Can someone please explain at what point in history it was decided that children’s menus would only offer the following?
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- Hamburger/Cheeseburger with French Fries (or Chips)
- Hot Dog/Corn Dog with French Fries (or Chips)
- Chicken Fingers with French Fries (or Chips)
- Macaroni and Cheese
- Cheese Pizza
- Plain Pasta
Sure my kids would gladly devour any of these choices, but I often wonder when it was decided that kids need a special, separate meal in the first place? Since when can’t they just eat what the adults are eating? Has it always been this way? Surely not.
It amazes me when we go to birthday parties and the food served to kids consists of pizza and cake. How is that possibly being passed off as a “complete meal” for our next generation? Where are the fruit and vegetables? When was it decided that kids would only eat a handful of simple (and somewhat bland) foods? I understand that pizza is usually a crowd pleaser, but how and when did things get to be so limited?
How did children end up with such a limited palate?
I too used to be guilty of thinking kids had a very limited palate. Not long after embarking upon our “100 Days of Real Food” pledge it dawned on me that I had never before offered my daughters a salad because…they are kids after all! That is honestly the only reason (other than the fact that we didn’t eat salad all the much in the old days), but I just assumed they wouldn’t be interested because “kids don’t like salads”…right? Well you should have seen how shocked I was when I finally offered my children a salad and saw my older daughter actually eating it. And liking it! It took much longer for my younger daughter to come around, but after lots of repeated exposure she eventually became open to the idea of salad (and more importantly began to expect it as a norm at our family dinners). That was definitely a lesson learned for me.
One thing I’ve noticed is that many kids these days will only eat foods if they look a certain way (i.e. familiar). If there is a variation from the norm then the whole meal could be a flop. Why is that? I’ll never forget this one instance (long before our real food days) when my parents were babysitting my 3-year-old niece. They knew she liked and would eat Kraft Macaroni & Cheese so that was the plan for her dinner. But what they didn’t know was since they bought Kraft “Shells” Macaroni & Cheese instead of the traditional variety that all hell would break loose. Has anyone had a similar experience?
Do your kids willingly try new foods?
It’s no secret that food is a big part of my life and one of the things I am interested in is other people’s food choices. I am curious what choices they make and why. One thing I’ve noticed is that when I am preparing food in the kitchen and I offer my children a bite of something, they almost always take me up on it. Usually it’s something I know they love like a piece of parmesan cheese, a bite of pesto, or a roasted cashew, but I admit I occasionally take advantage of the situation and slip a piece of olive in their mouths just to be sure they still don’t like it. They’ll make a face and spit it out, but thankfully it doesn’t stop them from coming back. :)
I’ve also noticed when I offer other kids a little bite of something as well they are almost always very much against the idea of taking the sample (usually before they even know what it is). Maybe it’s because I am not their mom and they’re scared what that “Organic Miss Lisa” might try to make them eat, but their response is dramatically different than what I am used to with my own children. I bring this up because I am curious about other’s experiences when you offer your own children new foods or bites of what you might be eating. Do they act like it is straight-up poison?
Can a picky eater really be converted?
Our younger daughter used to be extremely picky so I totally get it. It was much easier and much less time consuming (and also much less likely that food would be wasted) if I only offered her what I knew she would eat. I recently came across a document I’d typed up - for the same babysitting grandparents mentioned above - that was a complete list of all the foods my younger daughter would eat (she was 3 at the time). Let me tell you that it was a very short list with a mere 31 items on it including Spaghettio’s, Goldfish, Graham Crackers, only 1 dish containing meat (spaghetti sauce), 5 types of fruit, and only 1 vegetable (frozen peas).
Looking back I am amazed at how far this child has come. She was one of those that would spit out her baby food before she knew it was fun to annoy mommy by not liking anything. Her palate was dramatically different than our older daughter’s from day one. But after two years (since taking our pledge) of repeatedly offering her a variety of different foods she thankfully now has a broader palate than most adults. I will be the first to tell you it has not been easy, and many months passed before any of our efforts started to pay off. But since this is one of my only first-hand examples of watching a child’s eating habits change over time, I wonder if I can really attribute the change in her to something we’ve done or if she would have grown out of that picky phase on her own regardless?
What’s your opinion?
So I’d love to open this up for discussion….what is everyone else’s experience/input on children’s eating habits these days? Why are so many kids so incredibly picky and is it possible to change their preferences? I wonder what it was like a hundred years ago (or even now in other countries)…have kids always been catered to with a limited variety of special, separate meals?? Do we only give kids pizza and hot dogs because that’s all they’ll eat or do they only eat pizza and hot dogs because that’s all we give them? How can we break this cycle?
Dree says
I had a reputation as a picky eater--my mom still swears I am super picky. In college, I discovered the issue. I am not a fan of ground beef (texture), mushrooms (taste like dirt), or salt. 75% of the meals served when I was a kid featured at least one of these (often all 3). I still have issues eating at my parents'. It's the salt. I rarely eat ground beef or mushrooms to this day. There are plenty of other choices!
My kids are not too bad. They are pretty good at trying just one bite, and often find it's not bad. They will usually eat it the next time.
They will also eat any soup put in front of them (except Campbells--my mother did this once), though my 9 year old is not a fan of spiciness.
