Can we please all agree to make this post a non-judgmental space today? Just like most other parents I am simply trying to do the best I can, and just like most parents—I do not claim to have all the answers. And as a result of some recent non-judgmental and constructive feedback from blog readers, I've been doing some thinking...and my thoughts are this: I never want my daughters to have to worry about food (or anything for that matter).
People sometimes imply that allowing your children to have free rein on junk food means "letting your kid be a kid," but in reality I think they are confusing "eating junk food" with the happy-go-lucky, carefree feeling we often see in children. And in my opinion there are many ways to achieve that bliss, which I can assure you, is not only from junk food.
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But I am the first to admit it's not easy to constantly find that fine line between standing up for what you believe in (nourishing my children with the healthiest foods on the planet!) and also not being too uptight. Whether we like it or not, there is a social aspect to junk food. I tell my husband all the time "we've been there done that" ...therefore I don't care if I never again chow down on a Little Debbie Snack, a box of Nerds, or a Push Up (really, I don't). But my children have not had the same experiences as me and no matter how much they "understand" why those foods are unhealthy who can blame them for wanting to see what they are all about? They are literally surrounded by this stuff on a regular basis - just look at school lunch rooms, TV commercials, and even check-out lines at the store.
The Feedback I Couldn't Ignore
Aside from our 100-day pledge (which ended in 2010) we have never been fully restrictive on what our girls can and can't eat. We certainly eat almost all "real food" at home, but now that our pledge is over our children indulge in processed "treats" at birthday parties, school celebrations, friend's houses, etc. I certainly wish they weren't offered junk food at so many events, but this is reality and I try not to stress about it (although I have become more involved at their school in hopes of continuing to see positive changes there). We also usually offer our girls a "once a week treat," which is pretty much the only time we eat any big sweets (other than a super dark chocolate square), but more often than not they have junk food elsewhere so others were almost always beating me to the punch when it came treat time. This means our treats together as a family didn't happen very often—or if they did my daughters would have to decide to forgo a treat that was being offered to them by someone else. Watching them make these decisions is what started bothering me deep down.
Then it just so happens that last weekend we had the chance to buy our kids their weekly treat, and by request we headed out for donuts (which I shared with this picture on Facebook). It was on that post where an interesting discussion started.
Although I can't always sit down and read every single comment personally anymore—I do read a lot of them and value what our readers have to say. And I certainly did not overlook the comment from Erin that said, "Actually, excessive discussion of 'good' food and 'bad' food can play a large role on eating disorders." Nor did I overlook the New York Times article that Marie shared that is entitled, "What’s Eating Our Kids? Fears About ‘Bad’ Foods." Then (as if I didn't already have my knickers in a twist enough) a kind reader emailed me personally and said:
"When I see your daughter questioning her food, I am encouraged by her awareness, but also concerned. I did the same thing, and my mom—who was also hyper-aware of food (and for good reason!)—encouraged this in me. I eventually become afraid of the food and restricted anything that wasn't 'healthy' —until nothing was (at the same time I over-exercised, because exercise was healthy too). It all made sense—until it didn't. I just encourage you, from the bottom of my heart, to be careful and aware and honest—but also leave some space for 'food to be food'—that's become my mantra." - 100 Days of Real Food Reader
Our Outlook Going Forward
I can truthfully tell you I have never even dabbled in eating disorders, although I (unfortunately) know many friends who have. Therefore I am no stranger to the subject and it's of course not something I would ever want my daughters to struggle with. So literally right then and there I had a discussion with my husband and we agreed to make a slight change. As soon as my daughters came home from school I told my 2nd grader, "We've decided that you can eat the foods you are offered (within reason) when you are not at home, and they will not count as your 'once a week treat.' The weekly treats we will buy or make together as a family will happen no matter what. Mommy feeds you so much good, real food at home and that's where you eat most of the time. You are such a healthy girl who is an excellent eater and also gets plenty of exercise so eating junk food at school or with friends once or twice a week could never erase that. Now eating cupcakes everyday (or twice a day) would not be a good thing, but a couple times a week is nothing for anyone to worry about." And you know what, in the grand scheme of things—even though my daughters have their moments of course—they both really are super good eaters. They eat a wide variety of whole foods including lots of vegetables and are also fairly willing to try new things. So I wasn't just talking the talk with her—even with highly processed junk food often feeling like my personal nemesis, I truly believe that eating it on occasion will not erase all that goodness.
