same body type. I learned early that mom didn’t like her body and I shouldn’t like mine either. I also was not taught great eating habits… white pasta & French bread most nights for dinner with frequent dessert. It was a rocky road of eating disorders until I finally learned to love my size-8 self. I try to help my daughters understand that we eat healthy food to have a strong, healthy body… never saying anything about certain foods making you fat/thin. It’s a hard path to navigate, I think you’re doing a great job :)
Thank you Lisa! I really enjoy your blog and Facebook posts. You are an awesome mom and are very inspiring! Thank you for all that you have shared.
I’m glad you shared this…I was on a diet in my early twenties and developed the habit of calling food “good” food and “bad” food. I became obsessed with it! When I wandered away from the diet and started eating more of the “bad” food I felt terrible about myself even though the diet I was on even regular milk was considered “bad” because of the calories. I struggled with food the rest of my life and have finally figured out a balance through weight watchers. I don’t have any children yet, but I hope they never have to go through what I did….thank you for sharing your opinion and for being an amazing momma to your girls! You are an inspiration and your real life situations make you human and very easy to identify with. Thank you so much again for sharing!
I’m glad to see this post. I originally started following your Facebook page for the recipes, but several times I have considered unsubscribing because of the numerous posts that seemed to edge into orthorexia. I feel better about sticking around now!
I love this- the mindful parenting, the willingness to constantly adapt, the separation of ego from what may be best for your children. I struggled with this same issue when we did our 100 Days of Real and Really Local food (only making it to day 40 I might add). When my 4 year old began asking (every time we ate something) if it was Local I began to wonder what I was doing (to her)… Having battled an eating disorder myself I agree with the thought that we might- in trying to teach our girls how to eat healthy and make good choices- be creating “overly-mindful” obsessesers.
But then where do we go? The fact is our lifestyles (American lifestyles) almost demand the consumption of processed food. The average American family simply does not have the time to prepare fresh whole food for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Not to mention the countless snacks. For me this the LIFESTYLE is the real problem. Why are we so busy? Why are our children so low on our list of things to do that we can’t cook for them? What are we striving for? We all have to answer these questions for ourselves under our own set of unique circumstances. BUT, I think we have to ask and ask honestly. What IS really important. It is clear to me that you have asked that question and chosen to put your family very high on your priority list. That will be what nourishes your daughters, more than any home cooked meal. The love, security and self-esteem you are building in them will carry them to make wise choices in all aspects of life.
Hats off!
To those who judge: ask yourself what is it in your life that makes you judge someone who is trying to provide the most nutritious and healthy food for their family? Are you feeling guilty about what you are eating and feeding your kids? Why not turn that energy around and make a change for yourself?
We’ve been thinking a lot about this too. This country makes it really difficult to find a balance in anything. We’ve began selling much of our stuff and are considering a long distance move to “slow down” and enjoy life, spending our time with those that matter, instead of going to work so that we can buy stuff. These words would have NEVER crossed my lips a couple of years ago.
Doing the best you can as a parent is all you can do. I struggle to find a balance with my child who doesn’t particularly care for veggies, and some nights, fruits, water, and a small bit of doritos end up on his plate. I have yet to take the challenge, but would love to someday.
I enjoy reading your blogs, posts, etc. I think you sound like an amazing mother, and don’t listen to what others say. Take care of yourself and that beautiful family of yours!!!
I felt compelled to comment — I think this post is awesome & real. You say that you’re trying to “figure out the parenting-thing as you go”, but to me it sounds like you already have it down pat, in the best way. Your daughters are so lucky to have such caring parents like yourselves. I hope that once I have kids of my own that I am able to provide balance in their nutrition/daily lives as well as you have. Thank you so much for sharing.
I really appreciated your previous post with your weekly donut treat. I sometimes feel like I’m depriving my son of enjoying treats (he’s only two and he gets soooo excited when he gets one which isn’t often). It was good for me to see that you allow your kids to have the occasional donut too.
I also appreciated this post bc you bring up some very good points. There’s nothing wrong with helping kids understand why “treats are treats”. A child is only going to feel guilty about it if they are taught to feel that way. In allowing your girls to enjoy a treat once a week I think in no way were you teaching them guilt, but teaching them balance and to appreciate something special when they receive it.
That being said, we as parents are all learning as we go, so great job in reminding all of us to question our rules and ethics!
Thank you for this post!
Amen to this post! I have a tendency (to many eye rolls by my husband) to “harp” on what food is bad, good, ok, etc. We have had the discussion of moderation and to me moderation seems way out of control, to his family its an excuse to fill my girls with sweets. However they see them way to often to be deemed in moderation. My 4 yr old will call sweet potatoes and almonds “super foods” b/c she has heard me say that. She will claim foods are healthy b/c they may look healthy and I have to explain that they may or may not be. It is amazing how much children of all ages pick up on what you are saying, even if it seems like they are not paying attention. I’ve tried recently to let go a little bit and let her be a kid (within reason :)), and by doing this I have found that she is making good choices on her own. Her grandma makes great sugar cookies, but they of course are covered with artificial dyes. I’ve never like the taste of the frosting but they do look very nice. The last time we were around her she offered my daughter a cookie and she said no. She wanted w/o the frosting, which shocked her grandma! I later asked her why and she said it just didn’t taste good. Same thing has happened to cake, marshmellows etc. I truly believe by her eating good food 90% of the time at home she is just used to good flavors so the other stuff just tastes icky now. So without “harping” her tastes buds are doing the work for me. :)
I really appreciate the honesty you put into this post. There’s just no one perfect solution. My mom restricted so much of our food when I was a child (more for control issues and not so much for nutritional reasons) that junk food became my forbidden fruit and, as soon as I was old enough to be independent and away from her, I ate as much junk food as possible just because I could. Now that I’m a mom, I have to remember my past experiences and let my kids have a soda with their pizza now and when. They’re still consuming their veggies and organic whole-wheat breads and fruit-spinach smoothies, so I need to keep that in mind when they eat the occasional piece of candy.
We have run into this lately at the ballpark. After a baseball game, parents provide a snack, and they are usually processed junk. One time, we even got Gatorade 2, which had artificial sweeteners! These were given to kids! My son has been discussing the labels with me. We had a discussion about artificial sweeteners and why we don’t buy Gatorade, etc. One snack said made with whole grain, and we discussed the misleading ads. He was truly perplexed why moms were buying these things if what I said I was true. One day, he thought that the other team gave them junk so they wouldn’t do well…my little conspiracy theorist. I have had to explain that everyone is not aware of what is in their foods, and I allow him to participate in the snacks. We have been learning social graces of taking what is served politely and deciding if we want to eat it or not. I also let him have treats occasionally at school, etc. I do have to watch how much he gets though because it affects his body negatively if it is in excess. He is learning more and becoming more aware and reading more labels, but we also allow him those care-free moments to enjoy a cool snack with his team. As in all things, balance is the most important thing, and all of us try to make the best decisions for our children.
When I was a very small child, I was rarely allowed to have sugar. When I became older, I often overindulged and fight a sugar addiction. My brother is the same way. I don’t know if it’s a direct correlation, but I want to teach my kids that sweets are an occasional treat so they are balanced. Balance is always the key.
I respect everyone’s decision on what to allow their children to eat. We went strictly all natural / organic (I would say at least 90% of what we eat is organic – the rest all natural) earlier this year after reading a great deal about all the chemicals and additives in the food we were eating. I have an 8 year old son and he is not allowed any type of “junk” food. We simply eat before or after events. The only time we eat anything that might not be all natural is when we go out to eat during trips/vacations and there is no other choices available in the area. Others might disagree that being this strict might cause problems. But believe me, we have sweet treats several times per week in my home. I just make them with all natural/organic ingredients! My kid never hungers for cookies or muffins as long as I can find a recipe that includes ingredients we feel are healthier for him and free of chemicals. He actually has a party next week where treats will be served – we will politely decline, but still socialize. I do not believe in letting my child eat “junk” just because it is the only food available at the get together when I can just cook when I get home. My son knows not to feel embarrassed or put the other family down either. He is well aware of the reasons we eat organically and he def. has a say on the weekly menu. I see no reason to allow him to eat something in order to “feel a part of the group”. Is this not a form of peer pressure? I would not want him to smoke because it is the choice others around him are making. I do not want to put anyone down, as everyone’s family is different. This is just our family’s belief and how strongly we feel in a wholesome diet.
I have followed your journey with interest as it is a similar path my family has followed. I grew up on a farm aware of where most foods came from. Processed foods weren’t a normal part of our diet. When I left home, I explored all those yummy foods I felt I had missed out on. Ramen noodles, cake mix, oreos, fish sticks, and peanut butter cups made it into my shopping cart on a regular basis. But as I had children, I knew this wasn’t how I wanted to feed my family. My kids were the weird ones with the whole wheat sandwiches and the main dish organic salads in their lunch boxes. And though I know they sometimes wished for more main stream foods, I recently was pleasantly surprised to have my youngest daughter (age 13) thank me for “feeding her real food.” She has come to realize what a disadvantage her friends are at not having been introduced to healthy real food. And most of them do not know how to make much more than reheated frozen foods and boxes of macaroni. My kids have eaten junk when with others and splurged with the family on occasional frozen food and my husband’s favorite–Doritos, but most importantly they’ve learned to love real food and recognize junk food for just what it is–an occasional splurge.
Thank you for your honesty and sharing something so personal! I have been feeling anxiety over feeding my family in the recent weeks. I would feel terribly guilty if I couldn’t make whole wheat muffins with organic fruit and grassfed cow’s milk and “pure” coconut oil. It began to weigh too heavily on me and turned something that I normally love to do (cook and food shopping) into a frustrating chore. Soaked grain pancakes tasted terrible, we ran out of bacon but since we still had pork chops it wasn’t time to order a new hog, we missed our weekly visit with our friend so we didn’t have many eggs. I’ve decided that I make healthy foods. We eat at home for 18/21 meals every week at least. If I want to make chocolate chip cookies with white flour and non-organic chocolate b/c they TASTE GOOD, then I’m going to do it. I just want to find the joy in food that I used to have.
Brava! Wonderful! Thank you for sharing so personally…
Great post and completely appreciate your transparency. We are in the process of moving away from food dye, processed foods, fast food and GMO’s. As I’ve been reading and studying your blog and others I’ve been trying to figure out what’s best and realistic for us.
This post came in a timely manner because just in the few short weeks I’ve been more aware of my newly desired lifestyle we’ve been invited over friends to eat dinner, been to a couple birthday parties, etc. I feel I’ve been more on the right track towards balance than I thought I was.
An additional comment— Growing up I was deprived of sweets. My mom didn’t buy them because of money. We had the money, but in her mind we didn’t. Needless to say at a very early age I began to sneak as often as possible, over eat at social opportunities, and hoard when I could. The end result was many, many years of yo-yo dieting, “good” food (those that dieters eat)–“bad foods” (those I loved to binge on–mostly sweets) and bad body image!! I’ve settled out many of those issues now but want to avoid them with my children. Because my struggles with weight and other insecurities could have been avoided!!
Thanks again— Love all you do to help us learn, grow and change!
I struggled with the same worries as my daughter started to come home from preschool telling me about the snacks she didn’t eat because they weren’t “real food.” She’s a worry-er and a rule-bound kid; I didn’t want her feeling guilt or thinking obsessively about food. Anyway, we made an adjustment very similar to the one you made and I feel like we’ve struck a proper balance now. We just have to pick the lesser of many evils.
I am a parent of 2 children with ADD/ADHD. We chose not to do the medication route, opting to control it through diet instead. I have to be strict about what they can and can not eat. They are not allowed to eat most processed foods or anything with artificial food coloring, nitrates, or preservatives in it. They do get special treats. If I can not find a healthy version of what they are craving, we simply make it. They love helping me make everything. We do not eat out because of the restrictions in their diet. They can not have the donuts out or the friends birthday cake and ice cream. I will bring our version of what they would be eating there with us. They love it. They do not miss out on anything. Parents are thankful because they do not have to worry about providing special food for us. I do not make a big deal when people offer my kids “junk food”. My children are the ones to say “Thank you, but I have issues eating foods like that. They make me wonky in the head.” Then there are times that they just say “Thank you” and take it. We switch it out for a treat that they can have instead when we get home. Kinda like an exchange program. They love it! I have told them that as they get older they will have to decide what they will or will not eat and if they want to do the medication route or continue doing the food route. They do not judge others choices in food either. I will not allow it. I do not talk bad about processed foods etc. They know they are not healthy in general but I do not want them to make others feel bad for their choices.
I think what you are doing is great, if you are giving your children a healthy outlook towards food then they will be on the right track.
Thank you to the readers who’ve replied with the same concerns and THANKYOU for this quote: “But I do think what will go even further than this change is for me to (continue to) not act like the occasional junk food they eat is the end of the world (i.e. no guilt trip) while still educating them in a casual, non-threatening manner”
I, too, struggle with feeding my boys healthy choices and I cringe at the baseball field when the “healthy snack” comes in a wrapper. I watch what others put in their grocery carts, bring in their lunches, etc and probably get WAY too judgmental –THANK you for helping me see that what I’m showing my boys is good and also teaching me that I need to relax just a little around the other moms. Perhaps they’re the ones that have already figured this “food thing” out.
I was overweight almost all of my life until just over a year ago I decided I didn’t want to end up in one of those power wheelchairs at the age of 45. I’ve made a huge improvement since then and I’ve learned a lot about having a healthy body and a healthy mind. The most important thing I’ve learned though is that just like one healthy meal does not make you healthy, one unhealthy meal will not make you unhealthy. Oh, and an apple a day does not keep the doctor away. It just makes the bills smaller lol
I started the transformation to real food when my health showed negative results due to the foods I prepared. I was super strict with sugar cereals and processes food because I feel that not only is this the time that children learn to have a good diet but develope the tastes for the healthy foods (white bread vs. ww bread, pineapple vs. gummy bears).
I made a slight adjustment as well for my children when they would always turn their head to look at me with pleading eyes, when ever they were offered a soda or cup cake. I told the kids that they get so much good food at home that they can graciously accept the food offered. But I have to limit it still.
I do continue to educate them about the food and what is in it. I tell them that the food we eat is not simply suppose to taste good but also needs to be beneficial. My kids do choose the “junk” many times they are offered, but they also tell me they prefer the yummy snacks that Mommy makes.
Thanks so much for your blog!! I get many ideas from your site. Keep it up
I have changed our families diet over the last few years. My children now come to me and tell me they feel sick if they eat some foods they use to love. They will still have their treats, but they are much more aware there are foods out there that give them good energy without making them feel sick. When our children are nourished on all levels they will begin to discern those things that make them feel good and truly nourished.