Lauren says
Thank you so much for the encouragement! My biggest frustration is my son's eating habits. From the time he started solids, he's been offered a wide variety of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, etc. I made my own baby food and also pureed what we were eating for dinner. Then, overnight, he just started refusing EVERYTHING! He's about to turn two and has a very short list of foods he will eat that doesn't include a single vegetable... and the only fruit he'll eat is applesauce. At least he'll eat whole grains (probably because he's never been offered a refined grain) but it's probably not good to just eat bread and muffins all day long! I manage to (grudgingly) hide veggies and fruits in his food just so that I know he's getting some in his diet... green eggs are my best friend ;). Meanwhile we have plenty of friends who only offer their 2 year olds Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and chicken nuggets and those kids gladly eat a tomato or strawberry when it's (rarely) offered. It's just not fair. But I keep telling myself that that uneaten fruit and veggie I put on his plate EVERY SINGLE MEAL will pay off in the long run. He's started to actually put it in his mouth sometimes! He spits it out, but hey, it's a start, right?! Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for that little bit of encouragement that I'm doing the right thing and all that wasted food will be worth it in the end :)
Amy says
I'm very thankful that though my 2 kids, ages 3 1/2 and 16 months, have moments and sometimes even days of pickiness, ultimately, they both love to eat real food. They inhale fruits and veggies and are usually open to whatever else I serve them (exception: if they interprete the flavor as "spicy"). My 3 year old will come to the kitchen & ask for frozen broccoli (hubby & I don't love it, so were surprised when he started asking for it. But he only likes it frozen, not fresh or steamed :-)
We recently returned from a 9 day family trip to Orlando. We were able to rent a townhouse & share it with both sets of grandparents, so we ate many homemade, real food meals (both sets of grandparents are very good about this). But the few times we did go out, the children's menu was the same at all the restaurants - chicken nuggets, hot dogs, mac n cheese, etc. Yuck! So, the last night @ a nice restaurant, my hubby & I each ordered entrees that included salads & 1-2 sides. That's a lot of food! Between us, we fed both kids from the salads & sides and we still got full and so did the kids. Not only was it more economical, but the kids loved it too. This probably won't work when the kids get older, but the suggestions of sharing an adult salad, meal or appetizer are all options.
Thanks for all the good discussions!
Sarah says
I have only recently started changing our family's diet to a REAL FOOD diet. Small changes started about a year ago and the more drastic stuff started about 5 months ago. The differences I've seen in my children's health and behavior are astounding! My oldest child would be considered a picky eater. He only became this way when we changed our eating habits and I feel terrible for putting him on a path of bad eating behavior from the beginning. I've tried to talk to him and help him understand that the foods I gave him before were not good for his growing body and I was unaware and not knowledgeable about what I was doing to our family. It has been a trying time for us but I am keeping it up in hopes that eventually he will find some meals that he enjoys. My younger children had a much easier time transitioning, especially the youngest, and I feel that it is because they had less time to form the bad eating habits. So while the younger kids have expanded their tastes for new and delicious foods, the oldest has a very small list of foods he is willing to eat now.
LessSugarNaturally says
Hi Sarah, I'm kind of in the same boat. We just started eating whole foods and I wish I had started earlier.
One thing that has helped is getting my stubborn son is to ask him to google weird ingredients, additives, preservatives. It's amazing what they can learn just by doing that. Just the other day, my son decided on his own to google the ingredients from an old box of microwave popcorn we had in the house.
But, yes, sometimes kids just don't care. But persistence, a little compromise, and continued education will all go a long way.
Also some teens just like packaged food because they don't have to rely on mom and dad to bake or cook, and it's not so complicated...Although it took me a while to find them, there are better packaged snacks and cereals out there, even chips with 2-3 ingredients...things they can just grab and go, and still feel "normal" like their friends at school.
nimali fernando says
As a pediatrician I've dedicated myself to teaching the concept that kids really can learn to love whole foods, and that pickiness (a normal childhood phase) CAN be overcome with persistence, love, determination and a LOT of tries. Like many aspects of parenting, teaching kids to love real food is not always easy, but the rewards are tremendous. After a lot of hard work and fun trying new foods, my kids will now eat just about anything and can travel anywhere and enjoy different foods. I chronicle this journey with the help of other kids in my community on my website, http://www.doctoryum.com, part of our new non-profit, "The Doctor Yum Project".
Liz says
My son is 2 1/2 and until he was 18months old he would eat ANYTHING! Any fruit veggie meat etc. Once 18months rolled around he became a picky eater and has a short list of foods he's
Willing to eat. We expose him to new foods almost everyday. Any tips for breaking this cycle back to being a better eater !?
Katelyn says
Time and continued exposure. Nothing fancy about it.
Shelley says
A sixth grader was at our house recently playing with our son. He stayed for supper. He willingly tried the salad I served and said that he loved it and that it was the first time he'd ever had salad. He couldn't wait to tell his mom he liked it so she could put it in his lunchbox for school.
100 Days of Real Food says
Wow! Good for you!
Renae says
So happy to see that your picky eater has been converted! Mine is very picky...and 3! Imagine that. It's not that I don't offer her new foods, I do. She says "no thank you", so can be polite about it LOL. On the RARE occasion we can get her to try something new (get, bribe, yell, threaten, time out , you get the drift! HA) she will keep the food in her mouth until told she may spit it out. She can't figure out that she can chew it swallow it and say "I don't like it".
It's definitely a texture thing with her. I fully admit to still giving her baby food veggies because she won't eat "real" ones. I've tried making it too, nope she won't eat it. But hey, at least she eats them!
Lauren says
Such an interesting topic. I'm hesitant to blame parents because I've heard all too often about a family where one kid is a great eater and the other eats nothing but french fries and pizza. Same parents, different results. I think I probably did *contribute* to my daughter's good eating habits, but I also think the majority of this is luck.
I am always surprised, though, when people say things like "Well, I can't eat [x] in front of her and not give her some" or when people offer junk/poor choices at a very young age. My theory has been that she doesn't know what she's missing if I don't offer it to her.
Whozat says
One thing that people tend to overlook or not be aware of is that it is developmentally appropriate for a toddler to become much more cautious (ie "picky") about foods, especially unfamiliar foods.
Evolutionarily speaking, once a kid is big enough to wander around and pick his own berries, it's advantageous to not be willing to eat just any old thing.
I think that, especially with a kid who's been more adventurous as a baby, our society has a tendency to "pathologize" this normal developmental stage, and label the kid as a "picky eater."
Aimee says
Good point. And throw in some psychological background as well. Oftentimes, it can be a control issue - the only things a kid has complete control over is what goes into her body and what (or when and where, rather) things come out.
We're a military family, which means moving all the time, which means stress. From much experience, I can tell you that my kids, even though they're older, will, when stressed, revert to their comfort foods - hot dogs, Mac and cheese, soup - and I don't fight them on it, though I don't center meal plans around it either. A day here and there of them being in control of what they eat is not going to hurt them in the long run, in my opinion. Do I wish they chose veggies and fruit? Sure. And sometimes they do - strawberries have become one of my son's comfort foods, oddly enough. But I'm not going to stress myself over the occasional junk food weekend, either.