And interestingly enough, even though my daughters have honestly never verbalized a complaint about our frequency of treats before, my 8-year-old seemed to really understand what I was telling her and even acted a little happy about this change. My kindergartner is still oblivious to quite a lot and frankly doesn't even know what day it is half the time, so I spared her this "talk" because I didn't think she'd even notice the difference at her age. But I do think what will go even further than this change is for me to (continue to) not act like the occasional junk food they eat is the end of the world (i.e. no guilt trip) while still educating them in a casual, non-threatening manner. I have also always been super careful about never criticizing my body in front of them, and I think that is another very important part of raising daughters with a healthy image as well. Now this parenting gig is something I am figuring out as I go (just like everyone else!) so we may continue to make adjustments as we move forward...but I can say that I do feel good about our renewed direction.
So today my 8-year-old came home from school and announced, "I had 3 oreos at lunch since it was a friend's birthday." Then she told me, "I read the ingredients, too." And I said with a surprise, "Oh really, what did it say?" then with a laugh she said "I don't remember." Sounds like we are on the right track with having a carefree, worry-free kid who is slightly more aware than the others. :)
Mindy says
I am a parent of 2 children with ADD/ADHD. We chose not to do the medication route, opting to control it through diet instead. I have to be strict about what they can and can not eat. They are not allowed to eat most processed foods or anything with artificial food coloring, nitrates, or preservatives in it. They do get special treats. If I can not find a healthy version of what they are craving, we simply make it. They love helping me make everything. We do not eat out because of the restrictions in their diet. They can not have the donuts out or the friends birthday cake and ice cream. I will bring our version of what they would be eating there with us. They love it. They do not miss out on anything. Parents are thankful because they do not have to worry about providing special food for us. I do not make a big deal when people offer my kids "junk food". My children are the ones to say "Thank you, but I have issues eating foods like that. They make me wonky in the head." Then there are times that they just say "Thank you" and take it. We switch it out for a treat that they can have instead when we get home. Kinda like an exchange program. They love it! I have told them that as they get older they will have to decide what they will or will not eat and if they want to do the medication route or continue doing the food route. They do not judge others choices in food either. I will not allow it. I do not talk bad about processed foods etc. They know they are not healthy in general but I do not want them to make others feel bad for their choices.
Maren Brinkerhoff says
I struggled with the same worries as my daughter started to come home from preschool telling me about the snacks she didn't eat because they weren't "real food." She's a worry-er and a rule-bound kid; I didn't want her feeling guilt or thinking obsessively about food. Anyway, we made an adjustment very similar to the one you made and I feel like we've struck a proper balance now. We just have to pick the lesser of many evils.
LynetteC says
Great post and completely appreciate your transparency. We are in the process of moving away from food dye, processed foods, fast food and GMO's. As I've been reading and studying your blog and others I've been trying to figure out what's best and realistic for us.
This post came in a timely manner because just in the few short weeks I've been more aware of my newly desired lifestyle we've been invited over friends to eat dinner, been to a couple birthday parties, etc. I feel I've been more on the right track towards balance than I thought I was.
An additional comment--- Growing up I was deprived of sweets. My mom didn't buy them because of money. We had the money, but in her mind we didn't. Needless to say at a very early age I began to sneak as often as possible, over eat at social opportunities, and hoard when I could. The end result was many, many years of yo-yo dieting, "good" food (those that dieters eat)--"bad foods" (those I loved to binge on--mostly sweets) and bad body image!! I've settled out many of those issues now but want to avoid them with my children. Because my struggles with weight and other insecurities could have been avoided!!
Thanks again--- Love all you do to help us learn, grow and change!
Jenni loo says
Brava! Wonderful! Thank you for sharing so personally...
