Can we please all agree to make this post a non-judgmental space today? Just like most other parents I am simply trying to do the best I can, and just like most parents—I do not claim to have all the answers. And as a result of some recent non-judgmental and constructive feedback from blog readers, I've been doing some thinking...and my thoughts are this: I never want my daughters to have to worry about food (or anything for that matter).
People sometimes imply that allowing your children to have free rein on junk food means "letting your kid be a kid," but in reality I think they are confusing "eating junk food" with the happy-go-lucky, carefree feeling we often see in children. And in my opinion there are many ways to achieve that bliss, which I can assure you, is not only from junk food.
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But I am the first to admit it's not easy to constantly find that fine line between standing up for what you believe in (nourishing my children with the healthiest foods on the planet!) and also not being too uptight. Whether we like it or not, there is a social aspect to junk food. I tell my husband all the time "we've been there done that" ...therefore I don't care if I never again chow down on a Little Debbie Snack, a box of Nerds, or a Push Up (really, I don't). But my children have not had the same experiences as me and no matter how much they "understand" why those foods are unhealthy who can blame them for wanting to see what they are all about? They are literally surrounded by this stuff on a regular basis - just look at school lunch rooms, TV commercials, and even check-out lines at the store.
The Feedback I Couldn't Ignore
Aside from our 100-day pledge (which ended in 2010) we have never been fully restrictive on what our girls can and can't eat. We certainly eat almost all "real food" at home, but now that our pledge is over our children indulge in processed "treats" at birthday parties, school celebrations, friend's houses, etc. I certainly wish they weren't offered junk food at so many events, but this is reality and I try not to stress about it (although I have become more involved at their school in hopes of continuing to see positive changes there). We also usually offer our girls a "once a week treat," which is pretty much the only time we eat any big sweets (other than a super dark chocolate square), but more often than not they have junk food elsewhere so others were almost always beating me to the punch when it came treat time. This means our treats together as a family didn't happen very often—or if they did my daughters would have to decide to forgo a treat that was being offered to them by someone else. Watching them make these decisions is what started bothering me deep down.
Then it just so happens that last weekend we had the chance to buy our kids their weekly treat, and by request we headed out for donuts (which I shared with this picture on Facebook). It was on that post where an interesting discussion started.
Although I can't always sit down and read every single comment personally anymore—I do read a lot of them and value what our readers have to say. And I certainly did not overlook the comment from Erin that said, "Actually, excessive discussion of 'good' food and 'bad' food can play a large role on eating disorders." Nor did I overlook the New York Times article that Marie shared that is entitled, "What’s Eating Our Kids? Fears About ‘Bad’ Foods." Then (as if I didn't already have my knickers in a twist enough) a kind reader emailed me personally and said:
"When I see your daughter questioning her food, I am encouraged by her awareness, but also concerned. I did the same thing, and my mom—who was also hyper-aware of food (and for good reason!)—encouraged this in me. I eventually become afraid of the food and restricted anything that wasn't 'healthy' —until nothing was (at the same time I over-exercised, because exercise was healthy too). It all made sense—until it didn't. I just encourage you, from the bottom of my heart, to be careful and aware and honest—but also leave some space for 'food to be food'—that's become my mantra." - 100 Days of Real Food Reader
Our Outlook Going Forward
I can truthfully tell you I have never even dabbled in eating disorders, although I (unfortunately) know many friends who have. Therefore I am no stranger to the subject and it's of course not something I would ever want my daughters to struggle with. So literally right then and there I had a discussion with my husband and we agreed to make a slight change. As soon as my daughters came home from school I told my 2nd grader, "We've decided that you can eat the foods you are offered (within reason) when you are not at home, and they will not count as your 'once a week treat.' The weekly treats we will buy or make together as a family will happen no matter what. Mommy feeds you so much good, real food at home and that's where you eat most of the time. You are such a healthy girl who is an excellent eater and also gets plenty of exercise so eating junk food at school or with friends once or twice a week could never erase that. Now eating cupcakes everyday (or twice a day) would not be a good thing, but a couple times a week is nothing for anyone to worry about." And you know what, in the grand scheme of things—even though my daughters have their moments of course—they both really are super good eaters. They eat a wide variety of whole foods including lots of vegetables and are also fairly willing to try new things. So I wasn't just talking the talk with her—even with highly processed junk food often feeling like my personal nemesis, I truly believe that eating it on occasion will not erase all that goodness.