Jenn says
I, too, am usually disgusted with the "kids' meal" offerings at most restaurants (not that we eat out that much, but when we do...). I have noticed, however that some restaurants are at least making some effort to offer steamed veggies, or raw veggies or fruit as a side dish option, and I appreciate that. My younger daughter would prefer to live on fruit alone, if she could! Both of my kids have always been offered a wide variety of foods since they started on solid foods as babies, and have always been fairly good eaters. Don't get me wrong, they love potato chips, pizza and hot dogs just as much as the next kid, but I rarely will fix those items at home (and then, it must be made from scratch, or the meat must be grass fed or organic!). They are usually willing to try anything I put in front of them, or at least take a bite or two. If it's a dish I'm pretty sure they won't like, I just give them extra fruits and veggies instead. Like a previous poster said, sometimes I will also offer a "deconstructed" version of the same meal the adults are having. Like instead of taco salad, I give them a little pile of meat, a little pile of lettuce, a little pile of tomatoes, a little pile of cheese, etc. They still put it all together and eat it, but I think they enjoy putting it together themselves. Getting back to the restaurants, I wish more would get on the bandwagon and encourage kids to eat more healthy!
Wendy Hoff says
My kids often surprise me with their adventuresome approach to food, always wanting to try new things. And they love foods I have never liked, such as olives. One story that really amuses me is when I made scalloped potatoes and my son would not eat them because of the black spots. When I told him they were mushrooms he couldn't wait to try. (Mushrooms are another food I hated as a kid.) There are times, though, when they refuse to try something.
As for pizza and hot dogs for a crowd, I think it's just easier and cheaper than lots of fresh food and sometimes I do fall back on that for those reasons. However I try to always serve fruits and veggies and real food for get togethers.
Barb @ A Life in Balance says
I think some kids are naturally more open to trying things while others are "picky" which really means they have a negative reaction to trying new things. Our oldest had a somewhat limited palette. We didn't make a big deal about it. We found over time as his taste buds changed as he got older, he was more willing to try stuff, even sour foods. He was one of those kids who always had a negative reaction to any new experiences.
I will say that the menu you described at the beginning always drives me nuts. My dh's family constantly offers that kind of food at parties for the kids, and all of his extended family except for one family are overweight and have diabetes. Gee, I think there's a relationship there.
Sarah says
I am certainly not an expert on the subject, and I do think that there are a variety of possibilities as to why kids are picky. However, lately I've started wondering if our "snacking" culture may have some part in it. Every time I see kids in a store, or I see my own nieces and nephew, they always seem to have crackers or cookies in their hands. They even have new cups with special lids so kids can run around and stuff their face at the same time. Maybe if kids were actually hungry at meal time, they would care less about what was on their plate?
Wendy Hoff says
I agree strongly about letting them be hungry at meal time by not stuffing with junk in between!
Anitra says
I try to feed my kids real food, but I am at a point in my life where we do more "junky" snacks than I'd like. Most very young children can't go 6 hours between meals, and I'm often not able to sit them down at a table to eat a "real food" snack like yogurt with fruit. Crackers, pretzels, and the like are the least messy snacks I have in my arsenal for my 3-year-old and 1-year-old. So unless we can sit at the table or sit outside somewhere, that's what they're going to have for a snack.
Both kids have spill-resistant cups with water around most of the time. Especially my 3-year-old, I MAKE her keep a cup with her because the girl never wants to drink anything! She's been potty trained for over a year and I think it might be a control issue, but I'm not going to bribe her with juice and lemonade and chocolate milk every day just to get enough liquid into her body.
Assistant to 100 Days (Jill) says
Hi Anitra. You may want to check out some of our snack ideas...https://www.100daysofrealfood.com/2010/04/02/“whole-foodâ€-snacks-for-kids-and-adults/ and https://www.100daysofrealfood.com/2011/04/21/for-convenience-the-best-store-bought-snacks-ii/. Hope that helps. Jill
Tina Wegner says
My kids are now teens, when they were little they went through picky stages but I always had the "1 bite" rule. They had to have at least one bite of a new food. If they didn't like it then they didn't have to eat it. They are now adventurous eaters and are willing to try many new foods. My kids went off the kids menu fairly early cause they wanted food like mom and dad and we had to confirm often with the waiter that they indeed did want a medium rare steak with a Caesar salad. PS watching Andrew Zimmerman also helped them try new things. LOL
Aimee says
Yup, I'm a big fan of the One Bite rule. Most times they don't *love* the new item, but it's taken them from thinking they despise broccoli to eating it without complaint.
Claire says
I think that the "choices" we give our children on kids menus are horrific. We are teaching children that they are only supposed to like a limited number of fattening and nutrient-poor meals. Restaurants are doing this and so are parents at home.
We never make traditional American "kids food" in our house, and on the rare occasions we eat out, we generally (although not always) avoid the kids menu. Our children (3 and 6) are accustomed to eating primarily real food and don't know any different. They have actually never had the orange Mac 'n Cheese in the blue box. I do also have one (the younger one) that is much pickier than the older one, but over the course of a week he does get a variety of nutritious sources of vitamins, minerals, proteins, calcium and so on. And he watches his family eat healthy, well-balanced meals day in and day out. I think this modeling of healthy choices is very important even if he isn't always keen on our choices! I know there are some special cases out there (there always are), but I would guess that 85% of the "pickiness" in American children (which is of course leading them to obesity and type II diabetes) is caused by us (parents, restaurants, the food industry) telling them, "eat this, you won't like that!"
I have lived in France for several years and the French parents DO NOT feed their kids like we do. They eat the same things the adults eat, well-rounded mostly nutritious meals, with some slight modifications if necessary (like keeping ingredients separated or holding the dressing or a certain spice). We do this with dinners in our house. I know most kids aren't fans of lots of ingredients being mixed together, so sometimes if I'm making a frittata, I'll give them a "disassembled" version - same ingredients, but not all mixed together. That seems to do the trick.