I fed my sons as healthy a diet as I understood when they were growing up. Back then I was far less informed than I am now, but I did my best. Once they were out running around with friends, I could no longer control what they ate and ended up drinking Mt Dew and eating Doritos. Now they’re 31 and 27 and I’m happy to say that the emphasis they received in their early years has paid off. Both of them are interested in nutrition and have actually helped inform me more. They are very healthy eaters and one is raising a daughter on organic produce! I hope this encourages you.
As a Registered Dietitian who has worked with eating disorders, I applaud your efforts. In todays society, food is so much more than nourishment. Keeping an open discussion with your kids is the first step. The fact that you are so aware at all levels tells me that you are doing a great job with your kids and they will grow up to have a healthy attitude towards food. Keep up the great work. BTW – she probably could not even pronounce the ingredients in the oreo…. :)
We very rarely have processed food in the house. However we allow our kids to be treated by others and for special events. Recently a grandparent bought my 7 year old an 8 oz Tru Moo chocolate milk thinking it was healthy. It took my son 3 days to finish it. He would get a little glass and pour just enough into it to relish the taste. When I asked him about it he said that last time he drank the whole thing to fast and all the sugar made him feel sick. So I think it’s safe to say that we can let our kids make food choices on their own while they are out. They will learn what feels right in their bodies and how much is to much through trial and error.
Thank you d
Thank you for this wonderful post. This is a discussion I have with friends and colleagues all the time. Can’t wait to share this.
It’s as if this post is from my own heart. I too have felt junk food is my nemesis (ha!) and have struggled with the same thoughts for my children. My husband and I have taken the exact same approach you have chosen. Trust me, I cringe every time my 5 year old is offered a bright blue Gatorade after baseball, a GMO/nitrate filled slice of pizza or a Capri Sun, but I know in my heart I am laying the right foundation at home and teaching my children how to eat healthy and real. He “gets” it and has even started saying no thank you to candy offered (from the same 5 year old friend who already has a mouthful of cavities), and asking me if certain foods are “yellow light.” I read him the story you posted and it has totally worked, except I did pretty much eliminate “red lights” because I just don’t feel forbidding anything is a good idea. So the bottom line is I think you are doing an amazing job with your girls and with helping educate others. I love your blog (and your recipes) and reference it and share it all of the time. Keep it up! And happy Mommy’s Day!!
I love to follow your blog because you are realistic about things, you try to do your best when it comes to your family’s diet, but sometimes you simply need to make-do. I completely understand your concerns as I have the same for my kids, but I truly believe you are doing everything right! Not educating kids about their food intake can lead to the completely opposite food disorder of obesity which is just as tragic. Our bodies were created to handle a certain amount of fats and reactive oxygen species (the harmful stuff generated from chemicals and breakdown of bad foods) and so I always remind myself of this when I let my kids indulge. Just find a place in your heart that carries a balance which you are comfortable with. You will get critique no matter what, but as long as you stay aware and love your children, you know them best, and you can continue to make the right decisions with them. Keep up the good work, we love ya!
What a wonderfully honest article about a common worry many of us have! My 6 1/2 year old son and I often have these “talks”. Since I became pregnant again, he has been very diligent about telling me if my food choices are good for the baby. With some of the “cravings” I have had, my husband and I have explained that having a treat sometimes will not hurt the baby just like it won’t hurt him when he has a treat at school or with Grandma. Kids are so smart and as long as we are showing them positive behavior and encouraging their input when it comes to healthy foods, we are doing our job. Our kids educate us as well as we do them. You should be proud of yourself and your girls. You are all helping to educate those around you. Happy Mother’s Day to you!
Good for you!! I’m so glad to hear your thought process on this and think you are definitely heading in the right direction. I struggled with an eating disorder and over-exercise much like the reader you quoted. With two daughters (and a son) of my own, I am trying to maintain in myself and instill in my children a healthy perspective toward food much like your “Outlook Going Forward.”
Thank you for your honesty, and for recognizing that “perfection” in this area is unlikely, if not impossible, without serious unintended effects. I have been struggling with improving my diet, and beating myself up whenever fatigue and tight schedules make it easier to resort to a fast food meal or a processed food. I’m been totally ignoring the fact that the changes I have made and maintain most of the time have made me feel better and even begun to lose some weight. Your children are blessed to have a Mom who is raising them with love, common sense and humanity. Kudos to you!
Hurray for you and your family and keep up the good work!! I have 3 children that are 18, 20, and 22 years old and when they were younger we educated them on food choices. Many times I was told to lighten up and let the kids be kids. The thing everyone needs to understand is, I have never said “don’t eat that or you’ll get fat” because that’s what develops food issues. Instead we would save our money and eat out at restaurants instead of cheap burger and fries at a fast food joint. They never wanted to eat the kids menu because they wanted what mom and dad were having. I can’t count how many times a chef invited them into the kitchen to watch their meal be prepared…a few times their meal was free when the chef appreciated their knowledge of real food.
I always had them be a part of our shopping, prepping and cooking of meals, a lot of the time we chose themes for dinner. Now I’m proud to say my son in college regularly makes stir frys, roasted vegetables and organic chicken…occasionally he has KD, afterall he is a college student! LOL!
My oldest has a gf who was raised vegetarian, he does most of the cooking because he feels she doesn’t eat healthy. My heart swells with pride.
Keep up the good work and ignore the naysayers…afterall your kids call you mom, not them
I still think the point has been lost a bit. You have educated your children on food, you provide healthy food at home, why is your child reporting that she ate oreos at school? If your children constantly have to report the outside treats they are given, the focus is still on food rather than just life. Children learn best by modeling their parents so as long as you eat healthy and provide healthy food at home, I wouldn’t question what they are given outside the home. If it comes up in general conversation, that is one thing but I’m hoping you don’t ask them every day if they had a treat. I also don’t understand the once a week treat idea. I think it implies that we have to eat treats. It seems to me that it would be more effective to make these random and try to always make them homemade. We do family fun night every Friday and most of the time it involves playing games, going on hikes or to a dollar movie. Rarely is it a trip out for ice cream. Me and my husband are Paleo and are trying to convert our kids without force. I don’t question what they eat at school unless they have a stomachache and then we talk about why. You are a fantastic mom and blogging about food can be all consuming. Just a few thoughts as I know you worry about what others wrote.
Lisa, you guys inspire me daily! After having my third baby recently, I stay at home now and decided to finally take the “real food” plunge to teach my kids (3 boys under 5!) how to eat well by working towards only offering them real food as much as possible. I found your blog somehow and seriously visit it almost every day now. I remember telling my husband that I finally found a website with a real family, with little kids who are super positive and truthful! I have only been doing this for 3 months and my 5 year old told his teacher the other day that he could only have one “sugary” item instead of two during snack time. He even brings me things like donuts at a store and says “mom, look at all these ingredients!” :-) People will always do and say what they want anyway, so just know that we appreciate your honesty and would never visit your site to judge you! We just appreciate you and your info and the positive/encouraging posts you put out into the world :-)
I love this post! It could be one of my favorites so far! Thank you for showing how real moms worry and want the best for their daughters and family!
The best article I’ve read on this subject in a long time…maybe forever!!!!
Isn’t this parenting gig hard? You’re doing great, and it’s wonderful to have a positive role model out there! Thanks for all you do.
You are doing a great job. I have the same phylosophy. I want my kids to be able to participate in life by enjoying the social aspects of food but also know that most of the time in normal situations we eat to nourish our bodies. You are out there for all to see and critisize because that is what some people do. They pick apart those who try to educate. I get it too from my friends. I think deep down inside these people do this because they want to make excuses for why they don’t put the hard effort into eating like we do. You have to just keep fighting for what you believe in. We need as many food advicates as we can get to be our voice!
This post is why I love your site so much. Many “food” bloggers are so arrogant and would never admit they could make changes. You make me believe I can do this. Since switching my family to “real foods” in February, your site is my go-to for almost any question I have. Thank you so much and keep up the great work.
Your giving your kids the tools and knowledge to make healthy decisions. Thanks for the article!
I am very impressed with how you managed that situation. Your daughter is definitely more aware, more educated and not stressed about it. We should all strive for such excellence for or kids :) personally, I know how difficult it can be just for a clean eating adult alone to push through the world in a day, let alone strive to create a clean path for kids too. Bravo!!
You are giving your kids the tools and knowledge to make healthy decisions. That is what parents need to do for their kids. Thanks for the article!
Wow! My husband and I began our 100day challenge on April 1. Many times we have said how grateful we are that you have made so much information so easily available on this website. We too have a daughter, and I have had these same thoughts and concerns of not wanting to go overboard but simply educate to help her to make her own healthy choices. Thank you for being so transparent to such a large and critical audience.
Thanks for your post.
I love ur blog. I am trying to do the same thing by only putting healthy food into my 2 girls. But socially they r offered junk food everywhere. We have had many discussions and they r understanding the balance that is needed to be healthy. They know they need to have a healthy snack before a sweet one at grandmas. They know if they had birthday cake they shouldn’t have dessert after dinner bc too much sugar just isn’t good for u and will make u feel yucky. I pump them full of the healthiest food I can find at home so they can go out into the world and enjoy themselves w friends to a certain limit. Balance and moderation is what I’m teaching them
I love this article, in fact I truly enjoy your website. Although I have not completely come over to only real foods, I am a baker, I am slowly bringing it in to our lifestyle one step at a time, right now it’s breakfast, got and have had dinner down for a while. I think we, as parents make the biggest stresses out of the littlest things, that’s what great parenting is, an learning along the way is what makes it better. I am glad to see that you are willing to change some thing for your kids, this also encourages them to learn to make decisions on their own too, they know they are trusted to do the right thing, and makes a more positive relationship, yes I can tell you have a great relationship, this helps out more. I encourage you, and all of us to continue freaking out about every little thing when our kids aren’t watching, and love watching them grow into the people they will be!
Hi! I hope this is not a double post, it appears that my comment didn’t go through, so my apologies if this is a repeat…
Thank you so much for this post! It could not have come at a better time for us. My husband and I are expecting our first child (a girl), in two short months. We were actually talking about how to raise children who value their bodies and their health just last night. I did have an eating disorder in college and I would never ever want that for my precious girl (or boys if we have one in the future). I realize that fine line between knowing and observing what is healthy for your body and obsessing over “good” and “bad” foods. The way you raise your girls is such a fine example of how to raise health conscious children who value their bodies. Thank you for the time and effort you put into sharing with your blog readers!
As a psychologist who treats eating disorders and as a mother of two girls who cares about healthy living, I found your post to be nuanced and gracious. Lovely.
Wow – great post, Lisa. I’ve visited your blog a few times, and ended up here today because a friend posted the link on Facebook. As someone who has struggled with a spectrum of eating disorders (starting with AN, then back and forth between BN and BED for about 10 years), I applaud your efforts and this change. I will also say, though, that didn’t grow up in a household that was particularly restrictive; it was other things, both in and out of the family that seemed to conspire against me. I think the steps you’re taking – and the knowledge your girls do and will have – is brilliant. I think what’s even more brilliant, is your care not to criticize your body in front of them. I think my mom’s (and dad’s) poor body-image sent a pretty strong message to me about my own self-worth and where it comes from. I guess my point is that while you can do everything in your power to protect them, it’s not all in your control. I don’t think it’s my parents’ fault that I’ve struggled with this – who’s to say that if they did things differently it still wouldn’t have happened? What I’m trying to say is enjoy your little girls! You’re doing great and you’re a great mama!
At 65 yrs old I look back on all the foods my children ate growing up. They are now 43, 41, 39. They ate Hamburger Helper, sloppy joe mix, and a few other processed foods. They all seem to be ok, however, I don’t think the processed foods were as harmful as they are today.
With the major corporations (Food sales) in bed with the FDA (governmental officials) it is impossible to know that even the foods we think are healthy are really healthy!
Common sense and all things in moderation…..
Bravo, Mama!
This is a great post – it’s so hard to strike a balance, even as an adult. Even though I don’t have kids yet, it’s really interesting to see how other people handle this problem.
I needed to read this today. As I have changed our ways of eating so my whole family be healthy, it is very hard to allow junk food at times. Keep up the great work!
Thank you for this post. I am becoming a step-mom in July, to kids that will be with us for half of every week. We have no control over what they will eat when they’re not with us, and their dad tends to indulge them in unhealthy snacks. His daughter is already putting on excess weight at the age of 9. Its a big challenge to find ways of encouraging a healthy lifestyle without giving either of them body-image/eating disorders in the future! I am at a total loss at times, and the reminder that its a process that we can figure out as we go is certainly helpful. I have already stopped criticizing my own body in front of them as well.
This was great, I love how honest you are. It can sometimes feel like a battle between our healthy food at home and the food others offer the kids outside of home. I often get discouraged when I don’t get to offer the kids a “treat” because Grandma has already done that for the day! haha. All we can do is focus on the food the children get at home and try not to stress about what happens at school and Grandma’s!
I love this post because it is exactly what I deal with. I’ve been trying to be more laid back but it’s so hard! I don’t stress when my husband takes the twins to Wendy’s for dinner when I’m not in town, or when a birthday at preschool means cupcakes and candy. I ignore my family’s rolled eyes when we walk in for a 3-day stay with 2 bags of groceries. I am serious about my commitment to what I feed my kids regardless of what others think but it is tough. I have a friend with older kids and she gave me great advice that the girls need to be exposed to bad food and to learn to make their own decisions about food. Something to work on, for us.
Thank you for this post! I have been trying to change the way we eat (though, believe me, we have a long way to go!) and your website has been inspiring. I am grateful for this post because I had not thought of this aspect of eating healthy and I will definitely try to incorporate this into my changes. Thank you again!
Lisa- This post made me tear up a bit. I feel like I have made food a full time job and monitoring my family & their food intake can seem like it’s taking over my life. I want it to be more natural, but our world is like the opposing team and I am on the defense all the time. Thank you for sharing this. It was like a sigh of relief to me. Thank you for sharing your insight on this blog. I really look forward to learning along side of you and appreciate your honesty. I bought a BIG box of multi-colored popsicles yesterday & had buyers remorse, but it’s summer (well almost) in MN and the kids love them & it’s easy (& cheaper than the ice cream truck!). Sometimes we just have to go that route. This was just the post I needed to read this morning! Thanks!
We use the 80/20 rule at our house. Otherwise eating becomes too stressful, and let’s face it: Eating is a wonderful part of life. It should be celebrated much the way the people in many European countries do.