And interestingly enough, even though my daughters have honestly never verbalized a complaint about our frequency of treats before, my 8-year-old seemed to really understand what I was telling her and even acted a little happy about this change. My kindergartner is still oblivious to quite a lot and frankly doesn't even know what day it is half the time, so I spared her this "talk" because I didn't think she'd even notice the difference at her age. But I do think what will go even further than this change is for me to (continue to) not act like the occasional junk food they eat is the end of the world (i.e. no guilt trip) while still educating them in a casual, non-threatening manner. I have also always been super careful about never criticizing my body in front of them, and I think that is another very important part of raising daughters with a healthy image as well. Now this parenting gig is something I am figuring out as I go (just like everyone else!) so we may continue to make adjustments as we move forward...but I can say that I do feel good about our renewed direction.
So today my 8-year-old came home from school and announced, "I had 3 oreos at lunch since it was a friend's birthday." Then she told me, "I read the ingredients, too." And I said with a surprise, "Oh really, what did it say?" then with a laugh she said "I don't remember." Sounds like we are on the right track with having a carefree, worry-free kid who is slightly more aware than the others. :)
Belinda says
Oh...my...goodness. I, literally, just had this same sort of conversation with my girlfriend because I am like a crazy person when it comes to sugar and my 4-year old daughter. Since she was small we have tried to limit the amount of sugar she eats and sometimes we even just say, "No, you can't have x, y, z" despite her friends having the same thing. I am more crazy about anything with corn syrup so the candy she usually does get is made with sugar. But even then at 4 years old, should they be eating so much sugar? And how much is so much?? (Sigh). It is so tough to be a parent.
Wendy G says
Thanks for sharing...and for being willing to change!
Our oldest child developed anorexia at the age of 13. She was homeschooled, never exposed to media/magazines depicting girls who are "thin", etc.and I never talked about my body or dissatisfaction with my shape. I simply educated my girls at a very young age about nutrition and food choices and because she is a rule follower, she took my words to heart much more than the average child.
I have since relaxed about food, and she has undergone treatment and is doing very well at the age of 17. The key is understanding your child and giving him/her the wisdom, but allowing them the freedom to choose.
angela says
i work with young children with feeding issues and in reading Ellyn Satter's work and the research by Dr. Irene Chatoor you find evidence to back up the recent shift you have made:) they suggest a "dessert day" a few (1-3) times a week where during one meal the "treat" is offered as part of the meal and can be eaten whenever each person wants to eat it (in that meal). this helps kids learn to eat treats in moderation instead of making them this coveted "special" thing that is an expression of our emotions and celebrations...they are just another food. http://www.ellynsatter.com/using-forbidden-food-i-51.html
Melinda says
Love this! Balance is key in so many areas of life, and this post was a great encouragement to me.
Jessica Holmes says
I have had this same dilemma come up as we try to eat as whole food/organic as possible, but our friends and family don't. It's funny to me when my daughter tells adults if food is healthy or not. We have the complication of food allergies in both of us. I have focused more on portion control of "unhealthy" food- indulging in a favorite is fine, within reason, but I also do not buy food that is not safe in my mind. Thank you for being open about not being perfect- I feel like people who question my way of feeding my daughter expect me to be 100% sure of every move I make and just like you I am moving through this as we grow as a family!
Kym Matthews says
Thank you so much for sharing. we have and 80/20 rule at our house (it is my hope to someday be 90/10 but for now) So we strive to eat clean 80% of the time and don't stress about the 20%.
We have 3 children 23, 20 and 13, our oldest is married and we are still trying to figure this parenting thing out :-)
Again thanks for the insight into your journey, helps to have others on the road with me.
Jimmercricket says
Great post-I'm in the same boat as you are-3 young girls-trying to gracefully balance teaching/guiding them about good healthy foods without causing them to be overly concerned about food, which leads to self image issues and eating disorders. I think you are doing a great job! I see what you pack your girls for lunch and you inspire me daily. But the reality is that you are human, like the rest of us-we all are finding our own path. Unfortunately, there are just so many judgmental folks out there who think its their way or the highway. What it boils down to is just do your absolute best. Thanks for being human and showing this side of you. Makes the other folks out here who struggle daily about that balance feel a lot better about the things they are doing too. Thanks!