Thanks for your post!
Judith says
I have had a hard time getting my ten year old son on board with healthy eating. He would live on nothing but pretzels if I would let him get away with it. He hates trying new things and it causes a lot of frustration and fights. But at church the other day they tried to get the kids to eat some new things and he came home asking me to buy Kiwi. I will admit that I hate kiwi and never buy it. But I was more than happy to go out and buy some kiwis so I could add one more thing to his list. I think he has actually gotten pickier with age.
On the other hand, my six year old son readily tries and usually likes most new things. Celery makes him gag, but everything else is okay.
And you are dead on about kid's menus. It's awful!
Delirious says
I came across a book that you might find interesting. It's "French Kids Eat Everything". It explains how the French have taught their children to widen their range of foods, and eat what is put before them.
Katrina the Poorganic says
We were "lucky" to live overseas when our daughter was a baby, having very little access to traditional baby food. Also, when she was starting solid foods, we were in a jungle training course that involved daily, arduous hikes. Upon return from these treks, the last thing that I wanted to do was sit there spoon feeding a hungry 9 months old. Thus, I did what all the other Papua New Guinean mamas did. I plopped her down with a mushy banana and an avocado. Those were her first foods. From that time on, my kids have eaten what I eat AND moreover, have fed themselves. With that said, they still have developed their own preferences, but they at least TRY most all foods. The flip side of this is that I have friends whose children have severe food sensitivities and allergies. One has a son who goes to weekly therapy for it. It is very hurtful when people badger her about what her children do and don't eat, so before you ASSUME that the mother is to blame, be KIND. :)
Karin says
This exact topic is addressed in the new book by Karen Le Billon, "French Kids Eat Everything." The author moves to France and cures her children of picky eating over the course of a year. If you haven't read it already, I highly recommend it. (I'm not affiliated with the author or publisher in any way, just an enthusiastic reader.)
Christina says
I don't have time to read all of the comments, so I'll just add my own. I, too, often complain or am dismayed by the food choice options on children's menus. If I could find a restaurant that offered child sized plates of anything on the menu, then I would never go anywhere else. My girls often pick an adult entree that they both want and share it. They have even picked salads several times. I just ask for an extra plate. The price is usually about the same for sad, nutrient lacking kids options or one amazing adult entree. Although, sometimes, my kids are excited about getting to eat the kids items because they simply don't get them elsewhere.
I think there are many ways to help children have good attitudes toward food and helping them develop healthy habits. I always told my kids that you didn't know if you liked something until you tried it 72 times. It was kind of a joke, but it worked because they knew they had to try it every time it was offered. There are so many ways to help kids and not have a power struggle at the table. Games, goals, small portions, great tasting food, the list goes on and on.
I do highly recommend the book, "What's Eating Your Child?" for anyone who has a picky eater. She has some great techniques and ideas that are proven to work.
Tami says
Before we had children, my husband and I watched disapprovingly as our niece and nephew became very picky eaters. Convinced that it was the fault of the parents, we determined that our children would not be that way. At 12 months, my son would eat anything that was on his plate. He ate all sorts of foods! And by 18 months he hate virtually nothing. I did not change what I offered him, but I gradually watched his menu dwindle. He would refuse foods that a week previously, he had loved. I really don't know what happened or why, but I can tell you, it was not because I stopped offering a wide variety of healthy foods.
Miranda says
This is pretty much what happened with my son too. From starting solids till about 3, he ate absolutely everything I set in front of him, including salads and salsas.
Now at 4 1/2 he says "Eew! Yuck!" to half of what I give him, even things I know he likes, and always to things he has never seen. So we are having to teach him not to be rude, but also dealing with whatever is driving this battle of wills- it's not that he truly doesn't like the food, there's just something inside him that likes being stubborn, I guess.
So I keep plugging away, and I suppose I'm expecting him to grow back out of it again later.
Micheel says
I am not sure that it is the parents' fault, but I'm only a mom of two boys...13 year old stepson and 4 year old birth son. They are very different creatures, but they will at least TRY foods we put in front of them. They have learned what they love and don't love through trying new foods. My youngest son, 4, will try anything. I started making his baby food before I even thought of trying the real food diet ideas found here. (We just found this site this week.) Then came the bombshell when he was a little over a year old....ALLERGIES! We knew he had allergies but couldn't pinpoint what exactly because he ate anything! Then we find out he is allergic to the squash family, cabbage family, mustard family, OATS, RICE, and many other very healthy things. It causes him to break out in hives and keep leathery skin. This changed things for him because he LOVED all these foods. So, we gave him what he would eat, but he always chose the healthier foods. So I like to think that the younger you expose them to healthy foods, the better their chances of trying most anything. My 4 year old is the child who you place a muffin and a bowl of fruit in front of him and he goes for the fruit! People always ask me how I get my child to eat salad before a piece of pizza. They are amazed. I just tell them that I put it in front of him and ask him to try it. And he loves it.
However, since I found this site and have tried different variations of real food, he is turning into a little bit pickier eater because the food is presented to him differently. Like today, I cut an apple and made the apple sandwich with PB on it(put the raisins on the side) and told him to eat it. He thought I was crazy. But then I told him he could make it look like ants crawling on the PB and he was all in. He still looked at me like I was crazy for giving him a PB and apple sandwich sans bread, but he tried it! Maybe I'm just one lucky mama.
I'm curious for those picky eaters out there...were they nursed as infants? Sometimes I wonder if my 4 year old is less picky than his 13 year old brother because I nursed him and his brother was not nursed due to serious stomach issues. Maybe that contributes some? My 4 year old nursed 13 months and didn't want to stop, but I insisted...
betsy says
My 6 year old is picky, and I nursed him until 18 months (mutual weaning). His brothers are 2 and 4, and they are less picky than he is, though the 4 year old definitely has quirks.
The 6 year old doesn't like eggs, despite trying them in all sorts of preparations at least once a month. He doesn't like any cooked greens. Very few cooked vegetables. No potatoes. He doesn't like bananas, because they "make his mouth feel funny." And the list goes on. ;) Now, he doesn't just eat chicken nuggets and hot dogs. He eats the majority of what we eat, but there often has to be some alteration made so that he'll eat it.
