Can we please all agree to make this post a non-judgmental space today? Just like most other parents I am simply trying to do the best I can, and just like most parents—I do not claim to have all the answers. And as a result of some recent non-judgmental and constructive feedback from blog readers, I've been doing some thinking...and my thoughts are this: I never want my daughters to have to worry about food (or anything for that matter).
People sometimes imply that allowing your children to have free rein on junk food means "letting your kid be a kid," but in reality I think they are confusing "eating junk food" with the happy-go-lucky, carefree feeling we often see in children. And in my opinion there are many ways to achieve that bliss, which I can assure you, is not only from junk food.
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But I am the first to admit it's not easy to constantly find that fine line between standing up for what you believe in (nourishing my children with the healthiest foods on the planet!) and also not being too uptight. Whether we like it or not, there is a social aspect to junk food. I tell my husband all the time "we've been there done that" ...therefore I don't care if I never again chow down on a Little Debbie Snack, a box of Nerds, or a Push Up (really, I don't). But my children have not had the same experiences as me and no matter how much they "understand" why those foods are unhealthy who can blame them for wanting to see what they are all about? They are literally surrounded by this stuff on a regular basis - just look at school lunch rooms, TV commercials, and even check-out lines at the store.
The Feedback I Couldn't Ignore
Aside from our 100-day pledge (which ended in 2010) we have never been fully restrictive on what our girls can and can't eat. We certainly eat almost all "real food" at home, but now that our pledge is over our children indulge in processed "treats" at birthday parties, school celebrations, friend's houses, etc. I certainly wish they weren't offered junk food at so many events, but this is reality and I try not to stress about it (although I have become more involved at their school in hopes of continuing to see positive changes there). We also usually offer our girls a "once a week treat," which is pretty much the only time we eat any big sweets (other than a super dark chocolate square), but more often than not they have junk food elsewhere so others were almost always beating me to the punch when it came treat time. This means our treats together as a family didn't happen very often—or if they did my daughters would have to decide to forgo a treat that was being offered to them by someone else. Watching them make these decisions is what started bothering me deep down.
Then it just so happens that last weekend we had the chance to buy our kids their weekly treat, and by request we headed out for donuts (which I shared with this picture on Facebook). It was on that post where an interesting discussion started.
Although I can't always sit down and read every single comment personally anymore—I do read a lot of them and value what our readers have to say. And I certainly did not overlook the comment from Erin that said, "Actually, excessive discussion of 'good' food and 'bad' food can play a large role on eating disorders." Nor did I overlook the New York Times article that Marie shared that is entitled, "What’s Eating Our Kids? Fears About ‘Bad’ Foods." Then (as if I didn't already have my knickers in a twist enough) a kind reader emailed me personally and said:
"When I see your daughter questioning her food, I am encouraged by her awareness, but also concerned. I did the same thing, and my mom—who was also hyper-aware of food (and for good reason!)—encouraged this in me. I eventually become afraid of the food and restricted anything that wasn't 'healthy' —until nothing was (at the same time I over-exercised, because exercise was healthy too). It all made sense—until it didn't. I just encourage you, from the bottom of my heart, to be careful and aware and honest—but also leave some space for 'food to be food'—that's become my mantra." - 100 Days of Real Food Reader
Our Outlook Going Forward
I can truthfully tell you I have never even dabbled in eating disorders, although I (unfortunately) know many friends who have. Therefore I am no stranger to the subject and it's of course not something I would ever want my daughters to struggle with. So literally right then and there I had a discussion with my husband and we agreed to make a slight change. As soon as my daughters came home from school I told my 2nd grader, "We've decided that you can eat the foods you are offered (within reason) when you are not at home, and they will not count as your 'once a week treat.' The weekly treats we will buy or make together as a family will happen no matter what. Mommy feeds you so much good, real food at home and that's where you eat most of the time. You are such a healthy girl who is an excellent eater and also gets plenty of exercise so eating junk food at school or with friends once or twice a week could never erase that. Now eating cupcakes everyday (or twice a day) would not be a good thing, but a couple times a week is nothing for anyone to worry about." And you know what, in the grand scheme of things—even though my daughters have their moments of course—they both really are super good eaters. They eat a wide variety of whole foods including lots of vegetables and are also fairly willing to try new things. So I wasn't just talking the talk with her—even with highly processed junk food often feeling like my personal nemesis, I truly believe that eating it on occasion will not erase all that goodness.