Denise says
I am new to your blog and so far I love everything I have read. I have a son 6 yrs and daughter 19 months and we have been on the path of more clean eating and it's been inspiring for me to find new things to prepare. We cannot be in control of our kids food all the time and so a nice balance of eating clean at home is a great way to start. We say no to lolly pops from the bank and that is ok, but how do you have your child say no to a Birthday cupcake? I agree with not teaching your kids to be hyper about food and it being bad for you. It's about making good choices. I also believe that when your kids get a little older they can be more in tune with their body and know what makes them feel good and what makes them feel tired or a little sick. I know children/kids who scrap off the frosting because they don't like how sweet it taste. We develope those taste preferences and awareness for their body as they grow and develope. Thanks for sharing this subject because it is so important!
Elizabeth Hafferty says
It takes alot of courage to share such personal "stuff". I just wanted to take this opportunity to say that I value your website and blog, and I often share your posts on fb. Your humility and transparency is appreciated and admired. Peace and blessings.
Kim Bayne says
Wonderfully insightful post about the ways our everyday actions and beliefs influence our children as a whole, and the projections of what the outcomes could be. I totally agree about the social and cultural importance of certain foods, however it is concerning to me that so much of what we accept as treats or social, party type food is so over processed and loaded with artificial ingredients that it isn't even really 'food'. I am finding the normalcy of eating so much junk harder to tolerate in my own life. Some people assume a can of soft drink and a hot dog for example can be classed as a 'meal', yet I challenge anyone to find any nutritional value at all in those items. My fear is that not enough people care to question the processing and additives in their food to demand change, to demand that our foods are more whole and less science experiment. To demand that we don't NEED food to stay bright green for 10 years and still taste fresh.
Stephanie says
I agree with Lisa. I am a pediatrician, now SAHM training my own kids to make healthy food choices, but at my house, I felt that power struggles and hyper-control of food could be a setup for Eating Disorders. Took a class with Cindy Landham who has now written a great book on how to be relaxed around food but make good choices:
http://www.amazon.com/Liberated-Eater-Cindy-Landham/dp/1467540072/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1368237684&sr=1-1&keywords=cindy+landham
Michelle Watkins says
I think this was a well thought out way to address the issue. Having struggled with food myself all of my life I know first hand how hard it can be when food becomes polarized into good and bad. (the diet industry literally feeds on this-no pun intended!) I have been on both sides and even when I was on the side of eating nothing but good food it still seemed that my life was obsessed by food! Only this time it was about ensuring that I never ate anything "bad". Drove my family and friends crazy as they never knew what I could eat and what I couldn't and it was a chore to find something worthy if we happened to be traveling and needed to just grab something on the go. And you know...as humans anytime someone tells us we can't have something we tend to just want it all the more. Kudos to you for giving your daughters the freedom to choose and the education to be able to understand how to make healthy choices. Those are two things I wish I had received growing up.
Eva Vandegriffe says
Thank you for this, it is almost word for word the same conclusion my husband and I came up with. We have four children and two of them are pre-teens. They have active social lives and I am not always there to monitor what they are eating, nor do I think I should be. Our goal is to raise well educated thinkers, without making them manic or obsessive about food. Some of that education comes from letting them learn on their own and experience for themselves the differences between consuming real vs processed foods. So far they go for real 75% of the time- but sometimes they want to experience what other people are trying and I don't ever want to make them feel bad about that. Food is hard, it's nourishment tied to so many strange social aspects- we are all just doing are best to navigate a tough situation.
Erica R says
Thank you for your transparency. Some people, including myself, are black and white (or all good vs all bad) and your insight is helpful. I often felt myself reading your website and then feeling inadequate because we were not 100% real. This post makes you and your goals (to me) more attainable and real. I feel encouraged, not defeated. As a mental health therapist who has worked with teens (many of whom have eating disorders or body perception disorders) you are on the right track. Thanks! Favorite post ever.