Jamie says
Thank you for your honesty and sharing something so personal! I have been feeling anxiety over feeding my family in the recent weeks. I would feel terribly guilty if I couldn't make whole wheat muffins with organic fruit and grassfed cow's milk and "pure" coconut oil. It began to weigh too heavily on me and turned something that I normally love to do (cook and food shopping) into a frustrating chore. Soaked grain pancakes tasted terrible, we ran out of bacon but since we still had pork chops it wasn't time to order a new hog, we missed our weekly visit with our friend so we didn't have many eggs. I've decided that I make healthy foods. We eat at home for 18/21 meals every week at least. If I want to make chocolate chip cookies with white flour and non-organic chocolate b/c they TASTE GOOD, then I'm going to do it. I just want to find the joy in food that I used to have.
Emily T. says
I have followed your journey with interest as it is a similar path my family has followed. I grew up on a farm aware of where most foods came from. Processed foods weren't a normal part of our diet. When I left home, I explored all those yummy foods I felt I had missed out on. Ramen noodles, cake mix, oreos, fish sticks, and peanut butter cups made it into my shopping cart on a regular basis. But as I had children, I knew this wasn't how I wanted to feed my family. My kids were the weird ones with the whole wheat sandwiches and the main dish organic salads in their lunch boxes. And though I know they sometimes wished for more main stream foods, I recently was pleasantly surprised to have my youngest daughter (age 13) thank me for "feeding her real food." She has come to realize what a disadvantage her friends are at not having been introduced to healthy real food. And most of them do not know how to make much more than reheated frozen foods and boxes of macaroni. My kids have eaten junk when with others and splurged with the family on occasional frozen food and my husband's favorite--Doritos, but most importantly they've learned to love real food and recognize junk food for just what it is--an occasional splurge.
Mommyof1 says
I respect everyone's decision on what to allow their children to eat. We went strictly all natural / organic (I would say at least 90% of what we eat is organic - the rest all natural) earlier this year after reading a great deal about all the chemicals and additives in the food we were eating. I have an 8 year old son and he is not allowed any type of "junk" food. We simply eat before or after events. The only time we eat anything that might not be all natural is when we go out to eat during trips/vacations and there is no other choices available in the area. Others might disagree that being this strict might cause problems. But believe me, we have sweet treats several times per week in my home. I just make them with all natural/organic ingredients! My kid never hungers for cookies or muffins as long as I can find a recipe that includes ingredients we feel are healthier for him and free of chemicals. He actually has a party next week where treats will be served - we will politely decline, but still socialize. I do not believe in letting my child eat "junk" just because it is the only food available at the get together when I can just cook when I get home. My son knows not to feel embarrassed or put the other family down either. He is well aware of the reasons we eat organically and he def. has a say on the weekly menu. I see no reason to allow him to eat something in order to "feel a part of the group". Is this not a form of peer pressure? I would not want him to smoke because it is the choice others around him are making. I do not want to put anyone down, as everyone's family is different. This is just our family's belief and how strongly we feel in a wholesome diet.
Jenise says
We have run into this lately at the ballpark. After a baseball game, parents provide a snack, and they are usually processed junk. One time, we even got Gatorade 2, which had artificial sweeteners! These were given to kids! My son has been discussing the labels with me. We had a discussion about artificial sweeteners and why we don't buy Gatorade, etc. One snack said made with whole grain, and we discussed the misleading ads. He was truly perplexed why moms were buying these things if what I said I was true. One day, he thought that the other team gave them junk so they wouldn't do well...my little conspiracy theorist. I have had to explain that everyone is not aware of what is in their foods, and I allow him to participate in the snacks. We have been learning social graces of taking what is served politely and deciding if we want to eat it or not. I also let him have treats occasionally at school, etc. I do have to watch how much he gets though because it affects his body negatively if it is in excess. He is learning more and becoming more aware and reading more labels, but we also allow him those care-free moments to enjoy a cool snack with his team. As in all things, balance is the most important thing, and all of us try to make the best decisions for our children.