And interestingly enough, even though my daughters have honestly never verbalized a complaint about our frequency of treats before, my 8-year-old seemed to really understand what I was telling her and even acted a little happy about this change. My kindergartner is still oblivious to quite a lot and frankly doesn't even know what day it is half the time, so I spared her this "talk" because I didn't think she'd even notice the difference at her age. But I do think what will go even further than this change is for me to (continue to) not act like the occasional junk food they eat is the end of the world (i.e. no guilt trip) while still educating them in a casual, non-threatening manner. I have also always been super careful about never criticizing my body in front of them, and I think that is another very important part of raising daughters with a healthy image as well. Now this parenting gig is something I am figuring out as I go (just like everyone else!) so we may continue to make adjustments as we move forward...but I can say that I do feel good about our renewed direction.
So today my 8-year-old came home from school and announced, "I had 3 oreos at lunch since it was a friend's birthday." Then she told me, "I read the ingredients, too." And I said with a surprise, "Oh really, what did it say?" then with a laugh she said "I don't remember." Sounds like we are on the right track with having a carefree, worry-free kid who is slightly more aware than the others. :)
Nicole says
Thank you for this post. I have been following your website and have had your cookbook for a little while now. It has significantly changed my life and that of my husband and two children (ages 2 & 4). I have learned so much about healthy eating and what is actually in the food we are eating. I will not lie that my husband has had to say to me before slow down and that we cannot change everything overnight. Sometimes I actually feel stressed or anxious over the foods my children are offered, especially when they come from other family members. I don't want to stress my children out (or myself). I think your attitude is fantastic and that I need to focus on how well they actually are eating with vegetables, fruits, and other whole foods. My four year old son likes to tell anyone that will listen that brussel sprouts are his favorite! Thank you so so so much for your website and cookbook and please make another cookbook soon!
Cassandra says
I really liked this article, Lisa, and I think you're doing a great job with your girls!
As a mom who comes from a family of disordered eating, I am extremely aware of what others say about my daughter (only 15 months old) and I'm trying to figure out how I can raise her to be healthy and not concerned about her weight/appearance. Every time I hear her daddy say something to the effect of "eating like a piggy" I cringe. He doesn't understand why I think this is a terrible way to talk around her.
One of the most traumatic things for me during my childhood was listening to my mother talk about her (very thin) self as "fat", and I decided that I would never talk badly about my body in front of my little girl. I also want to get our family eating as healthy as possible. Thanks to your website/blog and cookbook, I think we are doing well. She LOVES the Whole Wheat Raisin Bread recipe. We aren't 100% "real food" yet, but we are probably 50-75%, and now I'm more aware of ingredient labels and such.
(My mother-in-law liked my copy of your cookbook so much I bought her a copy for Christmas!)
Thanks for the great recipes and tips!
renae says
My kids are a lot younger than yours but I read your blog often and have gained a lot of really helpful information that has helped our family's health a lot. I have one constructive comment to add to what others have shared. As a mental health therapist who works with teenagers and moms (some of whom have eating disorders) I want to encourage you in what you said about not speaking negatively about your body in front of your children and encourage you to go one step further. Maybe instead of just focusing on not making negative comments about your body but on praising your body for what it can do (in large part because of the healthy food you feed it!). "It feels good to see how strong my arms or legs are to lift heavy objects or run and play!" (Or whatever fun things you like to do). Girls learn how to view their bodies by listening to their moms. As my own daughter gets older I hope to be able to model talking about and appreciate what it allows me to do and not focus so much on how it looks - like the rest of our culture does.