Michele says
Thanks for the reply. I think all kids are just different. Some are excellent eaters while others are more picky. I'm not going to venture out and say that ours are not picky because we taught them better because I know plenty of people (many on here in fact) that have given their kids the opportunity to eat well and for whatever reason they do not. I will not give up on trying new things with my kids though. And I'm definitely trying to get away from processed foods as much as possible.
Vicki Luu, Personal Trainer says
I am a mother of 3 and have 3 different children in their eating habits. so here's my 2 cents.
I think there are several different reasons for the pickiness "gene".
Some children truly have issues with food - texture, tastes, etc.
Some children are simply strong willed and just don't want to do what their parents tell them, just cause their parents told them to. (my youngest)
I think overall, most kids are not open to new foods, but it is our responsiblity as parents to help them try new things. (Sometimes force them, "two bite no thank you" rule like in our house..."or you don't get anything else!" if it must come to this.)
But some kids really are more prone to not liking things or not being willing to try things, while other kids are more willing and really do like more foods.
It's still our job as parents to "teach" them how to try new things - whether it's riding their bike, talking to adults, using manners, even trying new foods.
Thanks for your blog. Inspiring! (love the one from your husband, especially :)
Samantha says
It's very similar around here. My youngest is 2.5 and will eat anything, my eldest is 6 and went through his picky stages, but is now good. My middle child is 4 1/2 and is very strong willed. We can sometimes force him to try things, but it's a struggle. He loves every kind of fruit, steel cut oats, some veggies, but it's not just exposure, it's consistently getting him to try new things.
MissMOE says
Study after study show that people like the foods they have regular exposure to. It usually takes about 10 different exposures for a person to learn to like a new food. Kids are picky because many times their exposure to food is limited. I have never limited my kids food choices to real food. From the time they ate food, they ate whatever the adults were eating. As they have matured, they have of course developed their own likes and dislikes, but those likes and dislikes span across all food groups and are unique to each child. None of them dislike whole food groups. And even though we eat processed food on occasion (vacation, parties, ect), my kids realize they don't feel very good after eating processed food. So I guess some might call my kids picky because they won't eat "the normal kid food" many of their peers eat.
Yadsia @ShopCookMake says
I've been wondering the same thing and recently I've discovered why: parents make them that way. When I was a child I wouldn't eat anything I knew my mom or dad disliked. I was brought up by a vegetable pushing grandmother, which now I realize is a good thing.
Until a few days ago my little cousin had never tried an apple or a banana because no one in her household eats fruits or veggies. All she is given is over processed junk and 'healthy' (not really) meals my aunt prepares. They push chocolate milk twice a day, of course she loves it. But she was desperate to try the fruits that I had with me and turns out she loves them too. I hope she grows up to change her diet or her parents realize very soon what they're doing.
Ginny says
Discussions like this tend to put me on the defensive, mostly because they come from the perspective that it's the parent's fault that a child is picky. I can tell you - in my case, that could not be further from the truth. We are a whole foods family - have been since 2006, before I had children. My oldest daughter is a problem feeder. She is a super taster with an extremely acute sense of smell and has extreme aversions to certain textures. Not only does she gag and/or vomit when she comes into contact with certain foods, she also can't stand to wear pants that aren't soft knit or sleep on sheets that aren't jersey. She breastfeed until just shy of three, not because I wouldn't wean her but because breastmilk was the only reliable source of nutrition I could get in to her. I have always offered her everything that we eat - none of it processed, all of it from scratch. It is heartbreaking for me to see that she is missing out on because of these challenges (which we are indeed addressing). Things are getting better, but to give you a recent example: we were traveling to visit family out of state. We stopped at a restaurant for dinner after seven hours in the car and ordered her macaroni and cheese (one of the few meals she will eat. I usually make it from scratch at home with whole grain pasta). When it came to the table she went into a panic and dissolved into tears. There was black pepper in the macaroni and cheese, which meant not only was it different - it smelled funny. She wouldn't eat it. A week later on the trip home, we stopped at a different place, again after seven hours in the car. I asked five million different questions of the server specifically about the macaroni and cheese. I even asked them to leave the grated cheese off the top. When it came to the table it was in a square dish. Once again - melt down. It wasn't in a bowl.
I cannot tell you how many times I have shed tears over this. I look at her beautiful face and slender frame and silently pray that someday she will eat a strawberry, or that she won't vomit when she smells yogurt. Yes, some kids are picky because their tastes haven't been expanded by opportunity. I only wish that were the case for us.
Julieanne Miller says
Ginny, I have seen this also in a few other children. Some children are "super-sensors", and their sensory modes work in overdrive.
I would say, though, that most children who dislike tons of foods are not in your daughter's situation. They have not been exposed to a wide variety of healthy, fresh foods, or because they expressed disgust as babies/toddlers/preschoolers the first time they tried a food, their parents never offered it again.
We chose to provide new foods over and over again, every few weeks or so, and eventually my girls began to like almost any food on the planet! :) That can be a problem, too! :)
One of mine is a "super sensor", but definitely as much as your daughter. My daughter has almost no sense of smell, which is probably why she wasn't repulsed by foods as much as your daughter. We have, however, had to be careful of tags on clothing, how socks and shoes feel, and quite a few other things. But she is a food lover now, thankfully.