When I was a very small child, I was rarely allowed to have sugar. When I became older, I often overindulged and fight a sugar addiction. My brother is the same way. I don't know if it's a direct correlation, but I want to teach my kids that sweets are an occasional treat so they are balanced. Balance is always the key.
Jenny says
I really appreciate the honesty you put into this post. There's just no one perfect solution. My mom restricted so much of our food when I was a child (more for control issues and not so much for nutritional reasons) that junk food became my forbidden fruit and, as soon as I was old enough to be independent and away from her, I ate as much junk food as possible just because I could. Now that I'm a mom, I have to remember my past experiences and let my kids have a soda with their pizza now and when. They're still consuming their veggies and organic whole-wheat breads and fruit-spinach smoothies, so I need to keep that in mind when they eat the occasional piece of candy.
Anna says
Amen to this post! I have a tendency (to many eye rolls by my husband) to "harp" on what food is bad, good, ok, etc. We have had the discussion of moderation and to me moderation seems way out of control, to his family its an excuse to fill my girls with sweets. However they see them way to often to be deemed in moderation. My 4 yr old will call sweet potatoes and almonds "super foods" b/c she has heard me say that. She will claim foods are healthy b/c they may look healthy and I have to explain that they may or may not be. It is amazing how much children of all ages pick up on what you are saying, even if it seems like they are not paying attention. I've tried recently to let go a little bit and let her be a kid (within reason :)), and by doing this I have found that she is making good choices on her own. Her grandma makes great sugar cookies, but they of course are covered with artificial dyes. I've never like the taste of the frosting but they do look very nice. The last time we were around her she offered my daughter a cookie and she said no. She wanted w/o the frosting, which shocked her grandma! I later asked her why and she said it just didn't taste good. Same thing has happened to cake, marshmellows etc. I truly believe by her eating good food 90% of the time at home she is just used to good flavors so the other stuff just tastes icky now. So without "harping" her tastes buds are doing the work for me. :)
Angela says
Thank you for this post!
Erin says
I really appreciated your previous post with your weekly donut treat. I sometimes feel like I'm depriving my son of enjoying treats (he's only two and he gets soooo excited when he gets one which isn't often). It was good for me to see that you allow your kids to have the occasional donut too.
I also appreciated this post bc you bring up some very good points. There's nothing wrong with helping kids understand why "treats are treats". A child is only going to feel guilty about it if they are taught to feel that way. In allowing your girls to enjoy a treat once a week I think in no way were you teaching them guilt, but teaching them balance and to appreciate something special when they receive it.
That being said, we as parents are all learning as we go, so great job in reminding all of us to question our rules and ethics!
rachel says
I felt compelled to comment -- I think this post is awesome & real. You say that you're trying to "figure out the parenting-thing as you go", but to me it sounds like you already have it down pat, in the best way. Your daughters are so lucky to have such caring parents like yourselves. I hope that once I have kids of my own that I am able to provide balance in their nutrition/daily lives as well as you have. Thank you so much for sharing.
Peggy Critzer says
Doing the best you can as a parent is all you can do. I struggle to find a balance with my child who doesn't particularly care for veggies, and some nights, fruits, water, and a small bit of doritos end up on his plate. I have yet to take the challenge, but would love to someday.
I enjoy reading your blogs, posts, etc. I think you sound like an amazing mother, and don't listen to what others say. Take care of yourself and that beautiful family of yours!!!
WhatHouseWife says
I love this- the mindful parenting, the willingness to constantly adapt, the separation of ego from what may be best for your children. I struggled with this same issue when we did our 100 Days of Real and Really Local food (only making it to day 40 I might add). When my 4 year old began asking (every time we ate something) if it was Local I began to wonder what I was doing (to her)... Having battled an eating disorder myself I agree with the thought that we might- in trying to teach our girls how to eat healthy and make good choices- be creating "overly-mindful" obsessesers.