Amber Powell says
I think what you have done for your daughters, is amazing, you are setting them up to live healthy lifestyles and that is so important! My own parents raised me on fast and frozen food with tons of unhealthy junk always in the house. I myself have battled food addiction and weight issues, and have had to learn how cook and am teaching myself to live on more real food. I know for my own children, it is important that I give them a foundation of heathy living so they never have to worry about things like that. I love your blog because it helps me realize the importance of this lifestyle and how passing it to your children, is not as hard as you think, nor are you depriving them.
MaryPat says
I just had to come back and re-read this post....Last night, I found out that my 10 yr old daughter had eaten almost all of her halloween candy! I'm pretty devastated, for a variety of reasons. First, because we try SO hard to educate her & her older sister about WHY we want them to eat "better," read labels, make LOTS of homemade things, including sweets! I'm disappointed in myself because for whatever reason, laziness, forgetfulness, I never got around to the "sort and toss" with her after halloween. Another thing I'm upset about is that she would sneak behind my back...I just don't know how to handle this! I talked with her briefly, trying not to come down on her too hard, but I'd appreciate any advice on how to handle this! Ugh, now we have a candy-filled advent calendar, "thanks" to Grandma :/ that I'm seriously considering not letting her do!
Michelle Mowat says
I have really been going over this in my head nonstop now that our 100 days is almost up (10 more days!). I want to continue to eat whole food, but it was SO MUCH easier when I could use the "excuse" of being on the 100 days. Now that we are ending, I was really thinking of doing 2 "treats" a week. And then our two kids (6 and 8) could choose while at school whether or not they wanted the treat or to have a treat with us as a family. But I do see your point, too. Thankfully, we just got a letter from our son's teacher...this year they bring their own snack to school! Yay! But for my daughter, it still is a snack every day and probably will be junk :(
So you are saying that even if we have 4-5 get-togethers/birthday parties/etc in a week (exaggerated to make the point), you still would let them choose whatever foods they want??? And then would you just not have a family "treat" that week?
Another situation I have is my in-laws like to take the kids for weekends or even in the summer, for all week. What they feed our kids bothered me before the 100 days, and even more-so now. So you are saying that (like your daughter just going to camp for a week) you suggest just letting them choose again?
I definitely do NOT want my kids to be stressed out about weight or image or anything like that...we are also super careful about what we say about ourselves and other people. But I never really thought about food before.
I am so nervous to end our 100 days!! Yikes!
Thanks for posting this...a lot to take in right now...any suggestions would be welcomed!!!
Assistant to 100 Days (Amy) says
Hi Michelle. You will be fine. At this point you have developed at habit that will serve your entire family well. Try to relax about it a bit and don't feel as if you have failed if some weeks are less that perfect. I promise they are for all of us. Regarding the treats--this comes directly from the post: “We’ve decided that you can eat the foods you are offered (within reason) when you are not at home, and they will not count as your ‘once a week treat.’ The weekly treats we will buy or make together as a family will happen no matter what. Mommy feeds you so much good, real food at home and that’s where you eat most of the time. You are such a healthy girl who is an excellent eater and also gets plenty of exercise so eating junk food at school or with friends once or twice a week could never erase that. Now eating cupcakes everyday (or twice a day) would not be a good thing, but a couple times a week is nothing for anyone to worry about.†So, while I am sure Lisa is very hopeful that it does not occur more than once or twice a week, I think she can accept (within good reason) the decision to be a bit more flexible and allow the girls the room to make their own choices. Hope that helps a little. You'll do great I'm sure. Once you are aware at this level, you don't go back. :) ~Amy
Andrea Taylor says
I am in love with your site. I have two younger girls 11 and 8 who are so excited to find your lunches in their box. We eat real at home almost all the time. I tell my girls sometimes foods that are "bad" are really good for you in a way. When your friend blows our her birthday candles and hands you a piece of pink frosted cake. When your Grandma bakes Great Grandma's apple pie. When we eat one of Santa's cookies. These are not foods I want my children eating everyday but they are memories I want them to take with them forever. These are "bad" foods drenched in our happiest memories. Enjoy life as it comes at you. We eat fresh, wholesome, homemade foods the majority of the time, the rest I chalk up to living.