We went to real food about 6 years ago when my daughter was 11 or so. I wasn’t sure how much of my talks about food were being absorbed by her -especially through those challenging teenage years- until very recently. My daughter was accepted to 6 colleges. Three of them she had never seen before, so her father took her to tour them. I received a text from her half way through her trip saying she had made up her mind already. When she returned a couple of days later she explained all the reasons she chose this one campus, but the one thing she kept going back to was that the school cafeterias offered organic foods and that there was a cafe on campus that served grass-fed burgers.
As a parent, you often wonder what, exactly, is being heard by them. How refreshing -and relieving- to know that I was heard all those years and that it also became a determining factor in the next few steps on her life’s path!!
Bottom line, they are your kids to raise as you please. I applaud you for listening to others and studying for new, maybe better ideas. We are no where as strict are you are, but our family does get lovingly teased for “eating healthy”. My husband and I both grew up on terrible diets. We have made changes along the way. A lot of them because we are sick. Thankfully we are getting better naturally, without taking prescription meds. We are only forty! Just to add our approach with our four kids. I choose for the most part what we eat at home. We talk and study about food and why our bodies need what they need. The nice thing now is that or oldest kids, who are 16 and 13, both boys. When they go to friends or relatives houses and indulge in horrible food, they don’t feel good. They are choosing to not always indulge or over-indulge because they don’t want to come home sick to their stomachs or with a headache. Obviously I’m not glad they are ill, but it has served as a powerful tool in them understanding their bodies and what makes them tick. All this to say, it is our responsibilities to teach our kids. I won’t be able to control ther decisions in the future. But they will have the information and hopefully the backbone to go against the grain if need be.
Wow! Thank you so much for this post. You really helped me rethink my approach with my 2 boys as well. Especially the part about resisting the guilt trip feelings when they do have the occasional treat. I have a long way to go in getting my boys to eat a wide variety of veggies, but I see now that my behavior regarding the food we eat could and probably does influence my boys even more than I thought.
This is a wonderful post. My husband is a social worker in training, so we do talk about this issue regularly. There is a fine line between being hyper-vigilant about food and being too relaxed about it, and we all need to figure out how to deal with that line in our own families.
Thanks for helping to lead us through this complicated parenting and food jungle, Lisa. Our kids are teens now so they need to make their own decisions about food, especially out of the house. I’m sure they eat things I’m not thrilled about but they also know how to make healthy choices and they eat our healthy, homemade meals and good snacks at home, so I think they’re doing alright.
This post is why I follow your blog! I really feel like we are all in this together. My son gets overstimulated very easily and dyes in foods seem to aggravate that. I too struggle on how to limit it. At home, we do not have anything with dyes but then you go to their school carnival or birthday parties and there isn’t an alternative. I usually end up dealing with a melt down at the end but I don’t want to deprive him of the birthday cake or the occasional chick-fil-a play date. I think the real enemy is the food companies rather than the parents. They could help us out by offering some better choices so we don’t have to make everything oursevles!!
I worry about the same thing too. I was feeling that putting too much emphasis on anything (Drugs, Sex, Food, etc) can make the kids move in that direction instead of focusing on the teachings. Thanks, this was well written and encouraging.
Lisa, I was just internalizing the same concerns for my son, who will be 8 next month. He has Asperger’s and so he takes everything we say very literally. While this works to our advantage in some regards, because he is conscious of making healthy choices and often asks us about foods, I took get concerned that he will take it too far. In the past year we have completely changed the way our family eats and we now exercise regularly. Our kids have begun to exercise with us. Even our 4yo daughter asks “Is this healthy?” before indulging in a treat. (Although she is likely to eat happily eat something even after hearing that it’s not healthy food). I think that as long as we educate our kids and don’t beat them over the head with information, we’re on the right track. I appreciate the effort you put into this blog and am happy to share the stories with my family and now many friends. Thank you!
this is a tough balance. I have come to similar crossroads when it comes to feeding my kids. I know that I am not perfect at this and will never be, but keeping a healthy balance is important. My kids can tell the difference when it comes to pocessed foods and foods I make. They become bloated and feel sick almost. So I am glad that the are aware. Keep up with what you are doing. We moms have a tough and important job.
Thank you for all the wonderful information you post here. I have 7 kids and try to feed them as healthy as we can. You are doing just fine with your daughters, and teaching and modeling healthy eating habits is one of the BEST things you can do. If they don’t understand now, they will when theyre older and will be healthier than most. Good Job!!!
I appreciate your struggle for balance and your honesty!
We have reached a similar conclusion, both from a parenting standpoint and from a financial one. While I buy and cook mostly whole and real foods, we simply cannot afford to eat all or even mostly organic/pastured/local foods. We want our kids to eat healthy food, to enjoy a wide variety of foods, to learn to cook and shop, and to understand the issues about food that concern us in age appropriate ways. But as you said, we don’t want them to worry about food or body image. We do not want to be “Food Nazis” or “The Green Police”. I have had bad experiences with people like that and don’t want to raise my kids to be them!
As Christians, we believe that God is sovereign over our lives and our health and we rest in His provision for us, in this life as well as the next. We want to be good stewards of the bodies and the environment and the money He has given us and that can be a bit of a juggling act. We are glad that God is bigger than our food choices and His will for our health and lives is not going to be overruled by eating some junk food.
I am so thankful that Christ came, lived, died and rose again to give His people an eternity with a New Heaven and a New Earth with no pollution, pesticides, illness, death or worrying!
Thanks for your post!
I think you made an a great decision. I know from personal experience (growing up with a mother who was and still is completely OCD about food) that it can scar a child being overly strict about food that same way it can scar a child being overly leniant about food. I still struggle with moderation when eating I feel because I was not taught it growing up. We were just not allowed to eat sweets at all. It’s a very fine line that I’m still trying to figure out for my children.Hopefully I won’t scar them too much! haha
Lisa, you are doing a wonderful job with balancing your choice of words and your choice of food! I think happy carefree days, should be remembered by playing with the family, enjoying time together and yes, having some good food too. You have a great balance and they will look back and say, gosh Mom, we sure did have some great times together! They won’t say, oh wow, remember when I had 3 oreos at school, lol. Keep up the good work and thanks for getting so many of us on the right path!!! We appreciate your hard work!
Ahhh, never easy finding the balance is it?
Control the things you can and let the other ones go–help them understand the shades of gray–nothing is black or white. I think eating healthy variety of foods at home 80-90% of the time is a reslistic goal.
Do i wish my DD did not get artifical junk in her treats outside of the home? Yes! But lets not burden the kids with this worry–we need to fight to make changes in policies that allow companies to put that junk in the foods.
This is something I have just come to realize myself. I’ve created a real food pharisee! My oldest daughter can be legalistic and very judgmental of others’ food choices. I’m all for sharing the importance of real food, but not in a way that’s demeaning or overbearing. She was holding everyone to this super high standard, when she couldn’t always keep it herself.
Our kids are allowed to make their own food choices outside the home now, as a way to combat the legalism. Most of the time they do just fine! But I want them to have a healthy understanding, and not be hard on themselves or others for sometimes eating junk.
This is a wonderful article. I struggle with the same issue with my children – finding that balance so I’m not setting them up for a future in therapy. :) It’s great to know we really are all in this together. Thanks for not only this particular post, but your entire site.
I am late chiming in here, but I wanted to commend you on your wisdom in this leniency. We have been pretty much a whole foods family for 10 years (much easier now to find good food than a decade ago!) In the beginning, I was very strict – it was easy, my kids were so young. Now that all three are teenagers, I am so glad I loosened up about 6 years ago. As teens, they are constantly presented with junk when parents are nowhere to guide them. Teaching them young to make the choice – even if it’s the one we don’t like, will actually cause them to make the right choice later. Over the years, my kids have overindulged in some junk while at a friends house, then voiced their unhappiness about it because they weren’t feeling well after. After a few times of having this carte blanche access to the “good stuff” they didn’t even want it anymore – they actually crave my food! My only request of them is that regardless of what it is, if they know it has dye in it, please don’t eat it. Food dyes scare me – that was the first thing I eliminated all those years ago…and as far as I know, they honor this one request.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for this post!! My daughter is four and I’ve talked with her about “red, yellow, and green light foods,” but I certainly don’t want her to obsess about it. I relate to you so much and I really appreciate your openness. This was such a great reminder and excellent advice!!!
A doctor, and a mother riding the high of her daughter’s graduation and departure for college, gushed at me (then only the mother of 1 rather than 4 :) ) that if I second guessed everything I did for the next 18 years, then I could take comfort in the fact that I’m probably doing everything perfectly-because simply caring was the best thing I could do for my child. A wise woman indeed…! :D (Please excuse the terrible run-on sentence :P)
Let your young kids eat as many candy bars and donuts at one time as they want. They will get sick and won’t want to do it again. And be careful of denying them any sweets at all…I once had a friend whose mother did just that and as a result, when he was an adult, he binged on all the sugar his mom never let him eat. And yes that did cause a weight problem for him. I agree with some of the other posters… fight to make changes within the food companies producing the crap food laden with dyes, hydrogenated oils and high fructose corn syrup. Force them to bring a better product to market. Vote with your wallets. Volunteer at your schools and little league fields…spearhead campaigns to bring in healthier choices! A choice between a gatorade and a slurpee doesn’t give your child a fair chance to make the right decision.
I struggle with doing anything less than best once I know what best is- I now believe that eating the way I’m learning from you is best. So when I ‘fail’ by not having fully converting my kids (primarily due to a husband who’s not on board fully) then I beat myself up. I appreciate this reminder that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing and what I am doing, is a much healthier place than where we were 6 months ago.
Hello! I am a teenager, and I have a few girls in my school who are anorexic. Most of these eating disorders could have been prevented if their parents weren’t/aren’t so controlling. Obviously with kids at your kids age, you can control everything (or almsot everything) they eat. However, please start getting ready already to release all this control of your kids! Depending on your kids personalities, they might decide to take complete control of their diet and either not eat anything or eat everything they can, if you continue to parent them in this way as they get older. I really worry that you will try to continue to parent your kids like this when they grow older, and become teenagers. Being a teenager myself, I can guarantee that that will not go over well. As I read through your blog posts, I imagine what your average teen would do if their parents parented them in this way. Your average teen would probably turn it into a huge battle, and would most likely have a eating disorder.
PLEASE get ready to change the way you’re controlling your daughters diets now, or be ready for a guaranteed fight for control. If you don’t, you will be sacrificing having a good relationship with your daughters, and you will be sacrificing their mental health. That isn’t worth controlling what they eat!
Thanks for this. Very helpful.
I have never posted before as I am still new to 100 days of real food. I have to say Thank you Lisa and your helpers for all that you do! We eat so much better now. I have an 8 year old and one on the way and because of Real Food we are healthier and happier.
Oh my! I understand. I am a Registered Dietitian, Master’s in Nutrition, getting my doctorate. I work on childhood obesity prevention research studies. I can’t seem to give my kid a freaking peppermint without people questioning me. When they see me at the market they look in my cart. It’s so difficult to have balance.
Great post! I catch the same flak, and have thought a lot about this issue too. I did actually suffer with orthorexia ~ yes, there is a name for it!! I had a dreadful time eating anything not “clean” and actually deciding what to eat was becoming paralyzing. The fact that you are aware & active in teaching your kids is brilliant and I applaud you for sharing such a personal post!
I think the social aspect of junk food is the hardest part and it’s tough watching kids have to make the decision to forgo a treat. That’s part of the reason I make it easier on mine by giving them money when they pass up the junk food or food as a reward. I worry if they don’t learn to make that decision as a child, they won’t be equipped to deal with it as an adult (like so many aren’t).
I just want to say…you are just like the rest of us! (Festivus!) I think you are fabulous. Wonderful. Plus, you have changed my life, and the lives of my 5 kids. These are tough times, when everything we see, touch, and eat is potentially toxic. Tough times I say. None of us want to end up being the crazy mom, and there are some days when I do better (much better) than others. Anyone at all conscious or caring about what goes in their bodies and their childrens bodies is 99% of the curve if you ask me! Everything in moderation…even moderation…Love to you and yours! XOXOXOX
Collette-Really enjoyed the Festivus reference! :)
Thank you for posting something so vulnerable. You are not only an inspiration about eating better but also about how parents interact with each other.
Thank you for this post, I really needed to read this. I am trying to find a balance in what to eat and what not to eat and not going to extremes. I guess what I am learning is moderation in all things.
~Melisa
Thanks for your post Lisa. With 3 daughters myself, I also find it difficult to combat the constant barage of body image and body consciousness women/girls are faced with every day. “Food-ucation” is no easy task. I don’t like that my girls sometimes eat other kids’ Doritos at lunch or get sodas or candy for prizes at school, but I’m trying to teach my girls that being healthy is all about making choices. Good choices, like bad ones, are cumulative. We, as parents, just have to do the best we know how and cross our fingers we did a good job.
Lisa, I think that you have made the perfect compromise! We have taken this approach at home as well and it seems to be working well. For the record, I am, however, still far more concerned that my girls are getting negative body image/food issues from other moms’ comments – “I need to work out,” “Eating this will make me fat” – etc – than I am from the growing focus on real food. I hope that you find that this is the right path for your girls!
I’m so glad you posted this. Our family has also struggled with this balance. And I’m glad to see that there’s still a way to keep good habits in the spotlight without being too restrictive. This is now my stance with my kid as well. Thanks again.
Love this!! We’re are still trying to find our way with food choices and making changes as we go. Going against the grain is hard for all of us and especially my kids as they are in the peer groups where conformity is easier. I have to keep telling myself 80/20. If we eat well 80% of the time, then I need to let go of the other 20% so we can all be relaxed and enjoy the people and opportunities around us. I don’t think we’re up to 80% yet but I’m working on it! 80/20, 80/20, 80/20… Breathe!!
i LOVE this post with all my little heart! I’m trying to find a good median… I just had a baby and am scared he’s going to want to indulge in sweets all the time! I’m the only health conscience one in my family and on my husband’s side…so I worry what he’s going to eat and not want to eat healthy when he gets home. Then I watch documentaries that show you should eat raw food and all other food is terrible! Then I drive myself crazy thinking there’s no real food out there that I can eat! Then I calm down and realize I eat healthy the majority of the time, only drink water, and exercise regularly. I’ve always been skinny…but skinny doesn’t mean healthy! This post made me feel sane and at peace! lol. It was like a light bulb went off! This shall become the norm in our house :)))
Thank you for this post. We have recently recently changed to real food. I find myself struggling with allowing my child to eat “junk” My husband is not completely on board with this change, and although some of my family is, they haven’t made the change completely. My 5 year old keeps asking if something is healthy… I don’t want him to ever worry about food. I really enjoy your blog.