Kate says
Ginny - I am very understanding of your "super taster" worries. I have a 7 year-old boy who has had very similar struggles since birth, and a 4 year-old boy who will eat just about anything you put in front of him. They have been raised the same! However, I have found with A LOT of time and patience...we are starting to see massive improvements in his willingness to try. My husband and I have had to make a pact that the dinner table will no longer be a source of anxiety for this child. This does none of us any good. I have also learned that "mixing up" the foods that he eats regularly helps a ton. Even if he only likes four different things for breakfast, they are never served in pattern or twice in the same day. Same with the lunches I pack. This "randomness" threw him off at first, but now I can use it to my advantage. New things started appearing on his plate...with the understanding that he would do his best to try - and in return we would never force or mandate that he eat a certain amount to be "done." Putting him in control of this has worked wonders. We have gone to our local science museum where there is a kid-friendly display that teaches you about how food fuels your body. He reads this blog with me and is fascinated by the concept of a family taking a "real food" challenge! For him - understanding that healthy food is important for him to grow big and strong is a motivator. Some days are better than others - but high praise comes with the days when he is open to trying. He surprises himself with some of the things he ends up liking! The food list is still limited...but it is getting better on a weekly basis. With some creativity and patience...we can all get beyond the classic "kid's menu!" Best of luck!!!!
Amanda says
Ginny, I'm so glad I read your response! I too used to feel that it was the parents fault for having a picky child. I absolutely no longer believe that after my second daughter, who is now 3 1/2. We are also a whole foods, from scratch family (with exceptions here and there of course). I can completely relate to your story. It drives me nuts to watch her have meltdowns about the food I prepare or leave the table without eating a bite. It is the one main concern I always talk to our pediatrician about, but there never seems to be anything more I can do. Just keep giving her the foods I provide and hope and pray that one day she will grow out of this EXTREME picky eater phase!
ebsquared says
Ginny (and others 8-) I actually commented below before I saw your comments. My son has similar issues with eating - he has a sensory processing disorder and has major texture issues. Time helps - he's 7 now and eats enough foods in each category (10 foods, in categories determined by his OT - fruit/veg, protein, carb) that he is no longer considered a problem eater but we still give him more slack than our other kids by a lot. We do deconstructed meals for him and never serve food with a sauce of any kind although I will strain meat chunks from a stew for him and he'll eat it now. Good Luck with this - it is so frustrating when you know you are feeding your child good food and you're doing everything the "experts" tell you to do and your child still reacts like this. If you continue to have severe problems and it looks like your child isn't getting a balanced diet, consider talking to an occupational therapist who specializes in children. Ours has helped us enormously!
christine kitson says
Ginny-You could be talking about my son, who is now 14. I don't even think of it as picky eating anymore, but just another symptom of his aspergers. We offer good food, and I at least don't give him grief over his choices. (dad gets a little upset over his limited intake soemtimes)
It wasn't always easy, but it did improve as he grew, and now that he hit puberty, and is always so hungry, he tries new things a LOT more.
My 7 year old tries everything and sails right into mealtime. Sometimes she asks me in the morning while getting ready for school what's for dinner :)
Point is, all kids are different, but either way all we can do is offer real, healthy food. Can't force anyone it eat it.
100 Days of Real Food says
Ginny (and others) - Your situations definitely sound different than the norm...there are always exceptions to the rule. Hang in there!
Beth says
Hi Ginny, Your situation brings me back to my theory that I posted earlier. I think "taste" is like any other body part. It grows along with the child. I have 4 children and have always offered my kids a wide variety of foods too. Some eat, some don't. One gags and vomits too, but it is less than when she was 2 (now 5) and we have NOT addressed the problem. Why? Because I make it worse! It is easy for me to say now, but when they were really little (mine are 3,5,8,9 now) I was so stressed about whether or not they ate and my husband blamed me for the problems at the table. I couldn't imagine what he was talking about (fights in sued) because I was a good hard working mom doing the right thing with food. But I was overstepping my mommy bounds by trying to make them eat my hard work. When I learned to let go and let them decide, things started to get better. But not perfect and they are not the eaters I want them to be, but they eat more than they did 3 years ago. One is really skinny too. But so healthy (she can knock a cold out in a couple of days). Hang in there Ginny.
Eryn says
I had an interesting experience with my 6 year old son and 4 year old daughter a few months ago. I was preparing (canned) refried beans to go with tacos. My husband doesn't like them, so I had never served them before. I told the kids what it was, and my daughter said "Yum!" not really knowing what they were, and my slightly-more-aware son turned up his nose. When i served them, he loved them, and she spit them out. I just discovered your blog a few days ago, and I can't wait to make all 3 of them (yes, hubby, too) try them homemade.
100 Days of Real Food says
Eryn - My kids did not like the homemade refried beans at first (they never had canned so it was a new thing), but after watching me eat it for my lunch dozens of times over the last 6 or 8 months they both slowly started asking for occasional bites and now both girls like them! Just today my 5-year-old saw me fixing refried beans for my lunch and ended up finishing my bowl. I think repeated exposure is key!
Kelly says
My 2 1/2 yr old started out with a tremendous amount of food sensitivities when he was 3 month old. Eating is definitely a battle and he didn't start eating solids regularly until he was about 18 months...and even then we were still breast feeding 7 or 8 times a day. At our worst, we were down to an elimination diet of 10 ingredients to try and get a handle on his full body rashes. Still, he has textural issues but is getting better. We do a lot of juicing of greens and other veggies to get to the well balanced diet and we have never been ones for packaged foods so he eats my homemade cheesy pasta and such....but it is hard...everywhere we go we have to pack food for him and since he only eats melted cheeses, it is an ordeal at the stove before we leave every morning. The fact that he enjoys veggie juices but not he veggie itself tells me that maybe some children just have sensitive palettes in terms of taste or texture and eventually (I hope) they out grow it.
Chrystyna says
Kelly, we were in the same boat 4 yrs ago. My daughter seemed to be allergic to everything under the sun. She was losing weight, I was losing weight (because I was BF'ing her, so I couldn't eat any of it either) and I was at the end of my rope trying to figure out what I could get her to eat. Her allergist saw the frustration one day and said "I'm not exactly sure what you're doing to cause yourself this much frustration, but serve her what you serve yourself. If she doesn't eat it then she'll be hungry. End of story. She's smart enough to not starve herself. We're born with enough common sense to not allow that to happen. Eventually she'll eat what she's given." From that day forward that's what we did. Some days even I didn't want to eat the food because it was so boring, but we did. And eventually she turned the corner. To this day she knows that she either eats what is served or she'll go hungry until the next meal. If she doesn't like it or doesn't like the texture (I find that kids with allergies from infancy have an issue with textures more-so than others) she eats enough to curb the hunger and she moves on. At the next meal she'll eat more even if she doesn't like it ;)
Megan T says
I'm so thrilled that I found this blog while my son was still little (6 months), therefore have already started him on a real food diet. I've been making him food since he was able to eat and has already been introduced to leeks, beets, avocados, sweet potatoes, broccoli, apricots, even chipotle chicken! And so much more! He is almost a year old now and there isn't anything I've made that he won't eat. I'm very curious to see if offering him such a wide variety of foods will help him to not be a picky eater (like his mom and dad were!). We'll see! Thank you, Lisa, for taking time out of your life to help and encourage others to eat right!