Tracy Richardson says
Lisa, I appreciate your willingness to be real with your readers, and the willingness to listen to reasonable feedback. Your blog has helped to transform this family's eating and grocery shopping habits. I applaud your efforts to make people more aware of what we are consuming, and I have a strong hunch your kids will grow up with a healthy approach to food.
Andrea says
I applaud your efforts. I believe teaching your kids to be aware of what is in the food we eat can be empowering, and to empower them with the ability and knowledge to make good choices is a wonderful thing. Now, if you yourself appear anxious and worried about food then yes this could lead to some problems but if you are teaching them that (as they get old enough), yes, unfortunately food companies and regulatory agencies do not have a history of putting forth the best regulations or using healthy ingredients and it's up to us to take responsibility for treating out bodies with love and respect by learning about the quality of the food and making wise decisions...by doing this you can spare, as you know, your children potential future grief such as health problems due to the ingredients in processed food. I mean, if it was normal for kids to chew tobacco at birthday parties and at school what would we do? Some people get all up in arms about limiting processed foods as if it will certainly lead to some sort of eating disorder, without considering the health ramifications of eating processed foods. I look forward to the day when more people realize that eating all these foods as part of a daily diet is as unhealthy as smoking and who would want their child to be smoking? Thanks for sharing your journey! :-)
Lisa says
I really enjoyed this post and from the perspective of a child whose parents tried to instill the value of healthy eating and a respect for our bodies, i understand your choice to aim for this with your own children, it taught me to be a great cook more than anything else. again, from the perspective of a child who never really had those 'bad' foods and was very aware of that at the time, i have spent much of my life since overindulging in all types of foods i was never allowed to have early on. i don't like the relationship i have with food now, in terms of how i 'see' it, i developed a strong good vs bad food philosophy. i sometimes wonder if my parents had allowed the odd item such as ice cream/store bought biscuits/juice/white bread into the house whether the way i respect, value and use food now would be quite different.
Amber says
I honestly think what you were doing with your girls was great. My parents did the same thing with treats here and there and if there was a bday party that was our treat. Now I have had eds and currently am dealing with binging, but it wasn't caused by my diet. It was caused by other girls my age at the time, tabloids and media, and my mom. I had never in my life ever heard anyone female say they were happy with their body and once I hit middle school I was perfectly healthy and girls who were smaller than me would call me fat. That is the one word a girl should never be told. Never tell her she will get fat, looks fat in some outfit, or is fat. That is what leads to eds. I think if you educate your kids from a young age when they get older they can make the call on choosing healthier food. I have made a promise to my self that my child will eat healthy whole foods with no added sugar unless it is stevia sweetener, no processed foods I will breast feed as long as possible and make my baby's food myself. This not only gives them a healthy start but they try all sorts of different foods. I know a little girl who has been raised this way and she never wants cake or sweets. She is more than welcome to have them but she would rather say no thanks than I can't. She is younger than your daughter and makes better choices than most adults. She was being raised like your girls. You have to emphasize health over weight and image and just give them structure in their diet.
Sara says
Am reading an awesome book called "Fearless Feeding" it's helping me think through the treats/healthy food choices and work through some issues so I don't pass them on. Highly recommend the book.
Leslie says
As the mother of a five-year-old, I'm on board with your approach. When I was a kid, I ate much more junk food than I do as an adult. I don't let my daughter just eat junk, but I have to remember that she will spend most of her life making food choices without me looking over her shoulder. I think my job is to guide her and teach her how to eat healthy foods overall. I still eat treats--just in moderation (unless I get a rare case of PMS, in which case, I am no angel!)