I appreciated this post. For 100 days I told my three year old that sugar was poison and bad for her body. That made it easier for her not to eat it. Now we are done with our pledge and although I don’t have it at home, when others offer her sweets (in front of me, without asking) and I tell her she can eat it she is SO CONFUSED (is sugar poison or not??). I’m still trying to figure out the best approach to this one.
Hi Candice- One way we described bad food vs good food in toddler terms was that we said some food will make you run really fast, and some will make you slower. Now, nothing is killing you slowly, but it might make you run slower, climb slower, not jump as high than the other kids. For some reason, this clicked for my kids (a boy and a girl). They both loved running around, they don’t want to lose all the races. I don’t know any of the answers to this modern day food dilemma, but this is one line that worked well.
This is a much needed post, children are our future and nutrition plays a huge role in their lives. It can either be a great enabler or disabler, thank you again.
Ahhh… Balance! What most of us can only dream for, but you seem to be one step closer now. Good for you.
I was starting to get more healthy real food at the beginning of the year. However life got in the way(my world was turn upside own). Now the last three weeks my daughter schedule was crazy and I mentally kept track of what she ate and nothing was healhty or real. Now I know I need to get back on track,Time to clean out the cupboards and start looking for healthy recipes. Thank you for the post.
Good post. I think it is very true, people can easily blur the lines of what is good for you and do things in excess instead of moderation. You’re a good mom!
This came a such a great time! I have been trying to guide my family into the eating “real food” but it is very trying. So I thought it would help by explaining to them why certain foods are bad and what they can cause etc. But now just have my 10 year old telling me “Mom you think everything is bad, what are we to eat?” So I know that redirecting the motivation to eating better/clean is key to its success. I love your blog and have passed it on too so many! Thank you!
Thank you for this. I was having this struggle in my head this past weekend since my son will be starting school soon. He can see that I make a lot of things from scratch and knows that certain things are not a everyday or weekly thing but once and a while treat. I do worry with so many parents that just don’t seem to care and all the sugar that is handed out. I also try to keep my son away from Red40. For some reason that one dye just makes him crazy.
My mom has always been hyper aware of her body and size which gave me issues to the extent of an eating disorder. I never ever ever want for either of my kids. It sucks and its so hard to re-program.
This post was just what I needed. Thank you
I do enjoy reading your blog, and I’ve shared some of the posts with my 8 year old daughter. She, like me, is beginning to read labels to see what she is choosing to put in her body. Now she’ll notice if there are dyes in there, and we’ll look for an alternative.
One thing I’m trying to get away from is her thinking that something in the category of ‘junk food’ as a treat. She does enjoy a sweets, and I’m not overly cautious, but we make good choices whenever possible. If she does splurge on a sugary something, we balance it out with a glass of Greens or some carrot sticks. This works for her.
I also sell body wraps and so she sees me wrapping, and hears about my clients. But, we have shared with her that it’s about getting healthy and having our bodies run and be the way they were created to be. I truly believe if we pour positive things into our children, and they see our healthy examples, they will follow naturally. My mom yo-yo dieted all of her life, and I never wanted to be that way. Now I’m finding that as I give my body what it was made to crave, it is responding by easily maintaining a healthy size and having plenty of natural energy. Even my 8 yr old recognizes that she feels better when she puts good things in her body.
Thanks for all you do to share with us~
Hi Lisa! I’ve been a social media stalker of yours for a while, especially when I learned you live in Charlotte-I live in Hickory. Thank you so much for this post-it will really help me in my quest to eat healthier yet realistically. While my husband and I don’t have kids of our own yet, I am trying to help my family (including my 64 year old parents) to be more aware of the foods we put into our bodies. When the time comes for me to have my own children, I feel I am better prepared through reading your story and educating myself. Thanks to your Facebook posts, your introduction to Food Babe and just perusing your site I feel I am getting the hang of eating healthfully and mostly unprocessed foods 90% of the time. As a former school food nutrition director, I am ashamed of the “food” we (adults) have passed off as nutritious to kids. I will never be able to go back to feeding sweet, innocent children so much of those processed meals ever again. Now that I am more aware of food and it’s impact on my body as well as being aware of what my body needs to be stronger (and what it doesn’t need), I feel healthier than I’ve ever been in my life (and I’ve been able to lose 35 pounds). Thank you for your commitment to educating and sharing with us what you learn, your struggles and your accomplishments. You have helped me revolutionize my life and I hope to do the same for others as I hope to pursue a career in nutrition.
Keep up the awesome work!
Thank you! I grew up with a mother with an eating disorder and therefore went on my first diet at age 6 and full blown disorder by the end of 7th grade. I would be rewarded for school accomplishments with candy, but criticized regularly about my weight, despite limiting lunches to less than 200 calories and counting the 2.5 calories in my half stick of sugar free gum every morning. I struggle with weight to this day and make it a point NEVER to discuss food or weight in an unhealthy manner to my boys.
Very Well Said!
Super post!! Thanks for being open and honest….and a great example!!
I went to a “real food” diet last year. Not because I really wanted to but because I suffer from migraines and one of my many doctors recommended it.
I used your blog as a guide, but then you got judgy and I stopped. I do not think there is anything wrong with an occasional indulgence or slip up.
I eat whole grain real food at home. If i go out and grab a burger with friends I don’t feel bad about the white bread.
Food at the end of the day is fuel. If I restricted myself I would go crazy. I live alone, go to school full time working on my phd, teach a full course load at the community college, substitute at other schools and tutor. Packing ahead takes a lot of work most of which i do on Sunday but sometimes I don’t have enough. Those days I pick the healthiest option available to me and I eat it because its better then starving myself. My body has reacted well and my migraines are less which is good.
Lisa, raising kids to be healthy is a hard line to follow. I have two teenage boys who have had their share of junk food but are more than happy to give all of it up because they now understand how important it is to be healthy. I also have a 5 yr old boy who seriously wants every bad thing he sees or sees others have and I find myself constantly saying no to all the junk he would consume if I let him. I do try to find acceptable alternatives so he doesn’t feel too deprived and on occasion will allow him to have something at friends while explaining to him how to make good choices. However, lately, due to the increased business of life with teenage activities I have had to come to terms with my own limits for preparing the variety and quantities of food needed to take to said activities while still maintaining some order at home. I have had to buy a few more prepared items than I like but realize this is only for a time. The other realization I came to, is that my children are heading off into the world, the world of cafeteria food that I will not be preparing, in high school and beyond. Food decisions are increasingly in their hands, I just keep talking to them about what is healthy and what is not while not fretting over the less than ideal food choices out there.
Lisa, thank you for this post. I love your honesty. I don’t have any children and I find all the “rules” overwhelming. I think it all boils down to teaching them to make good choices. Not just with food, but in everyday life, so that they will grow up to be productive members of society. Your talk with your daughter was perfect. She seems to be making good choices already. My hat is off to you as a woman and mother.
I just wanted to say that I give you a lot of credit for doing a great job of walking this fine line! I think you are doing an incredible job for your family and am in frequent amazement that your kids eat so well. I think you do a great job balancing the wonderful healthy food education with letting them still be kids and hopefully doing that in such a way that they won’t have “complexes” about food but rather feel educated and empowered and *want* to make good choices. I know that it seems like the healthier I eat, the more I enjoy healthy food versus other food and hopefully that type of preference will follow your kids through their lives.
GREAT article Lisa. Such a good, powerful message. I have fallen in love with your website and you and your family just seem so real and relatable. Thanks you for all the work you do! :)
I don’t have kids (yet), but I just have to say…I. Loved. This. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. It’s impossible for kids to be sheltered from processed foods. Impossible. While we don’t have to throw our hands up and just let them eat it whenever to “let them be kids,” we have to be careful about labeling foods as “bad” and creating an obsession over food (not saying you are doing that :)). Learning all this real food information and trying to stay on track is/was stressful enough for me as an adult, so I can only imagine how children must feel — especially when they see other kids eating all the things they *can’t* have. Obviously when allergies and other health issues come into play, we may have to be more strict with food, but otherwise we have to find a balance that allows us to eat healthy foods without going completely crazy over this stuff (at least until the food industry changes…). And though we all might have a different “balance,” there is no need for judgement when we are all just trying to do our best. This is getting long, so I just wanted to say, thank you for having the courage to share and for being open-minded and…human!
SO glad you took the time to post this! I am a fairly new Mom of a 1 year old daughter (this month) and a 3 year old son (July). Since I’ve started reading your blogs and using your recipes among others like Food Babe and such, I have found myself developing sort of an obsession over eating healthy, non-processed, real foods. Now doing this with a 1 year old and an almost 3 year old is not that hard because they are so young and unexposed to what is out there. But, I have found myself getting anxiety over what WILL be out there when they are old enough and when they go to school and friends’ houses etc. I have told myself that I cannot control what is presented to them out of my presence and that I can only educate them on what is healthy for their bodies and what is not and allow them to make decisions for themselves. But, I still find myself ridden with anxiety and worry, that if I am not able to control 95% of their food intake, then any sickness or disease to befall them lands on my shoulders because I could’ve done more. My husband gets upset with me and doesn’t understand my reasonings. He says I’m taking it too far and his lack of support (with my obsession) doesn’t feel good either. I feel like not being able to nourish them with the best of the best 100% of the time is a huge lack in my mothering skills…..although my reasoning does tell me this is impossible. So, reading something like this is helpful if for no other reason than to allow myself to “chill out” a little and come to terms with the fact that I can’t control ALL of the environments with which my children grow up in, 100% of the time. And I certainly wouldn’t want any negative affects to adversely come upon them as a result of my healthy (or unhealthy) obsessions. So thanks for all you do and thanks for your honesty. <3
Shawna- I can SO relate to your post. After switching to real food 6 years ago, I too became a fanatic. I would go to friend’s homes for parties/bbqs and hide behind thier shrubs while everyone ate, or pretend to be monitoring the kids because I didn’t want to eat the packaged crap everyone had brought for the party. I was simply obsessed with making sure only pure things passed mine and my family’s lips. Until I read about orthorexia and I realized I was quickly headed down that road. (If you’ve never heard of it, do a search on it.)
Once I wrapped my head around the concept that it is WAY more stressful on the body to live under constant worry than it is for my kid to have a store made cupcake three times a year, I began to relax. I now employ the 80/20 rule knowing that most days, all day, my family is only eating what I’ve prepared from scratch for them, and if they have the occasional Twinkie or candy bar that the world won’t end. I know I’m a lot more fun to be around now that I’m not so paranoid. You’re doing a good job, Mama. Just go with the flow. It will all be well!
Susan – thanks so much! I looked up orthorexia. Definitely not a good thing! My thing that my husband hates so much is that I start thinking that if I don’t control everything that goes into my children’s mouths, then they could (or they will) get cancer or some other degenerative disease and I could’ve controlled that by having them eat perfectly all the time. Even though, as I said before, my logical self tells me this is ridiculous and impossible. So the obsession begins to try and accomplish this all the while realizing the 100% is not possible. But the obsession in trying takes the fun out of food…and life! And then I feel like I really can’t win. The more I read and educate myself, the more I want to feed the obsession because everything in our food system is so scary! Especially for little developing minds and bodies. :( But I like the 80/20 rule! And most days my family, like yours is eating everything that I have prepared from scratch or I know extensively the details of what’s inside and where it’s come from down to the feed that the cows were eating. Thanks for your thoughts! It always helps to know you aren’t the only one out there! I really appreciate it!
Children usually learn their issues from their parents and we all have issues. I applaud what you are doing with your girls, and hope that we can raise ours to be aware of chemically processed food. I feel it was unfair for a stranger to try to make you feel bad about something her own mother did. I suppose blogging opens you up to that. I am encouraged about your attitude towards the social aspect of food. When we are making choices for us and our family, we make them as best we can, but we never make other people feel like the food they are eating, or the food they’ve prepared for us is not good enough. I just wrote a post about this. Finding the balance between practical and natural. http://allmostnatural.com/practical-and-natural/
Keep up the good work!
Well said. It is almost impossible to eat healthy 24/7. Schools serve crap, kids are offered cake at parties, and sometimes it is just easy to grab a good old Chicago Hot Dog. We are raising our son to be aware and to most often make good choices as a general rule. Being a Food Nazi Parent will only send the wrong message but ultimately backfire when the kids are not under the watchful eyes of their parents.
My oldest didn’t have sugar until he was 3. For the past 30 years, he hasn’t cared for sweets or chocolate at all.
Love this post; the truth is people get so obsessed with hard rules that we breed more eating disorders.
Because I followed the 100 day plan, albeit three years late, I find I am no longer obsessed with food and see it as just food. Will I participate in a few treats? Sure, but real foods appeals to me more now. I have a doctor who has so many rules for food that she can’t have smoothies because she thinks it is too much sugar when it is a smoothie. As stated above, she has fallen prey to the no food is safe philosophy. I think this is a great way to raise kids. Yeah for this blog!
Fortunately, a majority of people’s children do not have severe reactions to wheat,sugar or other processed food. But for those of us who do have children who react either physically or behaviorally to food that their body rejects, we have to be obsessed with what they eat. When you are following Feingold for ADHD or GAPS for autism or your child has severe food allergies or severe allergies in general or problems with their immune system, it’s a whole other story. You can’t have casual cheats because the consequences are just not worth the cupcake or piece of candy. Our children can’t be close to “normal” in their functioning unless we give them an “abnormal” diet by today’s standards. I am totally understanding of where you are coming from! Just putting it out there that those of us who are strict and obsessed (looking) may have a very good reason. Don’t judge us either! Thanks for the post!
Well said Julie! Thank you!!!
Ditto Julie. We have reactions in our home and we suffer for the occasional ‘junk food’, which does happen very occasionally. But on the flip side, I can appreciate these allergies and sensitivities today. I am better informed and seek education on what’s harmful and helpful for the body. So many of our friends and family think we’re quacks, but has sparked an interest for some, too, to learn for themselves why that ooey gooey bright colored cake may be harmful.
I have a 15 yr old who is sure dairy isn’t a problem for him. I have my own opinion about this but have decided recently to give him the freedom to choose if he wants to eat dairy. Hoping he will make wise choices through his own trial and error. And hey,,,maybe I’m mistaken. He does choose on his own to avoid gluten, so that’s progress. :)
Thanks for this perspective. My 3 year old son has multiple food allergies, and I only WISH he could freely accept food from others (at school, birthday parties, etc.) Please don’t judge parents who HAVE to be obsessed with the food their child eats!
I think you are doing great! There are so many things out there saying “this is the right way to eat.” Each person has different needs. One doesn’t want to be consumed by food, make it an idol (most important in life) or for it to become their “religion.” I encourage moms, women and people wanting to learn more about eating good, to take the wisdom that is available and apply it to one’s own life. We all care about our kids and we all want what is best for them. We are all in different seasons of our lifes. Some are just realizing whole foods are the way to go. Which ever it may be for someone, let’s just keep encouraging one another. I enjoy reading your blog. You are a good mama.