But then where do we go? The fact is our lifestyles (American lifestyles) almost demand the consumption of processed food. The average American family simply does not have the time to prepare fresh whole food for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Not to mention the countless snacks. For me this the LIFESTYLE is the real problem. Why are we so busy? Why are our children so low on our list of things to do that we can't cook for them? What are we striving for? We all have to answer these questions for ourselves under our own set of unique circumstances. BUT, I think we have to ask and ask honestly. What IS really important. It is clear to me that you have asked that question and chosen to put your family very high on your priority list. That will be what nourishes your daughters, more than any home cooked meal. The love, security and self-esteem you are building in them will carry them to make wise choices in all aspects of life.
Hats off!
To those who judge: ask yourself what is it in your life that makes you judge someone who is trying to provide the most nutritious and healthy food for their family? Are you feeling guilty about what you are eating and feeding your kids? Why not turn that energy around and make a change for yourself?
Jennifer says
We've been thinking a lot about this too. This country makes it really difficult to find a balance in anything. We've began selling much of our stuff and are considering a long distance move to "slow down" and enjoy life, spending our time with those that matter, instead of going to work so that we can buy stuff. These words would have NEVER crossed my lips a couple of years ago.
Ashley says
I'm glad to see this post. I originally started following your Facebook page for the recipes, but several times I have considered unsubscribing because of the numerous posts that seemed to edge into orthorexia. I feel better about sticking around now!
Jess N says
I'm glad you shared this...I was on a diet in my early twenties and developed the habit of calling food "good" food and "bad" food. I became obsessed with it! When I wandered away from the diet and started eating more of the "bad" food I felt terrible about myself even though the diet I was on even regular milk was considered "bad" because of the calories. I struggled with food the rest of my life and have finally figured out a balance through weight watchers. I don't have any children yet, but I hope they never have to go through what I did....thank you for sharing your opinion and for being an amazing momma to your girls! You are an inspiration and your real life situations make you human and very easy to identify with. Thank you so much again for sharing!
Miranda voegeli says
Thank you Lisa! I really enjoy your blog and Facebook posts. You are an awesome mom and are very inspiring! Thank you for all that you have shared.
J says
You are wise to avoid criticizing your body in front of your daughters. I wish I could remember the exact statistic, but I heard recently that a girl/woman's body image is highly correlated with her mother's own body image. My mother constantly griped about her body... and guess what? Our shared DNA means I have the same body type. I learned early that mom didn't like her body and I shouldn't like mine either. I also was not taught great eating habits... white pasta & French bread most nights for dinner with frequent dessert. It was a rocky road of eating disorders until I finally learned to love my size-8 self. I try to help my daughters understand that we eat healthy food to have a strong, healthy body... never saying anything about certain foods making you fat/thin. It's a hard path to navigate, I think you're doing a great job :)
Lisa says
Thank you so much for this post, and all of your others. I kind of go by the 'everything in moderation' philosophy. I love that I can read your posts and see something to aspire to, but I never feel overwhelmed or like you are setting an impossible standard. I LOVE that you sometimes say, start small; it makes it more doable. I've been reading a lot lately to move my family more consistently to real food, and yours is my favorite site, by far! I feel like you do a great job walking a pretty fine line.
Thank you!