Fiona says
Just came across this post and wanted to say how much resonated with me. Like you, I raise my daughter on real food for the most part, and have avoided sugar and highly processed foods as much as I can. However, now that she is spending more time with friends and at school, she is exposed to all sorts of things that we would never allow her to eat at home. I've found that for healthy baby and healthy mama, I just have to let that happen. She eats predominantly with us, and well, so on balance her diet is relatively good. I think in part it's a lesson for me - I can't protect her from everything in the world, and all I can do is give her the groundwork to be a strong kid. I also don't want her to feel like the odd one out who is refused things other kids get, nor have her worrying about her food intake. So like you, I"m just letting her eat what she feels like when she's offered it in other homes - the good news is, it turns out she doesn't even like most of it that much! But if she wants it, and other kids are having it, she can try it. At home, it's just not an option! Anyway, thanks for the honest and important post - really good thing to air!
Melissa says
I LOVED this post, as a woman who is teaching her children to eat the healthy way but has an ED past and is afraid of instilling so much obsession about good-bad foods, I unconsciously lay the foundation for ED's in my kids. Linking back from my own blog. Thank you!
Jessica says
This post really resonates with me. I started a diet one day, 11 years ago. I limited my calories to 1200 per day, with a 200 calorie treat, whatever treat I wanted. This eventually became an addiction for me. I became obsessed with calories and food portions. "Bad" food and "good" food. I spiraled out of control. I measured my food, counted crackers, etc. I eventually got to the point where I would challenge myself to see how far under 1200 calories I could go. My eating became ritualistic. I had a serious problem. I was terrified of food...terrified. Thankfully, I have broke that debilitating cycle, but it was not easy.
My husband, who is a type-1 diabetic, and I have recently started discussing what we eat. We have made lots of good changes...using whole wheat flour, whole wheat pasta, real butter and milk, no low-fat foods, etc. But through this process I have become aware that I cannot label food "good" or "bad." There MUST be a balance. I cannot allow myself to fall into food legalism. We have dear friends, whom we eat with often, who have decided to not eat wheat due to "Wheat Belly." While I respect their decision, and I understand it, I cannot put those constrains on myself and my family. Mentally, I cannot hack it, it is dangerous for me.
Balance is the key.
HoldtheOffice.com says
This post has really stuck with me. When you first posted the picture of your daughter with the donut on Facebook, I was so surprised by the comments that had to do with your use of the word "treat." I wrote a post about it on my site to see if my readers thought it was as controversial:
http://holdtheoffice.com/2013/05/24/donut-seem-a-little-crazy/#more-863
Keep up the good work! I love that you are just trying to figure it all out like the rest of us.
Nicole
HoldtheOffice.com
Kate Raspallo says
Congratulations! It is so hard to know the right thing to do as parents, sometimes. Sounds like you did the right thing!
Kyra says
I commend you for your honesty.
Parenting is not easy. Period.
There are all these "fine lines" that we do or do not want to cross.
I respect your willingness to adapt. Since clean eating is very important to you, I can only imagine how challenging this may be for you. But props for taking the steps to learn to be ok with it in moderation.
I sincerely look up to you and love that your intention is just the best for your family.
You're a great mom!
Sherri says
I have completed (I hope) raising three daughters. I have always been conscious of what they ate - preparing almost all meals, including the years when we bounced from ball game to ball game and I brought the bags of granola, carrot sticks and hummus instead of buying nachos and hotdogs for my girls. At home, we were vegetarians, but I didn't "forbid" meat. I still take a lot of heat from a lot of moms for those decisions. My advice? Ignore them.
As my daughters left home and discovered college dining halls, with unlimited soft drinks and junk food (pizza and ice cream at every meal!) they imbibed. It didn't last long. They all admitted they prefer the way they feel when they eat salads and veggies and only occasional meat. One even takes her blender to her early morning shift to make breakfast fruit/spinach smoothies.
Hang in there. Your food choices and awareness are giving your children a gift for life.
Kara says
Lisa,
You (and FoodBabe) our being followed (on FB) by my teenagers and my son LOVES your blogs!!!! You our reaching our children!!!!! 😂
My 14 year old son has been challenged with food/dye allergies/sensitivities, dyslexia, and ADHD (probably related) his entire life. Plus, a "once" hard core indulger of processed food, sweets, and drinks outside of our home. I cook healthy and encourage with a vengeance healthy habits but participating in 100 Day from January 2013 to present clenched the deal for everyone in my family. Also, asking them on a weekly basis how they feel after eating processed junk. Answer, is always the same quoting my 13 year old daughter "I need baby carrots" or water to dilute the negative side effects. This is especially true when I pick them up from school, they have eaten in the junky cafeteria, and they or tired and/or irritable when they get home. We focus on relevant teenage issues first and when there is not really one then I ask "what did you eat?". They have made the connection and it has opened all of our eyes!