What a great response to the post from last week!!! I think your actions to all the neagative post was awesome.
Well said and well done! You make me feel better about my decisions with my two beautiful daughters (although I could be better [and I’m working on it!], my oldest one, at 7 years old, is more aware and self-controlled than she would be if we didn’t teach her.)
I think this sounds very wise, Lisa. Thanks for being open and honest in your sharing.
THANK YOU. I have been battling with balance and perspective, and trying to carefully (not scarily) teach my 5 year old about healthy eating. It is something I am passionate about, and tend to go OCD with. Your well written blog helped me take a deep breath and relax a little, which I really needed to do. Can’t thank you enough!
I applaud your response to the feedback that was given–both in your blog and in your personal life. Finding a balance is sometimes so difficult, and we all just try to do the best we can. I have three children, ages 2, 6, and 8 and have been very focused on eating healthfully as a family (eating organic, cutting out processed foods, etc.) since my children were born. That said, I also am very aware of what an over-focus on food choices can do, as a psychotherapist who specializes in working with children and adults with eating disorder and body image issues, and having a past history with eating concerns myself. On a side note, my husband and I allow my children to have a few small pieces of candy (or a cookie) after lunch and dinner in an effort to provide balance, and to prevent these from becoming “forbidden foods” which are then more likely to be snuck and eaten in excess when they get older. This works well for us and it appears so far that our kids do not seem over focused on candy and enjoy the many healthy foods we provide. Thank you again for your thoughtful response to this issue!
Bravo. Could not applaud this post or you more. Love.
I have not read all 400 comments and thus apologize if this has already been said, but as an older mom of teenage children, I can share with you if you provide good, healthy, tasty, and quality food for your children, when they are offered and eat “junk” they won’t like it and probably won’t feel good after eating it. They’ll start to learn to self regulate what they want to eat. For example, we always had chocolate around when the kids were little – not the fake “Hershey bar” sort of chocolate, but real chocolate, often from Europe or South America. Anyway, when my daughter was about 4 years old, she came home from pre-school with some of those “chocolate” coins. The surprise in her eyes and indignation from her crinkled up mouth signaled pure betrayal. This was not what she expected and she ran to the garbage can and spit it out. “Mom, that’s not chocolate”. “Yes honey, I’m sorry that that wasn’t very good. It probably looked much better than it tasted.” “I’m never eating that again!” After many halloween’s and school parties, and treats handed out at sports games, we have a little container for this stuff. It sits around for a week or two just to give anyone the opportunity to eat it (which no one does) and then gets dumped into the garbage. It doesn’t even temp them anymore. They know what real food (and real treats) taste like. Teach your children to enjoy real food and they’ll taste the junk food off and on, but if you don’t make a big deal out of it, and if you ask then how they feel a few minutes or an hour after they eat it (usually they’ll feel “icky”), you’re on your way to helping them to self regulate. Reading labels is great too, but once weaned from processed foods to real food, it will be hard for them to go back. I think my kids would rather starve rather than eat a school lunch. My 17 year old still brings her own snacks to sleepovers when she knows the family only serves junk food – not at my request, but all on her own. She just knows she doesn’t want to feel bad the next day.
Some may feel that comment was unnecessary, but I have to chime in and say I’m glad you got it and read it. My mother was obsessive when my brothers and I were little because one of us is allergic to corn (think how often a corn product is in a processed food or even lurking in a seemingly whole food) AND because she had been struggling with weight her whole life. As a result, I am 32 and still lack will-power around junk food… we just were never exposed as kids so didn’t practice moderation, and as a teenage babysitter in others’ homes I learned to binge on junk that literally wouldn’t be accessible to me later. I am slooooooowly learning how it makes me feel, what the ingredients are capable of doing to my health, etc. but it has been a long and winding road. Now, as a mother to a toddler and with another on the way, I’m very cautious to teach my kiddos about healthy eating without such harsh restrictions (as we have no allergies or sensitivities in this house) so they don’t wind up tempted to abuse junk food the way I have. We let the preschool treats slide because I pack his actual food each day (organic, local, whole, homemade), and we let him have Halloween candy and ballpark hotdogs (shudder!!!) and just don’t make a big deal out of the 5-10% he ingests that isn’t clean. Hopefully he (and his future sibling too) will grow up with a good sense of balance and no food issues. Fingers crossed!
I applaud you for your ability to take some constructive criticism and investigate the critique. I never comment on blog posts, but am so impressed by your quest for whole foods and by your reasoned response to this. Way to go!
Thank you for this post. It is not easy to put your choices for yourself and your family under a microscope for the inevitable public scrutiny. It’s kind of like the single person with no children passing judgment on how parents raise their kids – it’s so easy to be the perfect parent until you actually ARE a parent. :D
We made the switch to “real” food back in 2010. My son, who was 7 at the time, was sick all the time with chronic respiratory infections, allergies and asthma. He had a very limited palate, which generally centered around chicken nuggets, pizza, hot dogs, goldfish crackers and broccoli. I indulged his pickiness because it was easy – that was my failing as a mom.
I started working with a coach on several area of my own life, one of which was my unhealthy lifestyle – horrible food habits, binge/purge cycles, too much alcohol, no real exercise at all. Within a month I was eating clean, on nutritional supplements, exercising and taking martial arts classes and weaning off my 5 bottle of wine per week habit. I felt reborn. I decided that my son deserved that as well. It was a struggle in the beginning, but he quickly understood that either he ate what was in front of him or he could wait until the next meal (he never did skip a meal by the way).
Now, 3 years later, my 10 year old has the most expansive palate of any child I have ever met – he loves his healthy habits and is proud of them. We allow ourselves a “free day” each week so we can eat whatever we want. He categorizes food into free day food and regular food. He loves his free day, but doesn’t obsess over it. He hasn’t had to go to the doctor in over 3 years for anything other than a sports physical. Eating healthy, real food has been a miracle in our lives. EVERYTHING is better.
Thank you for your candor. It is wonderful to read your journey.
I love this post so much. It is really timely for us. We have a 3 1/2 year old and have just shifted our ways into being more relaxed about junk. Until our daughter was 2 1/2 or 3 we gave her little or no sugary junk at home and nearly fully restricted what she had outside of the house (barring special occasions) She was never the only one in the room who was denied a treat and most often people were very supportive. But….I started to notice that she was associating a visit to the neighbours with junk food…like a few days after a visit to a neighbours, she would ask them if she could come and watch tv and have cookies and hot chocolate. She started doing this often. I felt she was reacting to our denying her junk so we loosened up at home. I would bake the occasional treat, bought good organic raisins, some healthy low sugar animal cookies….and now I feel she is crazy for it! (The same thing has happened with tv!!! WE watched none, loosened up and sometimes I think she would stay home and watch all day. (
So my very long winded question here is about BALANCE. I feel like I have tried to loosen up and create balance but now I feel like I am restricting even more frequently. Its like the floodgates have been opened. She wants treats so bad she even sneaked something and hid under the table to eat it!!!! Sometime when she is tired and cranky she cries for ice cream!!! What am I doing wrong? Do all children have this problem with regulation? I dont feel its right to give in and let her eat herself silly?? I am the best intentioned mama and only want the best for my baby/big girl. I would love your feedback.
Hi Kimberly. I know it can be challenging but by setting reasonable limits, you will establish healthy habits even if it takes a bit of trial and error. You will find your balance and know when it feels right. You can try replacing ice cream with a healthier snack option like yogurt and not feel badly about its frequency. Lisa has a yummy recipe for a berry sauce to mix in with a plain yogurt that is a big hit with kids: https://www.100daysofrealfood.com/2011/05/03/recipe-berry-sauce/. Also here is a more complete snack list that you might find helpful when looking for healthy replacements: https://www.100daysofrealfood.com/2012/07/31/85-snacks-for-kids-and-adults/. I have found that having cut up fruits available most of the time can really curtail a child’s sweet cravings. But, it does take a bit of time to establish habits. Best of luck. ~Amy
Thank you for this post! I don’t have kids and I’m not even married but i have been struggling lately with an unhealthy relationship to food. I want to be healthy and balanced but have been bordering on OCD type behavior to try to control whats going on in my body. I’ve just been questioning lately what is the best way to go about being healthy with Balance being the goal – because when I’m too restrictive it seems to give the food too much power and was sending me into binges – and I don’t think thats right or healthy. I’ve also definitely had the thoughts too of “how will I handle having kids and family?” because I’m a lot better (about food) when its just me…but I don’t want it to always be just me or for food to be as important as I sometimes make it. I think you came up with a great solution that will end up blessing your daughters to have freedom AND a healthy appetite. Awesome!
Thank you! This brought tears to my eyes. I have a 4 yr old daughter and a 7 year old daughter, my husband and I are extremely good eaters and I used to compete. The girls watch us workout everyday, I never say a bad thing about my body, but I am very strict with their food. I will allow a bit of ice cream once in a while out to dinner but I usually pack an organic vitamin c sucker for them. I did suffer with eating disorders that’s why I try to teach them the right way, because I never knew healthy eating growing up. It’s time for me to change before they end up like me, so thank you so much for enlightening me. I am just trying to do the best I can and give them proper nutrition but I don’t want them to be consumed on a daily basis if they are eating good or bad food.
I want you to know that what your doing is amazing. Worrying about each possible thing that could go wrong is impractical and silly. You are making wonderful choices for your children, your community and planet. As long as you are giving your child a holistic view of food and the world around them they will be fine. No they will soar. I deeply wish my parents had taken even a little time to teach me and my siblings about food. I have struggled for years trying to view food differently and not just eat junk. Thank you for helping me.
You are an amazing mom! We are all learning as mother’s and I really appreciate your honesty. I think you made a great decision. Let us know how you feel like it turns out!
Lisa, thanks for your ongoing posts and encouragement. I don’t think I would have the patience to be as kind as you are when dealing with people’s judgements and well-intentioned criticisms about my own family. In a world where many parents are critical of MY choices to cook at home, grow a garden, eat real food and prioritize health, I find this blog to be a safe haven.
I too have seen little girls deny themselves certain foods or criticize their bodies based on examples at home and I am diligent about sending the wrong message with my own daughter. I thought I would share how I talk about food in case it is helpful to anyone out there. When we sit down for a meal or my daughter requests something, we talk about which foods make us strong. So, we’ll say something like “candy doesn’t make us strong, that’s why we only have a little bit.” We might even go into detail about certain foods; carrots help our eyes, milk makes our bones strong, etc. Nothing is off limits, even the occasional fast food stop, but we feel good that the message is getting through about making good choices. And of course, most importantly, we try to provide the best example at home.
We are all doing our best and I think it’s great that you’re putting yourself out there to help the rest of us as well.
This blog is exactly why I love this site. You are on this journey right along with us who are trying our best to raise healthy and happy children. In a generation of excess consumption and endless choices, it’s never been more challenging to raise kids (who would have thought!). Being a working mom, I spend time planning meals and cooking most nights, but I do have to rely on the food industry’s wonderful premade food like spaghetti sauces and tortillas. And I can’t spend too much time worrying about what my kids are eating at school or what they grab off the table at the gathering space at church. I love the ideas I can get from other readers and comments, too. Keep up the great work you are doing! Also…your recipes have really helped me with the meals – most of them are so quick and easy and good!
I was actually having this same set of thoughts the other day. I think the most important part is not limiting the treats, but rather filling a majority of their meals with healthy stuff. Like you said, expose them to the healthy stuff at home, and let the rest of it fall where it may. I get frustrated at treats at school / parties, too… but definitely don’t want her to feel guilty or like the food is something to “sneak” or binge on because it’s forbidden… So I plan on keeping the home food well rounded, optional. Get her palate used to lower salt, less chemical food – I don’t know about you, but to me some of that processed stuff doesn’t even taste good anymore!
I really appreciate this post! As a follower who’s family currently doesn’t struggle with allergies so no official *reason* to avoid other than health choice, this is a great balanced perspective- especially the aspect of raising daughters in a world that puts so much influence on image- the motive for diet should be health!
Thanks, Lisa & team!
We struggle with this because my oldest is overweight. I have never had an eating disorder or an unhealthy relationship with food but my oldest struggles with compulsion. Even when he was a baby he would nurse too much and throw it all up. When he was a toddler he ate a variety of foods, even salad, but he has no off switch. He is only 11. I don’t want him to be scared of food but it’s a fine line of teaching him how to be healthy and when to say when. Parenting is a constant worry isn’t it? Keep fighting the good fight!
Love this post, love the comments. It is so nice to know that I am not alone in struggling to walk the fine line between healthy eating and being overly restrictive. Especially when my 6 year old and 4 year old are constantly being offered “treats” by their father, their grandmother and friends and sports teams and…and…and…
First, I want to say that I love your blog and visit it often. Although I can’t always eat as unprocessed as I would like to (my youngest son and I are currently living with my parents), I do opt for “real” food and cook from scratch as often as possible.
I really appreciate this post. As one who struggled with an eating disorder for several years, I learned the hard way to never attach guilt to food. Instead, I have taught my kids to eat when they are hungry, stop when they are full, and that we feel a whole lot better when we eat the right things and avoid junk. I also got to a point in my life where, once I let go of my weight obsessions and realized how unhealthy they were, I found myself annoyed by people who constantly pointed out the “bad things” in foods, obsessed about calories, and responded to offers of treats as if they contained toxic waste and the one offering them should feel ashamed of themselves for liking donuts or chips or whatever the evil food might be. Yet, in my attempts to eat healthfully, I found myself doing the exact things that annoyed me. Like you, I needed to learn balance and model it for my kids. After all, I never want my kids to be rude.
My rule is that I can eat as whole and natural and real as I want to at home, but when I am at someone else’s house, at a party, or someone is reaching out in kindness (for example, if someone makes me a meal when I am sick), I eat what is being served. Right now, I am working on encouraging my parents to eat better while not being the food police in their home.
Thanks again for this great post.
We have been eating clean for as long as I can remember, but have stepped it up a notch this past year after discovering food intolerances in myself and my two oldest children. We have now gone dairy and gluten free as well. I think educating your child, along with not restricting or limiting their diets is key to helping them make healthy choices on their own. We joined a CSA farm about 10 years ago (when my three kids were just babies/toddlers), and we talked a lot about why we joined the CSA, how and where our food was grown, in age appropriate discussions through the years. Now that they are teenagers, we have more in depth discussions that center around the chemicals in processed foods, GMO’s, as well as the problems with big agri-business. They will still have Doritos when they’re at a party, or a hot dog at a cookout, but I don’t sweat it. I know that they know what’s good for their bodies and 9 out of 10 times, they prefer the healthy choices. My youngest even gave an impromptu lecture to his class on the problem with GMO’s.