Laura says
I don't often comment on blogs, but this really resonated with me. I a 45-year old mother of 14-year old twins, and I totally applaud what you are doing. I grew up with a mother who cooked mostly "real food" throughout my childhood in the 70s-80s, which was not always the case at my friends' homes. We did have treats around the house, but my Mom also tended to reward with sweets, more so than punishing by taking away a treat. The solution when I was sad or otherwise upset was a treat as well. There was other pathology involving food that I don't need to get into, and though I never developed a full-blown eating disorder, I definitely developed a habit of sneaking/hiding "bad" i.e. junk foods since my Mom was so against them (for her, there was also a class judgement towards people who would serve that kind of food to their families). In addition, I was the kid who went insane for junk food at other people's homes. For my kids, I have taken more of a middle ground, with my cooking as well as what they eat outside the home. That said, we are lucky to be able to afford high quality restaurant or taekout food when I don't/can't cook dinner, and we do not keep a ton of processed foods in the house. However, I have never made a big deal about how many treats they can have, and they tend to be the kind of kids who stop eating when they are full or just done (even with desserts) and do not get overly excited about treats, even when they were little. I see other kids whose diets are much more restricted and those kids act like a sweet is their heroin fix, and I see myself as a kid in them. I do want my kids to be aware of nutrition, and make good choices, but I also do not want them to be hung up on good vs. bad food like I was and just take for granted that they are given good, healthy food at home most of the time. I applaud your decision to make your weekly family treat a consistent thing and not something that is taken away based on what happens outside of home or at school. I also am 100% with you on being careful in front of your daughter not to criticize your own body (let along theirs). I see so many women doing this unconsciously without realizing what they are doing to their daughters when they do so. I try to do the same, and also to neutralize any complaints my daughter makes about her own body, food habits, etc. and also talk in terms of general health, moderation, as opposed to weight and restriction. Luckily, I also two kids who generally make good choices and who do not have weight or health issues, and hope that the approach we have taken (as well as good habits my husband and I model) will result in them having healthy, normal relationship with food as adults.
Tracey says
Thank you for a great post. I have always felt out of step with those who think there are "good" and "bad" foods. Food is fuel. Can you put better fuel in your body? Sure just like you can put lousy fuel but its still just fuel. Our brains need sugar and fat to work so those things can't be "all" bad :)
Just recently started reading Go Kaleo's blog where she suggests the above designation of food and advises all of us to "eat the food" and "lift all the things". She was also concerned about the decades of "disordered eating" and "eating disorders" and after much research that I won't add here (grin), she discovered that food is just food. Should you make the best choices you can? Absolutely but there should be no forbidden foods. Food is fuel. :)
Thanks again for a wonderful post! Have a great day! :)
jen says
Eating disorders come out of an unmet need to be loved, a lack of nurturing, perfection performance and drivenness (trying to earn love or feel worthy) poor self esteem and fear of man(what do they think of me??) It also has to do with being hard on yourself and not accepting yourself. Humans are not perfect and its ok. So all this to say there is nothing wrong with eating organic, non gmo, and not a ton of sugar. Its really wisdom:) Eating disorders have little to do with food. Sure food becomes the object, but food is not the root of the problem.
Antoinette says
I have had eating disorders. I have struggled with food and my relationship with it. And in endevoring to eat 'real food', I have found myself paralyzed as to what to do and how to do it from time to time. I then need to step back and breathe. And then breathe again. My son - 4 years old, is an amazing eater. He understands portion size, he understands we must eat from different groups. He has never had a hot dog, and hates french fries, nuggets and mac n cheese (even my home made). He also hates broccoli, avocado, and onions. Basically - there is a balance... and it changes. We must keep ourselves from thinking there is one way- one path, one right. It is awareness, evaluation and love that gets us through. THanks for what you do.
Tamara says
I find your blog quite inspirational. I come from a family with major obesity issues, and am doing my best to find a better path to break the cycle with my daughter. I've been following a number of blogs with different philosophies trying to figure out the changes that would be best for me for weight loss and pain management as I have extreme arthritis in my knees. I also want to find a balance and allow my daughter "to be a kid"...and as mentioned by many others not cause "body issues or eating disorder issues" for her. Thanks for putting your thoughts out there and for your transparency!
Karen Craig says
When my son was a baby 26 years ago I was busy pumping and freezing little baggies of milk, roasting squash, sweet potatoes and other vegetables and freezing them in ice cube trays for his baby food. Ditto when my daughter was born two years later. We live about 35 minutes from the next city large enough to shop in, so we naturally were out over a meal time when we shopped. For us that meant making tuna or egg salad and taking yogurt for toddlers to eat. My sisters have always kidded me for giving Jordan a choice of 'bran' (my cereal) or Lucky Charms (what the cousins were eating) while on family vacation. You can guess his pick that time! Anyway, whole food has always been our diet. Both of my kids are strong, healthy young people and both choose to eat good foods. Honestly, I'm not bragging, but soon Jordan will become a dad. He and his sweet wife both value a sound diet and it's something I feel is a legacy of good health. Your daughters will appreciate your values as will others who embrace this good life! Best wishes to you!