I am just sooooo please with your blogs reaching my families life and making a forever difference in my children's attitude towards our food our bodies fuel.
P.S. My son admitted to me yesterday, without any prompting, that since he doesn't enjoy reading because of his dyslexia he always makes time and enjoys reading both blogs.... I was so stunned and excited to learn his latest secret i took him to the health food store to pick out dye free, gmo free, as low processed as possible candy. He now only splurges occasionally but recognizes there are alternatives that are just as enjoyable and excite the brain and taste buds like polluted junk food.
THANK YOU FOR ADVOCATING REAL FOOD!!! :))
Amy says
Thank you, yet again, for another wonderful story. I always feel relieved when I find another mom who has the same thoughts.
Catherine N says
Good for you! I read Dr Friedhoff's blog, weighty matters, and a parent on there said that she has a trade-in jar for treats they are offered for sports, etc. At church, in the past, I've taken healthy food, and it has been devoured...
I do think in this day and age, you have to have a strategy. When I taught CCD, the parents kept trying to bring food in for "special" events, and even at the library, most kids's events have some kind of treat.
I do think balance is important...as a kid we only had "healthy" food in the house, and the one time I bought a bar of chocolate for myself, at age 15/16, my father went to all the convenience shops/grocery stores and told them they were not allowed to sell me chocolate. (We lived abroad).
Claire says
I am a regular reader and I loved this post. I am a mom with children, ages 7 and 5. I struggle so much with the "junk food balance." I am also a health coach, so I really feel like I have to walk the talk. I basically allow my kids more freedom outside of the house to eat junk food if it's offered to them. I am still guilty of hovering a little bit too much over them at family events or church lunches because they could easily eat 6 desserts or more. I am trying to proactively educate them so that they know why the "bad food" is bad, especially when it comes to artificial food dyes. I don't want them to fear bad food - I want them to know how it doesn't help them to play sports, think clearly to do their homework, etc. I also am very careful about not making body image comments about myself or anyone else.
Dawn says
Thank for this post. I have two daughters - 3 1/2 and 1 1/2 and had really been thinking some of the same ideas that you expressed here. We all have to carve out our own paths with our families and especially our children, and I feel that with two daughters that the need to help raise them to have a healthy self-image and also be aware and knowledgeable is a challenge. I am so thankful to you for birthing and growing this blog, as you share your experiences and the things you have learned and discovered along the way, especially since your girls are slightly older than mine. I feel like you, and your blog, contribute to my confidence that it IS possible to do this!
Soriso says
We try to encourage our kids with healthy habits. We also encourage our children to exercise and to make good decisions when we are not home. My daughter has embraced this much more than my son. So I was very upset when my healthy normal-sized six year old told me yesterday that she "didn't want to be fat" and that she thought she was "mostly skinny" but maybe "a little fatter" than her friends. She then told me she was going outside to have fun so she could lose weight. As a slightly-overweight adult who was an overweight child that suffered through years of eating disorders, I want my daughter to have better habits and a better body image than I do. Needless to say, that conversation was an eye-opener.
Leah says
Lovely post. I have the same worries, although my son is still too little to understand any of this. We don't have any friends that care even a little about what they eat so it is hard when we get together and I think they think our food is weird or too exotic, and their kids all want junk food. I have to find a balance so their kids will still come to play at our house and my son won't feel uncomfortable when eating at other people's houses when he is older. I am working on it.