I believe it was in exposing them to healthy foods and to where their food comes from at such a young age has helped them to be more willing to eat a wide variety of healthy foods! I also think talking to them about why they should or shouldn’t eat certain things is extremely important. If you are always telling them “no you can’t eat that, it’s bad for you,” without further explanation, they will only resent you and continue to eat unhealthy in rebellion. If you have access to joing a CSA, I highly recommend it!
Lisa, I my respect for you has grown immensely with this post. I’ve always admired your message, but I admire it even more that you think beyond just this one issue :). You clearly love your daughters and they are so lucky to have you.
Good for you, it’s not easy sometimes to evaluate something we feel strongly about and chose moderation…. sounds like you have a good plan and wonderful daughters…
This post is really sweet. I’m so glad you posted it. I also worry/am hyper-aware of foods my family and I put in our bodies. I have been making more of an effort lately not to worry so much about an occasional treat (although, I try to make it myself with real ingredients), but for me it becomes a control-thing with my 2 year old and sometimes my Husband because I worry so much! Only because I want them to be healthy. But in reality, you can only “do what you can do” and you don’t really want it to be something that gets you down. Anyway, this (like all of your posts) are really inspiring and I’m so thankful I found your blog almost a year ago! Thank you for what you do!!
Another reason I LOVE reading your blog! You have such a well balanced approach and that is why I love you. I have a 16 month old daughter and I often think of the challenges that are to come with educating her on eating healthily while being careful to never give her body image issues or food fears. Sometimes I think that not being able to eat the ‘oreo’ with friends will do much more damage than the occasional oreo itself. There is definitely a social aspect to food and although we eat almost all organic, whole foods at home, if friends call and want to go to dinner at XYZ restaurant…we go and we don’t sweat it. I think your new solution is great and that you are a great Mom, teaching your daughters all about real foods, but also giving them the opportunity to be taught invaluable social lessons as well as invaluable lessons in regards to making choices and decisions. And I am sure your daughter felt a great sense of trust from you when you empowered her with the ability to make her own decision whether or not to eat these occasional treats if she wishes. Keep up the great work! I tell everyone about your blog!!
I really appreciate your honesty with this post. It is such a struggle to feed the kids “real food” without having it become an issue.
My mom made a huge deal about healthy food when I was little. We weren’t allowed any white bread or added sugar except at family birthday parties until I was about seven. She fought with my grandma (her mother-in-law) about it constantly. My older sister had dreams about Lucky Charms. After my fifth sibling was born, my mom got burned out and started slipping. Then she had three more kids. By the time I left for college, we had cold cereal with sugar-added soy milk (because she thought that was better than raw milk from our neighbors), burritos (on white, partially hydrogenated tortillas), pasta (white), and TV dinners almost every day. I think I assumed the foods she fed us were healthy because she would still restrict other bad foods like white sandwich bread, desserts, and Top Ramen (even though the Stouffer’s lazagne we had every Sunday has MSG in it too). When I first found out about real foods, I felt like there was nothing to eat except vegetables because every other food was categorized as junk food by either my mom or the real foodies. I think the best thing you can do for your kids is to serve them real food as often as possible and, when they’re old enough, teach them how to prepare it. Then when they leave home that is all they will know how to cook and that will be their go-to food in times of stress because it is so familiar. When I stopped feeding my 3-year-old bagels and macaroni I just told him that we ran out. If he sees bagels at the store and asks for them, I just buy one for him and then I put some milk or fruit in front of him while he eats it so he won’t eat as much bagel. I don’t want him to fear food. (The other reason I don’t buy more is because I will eat them.) I spent a large portion of my life thinking that foods that taste good are bad for you, and foods that taste bad are good. This just isn’t the case. For example, fruits and vegetables that are picked when they’re ripe are delicious. So I try to prepare wholesome foods in a way that is appealing to my toddlers, but I don’t force them to eat anything because I was forced to eat disgusting vegetables when I was little and it didn’t carry over into adulthood for me at all.
As my kids got older, and I began to lose more control of what they ate, I realized that even though I felt strongly about eating healthy etc, it had to be something that they felt strongly about for them to make it their own. So, I would cook healthy at home, but not make a big deal about it other wise. I would buy them their favorite candy bar and put it on their pillow or have their favorite “junk” snack in the house. I just remembered seeing kids who felt “deprived”, and ate all the junk they could whenever they were away from their parents, so I decided it was more important they didn’t have that mentality. After a few years, (both college aged) they have both come back around to wanting to eat very healthy. It’s their choice now, and I don’t have to force them. You are wise to not make a huge deal out of food. You may have to adjust how that looks as they get older, but it will pay off in the end. I promise.
Great job!
Lovely post. I have the same worries, although my son is still too little to understand any of this. We don’t have any friends that care even a little about what they eat so it is hard when we get together and I think they think our food is weird or too exotic, and their kids all want junk food. I have to find a balance so their kids will still come to play at our house and my son won’t feel uncomfortable when eating at other people’s houses when he is older. I am working on it.
We try to encourage our kids with healthy habits. We also encourage our children to exercise and to make good decisions when we are not home. My daughter has embraced this much more than my son. So I was very upset when my healthy normal-sized six year old told me yesterday that she “didn’t want to be fat” and that she thought she was “mostly skinny” but maybe “a little fatter” than her friends. She then told me she was going outside to have fun so she could lose weight. As a slightly-overweight adult who was an overweight child that suffered through years of eating disorders, I want my daughter to have better habits and a better body image than I do. Needless to say, that conversation was an eye-opener.
Thank for this post. I have two daughters – 3 1/2 and 1 1/2 and had really been thinking some of the same ideas that you expressed here. We all have to carve out our own paths with our families and especially our children, and I feel that with two daughters that the need to help raise them to have a healthy self-image and also be aware and knowledgeable is a challenge. I am so thankful to you for birthing and growing this blog, as you share your experiences and the things you have learned and discovered along the way, especially since your girls are slightly older than mine. I feel like you, and your blog, contribute to my confidence that it IS possible to do this!
I am a regular reader and I loved this post. I am a mom with children, ages 7 and 5. I struggle so much with the “junk food balance.” I am also a health coach, so I really feel like I have to walk the talk. I basically allow my kids more freedom outside of the house to eat junk food if it’s offered to them. I am still guilty of hovering a little bit too much over them at family events or church lunches because they could easily eat 6 desserts or more. I am trying to proactively educate them so that they know why the “bad food” is bad, especially when it comes to artificial food dyes. I don’t want them to fear bad food – I want them to know how it doesn’t help them to play sports, think clearly to do their homework, etc. I also am very careful about not making body image comments about myself or anyone else.
Good for you! I read Dr Friedhoff’s blog, weighty matters, and a parent on there said that she has a trade-in jar for treats they are offered for sports, etc. At church, in the past, I’ve taken healthy food, and it has been devoured…
I do think in this day and age, you have to have a strategy. When I taught CCD, the parents kept trying to bring food in for “special” events, and even at the library, most kids’s events have some kind of treat.
I do think balance is important…as a kid we only had “healthy” food in the house, and the one time I bought a bar of chocolate for myself, at age 15/16, my father went to all the convenience shops/grocery stores and told them they were not allowed to sell me chocolate. (We lived abroad).
Thank you, yet again, for another wonderful story. I always feel relieved when I find another mom who has the same thoughts.
Lisa,
You (and FoodBabe) our being followed (on FB) by my teenagers and my son LOVES your blogs!!!! You our reaching our children!!!!! 😂
My 14 year old son has been challenged with food/dye allergies/sensitivities, dyslexia, and ADHD (probably related) his entire life. Plus, a “once” hard core indulger of processed food, sweets, and drinks outside of our home. I cook healthy and encourage with a vengeance healthy habits but participating in 100 Day from January 2013 to present clenched the deal for everyone in my family. Also, asking them on a weekly basis how they feel after eating processed junk. Answer, is always the same quoting my 13 year old daughter “I need baby carrots” or water to dilute the negative side effects. This is especially true when I pick them up from school, they have eaten in the junky cafeteria, and they or tired and/or irritable when they get home. We focus on relevant teenage issues first and when there is not really one then I ask “what did you eat?”. They have made the connection and it has opened all of our eyes!
I am just sooooo please with your blogs reaching my families life and making a forever difference in my children’s attitude towards our food our bodies fuel.
P.S. My son admitted to me yesterday, without any prompting, that since he doesn’t enjoy reading because of his dyslexia he always makes time and enjoys reading both blogs…. I was so stunned and excited to learn his latest secret i took him to the health food store to pick out dye free, gmo free, as low processed as possible candy. He now only splurges occasionally but recognizes there are alternatives that are just as enjoyable and excite the brain and taste buds like polluted junk food.
THANK YOU FOR ADVOCATING REAL FOOD!!! :))
I have completed (I hope) raising three daughters. I have always been conscious of what they ate – preparing almost all meals, including the years when we bounced from ball game to ball game and I brought the bags of granola, carrot sticks and hummus instead of buying nachos and hotdogs for my girls. At home, we were vegetarians, but I didn’t “forbid” meat. I still take a lot of heat from a lot of moms for those decisions. My advice? Ignore them.
As my daughters left home and discovered college dining halls, with unlimited soft drinks and junk food (pizza and ice cream at every meal!) they imbibed. It didn’t last long. They all admitted they prefer the way they feel when they eat salads and veggies and only occasional meat. One even takes her blender to her early morning shift to make breakfast fruit/spinach smoothies.
Hang in there. Your food choices and awareness are giving your children a gift for life.
I commend you for your honesty.
Parenting is not easy. Period.
There are all these “fine lines” that we do or do not want to cross.
I respect your willingness to adapt. Since clean eating is very important to you, I can only imagine how challenging this may be for you. But props for taking the steps to learn to be ok with it in moderation.
I sincerely look up to you and love that your intention is just the best for your family.
You’re a great mom!
Congratulations! It is so hard to know the right thing to do as parents, sometimes. Sounds like you did the right thing!
This post has really stuck with me. When you first posted the picture of your daughter with the donut on Facebook, I was so surprised by the comments that had to do with your use of the word “treat.” I wrote a post about it on my site to see if my readers thought it was as controversial:
http://holdtheoffice.com/2013/05/24/donut-seem-a-little-crazy/#more-863
Keep up the good work! I love that you are just trying to figure it all out like the rest of us.
Nicole
HoldtheOffice.com
This post really resonates with me. I started a diet one day, 11 years ago. I limited my calories to 1200 per day, with a 200 calorie treat, whatever treat I wanted. This eventually became an addiction for me. I became obsessed with calories and food portions. “Bad” food and “good” food. I spiraled out of control. I measured my food, counted crackers, etc. I eventually got to the point where I would challenge myself to see how far under 1200 calories I could go. My eating became ritualistic. I had a serious problem. I was terrified of food…terrified. Thankfully, I have broke that debilitating cycle, but it was not easy.
My husband, who is a type-1 diabetic, and I have recently started discussing what we eat. We have made lots of good changes…using whole wheat flour, whole wheat pasta, real butter and milk, no low-fat foods, etc. But through this process I have become aware that I cannot label food “good” or “bad.” There MUST be a balance. I cannot allow myself to fall into food legalism. We have dear friends, whom we eat with often, who have decided to not eat wheat due to “Wheat Belly.” While I respect their decision, and I understand it, I cannot put those constrains on myself and my family. Mentally, I cannot hack it, it is dangerous for me.
Balance is the key.
I LOVED this post, as a woman who is teaching her children to eat the healthy way but has an ED past and is afraid of instilling so much obsession about good-bad foods, I unconsciously lay the foundation for ED’s in my kids. Linking back from my own blog. Thank you!
Just came across this post and wanted to say how much resonated with me. Like you, I raise my daughter on real food for the most part, and have avoided sugar and highly processed foods as much as I can. However, now that she is spending more time with friends and at school, she is exposed to all sorts of things that we would never allow her to eat at home. I’ve found that for healthy baby and healthy mama, I just have to let that happen. She eats predominantly with us, and well, so on balance her diet is relatively good. I think in part it’s a lesson for me – I can’t protect her from everything in the world, and all I can do is give her the groundwork to be a strong kid. I also don’t want her to feel like the odd one out who is refused things other kids get, nor have her worrying about her food intake. So like you, I”m just letting her eat what she feels like when she’s offered it in other homes – the good news is, it turns out she doesn’t even like most of it that much! But if she wants it, and other kids are having it, she can try it. At home, it’s just not an option! Anyway, thanks for the honest and important post – really good thing to air!
As the mother of a five-year-old, I’m on board with your approach. When I was a kid, I ate much more junk food than I do as an adult. I don’t let my daughter just eat junk, but I have to remember that she will spend most of her life making food choices without me looking over her shoulder. I think my job is to guide her and teach her how to eat healthy foods overall. I still eat treats–just in moderation (unless I get a rare case of PMS, in which case, I am no angel!)
Am reading an awesome book called “Fearless Feeding” it’s helping me think through the treats/healthy food choices and work through some issues so I don’t pass them on. Highly recommend the book.
I honestly think what you were doing with your girls was great. My parents did the same thing with treats here and there and if there was a bday party that was our treat. Now I have had eds and currently am dealing with binging, but it wasn’t caused by my diet. It was caused by other girls my age at the time, tabloids and media, and my mom. I had never in my life ever heard anyone female say they were happy with their body and once I hit middle school I was perfectly healthy and girls who were smaller than me would call me fat. That is the one word a girl should never be told. Never tell her she will get fat, looks fat in some outfit, or is fat. That is what leads to eds. I think if you educate your kids from a young age when they get older they can make the call on choosing healthier food. I have made a promise to my self that my child will eat healthy whole foods with no added sugar unless it is stevia sweetener, no processed foods I will breast feed as long as possible and make my baby’s food myself. This not only gives them a healthy start but they try all sorts of different foods. I know a little girl who has been raised this way and she never wants cake or sweets. She is more than welcome to have them but she would rather say no thanks than I can’t. She is younger than your daughter and makes better choices than most adults. She was being raised like your girls. You have to emphasize health over weight and image and just give them structure in their diet.
I really enjoyed this post and from the perspective of a child whose parents tried to instill the value of healthy eating and a respect for our bodies, i understand your choice to aim for this with your own children, it taught me to be a great cook more than anything else. again, from the perspective of a child who never really had those ‘bad’ foods and was very aware of that at the time, i have spent much of my life since overindulging in all types of foods i was never allowed to have early on. i don’t like the relationship i have with food now, in terms of how i ‘see’ it, i developed a strong good vs bad food philosophy. i sometimes wonder if my parents had allowed the odd item such as ice cream/store bought biscuits/juice/white bread into the house whether the way i respect, value and use food now would be quite different.