Beth says
I make these same decisions every day. I make a point with my son to understand that I don't buy junk. We make sure we all eat right as much as possible. We even anticipate parties and other junk arenas and make sure the healthy balance is still positive. We are really proud of our efforts to eat clean... In fact our son is better than we are because sadly WE KNOW THE TASTINESS AND EMOTION OF THR JUNK.
My husband and I are pledging to be 100% clean eaters in June. Wish us luck.
Barb says
This is exactly the post I needed today. Thank you!
Amy says
A few years ago I worked at a residential eating disorder recovery center for women. Most of the patients were in their late teens or early twenties (although we had a number of more mature women as well). A startling number of these women were battling eating disorders that wouldn't allow them to eat foods that weren't local, organic, etc (as well as fat-free and low-calorie). They felt guilty about the impact of any food they ate on their bodies and the planet. Obviously, they weren't physically or mentally healthy.
Fast forward a few years, and I am the mother of a daughter. She is only two now, and an adventurous and healthy eater. Almost all of the food she consumes is prepared by me or her dad. I've already been struggling with what to do about family visits where she is offered a variety of highly processed, low-nutrient foods, but I've decided for the time being to leave it be. For one thing, I'm still there to monitor her, and even these visits are a every now and then event--a treat unto themselves. But I always think back to the women I met who battled these eating disorders, and I don't want my daughter to deal with the same thing.
Furthermore, I feel that my responsibility lies in putting pressure on the powers that be--the FDA, the government, the schools, and food corporations--to improve so that our children can just eat food without anybody worrying about it making them sick! There are times when I feel completely overwhelmed because as our family's primary food shopper and cook, I have to educate myself on what is good, bad, and ugly before even heading to the grocery store. And then I have to fit it all into our budget. And then next week I'll learn about something I just fed our family that might be circumspect. I bet that it is only a small percentage of people who have the time, resources, or desire to even begin this type of research, and I feel very frustrated that our government hasn't done more to keep these ingredients out of our food supply!
Until our government, schools, etc. catch up, I'll continue to feed my daughter healthy, whole foods, some homemade treats, and then let the rest go. There is no point in beating myself up or causing her to feel guilty down the road when there is already so much pressure on us to meet certain standards. I'll do the best I can, put some pressure on the likes of Kraft and McDonalds to do a little better, and then give myself a break.
Tonia says
I could not help but to comment on this. I'm a college student ( not yet a mother but hopefully one day) and I read your posts all of the time. I've been slowly getting into a healthier food lifestyle and I struggle with what is actually healthy and what other people think is healthy. In the future I plan to give my children the healthiest lifestyle possible. I basically wanted to say good for you. Not only are you doing what you feel is best for your children but you are accepting others advice on how to raise them and doing it in a positive way. You are truly a role model.
Wade says
I honestly think that society makes way too much out food in general anyway. It is celebrated more than anything, it is used as treats, comfort, rewards, motivation, entertainment and just about anything else that one could imagine. Food such just be that, food. It is nothing more than fuel for the body and so we must provide the best fuel that we can to sustain and energize it. I have no problem with "junk food" per say as long as its real food and nothing that is fake or noting but a bunch of chemicals as this is why I follow you, Food Babe and some others as you all are the ones that inspired me and my family and continue to do so on a daily basis. I do not judge you but would only offer that to not worry so much as to the emotional stress that your daughters will experience by not enjoying junk food. If we just use and as well teach our children that food whether it is real or fake is only to fuel the body rather than to build a life around it. The Bible teaches that we should train up a child in the way that they should go and that way being Christ Jesus and not whether or not they are comforted, entertained or enjoy food. Well I'll keep my thoughts short as in hope to not offend as I usually do no matter what or how that I say something. Honestly I try not to and I pray that this will be received with the love that it is being written. Thanks for your Blog as I have thoroughly enjoyed it and hope to continue as well. Again, lets just eat good real food and not get caught up in so much phycology and man's wisdom. Let us turn to the one that can sustain us aka..the bread of life, Jesus Christ.
Annette says
Thumbs up!!! This is same balance we have come to with our 7 and 12 year old. What is in your home develops life long habits. My kids love shopping for quality and nutrition over quantity. Earthfare, Trader Joe's, The local Farmer's Market, local eggs and raw milk. Shopping did not excite them at a 'regular' grocery store and the some of the 'junk' has lost it draw. Just today though, my son had ice cream with his grandmother after a tennis match. Moderation. I am ok because I know that most of what they eat packs a nutritional punch!