Leanna S says
Great post! However, some of us have no choice but to be "food and label nazis"- my kids are highly reactive to food coloring and artificial flavors which typically eliminates even a "treat day". So far at least, none of them seem to be having problems with having to read labels obsessively, and there are times when we have deal with the lesser of 2 evils situations. Does anyone have any creative ideas that I can use to lessen the obsessiveness factor while keeping them safe at the same time if it should occur? So far it is simply you can't have this, this or this or you will feel really bad...
suzieq says
Great post! Thanks so much. I have a daughter who is 2 and I'm trying to find that line between encouraging healthy food but not being crazy about it. What we try to do is not have junk food at home, so we know that when we're eating at home it'll be good food. Then whenever she's out, she can eat what she's offered. (Although I have talked to both sets of grandparents about laying off on the candy!) It's taken me...since she was born to ease up on myself with the guilt. Now I'm able to have more perspective and realize that in general she eats healthy whole foods, so the rest is no big deal. Tonight was a good test for me -- we went to a school program and somehow missed dinner and she ended up eating 3 chocolate chip cookies and nothing else. Several months ago I would have had a fit and probably made her stay up late to eat spinach or something. Now I can just laugh it off and plan a healthy breakfast for tomorrow. :)
Susan DeLong says
I very much appreciate your post today. I always loved your website because you already present your views and decisions in a non-judgemental way, and this just capped it very nicely. :)
We recently started eating clean, and I have made WAY too much of a big deal about our lifestyle change, both with my friends and family and with my two daughters. When my daughter's teacher called me the other day, I knew I had gone too far. My daughter gets a snack every afternoon in Kindergarten and I always try to pack something healthy and clean, and this time it was a smoothie in the new little smoothie pop containers that we purchased. Apparently I haven't figured out how to use them correctly yet and it spilled all over her lunch box. My daughter was extremely upset, and refused to share a snack with her teacher because she didn't know if it was "clean". I was amused...and heartbroken. The snack was just plain almonds, but my daughter was scared about eating them and her teacher knew we were eating clean and wanted to make sure they were "safe".
I don't want my girls to worry about food either. I think as moms we put WAY too much pressure on ourselves to feed our families the right food, and sometimes it can come across the wrong way to our children. We put that pressure on them and we really don't mean to. I think that if I know that my girls are eating healthy at home and developing good habits, they'll make good decisions out in the world. And if they don't? That's okay, too.
Thank you so much for this article, it definitely came at the right moment.
Practical Mama says
We have this dilemma in our household as well. My kids are torn between, "a mom who says some foods are unhealthy" and "friends whose moms let their kids eat those foods" and "the ads, the toys and the fancy colored packaging". It is really hard to explain these things to a 7 and 5 year-old. "Then why do they sell it? Why do all the other people buy and eat it?".
Another thing that I have hard time is the food we let them eat once in a while or only have home-made vs. the food that are no-nos. Such as carbonated drinks, over-processed/packaged snacks, donuts etc. If I let them eat the "no-nos" even once, they'll bicker every time I say no after that until the end of my life.
What I try to do, as a solution is to focus on the good stuff we eat. not what we "cannot" eat. It's the same for adults. We get more worried and start having disorders when we constantly focus on what we cannot eat and what we should avoid. The best way to override that anxiety is to focus on what you eat and enjoy that. Ignoring the unhealthy food and finding healthy alternatives at gatherings, events and parties, might be hard. Especially for children. We gotta just focus on the healthy yummies.
Rachel says
You are such a great mom and I love this post! As a new mother who grew up with food/weight/body issues, this is something I think about a lot as my baby starts eating and is becoming aware of the world around him.
Katie says
Wow. Wonderful post. You addressed the same questions I've been having about restricting junk food and sugar. Our family is like most others here...4 impossibly busy kids...we try to do our best, but there has to be wiggle room. I can't beat myself up for feeding the kids junk once in awhile. Life happens, like the day when my daughter and I were driving through a blizzard and ended up buying dinner at a truck stop. It has to be ok.