I applaud your efforts. I believe teaching your kids to be aware of what is in the food we eat can be empowering, and to empower them with the ability and knowledge to make good choices is a wonderful thing. Now, if you yourself appear anxious and worried about food then yes this could lead to some problems but if you are teaching them that (as they get old enough), yes, unfortunately food companies and regulatory agencies do not have a history of putting forth the best regulations or using healthy ingredients and it’s up to us to take responsibility for treating out bodies with love and respect by learning about the quality of the food and making wise decisions…by doing this you can spare, as you know, your children potential future grief such as health problems due to the ingredients in processed food. I mean, if it was normal for kids to chew tobacco at birthday parties and at school what would we do? Some people get all up in arms about limiting processed foods as if it will certainly lead to some sort of eating disorder, without considering the health ramifications of eating processed foods. I look forward to the day when more people realize that eating all these foods as part of a daily diet is as unhealthy as smoking and who would want their child to be smoking? Thanks for sharing your journey! :-)
Lisa, I appreciate your willingness to be real with your readers, and the willingness to listen to reasonable feedback. Your blog has helped to transform this family’s eating and grocery shopping habits. I applaud your efforts to make people more aware of what we are consuming, and I have a strong hunch your kids will grow up with a healthy approach to food.
I am in love with your site. I have two younger girls 11 and 8 who are so excited to find your lunches in their box. We eat real at home almost all the time. I tell my girls sometimes foods that are “bad” are really good for you in a way. When your friend blows our her birthday candles and hands you a piece of pink frosted cake. When your Grandma bakes Great Grandma’s apple pie. When we eat one of Santa’s cookies. These are not foods I want my children eating everyday but they are memories I want them to take with them forever. These are “bad” foods drenched in our happiest memories. Enjoy life as it comes at you. We eat fresh, wholesome, homemade foods the majority of the time, the rest I chalk up to living.
I have really been going over this in my head nonstop now that our 100 days is almost up (10 more days!). I want to continue to eat whole food, but it was SO MUCH easier when I could use the “excuse” of being on the 100 days. Now that we are ending, I was really thinking of doing 2 “treats” a week. And then our two kids (6 and 8) could choose while at school whether or not they wanted the treat or to have a treat with us as a family. But I do see your point, too. Thankfully, we just got a letter from our son’s teacher…this year they bring their own snack to school! Yay! But for my daughter, it still is a snack every day and probably will be junk :(
So you are saying that even if we have 4-5 get-togethers/birthday parties/etc in a week (exaggerated to make the point), you still would let them choose whatever foods they want??? And then would you just not have a family “treat” that week?
Another situation I have is my in-laws like to take the kids for weekends or even in the summer, for all week. What they feed our kids bothered me before the 100 days, and even more-so now. So you are saying that (like your daughter just going to camp for a week) you suggest just letting them choose again?
I definitely do NOT want my kids to be stressed out about weight or image or anything like that…we are also super careful about what we say about ourselves and other people. But I never really thought about food before.
I am so nervous to end our 100 days!! Yikes!
Thanks for posting this…a lot to take in right now…any suggestions would be welcomed!!!
Hi Michelle. You will be fine. At this point you have developed at habit that will serve your entire family well. Try to relax about it a bit and don’t feel as if you have failed if some weeks are less that perfect. I promise they are for all of us. Regarding the treats–this comes directly from the post: “We’ve decided that you can eat the foods you are offered (within reason) when you are not at home, and they will not count as your ‘once a week treat.’ The weekly treats we will buy or make together as a family will happen no matter what. Mommy feeds you so much good, real food at home and that’s where you eat most of the time. You are such a healthy girl who is an excellent eater and also gets plenty of exercise so eating junk food at school or with friends once or twice a week could never erase that. Now eating cupcakes everyday (or twice a day) would not be a good thing, but a couple times a week is nothing for anyone to worry about.†So, while I am sure Lisa is very hopeful that it does not occur more than once or twice a week, I think she can accept (within good reason) the decision to be a bit more flexible and allow the girls the room to make their own choices. Hope that helps a little. You’ll do great I’m sure. Once you are aware at this level, you don’t go back. :) ~Amy
I just had to come back and re-read this post….Last night, I found out that my 10 yr old daughter had eaten almost all of her halloween candy! I’m pretty devastated, for a variety of reasons. First, because we try SO hard to educate her & her older sister about WHY we want them to eat “better,” read labels, make LOTS of homemade things, including sweets! I’m disappointed in myself because for whatever reason, laziness, forgetfulness, I never got around to the “sort and toss” with her after halloween. Another thing I’m upset about is that she would sneak behind my back…I just don’t know how to handle this! I talked with her briefly, trying not to come down on her too hard, but I’d appreciate any advice on how to handle this! Ugh, now we have a candy-filled advent calendar, “thanks” to Grandma :/ that I’m seriously considering not letting her do!
I think what you have done for your daughters, is amazing, you are setting them up to live healthy lifestyles and that is so important! My own parents raised me on fast and frozen food with tons of unhealthy junk always in the house. I myself have battled food addiction and weight issues, and have had to learn how cook and am teaching myself to live on more real food. I know for my own children, it is important that I give them a foundation of heathy living so they never have to worry about things like that. I love your blog because it helps me realize the importance of this lifestyle and how passing it to your children, is not as hard as you think, nor are you depriving them.
My kids are a lot younger than yours but I read your blog often and have gained a lot of really helpful information that has helped our family’s health a lot. I have one constructive comment to add to what others have shared. As a mental health therapist who works with teenagers and moms (some of whom have eating disorders) I want to encourage you in what you said about not speaking negatively about your body in front of your children and encourage you to go one step further. Maybe instead of just focusing on not making negative comments about your body but on praising your body for what it can do (in large part because of the healthy food you feed it!). “It feels good to see how strong my arms or legs are to lift heavy objects or run and play!” (Or whatever fun things you like to do). Girls learn how to view their bodies by listening to their moms. As my own daughter gets older I hope to be able to model talking about and appreciate what it allows me to do and not focus so much on how it looks – like the rest of our culture does.
I really liked this article, Lisa, and I think you’re doing a great job with your girls!
As a mom who comes from a family of disordered eating, I am extremely aware of what others say about my daughter (only 15 months old) and I’m trying to figure out how I can raise her to be healthy and not concerned about her weight/appearance. Every time I hear her daddy say something to the effect of “eating like a piggy” I cringe. He doesn’t understand why I think this is a terrible way to talk around her.
One of the most traumatic things for me during my childhood was listening to my mother talk about her (very thin) self as “fat”, and I decided that I would never talk badly about my body in front of my little girl. I also want to get our family eating as healthy as possible. Thanks to your website/blog and cookbook, I think we are doing well. She LOVES the Whole Wheat Raisin Bread recipe. We aren’t 100% “real food” yet, but we are probably 50-75%, and now I’m more aware of ingredient labels and such.
(My mother-in-law liked my copy of your cookbook so much I bought her a copy for Christmas!)
Thanks for the great recipes and tips!
Thank you for this post. I have been following your website and have had your cookbook for a little while now. It has significantly changed my life and that of my husband and two children (ages 2 & 4). I have learned so much about healthy eating and what is actually in the food we are eating. I will not lie that my husband has had to say to me before slow down and that we cannot change everything overnight. Sometimes I actually feel stressed or anxious over the foods my children are offered, especially when they come from other family members. I don’t want to stress my children out (or myself). I think your attitude is fantastic and that I need to focus on how well they actually are eating with vegetables, fruits, and other whole foods. My four year old son likes to tell anyone that will listen that brussel sprouts are his favorite! Thank you so so so much for your website and cookbook and please make another cookbook soon!
More power to ya, sister! This parenting thing is hard enough, without feeling critiqued. I am always inspired to make changes, even if I’m not getting it all right, when I see your posts and read your blog. I never feel like it is anything other than one mom to another, ideas to maybe try. Thanks :) Chin up. Nice work. Keep it up.
After having read some of your articles and readers comments… i have the impression that food still an obsession for americans. Even if they aim to eat healthy… it is a BIG, if is not HUGE, part of their way of life. not as a convivial, friendly, yummy, funny… aspect but as if it was a succession of rule, or as if there was a black list.
I think food is not anything mental, but choices should come from heart and palate…
(hoping you will understand my poor english, best wish for your quest of perfect nutrition)
Hi Lisa
This is SUCH a tricky area. My son (3 1/2) eat 95% “real food” no junk at home. He knows about sugar and that its not great to eat “high sugar” but that sometimes we eat “a special-occassional” as he has taken to calling them. I find the line between education and not creating an “issue” a hard one. Not because it’s hard to eat real food – because it’s not. And not because my son doesn’t love love love real food – he does (and such a varied palate of tastes too). But because we are surrounded by junk each and every day. And in our schools too. There is no safe haven apart from at home. And like you – I want to do the “special occasionals” with my son. Not have someone else give him rubbish. I totally hear what you say and I’m going to reread what you have written. I think you are right. But I also think that when your children are getting given cakes and muffins for kids birthdays twice a week minimum (often more with baking and what not they seem to do) and then all the other situations when you are out and about then this is just too much. What’s being normalised just is not normal historically. (I know you know this!) So I’ll keep trying to find the balance and like you working on getting changes in the school. Thanks for all that you do. I enjoy your blog. Claire x
Yet another great reason I enjoy your posts. Not a lot of folks would have taken what readers said and truly thought about those other points of view and then act on them. I really enjoy your blog and love your book. We have an 8 month old and hope to raise her to also be a healthy eater, so this perspective was a great reminder. Thank you for sharing.
Your blog is stellar, Lisa. I am not yet a mother, but look forward to being one with an educated, balanced outlook on food to pass onto my children. I have been feeding myself and my fiancé based on your practices. We couldn’t feel better, physically and mentally. I now see that my mother achieved balance by always cooking with real food in the kitchen, but still stocking processed food in the freezer out of convenience. This allowed me to taste both sides, but she never mentioned anything about “bad” food. That I figured out a few years ago. Deciding for myself to make lifestyle changes was the big thing, and I see that your daughter has developed an opinion of her own as well. That is the key! (Side note, VERY happy that wine is included in your practices!)
I love this! I love that you made a change that you feel is right for your family. I also love that you stated that you watch what you say about your body in front of your girls. I actually think that is the most important. It is so very hard not to critique myself in front of my 6-year old daughter, but I don’t. And, you know what, it has made me happier and more accepting of my body than ever! Hopefully that will translate into a good self-esteem for her. Knowing that even you changed what you “allow” made me feel so much better about what I “allow”. I try very hard to keep things “real” around here, but life happens and junk gets eaten (even under my watch)! Thanks for all you do and for being honest.
It bothers me so much that children are sent off to school and put in these situations with food that is so unhealthy for them. Why this is still such an issue in our schools just astounds me. One thing stood out to me in your blog post, and other’s comments….is the terms used. On one hand…junk food is called junk food or “rubbish” …but in the same posts then some of you refer to letting your kids have junk food once in awhile as “special occasions’ -or refer to them as “treats”. Ok….that in itself presents some confusion. Words have SUCH power. Let your kids have that junk food once in awhile if that’s what you decide for your family….but…..call it what it is. It’s not a special “treat” – it really is “junk”.
Thank you for posting this. I have two boys who eat really well at home but when offered candy my oldest who is 4 is allowed to have some but cries when it is taken away or wants more. We try to teach him about the amount of sugar in candy and that his body does not like when he has to much sugar. He is the type of kid that once he has sugar he cannot stop and it can be scary. However, the great thing is he is such a good eater besides that. If offered his favorite carrot applesauce muffin instead of candy at home he usually chooses the muffin. Lucky for us his preschool is a nature focused school so there are only healthy options. I am struggling with weight at he moment and I thank you and support your decision in not critiquing your body in front of your girls. I do the same with my boys they will never hear me say I am not happy with my body and I do eat super healthy. Not only do our children learn from discussions but also actions. Thank you again this post really hit home today.
Thank you for the your candid thoughts. I too struggle with the wording and efforts around teaching my boys the highest and best choices about food. When very little, I told them junk food (manufactured stuff) had chemicals and that we would only eat at McDonald’s if we were “desperate”. Well at 5 and 3, they understand more and those words are too harsh! I am trying to offer them more choices and when they choose something, I ask how it makes them feel. My 5 year old is very aware that too much cake or candy really makes him feel bad. My 3 year old doesnt think there is such a thing as too much cake or candy!!! All in all, I am in control of what I purchase for the home and am trying to “let it go” when we are out and about! Parenting is a hard nut to crack!!!
Thank you so much for sharing. Your honesty and humble attitude is one of the many reasons I love your blog and use it as a go-to for whole food, delicious recipes. I, too, struggle with the enormous amounts of sugary treats offered to my children on a daily basis. But, like you, I have learned to relax about what they eat outside of the home. Keep up the wonderful work you are doing. You are a blessing to so many!!
So much of parenting involves trying to find the right balance…you want to teach them to be hard-working and responsible but don’t want to be critical and nit-picky…you want to teach them hygiene and to take pride in their appearance without being obsessed with appearances…you want to teach them to be cautious and safe without creating needless fear and anxiety…
We are all doing the best we can. The good news is their bodies and their minds are well-equipped to handle when conditions aren’t optimal. Our kids won’t be ruined for life if we’re not perfect.
I’ve cooked and baked with my kids since they were very small, and we try to focus on the idea that cooking is fun and real homemade meals are delicious and a treat. We should also remember that kids’ tastes change …as my kids enter their teens I find they are just excited if not more over a bowl of homemade soup as a fast food meal…they would readily choose a homemade muffin over an Oreo. They still love Skittles but also love grilled chicken and veggies. Most kids who have grown up around healthy cooking and real food do develop a preference for it eventually. That IMO is mission accomplished. Ultimately they will be making all of their own food choices so developing a taste for real food is far more important to me than trying to control everything that goes into their mouths.
It’s so hard to find that balance, isn’t it? And to communicate it to the littles….just recently my son started saying in the grocery store, “we can’t have that, it’s not ORGANIC” and it made me shudder a little. I want to be that parent without being THAT PARENT, you know? I want him to understand and make good choices without making others feel judged. I also want him to despise things like artificial colors and high fructose corn syrup as much as I do, but he’s a kid…and those Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fruit snacks are just so much cooler than the bunnies (sorry, Annie). I guess we are all on this road together, and as so many parents have said in comments previous, we do the very best we know how. God bless! Thanks for your blog. It’s a huge resource to our family.