Jeremy says
Thank you for this article. I have been on a similar path while trying to balance what my girls (6 & 4) consume. I too want to provide the very best but find myself 'out of control' when they are away. I find that it's easiest to simply not worry about it - they have been exposed to many good things in life as it pertains to healthy eating and exercise. I know that the big picture is pointing them in the right direction so that when I no longer provide for them, they are well prepared to live life.
I'm sure that you are doing the same, lead by example and your kids will follow the same path. As a parent we help them establish the common ground between healthy and unhealthy choices; they then eventually make their own decisions. As they grow older they will rely upon their experiences and make healthy decisions. You're doing the right thing, I would encourage you not to worry about it - every family unit encourages their children to follow specific paths, some choose politics or religion, some choose healthy lifestyles or environmental stewardship. That's what makes each culture whole.
Thank you for all you do.
Katie says
Wow! How we speak about food is something I haven't been aware of. But from this post I will try to be more aware in the future. My three year old daughter is hyper aware off"good" and "bad" food and maybe I've harped on that too much. It's always seemed like a slippery slope, but I don't want to damage her by trying to do good .
Brooke Pillow says
We think alike!!! I have 3 daughters and 1 son and have the same worries as you do! I have adopted the same food philosophy as you. We are doing the best we can! I agree! When I see what my peers are feeding their kids, what they get at school, birthday parties, etc, it is sickening. I support you 100%!
Kerry says
Real food talk and a REAL parent. Thank you for keeping it all real!
Lindsey says
We try to real food as much as possible. I don't buy treat that have food dye or corn syrup, etc in them. We try to make a lot of our treats homemade. However, especially when we are out with friends or at birthday parties and other such events they get to pick. I made a decision a while ago that my kids are going to have to figure it out for themselves in some ways. I can provide the good food, and the educational foundation, but if I prevent them from ever tasting the little debbie's snack cakes or an occasional sucker then when they get to an age where they really grasp the concept sneaking and rebellion or even when they are out on their own, the good food choices are going to seem like a trap and a killer of fun that mom has made us do instead of a choice that they made for themselves because they truly know its what''s best for them. In this way I try to balance out my approach and I applaud you for trying to take the same action with your kids.
cheryl says
I can see the different sides of the issue, and I can understand them, I think.
What it comes down to (for me) is you raise your children as you see fit. They are your kids. Kids, as well as adults, are literally bombarded with commercials and ads regarding fast food, kid food, food that is marketed as healthy but if you read between the lines it isn't, et al. I have seen children brought up on Happy Meals and Lunchables and the like, and I have seen children brought up with home cooked meals without a preservative in sight. It's the way of the world, and you do what you can to not have your family turn into a statistic.
I like your blog because you don't finger point. You write what you do and don't put anyone down because they don't do the exact same thing as you do. I don't have kids and I find your recipes and lunches beneficial for myself as an adult, and I am grateful for your knowledge.
Food is a touchy subject for some: we all need food, but we all view our food needs differently. You do what feels good for you and your family, and be proud you are educating your children as to what is healthy and what is not.
Abby says
Well done! Thank you for doing this for your daughters. I completely understand your dilemma and I certainly think you did the right thing! Here's to whole food and carefree eating simply enjoying food!
Elizabeth says
Great post! I too have trouble drawing the line on what I tell my girls about selecting certain foods. I cannot stand that junk food is available wherever they go, even in their learning center. Fruit snacks, Rice Krispie treats, Oreos, applesauce and graham crackers with HFCS, Keebler cookies, you name it. Early on I began packing their own special snack boxes, but always let the teacher know that if they desperately wanted what everyone else was having that was fine. Luckily they are happy with their organic snacks and it wasn't until this school year that my five year old began requesting the school's snacks. I see no problem with special treats here and there but when these chemicals and GMOs are in EVERYTHING these days, they are hard to avoid! We have eliminated all processed snacks, even organic ones, because they get enough junk elsewhere. They are excited to reach in the bin and grab and apple for snack anyway.