Gina @ Keepin' it Real! says
As my kids got older, and I began to lose more control of what they ate, I realized that even though I felt strongly about eating healthy etc, it had to be something that they felt strongly about for them to make it their own. So, I would cook healthy at home, but not make a big deal about it other wise. I would buy them their favorite candy bar and put it on their pillow or have their favorite "junk" snack in the house. I just remembered seeing kids who felt "deprived", and ate all the junk they could whenever they were away from their parents, so I decided it was more important they didn't have that mentality. After a few years, (both college aged) they have both come back around to wanting to eat very healthy. It's their choice now, and I don't have to force them. You are wise to not make a huge deal out of food. You may have to adjust how that looks as they get older, but it will pay off in the end. I promise.
Great job!
Michelle says
My mom made a huge deal about healthy food when I was little. We weren't allowed any white bread or added sugar except at family birthday parties until I was about seven. She fought with my grandma (her mother-in-law) about it constantly. My older sister had dreams about Lucky Charms. After my fifth sibling was born, my mom got burned out and started slipping. Then she had three more kids. By the time I left for college, we had cold cereal with sugar-added soy milk (because she thought that was better than raw milk from our neighbors), burritos (on white, partially hydrogenated tortillas), pasta (white), and TV dinners almost every day. I think I assumed the foods she fed us were healthy because she would still restrict other bad foods like white sandwich bread, desserts, and Top Ramen (even though the Stouffer's lazagne we had every Sunday has MSG in it too). When I first found out about real foods, I felt like there was nothing to eat except vegetables because every other food was categorized as junk food by either my mom or the real foodies. I think the best thing you can do for your kids is to serve them real food as often as possible and, when they're old enough, teach them how to prepare it. Then when they leave home that is all they will know how to cook and that will be their go-to food in times of stress because it is so familiar. When I stopped feeding my 3-year-old bagels and macaroni I just told him that we ran out. If he sees bagels at the store and asks for them, I just buy one for him and then I put some milk or fruit in front of him while he eats it so he won't eat as much bagel. I don't want him to fear food. (The other reason I don't buy more is because I will eat them.) I spent a large portion of my life thinking that foods that taste good are bad for you, and foods that taste bad are good. This just isn't the case. For example, fruits and vegetables that are picked when they're ripe are delicious. So I try to prepare wholesome foods in a way that is appealing to my toddlers, but I don't force them to eat anything because I was forced to eat disgusting vegetables when I was little and it didn't carry over into adulthood for me at all.
Nicole says
I really appreciate your honesty with this post. It is such a struggle to feed the kids "real food" without having it become an issue.
Jen says
Another reason I LOVE reading your blog! You have such a well balanced approach and that is why I love you. I have a 16 month old daughter and I often think of the challenges that are to come with educating her on eating healthily while being careful to never give her body image issues or food fears. Sometimes I think that not being able to eat the 'oreo' with friends will do much more damage than the occasional oreo itself. There is definitely a social aspect to food and although we eat almost all organic, whole foods at home, if friends call and want to go to dinner at XYZ restaurant...we go and we don't sweat it. I think your new solution is great and that you are a great Mom, teaching your daughters all about real foods, but also giving them the opportunity to be taught invaluable social lessons as well as invaluable lessons in regards to making choices and decisions. And I am sure your daughter felt a great sense of trust from you when you empowered her with the ability to make her own decision whether or not to eat these occasional treats if she wishes. Keep up the great work! I tell everyone about your blog!!
Trisha says
This post is really sweet. I'm so glad you posted it. I also worry/am hyper-aware of foods my family and I put in our bodies. I have been making more of an effort lately not to worry so much about an occasional treat (although, I try to make it myself with real ingredients), but for me it becomes a control-thing with my 2 year old and sometimes my Husband because I worry so much! Only because I want them to be healthy. But in reality, you can only "do what you can do" and you don't really want it to be something that gets you down. Anyway, this (like all of your posts) are really inspiring and I'm so thankful I found your blog almost a year ago! Thank you for what you do!!
Cynthia says
Good for you, it's not easy sometimes to evaluate something we feel strongly about and chose moderation.... sounds like you have a good plan and wonderful daughters...
Ani says
Lisa, I my respect for you has grown immensely with this post. I've always admired your message, but I admire it even more that you think beyond just this one issue :). You clearly love your daughters and they are so lucky to have you.