My family is taking baby steps towards a real food diet and healthier lifestyle, but we're never going to be perfect. Keep up the good work and thoughtful posts. You are inspiring thousands of people every day. Thanks!
Jennifer says
Thanks for hepling us feed our kids healthy!
One treat a week is what we try to do with out family as well.
I am sorry that some moms had to be judgemental and rude when you fist posted this picture. You are amazing and do an awesome job feeding your family! If I can do half of what you do, I will be happy!
Lauren says
I love this post! I am a huge proponent of the rules of your blog but I have wondered what effect it will have on your daughters. I am so happy to hear you are relaxing on your rules. I agree that "kids should be kids" doesn't mean junk food all the time, but they also shouldn't have to miss out on normal childhood experiences. Kudos to you for making sure you never criticize your body etc in front of them. My mother never did and it was the best possible thing she could have done in terms of giving me self confidence.
Sharon says
Did this with my son and he felt sick on the junk days ,he said mom there is sun junk food in our schools
Teran Moon says
As a registered dietitian and licensed nutritionist who specializes in working with women who have eating disorders, I appreciate this post. I must admit that I have had some concern for some of the previous blogs, but was encouraged when I read this latest one. I would also go one step further and discourage the labeling of foods as 'good' and 'bad'. Thank you for sharing your story!
Kerry Mourning says
Cheers! I loved this post!
steph says
I have been hoping for a post like this here for quite some time. I appreciate your struggle but applaud your decision. As a mother I completely relate to the struggle with food and balancing healthy information with the realistic understanding that food is fuel and that eating should be fun. If it's any comfort, I'm also a teacher and I do feel it's my job to educate my students about healthy choices and why an apple will make their bodies more ready to learn than fruit snacks. I do include it in my lessons (brief, but frequent discussions about the benefits of making healthy choices--and what healthy choices look like). There has to be a balance, though, between a healthy conversation/education and constant obsession over what we eat. I applaud all of your efforts.
Colleen Grossner says
Hi Lisa,
Very nice! I am also very sensitive to how my daughters grow up thinking about food. I think one thing you mentioned at the end about body image is huge! Not long after I started dating my hubby, he told me he didn't like when I said anything like "I'm fat", and I was in love, so I stopped! That was LIFE-CHANGING! I stopped saying it, and soon I stopped believing it. I never had an eating disorder, but I'm sure that in my tweens through college, I had some "disordered eating", like most girls. I REALLY don't want my girls to ever experience that, so positive body image, about people inside and outside of our family, as well as positive attitudes about food are key! I really, really want my kids to make the right choices about food on their own, and they are doing just that, slowly but surely :) Here are some mostly "unwritten" rules about sweets in our house. Thanks for your great post! http://fresh-you.blogspot.com/2013/02/lucky-seven-tips-for-kids-and-sweets.html
Caitlin Martin says
Thank you so much for sharing this post. I have just recently started following your website (it is a favorite on my computer :) ) and I absolutely love everything that you post regarding eating real foods, being earth friendly, and your reasoning behind all of it. I am a Public Health major in college and this is an area of focus that I am very interested in. Particularly with creating policies and changes within school lunch programs. Especially in the elementary schools because that is when kids start both good and bad habits that they carry with them throughout life. I couldn't agree more that it is very important to teach children that their is a special balance between eating healthy and restricting all junk foods or "bad" foods. I overcame a life changing eating disorder myself and did not understand that healthy balance, and believed all food was essentially bad. So from that point of view I am going to be sure my children eat mostly healthy and real foods because it has now become a passion of mine because I now know how to truly be healthy. Yet I am also going to be extremely careful with that because too much obsession around food especially at a young age can lead to disordered thoughts towards food even when meant with the best intentions. The comments are all great on this post and I just wanted to provide some personal thoughts and insight. Thank you so much for starting this wonderful movement and keep up the good work!!! I hope to do something like this when I graduate from college :) Thanks so much, Caitlin