Erin Otness says
Lisa, I am so impressed! You are obviously a very caring mom. As a pediatrician, and mother of 3 kids ages 3, 5 and 7, I love your blog. I could not agree more about the fine line between encouraging our children to consume healthy, unprocessed foods the majority of the time, but without making food a black and white good and bad thing that might lead to undue worries about food later. My kids eat very well at home and I pack them healthy lunches for school. Their diet is full of fruits and vegetables. We rarely have desert at home and when we do, it is usually berries, or watermelon or homemade sorbet. My kids love to bake and my 3 and 5 year old love nothing more than to make cookies to surprise their sister when she gets off the bus from elementary school. We make a half batch so that there are not a ton of left over cookies and we can have another project for another day. The cookies are usually a pretty healthy recipe. My kids are invited to a lot of birthday parties and school events which often include a lot of treats that are full of artificial colors and empty calories. I dont worry too much about it, though, because I don't want to tell them that they have to forgo the treats, and therefore feel excluded. Luckily, my kids truly prefer the taste of healthy unprocessed food, and will often just take a bite or two of the cupcake and leave the rest. When we go to a restaurant, I encourage them to order from the adult menu, but if there is something on the kid's menu that they want, I let them have it....part of the fun of eating out is that everyone can make a choice about what they are eating. However, my kids almost aways choose to substitute the fries for a fruit of veggie. That is good enough for me. My sister is raising her 2 daughters vegan and not allowing them to participate in activities that include non vegan foods at school/ b day parties or playdates. I vehemently feel that this a very dangerous choice. I model healthy eating. I talk about using food to nourish our bodies to provide fuel for working and playing, 99% of the foods that I buy and have in our home are healthy foods at home, so it is what my kids are used to eating...but nothing is absolutely off limits. Ultimately, they will need to practice making good choices without me standing over their shoulders to continue to make good choices as adults. They need a little freedom to be able to do that.
Shannon says
Great post! Such an important topic and a major concern of mine. I follow a similar strategy in my family- only healthy food in our house. If we are at a party or out to dinner I let my children make their own choices.
Heather says
Well, I think that one day all of our children are going to make their own food choices. I think the best we can do is to teach them why they SHOULD eat certain foods, to help them pay attention to how they feel after they eat different foods and how to place foods into the everyday vs. the occasional categories. Hopefully, they will develop a positive relationship with food...one where they look at it as fuel to help you feel good a short while later AND live a long, healthy life. That is my hope for my children! It appears that you are teaching your girls to have a similar relationship with food:)
Markey says
Interesting topic! How much is allowed would depend on how sensitive the child is. Science has shown that all kids are affected by food dyes. We were super careful due to our son's sensitivity to anything made from petroleum. A 4 day reaction wasn't worth allowing him to have it. Now that they are grown, both still avoid junk food.
Lisa D. says
I think. Your decision is awesome I try to do the same. Mine are much older than you and the kin of understand the way food works that its a topic for discussion and although I may be passionate at times they shouldn't hide or be afraid to tell me or talk to me about food.
Good luck!!
Julie V says
This was a great read! It hit home with me, as well. My husband and I are really trying to incorporate more whole (and wholesome) foods into our diet; thankfully, he, my son and I are all pretty willing to try things out (even with a wary eye, lol). My husband has been tentatively diagnosed with Crohns Disease, so we've recently started looking into adding juicing to our daily regimen. There are times that I cringe when we go to my in-law's for dinner, or to a friends house, and some of the ingredients are things I won't allow in my house (many of them from years before 100 Days came about!). But, I have to realize, my MIL is an excellent cook, and actually incorporates veggies into her meals more than I do! But, it's also grandma's house, and he doesn't live there, so ice cream sandwiches or Italian ices are few and far between. "I can't be so uptight!" the very thought that crossed my mind while reading this. Our little man is only two, and we have years ahead of us to introduce so many wonderful things in the food world! Thank you for being realistic, and real with your readers!
Liz says
Lisa, thank you - an excellent point that certainly resonates. Thank you for your candor - your posts are thought provoking and even if someone disagrees, it sparks discussion. Well done, and thank you again for what you are doing. The more discussion about food in this country, the better!
Kristen says
Thank you for sharing so honestly and clearly. You've expressed the heart of so many of us! Thanks for the loving work you do every day to make your family and MY family healthier. THANK YOU!