Beth says
Hello All, Lisa, you are such and inspiration. I was blessed by a friend who shared your blog with me after I complained that my 9 & 8 year olds won't eat traditional packed lunches and definitely not the school lunches. I was in a rut for ideas, thank you so much for your tireless efforts to share your work. As for picky eaters, I started my feeding approach right after nursing with this book: Child of Mine: Feeding With Love and Good Sense by Ellyn Satter. Because I did, my kids would not eat the foods listed above in your blog! I won't lie, I have regretted that many days! I have 4 children in total and sometimes I wish I could just whip up a PB&J or a hot dog and be done:) I chose to read her book because I am a control freak and was afraid I would mess up my kids because of it (I believe Ellyn began as a dietician, moved to psychology after encountering eating disorders and finally specialized in feeding dynamics). The principles in the book address many of the questions you and others have raised. Her principles are quite simple and she even offers them on her website: http://www.ellynsatter.com/ellyn-satters-division-of-responsibility-in-feeding-i-80.html
Basically, we as parents are responsible for offering good whole foods at proper times in the proper atmosphere. Children are responsible for whether or NOT and how much they eat! Eventually (within a couple of days) kids will eat what they need. We definitely used these principles to raise good eaters. Of course we still struggle with introducing new foods, but in time, they will eat it. When they don't eat, they still thrive. They come no where near dying or disease. In fact, they are pretty darn healthy dispute the fact that they eat like mice.
As for why are kids picky (my kids were born picky and still are, but they learn and grow too), I have no idea. There is probably some built in biological/survival common sense reason that we haven't realized just yet. Maybe it is simply that taste grows just the same as our bodies?
Diandra says
First of all, children's palates are different. It seems they do not taste stuff the same way adults do. Hence they evolve. I remember I could not stand brokkoli as a kid and as a teen, and these days it is one of my favorite greens. ^^
Second, food is perfect for power-plays. Children do not have much to say when it comes to their everyday lives, they do not understand all the chpoices that are made for them, and food is one of the few things where they can put up a fight and parents have to follow them. A friend of mine said she "did not like" green bell peppers, unless her parents told her it was a special green kind of tomato. This was not about the taste, just about power.
Traci says
I am sure part of the kids' menu is made based on "cost." I am sooo tired of hot dogs being served at every child/famiily function. But when groups have limited budgets and are feeding so many people, hot dogs are the most economical choice. I wish they could be banned.
Erica Thompson says
My eldest was weaned onto whatever we had, blitzed and she devoured everything as far as I can remember, she has always enjoyed her food and I can serve up pretty much anything and she will eat it.
My youngest was raised in exactly the same way but she totally rejected the blitzed food as a baby and would eat only fruit and sweetish foods and continues to be picky. I have persisted in giving her samples of things she doesnt like, and she has come around to a lot of them. She is still picky but now eats a very healthy fresh fruit and vegetable and salad diet, but she is not keen on meat, but will eat ground beef dishes like chilli (not too spicy), bolognese, & burgers (homemade), and chicken dishes, and pizzas, sausages and recently has declared she likes gammon, but still not pork, beef, lamb or fish (except tuna). and not any kind of potatoes except baked. I try to make meals she likes as it is a healthy diet she has, and there is now generally just the two of us these days, so its ok. Occasionally I really want some fish or red meat or mashed potatoes, and she just has to put up with that on those days.
LessSugarNaturally says
Great Post!
Parental attitude: As soon as I read this it took me back to a saying my mom always said when we'd verbalize pickiness...She'd say, "What do you think this is? A McDonald's?"
Growing up in a big family of 7, my mom couldn't cater to all our whims, and that's why none of us are picky now. What mom made, is what we had. If we didn't like it, then too bad.
European Culture: There's is definately a huge cultural aspect to this. I married into a greek family where no meal is without a big salad, veggies and then always ends with fruit. While I have to admit I made a lot of processed food until our recent change to whole foods, my husband always wanted this, which just naturally became part of my kids lives.
European mothers obsessively cater to their children's food needs, almost force feeding them. But, when a child refuses one food, an equally healthy food is made as an option, not an easier to eat, refined product.
Exposure: We traveled a lot with our kids, even from a young age and they got to taste a lot of different foods from all over the world. North America is really the only place we have seen kids menus. In Europe most meals are served family style, in other words, you order the meat, salads, and appetizers separately and everyone eats from the same ordered food. The foods are fairly simple and delicious.
Economics: I admit, when our kids were young, we usually chose the $2.99, $3.99 meals to save on money (for travelling). Once my kids reached 8 or 9, they no longer wanted to order off the kids menu, which I remember drove me nuts. We basically didn't eat out as much anymore.
Palate in training (usually unknowingly): Alot of parents buy baby food assuming that the manufacturers wouldn't be selling crap. The truth is a lot of baby formula is filled with sugar. Most baby food is refined. Packaged toddler food is no better.
Parental Enforcement: My teen son is the pickiest as far as making the transition to low-sugar foods. I've found some compromises with him when it comes to fiber content and a bit higher sugar content, but basically he doesn't have a choice in what groceries I buy. The rule in our house is if you eat it more than twice a month, it has to be all-natural, whole & very low in sugar. He's slowly adapting. Very slowly.... but teens in my opinion are the hardest to deal with because they have their own money and junk food is all over the school.
Persistence really pays off! I have to say my kids are both very adventuresome in their food now. We all all ethnic foods and my son even organizes sushi nights with his friends. He's only 13.