Colleen says
We have been eating clean for as long as I can remember, but have stepped it up a notch this past year after discovering food intolerances in myself and my two oldest children. We have now gone dairy and gluten free as well. I think educating your child, along with not restricting or limiting their diets is key to helping them make healthy choices on their own. We joined a CSA farm about 10 years ago (when my three kids were just babies/toddlers), and we talked a lot about why we joined the CSA, how and where our food was grown, in age appropriate discussions through the years. Now that they are teenagers, we have more in depth discussions that center around the chemicals in processed foods, GMO's, as well as the problems with big agri-business. They will still have Doritos when they're at a party, or a hot dog at a cookout, but I don't sweat it. I know that they know what's good for their bodies and 9 out of 10 times, they prefer the healthy choices. My youngest even gave an impromptu lecture to his class on the problem with GMO's.
I believe it was in exposing them to healthy foods and to where their food comes from at such a young age has helped them to be more willing to eat a wide variety of healthy foods! I also think talking to them about why they should or shouldn't eat certain things is extremely important. If you are always telling them "no you can't eat that, it's bad for you," without further explanation, they will only resent you and continue to eat unhealthy in rebellion. If you have access to joing a CSA, I highly recommend it!
Jeanette says
First, I want to say that I love your blog and visit it often. Although I can't always eat as unprocessed as I would like to (my youngest son and I are currently living with my parents), I do opt for "real" food and cook from scratch as often as possible.
I really appreciate this post. As one who struggled with an eating disorder for several years, I learned the hard way to never attach guilt to food. Instead, I have taught my kids to eat when they are hungry, stop when they are full, and that we feel a whole lot better when we eat the right things and avoid junk. I also got to a point in my life where, once I let go of my weight obsessions and realized how unhealthy they were, I found myself annoyed by people who constantly pointed out the "bad things" in foods, obsessed about calories, and responded to offers of treats as if they contained toxic waste and the one offering them should feel ashamed of themselves for liking donuts or chips or whatever the evil food might be. Yet, in my attempts to eat healthfully, I found myself doing the exact things that annoyed me. Like you, I needed to learn balance and model it for my kids. After all, I never want my kids to be rude.
My rule is that I can eat as whole and natural and real as I want to at home, but when I am at someone else's house, at a party, or someone is reaching out in kindness (for example, if someone makes me a meal when I am sick), I eat what is being served. Right now, I am working on encouraging my parents to eat better while not being the food police in their home.
Thanks again for this great post.
Lee says
Love this post, love the comments. It is so nice to know that I am not alone in struggling to walk the fine line between healthy eating and being overly restrictive. Especially when my 6 year old and 4 year old are constantly being offered "treats" by their father, their grandmother and friends and sports teams and...and...and...
Erin says
We struggle with this because my oldest is overweight. I have never had an eating disorder or an unhealthy relationship with food but my oldest struggles with compulsion. Even when he was a baby he would nurse too much and throw it all up. When he was a toddler he ate a variety of foods, even salad, but he has no off switch. He is only 11. I don't want him to be scared of food but it's a fine line of teaching him how to be healthy and when to say when. Parenting is a constant worry isn't it? Keep fighting the good fight!
Krystal says
I really appreciate this post! As a follower who's family currently doesn't struggle with allergies so no official *reason* to avoid other than health choice, this is a great balanced perspective- especially the aspect of raising daughters in a world that puts so much influence on image- the motive for diet should be health!
Thanks, Lisa & team!
Laura says
I was actually having this same set of thoughts the other day. I think the most important part is not limiting the treats, but rather filling a majority of their meals with healthy stuff. Like you said, expose them to the healthy stuff at home, and let the rest of it fall where it may. I get frustrated at treats at school / parties, too... but definitely don't want her to feel guilty or like the food is something to "sneak" or binge on because it's forbidden... So I plan on keeping the home food well rounded, optional. Get her palate used to lower salt, less chemical food - I don't know about you, but to me some of that processed stuff doesn't even taste good anymore!