Kara Eckhardt says
Thank you for this post! Great one.
salma says
well u can choose to have friends that are as conscious as you about food and other stuff. you can attend with ur kids to events of gathering of ppl with similar conscious interests too.. that way, ur kids will become friends with their kids.. and u could send ur kids also on events that are especially made to group kids together.. kids who have conscious parents like u. these could be the people u frequent the most... and then, if other gatherings happena few times a year, so be it. I am planning on home-schooling my kids.. either that or I find a school/group of people whom I share the same awareness and interests with. it is up to us to build new conscious communities together. and it all depends on what people we choose to deal with and eat with, etc. I set my priorities differently than u.
freetospeak says
hmmm did you read her first sentence which said "can we all agree to make this a non-judgemental space for today."
Caryn says
There will always be people who think they do things better than everyone else. (Salma) It is best to ignore them. Lisa is doing an amazing job raising her daughters. She is doing what is best for her family -- not anyone else's family. I think this is the best post so far. Thank you Lisa!
Christy LaRoy says
This post hit so close to home for me. I feel the same way when it comes to worrying about my need to feed my girls healthy foods and what exactly I am planting in their minds. I also have an 8 year old and a kindergartener. And I have been doing a similar plan as to what you have done, healthy, real food at home, and packed lunches. Except at lunch they get one fun food sometimes I can make it organic and non processed other times it's gushers and every Friday night it's family fun food night with pizza or take out and a movie. But I think that in raising kids a lot of how they turn out is our relationship with them. If we fill them with fear about their food yes they will have fear about food in them. But if we are on the stricter side, but explain our reasoning it will help them to be aware. It's mostly about having a good relationship with them in all subjects not just one subject. (I have seen many parents in a variety of subjects from grades, sports, activities, and even food obsess about that subject with their kids) If we have a well rounded relationship with our children, and we aren't obsessive how WE live they will grow up strong, healthy, and smart.
Jennifer says
Thank you Lisa for sharing! I have been consumed with similar struggles recently. It is so hard to bite my tongue when someone offers my children artificial foods!!! My mind only thinks of the chemicals their little bodies have to fight. In fact, my six year old is highly sensitive to artificial food colorings.
I dont want them to spend their childhood riddled with the fears that I have, or to pretend that we dont live in America, so I have always just focused on the positives... until recently...
Since they started eating solid foods as babies, I always shared with them the health benefits of what they were eating. I focused on food as fuel. They are great eaters. At any meal, they always eat their fruit and veggies first, and not because I ever suggested it. They truly enjoy eating healthy foods.
And now they are 5 and 6, and eat plenty of meals outside the home, at school, parties, playdates...
They have experienced a wide variety of "junk food", and to no surprise, they love it!!!
I refuse to be the "bad mommy" that restricts what they eat when they are not at home, but they are very wise about nutrition, so i had a quick talk about artificial foods.
I explained to them that some sneaky scientists in a laboratory were mixing chemicals together to make stuff that looks like food and tastes like food, but isn't food at all. I even explained that these chemicals were like poisons and too much of them could really hurt our bodies. I explained that the healthy foods we eat provide us with nutrients to keep our bodies strong so that a little bit of sneaky chemicals cant hurt us.
For a few days i worried that I had ruined my children's innocence! That I would end up with daughters riddled with eating disorders or afraid to eat, or social outcasts at birthday parties.
But instead, i have grown even more proud of my kids. Just yesterday, upon returning from school, my 6 year old made herself a snack of berries (blue, black and strawberries) and announced that she had really enjoyed some junky snacks at school and wanted to refill her body with health b/c she was feeling icky. I want them to make their own choices, but cant imagine how they would do that w/o knowing what they are choosing.
I now am comforted knowing that I am doing my job as a mother and guiding my kids through life, and if i wanted to rob them of a childhood i would plunk them in front of a TV or computer instead of letting them accidentally destroy plants in the garden while hunting for worms :)
cheryl says
Jennifer:
Best reply ever.
Food IS fuel. That didn't hit home for me until I decided to join a gym and start moving for a change. My metabolism was all like "WHAT?!?!" and non-beneficial food didn't do me any good, and I felt it. Oh boy did I feel it. In order to not collapse, I began eating real, unprocessed food because that is what my body needed. Junk food lost its appeal because it didn't do me any good.