Their friends are very mixed. Some eat everything, and some are super picky (only nuggets and hot dogs picky). I'm very surprised at how adventuresome they are, coming in my kitchen, and eating up all the low-sugar whole food stuff I make! They all know that they can spit it out and don't have to humor me. I think they feel comfortable.
One has been super picky and now we've made a game about what new food I will subject him to.
That said, there are a couple of kids that visit ... and it's automatically pizza night. That's okay. I like pizza night too, once in a while too.
Molly says
I struggle a lot with this whole topic. Two of my three kids are great eaters. They'll try about anything and usually like it. My middle child, however, eats very few things. He won't try most things (unless i require it which tends to make a battle). Since he turned one and could choose more what he put in his mouth, he has steered clear of many foods. I try to make his choices primarily real food, but he still isn't very balanced in his diet. It's a battle just to keep something on his plate that he doesn't like (or want to try), it's so hard to follow the one bite rule. I appreciate hearing new helpful tips. Sidenote: he doesn't even like (and won't even try) standard kids foods like mac 'n cheese, pizza, etc.
Nancy says
My children are long past the children's menu stage but back when they were young I never worried too much about the choices. For one thing a menu is a guideline to what a restaurant will offer. You can always ask that a vegetable or a salad be served in place of the fries or chips.(I do that myself with adult menu choices) Or skip ordering off the children's menu entirely. And since at home they were offered a wide variety of foods the limited choices in restaurants weren't much of a big deal.
At home the rule was you had to try whatever I cooked. There were no separate meals made for anyone. If after trying a food you didn't like you could simply eat whatever part of the meal you did like. I never forced them to eat something they didn't like, after all I don't eat anything I don't like. One thing all my kids enjoyed was salad. I started offering bits of salad to them as soon as they could chew. Out of six children only one child was what I consider picky and that was because he wouldn't eat any foods that were mixed up together. He'd eat them separately but didn't like the way casseroles, soups, or stews tasted to his palate when combined. Now as a teenager he'll eat anything that doesn't eat him first. And all of kids are adventurous eaters, willing to try new foods all the time.
Stacey Miurphy says
I think it is important to distinguish between a picky eater and a selective eater. Picky eaters often outgrow this by age 5 while a selective eater may never outgrow it. I have both in my 3 children. My 7 year old has a severe food aversion and oral motor delays. He looks like an ordinary child but there are no more than 5 foods at any given period (usually 3 week stretches) that he can eat. He doesn't choose this. He has tried to comply with our eating requests but it results in vomiting. He can't even eat typical foods such as chicken nuggets, mac and cheese etc. He is the only member of our family who is not eating Paleo/Primal foods. We have tried everything possible to get him to eat and unfortunately he became malnourished prior to starting therapy. There are kids with minor versions of this. Stimulating his mouth with an electric toothbrush or nuk prior to eating helps. He doesn't have Aspergers but this is a sensory motor delay. Unfortunately more and more kids are suffering from sensory delays and no one is diagnosing them. This leads to life long problems for them. We do our best to avoid processed foods for him and do not allow HFCS or dyes but we have to make sure he stays nourished while therapy works it's course. We recently found that he has enlarged adenoids and tonsils and we are hoping his upcoming surgery will help as well.
Now my 5 yr old is a picky eater. Since eliminating all sugar and most grains, she is actually eating much better not to mention a much more attentive child. We sweeten her baked goods with dates, bananas, applesauce or coconut palm sugar. She now craves bad sugars much less and tries more of our paleo foods. I make sure she has some favorites at every meal and also what we are eating. It's up to her whether she tries it. Eventually she always does but it can take weeks and weeks.
My 2 year old pretty much eats everything we do. I'm still breastfeeding her which I didn't do with my other two past 6 months. I think this has really helped her pallet. She has sensory issues in her mouth with some textures.
We never force our kids to clean their plates or eat what they don't want to. When they make a bad food choice we talk about it and how it impacts their bodies. But mostly we make sure there are plenty of healthy foods available that they like.
I just wish more parents were sensitive to children with sensory issues. I recommend the Out of Sync Child for every parent to read. Early intervention would have saved my 7 yr old from the torture he now lives through in trying to eat.
I'm so glad you posted this topic!
Amanda says
So what did you do when you were in the transition period with your youngest when she refused what was offered? Did you say eat it or don't eat at all, or did you offer another healthy alternative and if that was turned down it was a "too bad for you if you don't eat it then you don't eat" thing or did you go ahead and give her something to eat she'd eat. If favoring the eat it or nothing way, then how long did you let her go before you gave her something or did she just go to bed hungry (in a battle of wills). Just curious cause I have the picky 3yr old as well.
Michelle says
I don't think my own kids have ever skipped more than one meal. If dinner was not met with enthusiasm the night before, then by breakfast their appetites were always ready to go, and they ate what we were all eating. They never suffered because they chose to skip a meal (or two). Kids will not starve to death if they have food in front of them - even if it's food they don't like at first (or at second, or at third), eventually they'll eat.
100 Days of Real Food says
Amanda - My picky 3-year-old (who just turned 5) inspired most of the tips on this post...this is basically how we handled it (good luck!): https://www.100daysofrealfood.com/2011/09/09/real-food-tips-12-ways-to-deal-with-a-picky-eater/
SKHampton says
Both of our girls (now 22 and 26 years old) ate raw broccoli at restaurants as their "appetizer". If the wait staff would offer their meals early, we would ask for the veggies instead. Otherwise they would be finished long before we were served. They viewed it as a treat - especially if they were allowed to dip them in anything. There are a lot of wait staff who were shocked to see these two little girls so happy to see a plate of raw broccoli. The oldest stayed a really good eater. The youngest got a little picky. She had health issues (ventricular septal defect) that eventually resulted in open heart surgery. Since the only thing that she could control was her eating, she started getting a little picky. But she could only be picky from what she was offered. Sorry for you that you don't like what we are having for dinner. Have a peanut butter sandwich (no jelly). She is now the more adventurous eater. And pretty darn good cook.
Thanks for this site!! I get so excited when I get an email telling me that there is a new post!