Hi Lisa,
I do need to share that a few years ago I started to pay attention to what was in the food we eat and share with my family in an effort to get them to make better choices, and it back-fired on me. My 14-year old daughter developed an eating disorder and we spent the last year worried sick about her. I would have to pick her up from school early if there was a party at school because she couldn’t even handle choosing the least of the evils available. After seeing an dr. of adolescent medicine, nutritionist and therapist for a year, she is back at a healthy weight, but she will not eat even a salad from a fast food restaurant if necessary when traveling. After witnessing what we have gone through with her, my son eats too much junk-food and I have gained weight trying to get my daughter to eat more and be less critical of foods. I was always a healthy weight and ate everything in moderation, 3 meals a day and one special treat. In hindsight, I wish I was less vocal in cleaning up my family’s and my (for the most part healthy) diet.
I don’t have kids so I don’t really have a valid opinion here, but I have a thought. If you feed your kids healthy food they will gravitate towards those foods when they start buying their own food some day. Maybe just don’t talk about it all the time. If your kids happen to eat a treat at school don’t make it a big deal and halt your family treat together. 2 processed treats in a week isn’t the end of the world. I personally grew up almost exclusively on processed foods and I made it out alive. Now that I have changed my eating habits, I am a very healthy person. My point is, a few processed foods will not affect them in a huge way, but making them afraid of certain foods might.
I totally agree with this. I have no kids either, but as a girl who grew up with food being restricted for healthy and aesthetic reasons I have a thought too. I understand that you want to show your kids to choose healthy food, but the reality is that they will replicate what they see at home. Not necessarily what they hear from you all the time. The fact that your 8 year old feels the need to “announce” what she had in school seems a little alarming to me. I try to steer clear from processed foods too, but having some once in a while is not the end of the world, and making peace with that has been key in restoring my relationship with food.
I have to say my young daughters took to the food change well. My greatest allies in this transition was the highly processed bad foods. We did the change slowly an are now about 90% whole foods in our eating. Anyway back my greatest ally, processed foods an junk food started making us sick!! Even a one time in a hurry stop would make us so sick we had belly aches, headaches an just felt awful. That was a real eye opener. So now when my girls are in a situation to eat junk food, be it at school, birthday or church they know that eating too much of those foods will make them sick an so they are more aware of what they eat. We also have a once a week treat where we go to our favorite restaurant to eat, an since the food change my girls pick healthier food options now an love that they feel so much better after eating. So the best we can do with our kids is lead by example an hope that some of it sticks with them.
I found this post after asking this exact question on another post. (How to educate about foods without creating food fear and guilt.)
I agree with another poster who said that talking about it might be the problem. After all, expecting young kids to read ingredients and choose the “right” thing is a pretty big expectation. If you’re feeding them well at home, I feel like kids don’t need all the details. It’s your job to feed them well when you can. You can’t control everything, and they shouldn’t have the responsibility of figuring out what’s “good” and “bad” when you aren’t there. Just my opinion, of course, but I did grow up in a house full of disordered eating and unhealthy attitudes towards food. Talk about “junk”, “bad” food, etc. did cause me a lot of guilt and stress.
You’re doing a great job by feeding your kids healthy foods when you can. Maybe let that be YOUR crusade, not theirs. Eating “junk” at school or at parties occasionally won’t hurt them, and they’ll grow up with a balance of home cooking and treats. Let them read the ingredients and make healthy choices when they’re adults!
This was an excellent post! I admit, this is something I am paranoid about. My kiddos have a very serious gluten intolerance and soy allergy (as do I, which I discovered soon after my oldest was born), so I constantly feel like I am being a food Nazi with them, and myself. I struggled with disordered eating from about 7 years old until about 24, which makes me so worried about causing them an issue. But soy especially is in almost everything processed! I feel like I’m constantly telling my daughter “no sweetie, that’s yuck, it will make you sick”. I have to force an unnatural awareness onto a toddler who just wants a darn cupcake :( Hopefully I can help guide her so she doesn’t become obsessive, or rebellious, both of which I went through. Such a hard balance to find, but wonderful to read on this topic!
My kiddo is allergic to milk, soy, wheat, nuts, & egg. We knew from the time he was 8 months old. His siblings have no allergies and I don’t always make them eat the same thing. If my other kids want something to eat I see if there is a allergy free equivalent for him. I always told him, “You are allergic to this”. I explained what being allergic means. Eventually around 2 he could say “Allergic?” And point to food. Then around 3 he could tell me if he was allergic to something. We never said “Yuck” or gross because other people eat it. The food wasn’t the problem it was how his body responded. You’d be surprised how well little kids can understand big things.
No allergies here, luckily! But I do worry about how I will handle things moving forward. A few months ago, we were driving home from work and it had been a longer day than expected. My sitter hadn’t had a chance to eat and she asked me if we could stop at McDonald’s. (I made a few gagging noises, but it is her choice after all, she’s a grown woman.) I don’t eat that anymore, and haven’t for a very long time, but when those fries were in the car, they smells delicious! Of course my daughter wanted some! And how do you tell a 14 month old no in a way that they understand? So I gave her some. Sometimes life happens and all we can do is our best to protect them and keep them eating healthy.
I have to say that as a parent, I love following your blog. However, I feel that the involvement of kids is concerning only because… Kids are not little adults… They have not been on the same adult journey we, as adult aging women, have been on. I was an extremely picky eater as a child. My mother chose to treat food as a non issue. If she hadn’t, if she “educated me ” like this. I surely would have worried myself about food from an early age. Instead, I only had healthy food available… Never. Oh my. Yes I said never. Talked about it. It was just what it was. The less “big deal” made of it, only ensured my compliance. I ate or didn’t, she monitored my choices with out me knowing… Never, there is that word again, talked about it. As an adult, I have expanded my choices on my own schedule. I am 40 and have never been on a diet and never had to exclude anything because food was never a topic. I never over ate or felt guilty about eating certain foods. Kids are not little adults… They should not share our adult expectations about food, about math, about sports. I have to admit, I give my kids food categories of “always foods, sometimes foods, and special treat foods” . My son is 13 and this has backfired ten fold. He feels the need to justify his sometimes treats. Sad day for me. I should have follows moms advice and made it a non issue. If it is a issue for mom and dad than mom and dad should keep that about mom and dad.
I take your post to heart. I grew up in the sixties, and processed food was actually seen as “better”. My mum, the primary food preparer, used convenience items, but also made sure there were vegetables (canned,frozen or fresh) on our plates, and fresh fruit available when the budget allowed. As an adult, I’ve mostly eaten more vegetables, fruit and whole grains, and a whole let less meat, than I did as a child. I see my friends and acquaintances feed their children a whole lot of junk and sugar. Most of these friends and acquaintances battle (losingly) their own weight and health issues (especially pre-diabetes and full diabetes). They criticize others (and me) for being too uptight about what junk I don’t allow in my home and won’t bring to a party. They disrespect the special diet I have to follow, in both words and action. I’m over it. It’s obviously too personal a thing to discuss with most people . . .
What a wonderful, honest post. Thank you for worrying about what really matters and not what your readers will think. I believe you have opened up a platform for families to discuss the “bigger” picture, and quite frankly, I feel it is lacking in many health websites. Kudos to you and your husband for working hard at healthy habits all the way around!
I love your honesty – keep up the good things you do ,,,
Thanks for your candor and courage in sharing your heart. I agree, there should be no “good” foods and “bad” foods, as that can lead to disordered eating. So much of what’s considered “healthy” these days is really just socially acceptable disordered eating. I am still working on “food is food is food” myself; recovery is a long and messy process. I’m encouraged that you’re aware of these potential issues for your girls and glad that you’re well on your way to worry-free! (Another note, disordered eating is often a coping mechanism for a deeper issue, and is not just about the food.)
Good for you! I have had food issues and been over weight most of my adult life due to poor training as a child and having a mother who I call the “diet police”. Over eating and poor food choices was my way of rebelling (sad, I know). I wish I had known more about whole, real food as I was raising my own children but I did work hard not to make food an issue with them so they don’t struggle like I do.
My kids are grown now but I raised them on home cooked foods and packed their lunches every day. Since I didn’t have “junk” in the house, when they had school parties etc they were exposed to junk food and ate it like every other kid. They learned quickly that soda pop, fast food, and other junk items upset their stomachs and they quickly opted out on their own. We had a niece who was raised with many restrictions and recently passed away from anorexia at age 21. My kids grieve the loss of their cousin but have thanked me for raising them to make their own choices and they all have chosen healthy real foods on their own.
From one parent to another, we do the best we can with what we know. There is grace in that.
I love this reply.
I’m very glad to read this post…having followed this for a couple of years I’ve felt equally impressed and concerned. Most of what my kids get is healthy, but I don’t limit the number of treats, I just try to overload them with enough healthy food – home-raised meat, lots of fruits and veggies – that the other stuff isn’t as attractive. They always get dessert in their lunchboxes, always get a few chips. At least twice a week the dessert is recycled because they don’t eat it, so I can leave a pre-packaged little Debbie in for 2 or 3 days before they take a few bites (or eat the entire thing…I don’t care). I sent a few pieces of a Kit Kat candy bar yesterday and…my kids sold them to other kids for other kid’s snack money to buy leftover tiny plastic Easter bunnies with parachutes that the PTA had picked up to throw in the snack sale.
On the flip side of that (my kids go to a private school, with fewer than 200 kids 1st-8th, so these kids are together for years oftentimes) one of my kid’s best friend’s family has cultivated an extreme healthy eating regiment. Because I know the parents, I knew when their child asked for a cookie during a field trip a year ago that the treat would not be welcomed. I offered to call Mom to ask if the child could have one, but this 1st grader shrugged and told me not to bother. Not too long ago I found out another of my kids was giving his chips to this child every day, but when Mom is around all the kids agree wholeheartedly that most food makes them feel bad – the oldest is in fifth or sixth grade now and is beyond paranoid about everything that goes in her mouth and is bad for you. I know we are all just doing the best we can, and I don’t profess to know what is right or judge another parent’s choices, but I would far rather my kids have a fruit snack or little Debbie at lunch, turn around and eat a birthday cupcake, then come home and ask for broccoli because they love broccoli than have them sneaking food, agreeing with Mom because it is what she wants to hear. My kids are nine and under – I love that they are able to make healthy food choices and that it is actually their choice, not something I have imposed. Of course things change, and if it ever becomes a problem we’ll rethink it, but until then, we’ll continue to offer keep so many healthy options that they can’t miss them, and snacks and junk so that they understand that it’s about moderation, not elimination.
Amen! This is exactly what we do! I make my boys lunch & everything in it is homemade and organic. They also drink water with it. We cook every night. We don’t allow junk food in the house, except on Sunday Funday. Thats when the boys are allowed to get a treat which is usually ice cream or candy for after dinner. We eat out once a week & our boys are allowed to drink whatever they want (soda is one thing I will never allow in the house even on Sunday Funday so that’s when they know they can have it if they want it) as well as order whatever they want. We too agree that the more you make junk food the forbidden fruit, the more enticing & desirable it can become. By having a Funday, they don’t feel deprived & actually savor & enjoy it more. They do trick or treat as well as have Easter baskets with candy. In MY opinion, balance is key, not complete forbidance. You’re an AMAZING mom & doing an AMAZING job! Thank you for inspiring us!
It’s a struggle, and I get very annoyed with school, friends, and family that are constantly giving them junk, and ‘undermining’ my efforts. I take them out for donuts or ice-cream once per week, because I need to treat them too. They get treats in their lunch boxes, which are not homemade as often as I would like, but they are at least preservative free. They can purchase the treat of their choice on Friday at school — if they eat their veggies all week.
This brings up an interesting topic, thanks for sharing. We try to do healthy home cooked meals at home a majority of the time. Sometimes we tend to go out to eat more (once/week) sometimes less (maybe once/mo) just depending. We try not to turn people down based on food, and if we have a lot of special reasons to eat out in a row we try to choose healthier options at the restaurant. If we go to family/friend’s houses for parties or whatever, I try to bring a healthy dish like fruit or something, so that I know we have at least one healthy thing on our plate.
I struggle with how to teach my 5 y/o daughter to eat nutritious food that nourishes her body, without it becoming “an issue” that makes her feel bad. She looooves junk food & sweets, seriously she would eat it any chance she got, we just really don’t keep it at home, but def. accepts it from others if offered. Would love to know the best way to go about it, what do you all do? Do you just not even talk about it to them at this age? Just keep healthy foods in our house that way there isn’t the battle at home, & let it go outside of your home? The thing is, it turns in to being offered junk all the time, at gma’s, school, etc etc. I worry about it more than I should, but we are dealing w/health issues like reflux, enlarged tonsils, & frequent sickness that I wonder if food is part of the issue. She is already mostly off dairy. Sugar suppresses the immune system, so I hate to see her eating sugar-filled things.
It makes me angry really that this is even an issue that we have to deal with. Chemicals should never have been turned into “food” that people consume to begin with and I don’t think that we as a society should sit back and condone the corporations that sell the processed products that have become so commonplace in the US over the years.
Lisa,
You are doing a tremendous job setting a good foundation for your kids with the nourishing foods at home. Trust your kids. If they eat a lot of sugary stuff, they are going to have a stomach ache, or feel bad otherwise, so, while they may try it, they probably won’t choose those foods on a regular basis.
I agree with abolishing the “good” and “bad” label. Food is food. I do agree that some food has more nutritional value than others, but joy in eating is also necessary at times. It’s a personal choice.
If you are modeling for your kids: eat when you are hungry, until you are full, you are giving them a powerful tool. They may forgo the sugary snack that’s offered to them because they just don’t want it then, vs choosing it every time they can because it is ‘forbidden’ and this is the only time they’ll get a chance to try it.
Keep up the good work. Trust your kids. You are doing an amazing job!
I H ATE FOOD ISSUES! Dh and I are not exactly on the same page with food. He believes in the “clean your plate or else” philosophy and I believe in the “eat until satisfied” philosophy. It’s caused many arguments and tense meal times with the kids. Ultimately I think education is all we can hope for. (And food ideals seem to change on a regular basis.) I was raised eating Ding Dongs and Pepsi for breakfast, hot dogs and chips for lunch, and dead meat with canned veggies for dinner followed by whatever junk food I wanted the rest of the night! And *I* am the healthy one in the family! We raised our kids with RARE treats of candy or pop and now they are pretty much fast food junkies! With my grandkids I practice education. They are still learning what a “protein” a “starch” and “fats” are. They love junk food cereal with cow milk and they love steel cut oatmeal with almond milk! :) They love fruit and some ve